swilkinson

Had a wonderful time at the Women's Weekend, laughed, cried, listened to so many excerpts from the lives of survivors and caregivers. It is a privilege to still be "one of the girls". Love them all heaps. No I didn't win the Dancing Diva this year, no-one did, but I did dance on Saturday night, my feet moved and my legs approved.

Sounds like something that will make your life easier Ron and Dorothy's more enjoyable and less stressful.

Today I went to the Stroke Recovery group WAGS that Ray and I used to go to, I don't always attend the monthly meetings and today one of the members came late and slipped into the seat beside me and said: "I am so glad you are here today I take so much strength from you." This girl has just been diagnosed with a recurrence of cancer so I know she is going through a bad time. She always seems happy but I know it is not always as it seems and she is struggling. We have had long talks from time to time so know she finds it hard sometimes to make sense of life, she has had a stroke and now her cancer is back. It must seems very unfair to her. She has visited me several times during my convalescence and we have had some good conversations so I hope that has helped. She brings her small dog Daisy and I enjoy Daisy's visit too, she is a happy little dog. I wrote years back in one of my blogs : " Who cares for the caregiver?'' and the answer depends on what you are looking for. For me in the last eight weeks after the operation my help has come from friends, my church group and members of the Stroke Recovery Group, caregivers and stroke survivors alike, have all been thoughtful and contributed in some way to my well being. From many the flowers and cards were so lovely and some of the less mobile people phoned me as well. It is another example of “if you want something done ask a busy person” as all of those who helped me ARE busy people, but they are also generous people with good hearts. I know now if you have been a caregiver you will go on being so in some way. With long term caregivers who lose their partner once past the grief you will find ways of making a contribution in your own way. I am a born volunteer so it was not hard to find an outlet for my caring instincts. The pastoral care work in the church is one outlet for this, the nursing homes visits another. I have the Lions Club projects like the BBQs and other fundraisers to help with too. But you don't have to make a formal commitment or join an organisation to be a caring person, that person on the bus seat might need a listening ear and that young woman with the baby might need some motherly advice or just someone to admire her baby. Opportunity is not something you need to seek, it simply comes your way and you can use it. Every few months I sit around and have a "woe is me day" a day when I wonder what life is all about, what I am doing with my life etc. This is not as often as when I was first widowed but the triggers are always there to set me off. This week I got a couple of nice compliments and that helped me see life from a different perspective. One was in one of the nursing homes I visit, one of the nurses told me she loves it when I visit one of the people there as "it really brightens her up". I love to visit my ladies but sometimes it is just another chore so it is nice to hear it is appreciated. There is always bad news to make us feel sad, I went to another funeral this week,which is hard when it is an old friend of many years standing. So some good news or having someone pay me a nice compliment can help make my day and make what I do seem worthwhile again. I know from Ray's time in a nursing home that some people have very few visitors and so a visit from someone like me fills a gap. It is sad in a way but the life that we lead in our old age is often sad. Once you go into a nursing home so much of your old life has to be left behind and it is hard to see a good future ahead of you An old friend of mine who is going blind has recently moved out of her home of many years and into a nursing home. She said to me yesterday: "I wonder what there is left to live for." and I understand that statement. She knew she was no longer coping living alone, even with help so she made the decision herself. She is in her mid-90s. She said her daughter is good to her and visits frequently and that makes her happy. She has settled into her new environment but still misses her old home very much. I enjoyed my time at the Stroke Recovery group meeting today. It is only a week now until our WAGS Women's Weekend so most of the women were talking about that. We had a Podiatrist as guest speaker and he explained how a good orthotic in the form of a shoe insert can correct gait. Unfortunately it is all very expensive but I wished that those sort of orthotics had been available when Ray was first relearning to walk as I could see they might have helped keep his left foot straighter. Walking was always a struggle for him and he had so many falls, some of them requiring hospitalisation. The AFO helped to counteract the foot drop but maybe with an orthotic shoe insert as well he might have had less of a struggle. It is all academic now after all it is five years since he passed away. But we can't help thinking of what might have been. November is always a busy month for me and my calendar is full of squiggled reminders of where I have to be on what days. I can be a bit muddle headed with all the activity so strive to remember if I have to take a cake, or give a talk, or arrive early to set up in all the places I have to go. It is the start of the Lions Club Christmas Stocking ticket sales on the 13th and of course all the usual activities plus a few end-of-year activities so I have to keep an eye on my diary. Am I pleased to be doing all of this, yes I believe I am. I have had a health scare and the repercussions of that will last a while but life has to go on and I have to be able to enjoy it. I seem to be walking better now, I walked down a set of steep stairs with ease today so the muscles are starting to build up again. I may not be the Dancing Diva this year at the Women's Weekend but I do intent to enjoy myself.

