swilkinson

Pam you are a true friend, the kindly friend I would like to know in that situation. It is so hard to work out why someone would steal from a 96 year old veteran but it seems it is happening over and over. Your son is a saint, you are right, and learned it from his mother. I am amazed by the way you bring happiness to others under such difficult circumstances.

I am sorry the nurses look at you but do not "see" you. That is very frustrating for you. You deserve better treatment. The pain dominates your life which is understandable, but I hope there is more to your life than that.

I agree, the therapists only do what they know how to do, they can't mend broken people. I used to get so frustrated that Ray's therapy didn't "cure" him. But the strokes changed me as well into what I am today and that was a good thing. Tracy you are the educator in this. Gently but persistently please tell them all you know about the road to recovery and encourage them in every way you can. Patience and persistence are key words in every recovery.

It is always good to be grateful for what you have and learn to love life just as it is. It's taken me 70 years but I am finally getting there. Good for you ASHA.

Yes, sometimes I run out of empathy. More so when I was a full time caregiver. I think for me it was about me being too tired to care about anything that was not connected to being a caregiver. Now it is about people complaining about husbands when I wish I still had mine.

Dear, dear Ruth, so sad that William passed away but so glad you survived the experience of being a great caregiver. Thank you for being part of the Blog Community and by doing so adding to the lives of other members. Thank you for being my friend also, it has been a great privilege. I hope the days ahead are full of happy memories rather than sad. Big (((hugs))).

Ruth, my heart goes out to you. It will be six years since Ray died next Wednesday and there is still a longing for him in my heart. You have been such a faithful caregiver and now are seeing your beloved William till the end of his rich life. God bless you both.

Oh Pam, so sorry you are in so much pain. To stay strong as you do is such an inspiration to me. I have a few niggly electrical feelings and mild cramps in my left thigh but nothing I need pain medication for. Wishing you peaceful days and good sleep filled nights. (((hugs))).

Thank you all, your support is so appreciated.

Ruth, your journey with William has been a long one and it is true you have done a great job, your blog attests to that.Yes the last few weeks or days are hard as you know the end is coming. You cannot plan a future, it takes a different shape to what you expect. So just concentrate on the present and enjoy the time you have left with him.

I went to see the neurosurgeon on Tuesday. I was interviewed by a young Asian associate doctor and sent for a 3D MRI and angiogram, a brand new way of showing the blood supply within the brain. The results were given to me by the associate and then I saw the specialist. It appears the aneurysm is larger and deeper than previously thought but at my age they are not going to operate as it would mean a full brain surgery. Coiling, one method of dealing with an aneurysm, is not an option. I think I was a little bit shocked by the news but taking into consideration I have had the melanoma op, the lymph node dissection etc I am not really a good candidate for another operation, especially brain surgery. The specialist was fairly brutal because I think he wanted me to know if I wanted an operation it had to be after I got a clearance from the melanoma specialist and that would take time. He said he knew I had a long wait ahead of me but not to worry. Not to worry!!! So back to basics, no stress, no strenuous exercise, no * blush, sounds like no fun at all. So what can I do? As usual make some decisions, live a quiet life, let the future take care of itself, one day at a time. Hell's bells, what else is new? So I have a plan. I have to just go on the way I always have, going about my usual routine one day at a time. Whenever I start to worry I will visualise that little bubble about the same size as the tiny diamond on my engagement ring. I will visualise a tiny angel sitting alongside the aneurysm, with her thumb firmly on top of it holding it in place. I know one day it may be that she will take her thumb off and the pressure will build up and life as I know is it will be no more. But It will happen to us all one day, in one form or another. I went to Dissection Clinic down in Sydney today and there have been no changes in the past three months to the Lymphoedema, which is good news. In the interview I told her I had regained my confidence in walking down stairs which had taken a year to do and had recently started yoga again. She seemed pleased with the progress. No more interviews in any of the Sydney specialists rooms until next February. Hurray! I have survived twelve months since the melanoma was removed and six months since the operation to remove the lymph nodes. I have a lot to be thankful for. My daughter took me to both appointments, I was so glad she had the time. We stopped for lunch today before we left Sydney and although it was expensive it was a happy time and one we rarely enjoy together. She also got the news today that the position she holds as Captain of the Cardiff Corps has been extended for another twelve months which is good news for me. If she had been moved it might have been a lot further away. Her husband's appointment has also been extended. Though he will now have a wider area to cover, which means a lot more time on the road. But she said he can cope with that. On a less happy note my special friend who has the leukemia has now been in hospital for eight weeks and he now seems to be getting much weaker. I have been a regular visitor and it is painful to see the deterioration. With all the people I have ministered to in hospital you would think I would get used to seeing that happen but I never do. I am always an optimist, thinking with the right treatment, an adjustment to their medication etc they will be fine. But that is not always the case. So maybe there is more bad news to come. There are signs of Spring now, birds building nests, green grass after a little rain, even some blossoms on the prunus trees in the parks we passed today. Hopefully the nights will warm up and we can start packing away the winter clothes. I have no plans, the future is a blank canvas. Don't think there is much fun and excitement ahead but who can tell? If I wake up breathing and moderately energetic I will endeavour to have a good day.

I did have anxiety attacks after Ray died. I went to a counsellor and she gave me some things to do. The most successful for me were clearing my mind (I made it into a blank blue TV screen)) and visualisation. I was alone I in our house when Ray was in the nursing home but never felt really alone until he died. Mine was situational anxiety so I eventually got over the worst of it. It still comes back from time to time. I know a night without sleep is okay, I read, play on the computer etc. Next day I am tired but that is okay. Tracy, we are all so different but have certain things we share in common, worry being one of them. I wish you and I could sit up and have a good chat on the nights when we both can't sleep.

