swilkinson

Hope you get the job Kelli, I know is you will shine at whatever you do. (((hugs))).

Very interesting. I have met couples who have chosen that life and at least one woman but that was in a caravan she had bought especially for that purpose. I think I am mostly content with my present circumstances and it is just that wishful thinking that if Ray had lived and was reasonably well we would have fulfilled our dreams of travelling most of the year.

I guess we all long for a carefree life. I do have dreams of taking off in campervan and going round Australia, that was our retirement dream before Ray had his strokes and one of the things I could not revive when he died. Like you I enjoy the roaming life but as a widow that is not possible. So I live the reality of my life as it is and just indulge in the occasional daydream. Like you I know my limitations.

Once a year the Stroke Club I belong to gets together with four other clubs and we have morning tea with a guest speaker. Today instead we had a group survey as a charity fund has given a donation so that the Sydney based group can supply two coordinators to help the other groups extend their services. It is a great idea and addresses the problem of resource poor clubs going out of business for lack of new members. Our club is a flagship club as we have a lot of people sent to us by medical professionals. I have been a member of WAGS since 2006 and still belong because I can support the other caregivers and survivors on their journey. I have some wonderful friends in that Club who have supported me in so many ways. The discussion group I was in all said that they didn't know how they would have survived as well as they had without the love and support they had received from fellow club members. I agree wholeheartedly. In the bad years being able to tell others exactly what was happening without fear of criticism made such a difference. We all need that, people who love us without wanting us to be perfect, or even rational at times. I am so grateful now for friendship. Just to know that people love me or simply care about me makes such a difference. When I am not well, when I am looking at my life and not liking what I see in the future, when I am looking at the mud not the stars is when I need to know that I am accepted by people just as I am. I support others as much as I am able to, I have always had a great love of people, all kinds of people, and that keeps me going. Today I had lunch by myself in the shopping centre and just sitting watching families eating, laughing enjoying each other's company lifted my spirits. My family do love me but their busy lives mean they don't support me day to day. I know that is typically the case for many others here, we are here, they all live some distance away. When Ray and I were both well and had the campervans there was no problem visiting family and friends but that decreased after his strokes. Now for me as a widow it is hard for me to decide to travel alone to see friends who are spread far and wide. And few come to see me. So it is easier to stick with local friends and leave those further away to be contacted by email or the occasional phone call which means we lose the closeness we once enjoyed. I had some good news last week when I saw the Melanoma specialist, my PET scan showed no hot spots so that is one clear test.I need four to be fairly sure I am out of danger. One down, three to go. I do have several other health problems to tackle so my specialist is making me an appointment with a neurosurgeon to report on the aneurysm in my brain. She said now she has seen it in the MRI she must take the step of involving another health professional. That is another set of appointments to add to my calendar. But knowing what I do about stroke it is better safe than sorry. I am doing a lot of hospital visits, people from the church as well as friends from the community. One of the members of another organisation I belong to has a brain tumour, another a broken shoulder from a fall. My special friend Lyn has been in hospital for four weeks from when his chemo caused his body to shut down. He is slowly recovering but three days on the floor without food or drink have taken their toll. That certainly is a warning to those of us who live alone to make sure others know what is happening to us. I am aware it could happen to me under certain circumstances. I am doing a short course called " Better Health Management" which emphasizes the need to keep fit and take care of ourselves. I know I need to exercise more and keep myself strong. Spring is slowly advancing, sadly with no rain and most of the Inland in the grip of drought. A lot of our wheat, sheep and cattle farmers are in dire straits. Meat prices are rising and the cost of vegetables as they are sourced from distant markets. But I have a roof over my head and food on the table. Really we have little to complain of don't we? That is why we need to be thankful for what we have and mindful of the needs of others.

"Marriage is made in heaven but has to be lived out on earth" is an old saying Asha. We come together in marriage as human beings with faults. My Ray was not a great one for saying "I love you" but thought he expressed that in all he did for our family. I desperately wanted him to say the words but in the end decided that this was not his way. We lived in relative contentment for 44 years. I miss him so much still.

Happy Friday, hope the sleep made a difference. I have a few medical appointments too. Life goes on,just not necessarily life as we'd hoped it would be.

It is common that people in nursing facilities take a while to find friends, I'm glad you have made some. Sadly because your best friend is older your time with her is limited. Enjoy her company while you can.