Gratitude is good. I realised early in life that my parents sacrificed a lot to see we had what we needed. They were never well off but we had the right clothes for school, time to do our homework and when they could help us they did. i think having unselfish parents is a great gift. I guess we all make some mistakes in the raising of our children but if we love them we do the best we can for them.

Good to see you back blogging again Lenny, always good to see your positive attitude to life used to encourage others. Sue.

I was talking to the church secretary today about the operation, my recovery and why I see life differently now. I have filled in a series of forms to continue as a Lay Minister in my church but still have some misgivings about going back to doing all the work I was dong prior to the melanoma diagnosis. An operation of any kind is a watershed, a time when once again we are brought up against our own vulnerability. It has certainly been that way for me. I hear of a lot of people who have had the same thing and made a full recovery and others who have had a serious operation and then developed more melanomas or other forms of cancer that have finalised their lives. It reminds me of the same kind of stories we were regaled with when Ray had the strokes, someone's brother-in-law always had a miraculous recovery or someone's father-in-law had a similar stroke and it was the end of him! I am counting my blessings chief of which is the many friends I have accumulated over the years. Some of course drifted away after Ray stroked and we both left work, me to look after him. Some of our then friends drifted away after he died but I now have some that I can identify as my friends. There are the widows some of them former caregivers like me, the old friends from the groups I belonged to while we were on the stroke journey and some from my past who have slowly appeared back in my life. Of course I do have more time to get out and about now so it is easier to meet up with people locally. I am that older lady sitting drinking coffee with a friend or friends in the middle section of the food hall in Bateau Bay Square. It is easy for me to do that it is only about ten minutes drive from home.. But we all know that freedom comes at a price, I have freedom but I also have loneliness. That feeling that when I come inside and shut the door there is only me here. And on the days I don't go out there is a chance that I will speak to no-one all day, the cross a widow has to bear. But at least I am able to drive and get about more now. I have a greater respect for the people I meet who have leg ulcers or something similar that keeps them bed-bound and for all of those older ladies and gentlemen who I have visited in nursing homes over the years who never go out any more. I guess there are certain experiences you have to have to feel the impact of them. This is just one more to add to my list. It is a hard way to do it though. I now often hesitate to answer posts by stroke survivors as I can't say I know how they feel, I don't. I still answer some posts by caregivers but my experience is fading now and I still see the big picture but the minutae of every day living with a stroke survivor that is blurring now into an overview of what it felt like to be too busy, not have time to think, have too few moments to myself. I can still write to other caregivers about that. I am still welcome in my real time Stroke Recovery group not so much for what I say or what I share but for the fact that I have time to listen and sometimes that is all someone needs - to feel they have been heard. We all live in a world of minor tragedies, all around us people have serious illnesses, old people die, younger people lose their jobs or their homes, suffer financial problems, divorces etc. I went to a funeral on Tuesday and met up with two ladies I had not seen for ten years or more. In an hour or so of sitting together over afternoon tea we tried to catch up on all the news of family and friends. I came home a little shell shocked as of course it was births, deaths and marriages, scandals and "shocking" news. I guess if I'd kept in closer touch I would have heard it