Glad you got your son to ER, allergic reactions can be serious. He will understand now as a doctor when someone like me comes along g and explains about their allergies. I think you have raised a fine young man.

Tracy, just know I have been thinking of you and hoping things have improved. The meds sound good if they work and you can get them at a price you can afford it, better still free. I'm glad your Dad is tolerating the treatment. There will be ups and downs grieving for your brother, which will be different for every family member, just take life a day at a time, it is all any of us can do.

Yes Kelli household repairs and replacements are a fact of life. I had forgotten mold smells like cigarette smoke. I must have a look at my air conditioner I rarely use it since Ray died so it probably may need a service. So many things to do, so little time.

Tracy, just praying that the medication will work quickly, that you will get through this.Hoping that even without all the answers you andy our family find some peace. I hope the coroner's deliberations will settle all your questions. It may all take some time but time we have. (((Hugs))).

Elizabeth, a retirement village is probably my ultimate destination but at the moment my house is adequate. I am not sure a villa in a village will provide more companionship as retirees are pretty mobile these days and like my neighbors here likely to be out and about as much as possible. But one day I will have to make a decision along those lines.

Ruth, sorry you have come to this point in your journey with William but glad you had all your paperwork ready. It is hard to have people in and out of your home but it much better than having to move William into a nursing home. Remember to take time out for yourself, that is really important as you know. Will keep you in my prayers.

Nancy, from time to time during Mum's 11 years in care with Alzheimer's I decided to bring her home. Each time I saw the Director of the Dementia Unit she said: "Think back to when she lived with you." and off I would go and remember sleepless nights, Mum's constant denial of everything I tried to get her to do, the affect it had on family life etc. And I changed my mind. With Ray it was simply that a person who needs three people to shower him simply can't live at home. End of story. So just think of a typical day at home with Dan and see if you could cope with that times seven every week of the year.

Just plodding along, hoping for better days. I have a head cold so feeling down and this is another of those times when I want to scream: "Where is the person who is supposed to take care of me?". It is hard not to feel resentment after looking after Ray for so many years. I seem to have few days like this in winter every year. Yes, it is hard to be on my own when I am feeling sad and shaky but there are no money back guarantees in life and I have to remember that. I can please myself when I go to bed, when I get up and what and when I eat. But I still have to get used to the fact that freedom and loneliness go together. There is always plenty to do this time of the year. My six week course on Better Health Management takes up Tuesday morning, and the rest of the week seems to fly by. I haven't learned anything new while doing the course but it has reminded me that now I need to take care of myself the way I used to look after Ray. Not an easy lesson to put into practice. The long dry period has affected the garden and it looks more like late summer than early Spring with plants showing signs of stress and the lawn drying out. I do water the pot plants as needed but the August winds are drying them out so they look dessicated, not holding out much hope for Spring bloomings. Our Lions Club has been raising money to go to farmers out West to buy stock feed. We are in the middle of a long term drought and country people have run out of water. I can't watching the news as it all seems like gloom and doom, dying sheep in dust bowl conditions but it does affect me in other ways too as I have friends who are on the land. Sometimes it is a very hard life for them. I haven't heard from some of them for a while but if you are hand feeding stock there is not a lot of time for anything else. I understand that. I just had a phone call from my sister-in-law in Queensland, she is worried about feed for the few cows and horses she has on agistment that she has on her acres. She have always had a farm of sorts and worked outside the property as well as many wives do. At over 70 she is starting to find she doesn't have the strength or the energy she used to have. If she and my husband's brother were to leave there they would find life very different. She has three cats and three dogs as well all used to the country way of life. I had a phone call from her daughter last weekend. I call Kim my best neice as she visited me when I was in hospital after the operation. She lives just out of Sydney. Unfortunately the opposite side of Sydney to where I live. She is worried about her Mum, thinks the farming lifestyle is too much for her. I guess my kids worry about me too, we older folk are too fond of our independence in their eyes. I want to be independent for as long as I can but know that like the old ladies I look out for that will only last while I am well. Ageing is a worry and more so if we live alone. I don't know what the solution is, the government wants us to stay in our own homes for as long as possible, but as we get older we get frailer. At the moment I don't need services but who knows what the future holds? The last lot of tests showed no new problems but one of the future ones might. It certainly seemed easier when I had a partner to tell my troubles to. Now I find I exchange thoughts with some of my widowed friends who are in a similar situation. Whether we care for someone or are the one needing care our future is undetermineable and often feels out of our control. Which is why we need to take life day by day, getting out of each day what happiness we can. I do try to live life like that. I have certainly lived an interesting life, if a trying one at times. I rather thought I had earned some peace but I guess we all think we deserve better. Roll on Spring.

Kelli, take good care of yourself, we want you back to full strength as quickly as possible. (((hugs)))

It is always such chaos when you go to the hospital, here too, and not having the right meds is typical. Sorry the home had messed it up too. Hopefully you will get the proper medication you need and be able to settle to a better life for a while.

Oh dear what a lot of pain for you to bear, condolences on the passing of your brother, prayers for you and all the extended family. More (((hugs))).

You are in a bad place right now, too much going on over which you have no control. All I can do is wish I had a magic wand that I could wave to make it all disappear for you. Many , many (((hugs))).