I am surviving winter, in five or six weeks Spring will be here. This has been a cold winter but today was mild and most people seemed to appreciate the day, even saw some out in short sleeves. I am in my busy week, hospital visit today, birthday morning tea tomorrow, church women's meeting on Friday I still like to be busy just not too busy. I have started a new course called " Better Heath - Self Management" It is a free course, a government health initiative to tell us to meditate instead of taking pain medication, or is that my prejudices showing? When I talked to the group about my problems with Lymphoedema I got some blank looks from the nurse conducting the course so I guess she has some research to follow up on. Ignorance is not always bliss. I have an appointment next week with the Lymphoedema Clinic. What I am hoping to get from the course is some help with my gait since I am having trouble walking down stairs still. The family are doing well now, all the grandchildren back at school. I did get to see the three grandchildren from Adelaide but not Shirley and family as they were suffering from chest infections etc. I think we will all be glad when Spring arrives I don't know what plans to to put into place this year with all the restrictions of my health problems. I can only fly for three or four hours so my plan to go to England next year is no longer possible. I can't do international flights at all now. Such a pity with all my cousins in England and Canada. So what will I do when the warm weather comes? Think local. Be happy I am still relatively able bodied. You would think by now I had learned not to keep worrying about what I can't do and concentrating on what I can do. But moving forward through life changes is always hard to me. For me life settles into a routine I can live with, the next minute that routine is interrupted and I feel as if nothing works in my world. One thing leads to another and everything is wrong. It takes a while for me to see a way forward again and find my new normal. So my new normal now is venture somewhere within a more realistic distance from home. My life is still full with church and the Lions Club and the various forms of volunteering I do. Last Saturday the WAGS group had "Christmas in July" an Aussie custom that is just an excuse for a mid-winter get together. It wasa great lunch and a good afternoon of catching up and I really enjoyed the company. I do keep in touch with as many people as I can but old friendships do fade. Sad to see signs of strain on the faces of some of the older caregivers now and know that in a way I am fortunate that part of my life is gone now. I am glad I was in good health when I had Ray to care for. So I get the results of my tests next Wednesday and go to the Lymphoedema Clinic on Thursday. There is always some anxiety about the results but we all have that when we have tests. I will continue to take life one day at a time and get what fun out of each day that I can. I am looking at life ahead of me as calmly as I can. And yes ASHA I am trying to go with the flow.

I hope all goes well with your Dad's treatment and he makes s good recovery. I think the anxiety attacks are fairly normal after a cancer diagnosis and should decrease as he gains confidence in the treatment. I am pretty anxious when it is test time again.

Kelli well done with the knitting. I knit and crochet through winter as to me it is like repeating a mantra, the repetition relaxes me. I am a plain knitter so mostly I knit scarves which I put in the homeless box. Good luck with the job application. We all need something that fulfills us, if this is not it keep persevering.

We used to call this "counting your blessings". I guess each generation has to find a different way of rationalising their lives, of surviving the ups and downs, and what you have described as "not everything is broken" is one of them. I always get such a boost from reading your blog, thank you ASHA.

Great photos George, such a wonderful clarity. It was unfortunate that Lesley's Mum had the TIAs and you had to come home early but those things happen. She and Lesley will be fine while you are away. Thanks for posting your blog, I really enjoyed it.

Tracy, sometimes life gives us a break, it's good when that happens.

Nancy I am sometimes the same with friends who obviously could change the situation if they wanted to, my patience just runs out sometimes. I have not had a lot to do with Ray's family members in the last couple of years as it was always me chasing them. All but one of my sister-in-laws and she and I ring month about. I was great all the time I was looking after their brother. Hey ho - that's my life.

Good for you Pam. Keeping busy AND being creative.

This is so like caregiver chat when whatever the topic we started on we always finished up talking about food! I am hungry now too and as it is close to midnight where would I find fries? Good to hear that your Dad's cancer is treatable and he may eventually be cured.

Jeri, thanks for letting us know about your Dad, condolences on your loss.People do just disappear from our community and we never know what happened so it is good when we have a continuation of the story. I understand the grieving for your Mom, I couldn't properly mourn my Father who died in 2000 until after my Mum died in 2012. It is hard to be orphaned whatever your age. Thank you for being part of the chat group too. I retired as a Chat Host but stayed on here as Blog Moderator. I do remember fondly those people who made a contribution to my life during my time as a Host and you were one of them. Good luck with your future, I wish you every happiness.