all anyway but I would have had time to accustom myself to events that I could not do in an hour, so that had a real impact. We swore to see each other soon and maybe we will and maybe we won't but it was nice to catch up. Some of my "lost" friends I really miss as we were friends at certain significant periods in each others' lives. We were young Mums together, or worked together, were in the background in the Scouting movement or one of the many organisations Ray and I belonged to over any years.Now when I am alone more than ever I hark back to the good times in my life and those special people I shared them with. I would like to catch up with some of them and see if they still remember, before it is too late and we all have dementia...lol. I am back into gardening, we have had a little rain and I have supplemented it with my watering can. I have tomato plants blooming, herbs almost big enough to pick and some seedlings I have just planted out. Unfortunately I have not been able to dig over an area I hoped to plant out this year so it will be a next Spring job. I have learned over the five years since Ray died that I cannot do all the work he and I used to do together. Prior to his strokes he was the back yard man I did the work on the inside of the house. Outside I was the gardener but he dug the holes, he kept the lawns nice and did the edging. I do have a lawn mowing man, have had a string of them since 1999 when Ray had the major strokes, they do the mowing and the edging but there is still a lot left for me to do. Since the operation that has been neglected so there is a lot to do before the heat of summer comes and dries everything out . I am still tired more quickly so am pacing myself and not worrying too much ( well I am worrying but trying not to if you know what I mean). The way my thinking has changed is that I try to stay in the moment more. I am trying not to think about the future but enjoy the present. I am not sure what the future holds but know that the years fly so fast at my age it probably doesn't matter that much now. Christmas is coming, the decorations are appearing in the shops, the toy sections expanding, the cash registers starting to ring with the grandparent sales, we always used to start our shopping in October when the grandchildren were small now it is just money in a card except for Alice the five year old who still enjoys toys. And I no longer have a Christmas list. The things I need you cannot put in a Christmas stocking. I need peace, not peace on earth, although that would be nice, but personal peace. I need love, the love of family and good friends and I need joy, the joy that makes living worth while. My word for this year has been "ENJOY" I haven't a word for next year yet but it will have to be a practical one. Maybe during the run up to Christmas I will find an appropriate one. It is good to be able to think a little way ahead but I am thinking that there may be a lot of changes in my way of life , I hope I will be able to deal with them. Some of my friends are still flitting around Australia or around the world. I no longer envy them, without a partner to enjoy travelling with my travelling is to visit family and friends. I still remember the Hawaii trip to meet up with Sarah, that was a special highlight of 2017 for me. There have been the short stays with my daughter and her family and the trips I have taken out to Broken Hill to visit Trevor and Alice to remember with a smile too. I will do another trip to Broken Hill before Christmas. I don't plan to do any new activities, swimming is out for this season except for maybe a walk in the surf. It would not be good to go out and get myself knocked around in rough surf conditions so maybe a visit to a friend's pool will suffice. I need to take some "me time", thinking time. I have told so many people to do that over the years on here. And caregivers still need that reminder from time to time. A moment or two to put down the burden of care so many of them carry. I just have to take time to make sure my ideas are maturing. I've always said that everyone plans for retirement, no-one plans for old age, maybe it is time for me to do just that.