Kelli, how wonderful to give your parents a chance to renew old memories, glad it turned out to be something you found enjoyable too. I think it is time I went to some concerts too, don't know how that can happen but once I have an idea in my head I can generally work it out. Thanks is for the reminder.

Have you looked at the Blogs lately? There are some great blogs on Stroknet at the moment and if you are not reading them you are missing out on some great insights. Why not add your story too?

You have accomplished a great deal ASHA, paperwork used to be my job and now I hate doing it. Sounds like you are a good educator for young doctors, keep up the good work.

Sounds as if the new puppy is bringing some laughter back into your home, and that is always a good thing. Hope she does become Gary's lap dog. Enjoy your new pet.

Sounds as if you are in a better place right now. The life of a caregiver is all ups and downs as we both know. Scanning sounds an ideal job for Dan and it is great you can have him near you for your own good mental health. I admire your resourcefulness Nancy, you are doing everything you can to keep your marriage alive.

Hope there is a positive outcome ahead for you.

Will put your Dad on my prayer list hopefully things are not as bad as they seem. Try to keep his spirits up and keep calm yourself. Sounds like his doctor has a good grip on what is going on. It is worrying but you have to keep hoping for the best possible outcome. (((hugs)))

It is the colder, darker part of winter. Rainy days have been and gone, now it is blue skies but bitter winds. This mix is the setting for my usual dose of mid-winter blues. I haven't had any visitors for a while now, just a few phone calls, the ones I dislike are the ones telling me that another dear old soul from church is in hospital with a broken arm or hip or a bad dose of flu. I want to scream: " Give me some good news." But good news is in short supply. My daughter has been ill with a chest infection so I rescheduled my medical review as she likes to be there to find out the results and the Professor's conclusions. I have had all the required tests and the results must be okay or I would have been notified by now. I always used to tell Ray whatever the doctor diagnosed he had had it for a long time so why worry now? And I am applying that as advice to myself. Wherever possible I just live one day at a time now. I wake up, put my feet on the floor and wonder what the day will bring. It is the best way I can live. With the way my body works now it is not worth making plans to do things I don't have the energy or stamina to carry out. Last week I had a tree taken down, it was beginning to lean over the house and when the winds blew strongly I was starting to worry that it would fall down across the house. The tree felling gang had a big machine that chipped the wood into sawdust and so I kept only the trunk wood which the neighbours wanted, one for his indoor fire and the other for his outdoor BBq. Wood fired BBqs are slowly returning to fashion as we start realising that we must cut household costs now to survive. It is not all gloom and doom, I do not feel as tired as I did a month or so ago and my body seems to have adapted to the pressure stocking. I just can't comfortably do stairs. I still have the Lymphoedema, I still have problems with the cut muscle but I am definitely stronger and better at walking now and I hop in and out of bed more or less the way I did before the lymph dissection which is a blessing. The sad thing is that again due to the Lymphoedema my travelling days are over, I cannot fly for any more than four hours. I live on an Island, I know it is bigger than Europe and Asia combined but it is still surrounded by sea (or girt by sea as our National Anthem says) and so flying is the usual way to travel. So my plans for Spring and Summer don't include a lot of traveling. In fact I don't really have a plan at all which is most unusual for me. But that has happened in the past and some fun things happened anyway. So no sense in being sad, I need to have a positive attitude to life. Okay so that is not going to happen every day, I'll still have whiny days and blue days but I'll try to make some good even great days. I went to an 80th birthday party last Saturday and thoroughly enjoyed the day. Fun is where you make it happen. School holidays are on now, the mid-winter break so I will get to see the three grandkids who come and stay with their Mum Pam and maybe have my daughter and family here for a day. I haven't seen them since the end of May. Funny how you long for your kids to move closer and when they do you hardly see them. As the old saying goes: " We all have busy lives." Well Ray and I used to have them too at their age but we still made time for our parents. It is a different generation with different priorities. Hope I don't sound too down. There is a lot of good dayvs ahead of me I am sure and when the days get longer I will be out in the garden and hopefully out with friends. When the sun is out the neighborhood is alive with kids playing, dogs barking and the usual working day noises which I do enjoy when the front door is open and the sounds filter through it. It is on those cold and gloomy days I suddenly feel that loneliness creeping up on me. So I am really looking forward to longer, warmer days to come in another six weeks or so.