Welcome back Cindy. I'm still here, still blogging and encouraging others to do so. I am not a chat host, I felt I was too far out from hands-on caregiving for that, but still doing the Blog Moderator's job. Whether you write a gloom and doom blog or a bright and breezy blog, all are welcome. Really glad Mike is doing some therapy again, even if he doesn't make much of an improvement it is still an outside stimulus and that is always a good thing.

Sometimes I also think nothing is certain but I always hope for greater strength of mind so I can tackle whatever lies ahead.

The most meaningful part of Ray's life was when he was a Fisheries Inspector with an office of his own, the years 1973 - 1983. He told the stories from that period when he first stroked, it was a lot like the Boy's Own Adventure stories. In later years as he slowly lost his distance memories I told them back to him as best I could. Memories can be happy or sad and sometimes both. Enjoy your husband's memories while he still recalls them. Sue.

After six weeks of convalescence, seven weeks since the operation I am finally out and about again. As the surgeon said might happen I do have some swelling in my left leg if I stay on it too long but at least I can drive somewhere, walk around for a while and then rest, which means I can do my own shopping, meet a friend for coffee or go to church again. I really do empathise now with people who do not have that ability to get around. It is not a good life for someone who has been active, I guess I could live that way if I had to. I have greater empathy for all those I meet in nursing homes with restricted mobility too. Do you have “Piecrust friends”? I now know I do. I adopted this expression for those friends who ring me and say “We must do lunch.” or “ I'll come and get you one of these days and we'll go for a drive” or “How would you like to go out one day soon?” and then never follow up on it. That has happened to me quite a bit during my convalescence. I use the term piecrust from an old saying of my Dad's: “Promises are like piecrusts, made to be broken.” Maybe they didn't think of what they said as a promise just some happy thought? But for me isolated at home they seemed like a ray of hope and then turned into broken promises. I have just sent out 18 thank you cards, to the people who did contact me by phone or email, those who sent me cards and letters, brought flowers or meals and supported me in my time of need. I had a lot of texts on my mobile (cell) even when I was in hospital and it made a lot of difference to the way I felt about life. I don't have Facebook on my phone but found a lot of wishes for my recovery on Facebook when I got home. I do so appreciate the thoughtfulness of those who express care and support when I really feel alone, one of the downsides of being a widow. And even now I still have those fair weather friends who assume all is well and never bother to get in touch except for a Christmas card. I don't get a lot of letters now, letter writing seems to have gone out of fashion but I usually write some letters this time of the year updating our family news rather than send off a Christmas card with sad news. And there is always some bad news, we all suffer the loss of old friends, people no longer the couple as we used to know through ill health and other sad events. September/October here is the peak time for deaths and for births, I always enjoy seeing my friends post pictures of their latest grandchild or in some cases great grandchildren. My good news is that my grandson Christopher has just been elected school Captain for his final year of high school. We do five years of high school here and then it is work or University the following year. And I have just had a visit from my Adelaide grandchildren for a day so that is good too. I have been signed off by the community nurses now. They have been wonderful coming three times a week to dress the wound. My graft is solid and although it will take many more months to look or feel anything like flesh it is considered “healed”. So I can walk about and drive and all would be well except I am so darned tired. I would say that the four weeks I sat down with my leg up contributed to that as I surely lost muscle in that time. Now I have to do a lot of upper body exercise as I am still in some pain and cannot really exercise my legs that much. I am hopeful of being allowed to swim when summer comes. I did have some help with housework during my convalescence which has been handy but I feel now it is time for me to get back to whatever the new normal turns out to be. The weather has been changeable, most of last month was very cold at night but some days recently have been hot and humid already. It was wonderful that some of those were in the school's Spring break. My Adelaide grandchildren have been able to swim in the local pool, walking distance from the apartment their mother lives in now. The state of my garden is precarious as we haven't had much rain this Spring. There has been no sudden rush of Spring flowers unfortunately and although the orange tree blossomed it did not set fruit. The more common garden plants like geraniums seem to be flourishing but the ferns hate the dry and even the bromiliads are showing signs of stress with many trumpets browning off. I love my garden so hate to see this happening. It is a disaster for local farmers of course,while just a minor nuisance for me. So now I need to slowly get back into life, for a while it may be a little restricted and probably less exciting than before. I am 70 so have lived a good long life, with many happy memories I just need to maybe slow down a bit. Everybody says they are pleased to see me back attending the organisations I belong to. But I do hope no-one is too disappointed if I do less in the church now. I really need to pace myself more but have no intention of putting everything aside as I love to be out among my pleasant acquaintances and friends again. I will just be less of a social butterfly. Of course our lives get busier from now on as we do the run down towards Christmas and there is much to do. I just need to remind myself that it isn't me who has to do it all.

I came to Australia from England with my parents and sister at the age of seven. I didn't need to become a citizen as I had permanent resident's status but when I decided to do so in 1988 it seemed like a great thing to do, to become an Australian like my husband and children. I was touched by the ceremony too. It is good to part of a country you love. Congratulations to your mother Asha, you are right to be proud of her.

Sounds like a reasonable start to the experience of blogging Alan. Thank you for joining the Blog Community, I hope you find blogging therapeutic. I think Ray's first stroke was very similar to yours, left side affected. Of course he went on to have others which fortunataly is not what everyone does. I hope with treatment this is your first and last.. Sue.

I accidentally created this while trying to work out for Linnie what the name was, the title of the blog or of the post. This will be just left as a bad example...lol. Sue.

Asha it is hard for all mothers to let their children take over their own lives. I know for me I still worry about my kids even though they left home many years ago. I am sure your son is learning some valuable lessons that will indeed make him a better doctor. You in the meantime are learning to cope with being an "empty nester". Enjoy your time whatever you are doing, we never know what lies ahead.

Sarah I guess we've all had those weeks but it is harder for you as your car is set up especially for Gary. I don't know why these things happen so always just try to live through them and hope there are better times ahead. Sorry that your new pup has seizures, not the news you wanted or needed right now.

Due to he surgery I had five weeks ago and the subsequent infection I have been unable to use the car for the past five weeks. I was told I could drive if I had an emergency but it was unwise to do so before the graft was in a stable state. So for the past five weeks it has been mostly spent sitting or laying with feet raised. Then on Friday the community nurse told me the graft was healing at last and here I am, almost able to resume the life I had prior to the surgery. I say almost as there will still be a lot of things I can't do, excess bending and stretching, swimming, staying on my feet for a long period of time, tackling large numbers of stairs among them. I hope to go to church tomorrow and to meetings next week. As long as I have the chance to stop and rest instead of constant activity I should be fine. I will go to the Lions BBQ on Monday week if I am fit enough by then as I am sure the other Lions will take my place when I need to stop for a while.. This has all been a learning curve for me. I do a lot of hospital visiting and I have over time visited a lot of ladies sitting with bandaged legs due to ulcers or skin grafts and not even thought about the patience that recovery requires. After all aren't they retired and have all the time in the world now? Well I will not be so thoughtless in future but see if I can provide puzzles, reading materials or something similar to help them pass the time, because time sure goes slowly when you have to have bed rest or sit in a chair most of the time. It is a temporary disability but often under resourced, the need for support overlooked. I have had a lot of people offer help but only a few have followed through and come for a visit, sent flowers or made regular phone calls. As usual it is the loving people from Ray's Stroke Recovery group, those people who have taken time out of their own busy schedules to keep in touch with me, who have had the most compassion. We as caregivers ourselves know what is required to care for others. I am so grateful to them. My daughter Shirley and her husband and children came down to visit me for a couple of days this week. It was good to have company and time to spend with the grandchildren. Chris will lead his school council this coming year, a real honour and one with responsibilities so I heard all about that from him. My grand daughter and I spent an afternoon competing in simple games on the Nintendo Wii and giggling hopelessly when we made mistakes, as a teen she is usually a bit less enthusiastic for my company so I was glad of her response. My daughter and son-in-law did some cooking and it was great to sit down to meals with them. I do so miss the family life we once had and feel sometimes as a widow that I have little to offer in that respect. It does make a difference when Mum and Dad turns into just Mum, a woman on her own. I don't know why it should, it just does. I have been lucky in that I have had some friends come for a visit or to pick me up to take me somewhere, without that I would have gone stir crazy. I am unaccustomed to being at home for any length of time and do not like the enforced leisure. It is quiet in the neighbourhood because despite the children being home from school on the Spring break families opposite and either side of me have been away for the week so it has been much quieter than usual. Having my grandchildren here made up for that. I sometimes complain that I don't see enough of them but have appreciated how in this time of my need Shirley has taken time out of her busy life to support me. I know she has so much to do to run a busy Salvation Army Corps but she has put that aside and has really been there for me. My boys have been in communication by phone so I have been well supported in that way. I do still miss them all living close by though, it is one of he downsides of living in a country where people are so mobile and can, for various reasons, move so far away. One of the good things to come out of this is that I have been recontacted by some former friends I hadn't heard of for some time. It is part of the problem of them thinking: "good old Sue, she can always cope with whatever is thrown at her", so I think the thought that I have had an encounter with cancer, which of course melanoma is, has taken them aback and hence the contact. Sadly I have missed a couple of funerals of church members but there was nothing I could do about that. Life is what happens when we are busy making other plans - to quote John Lennon. Whatever happens the cycle of birth and death will go on. With that said a girlfriend/cousin I usually stay with in England rang me today to ask when I am coming back to England so maybe I will put another trip to England back on my wish list. We always say that in this sort of situation we find out who our friends are but I don't think that is necessarily true in my case. At my age many of my older friends are no longer driving far from home so of course they can phone but not visit. It is some of the locals who have stepped up and made sure I am okay. I appreciate all they have done for me and hope not to return the favour but instead pay it forward as I am able to. We all need help from time to time so I am sure an opportunity will arise. I don't intend to go back to full time duties at the church or in the community until I am quite sure I have the stamina to tackle the tasks. I guess all of this whole process has been a bit of a shock to me but none of us are bullet proof, we have the stroke journey to convince us of that. I am hopeful given a few more months of recuperation to be able to say: "all's well that ends well."

Hi Ron, nice to have you posting again. A few new people who are regulars here won't know you but will appreciate what you can share with them. Great you have found some equipment that makes you and your wife able to be out and about again. Sue.

I agree, sometimes it takes a long process to make you see the good things in a troubled life but sometimes it is simply an AHA moment and it comes into sharp focus. Keep on blogging Asha, you always seem to have something interesting to share with us.

I had a scare on Monday, had an infection in the graft site. Shirley came down and took me to the local hospital. Spent the day in the waiting room as you do finally got one of the surgical team to look at it. Said I'd got a little cell loss. Just another delay but as long as it heals that is all that matters to me.

Glad you are back home and back in a more comfortable place for now. Yes the pain of UTI is beyond the normal. Hope you are fully out of pain soon.

Everyone is telling me to keep obeying instruction and take my time to heal so i am passing that message on to you Heather.

Julie, I called into Tuesday's Caregiver Chat, so glad I did, Sally is still doing Caregiver Chat, I wish a few more people would think to go there and get the support they need as we all did. A support group can make all the difference, can't it? Glad you came back onto the Blogs, we need more people who read and care enough to comment.

Sounds as if they don't really know how to help you Pam. Emergency Departments are the same all over, too much guesswork and all done in the shortest possible time.I do hope someone comes by from Urology who knows what he or she is doing and you have a solution and lose the pain.

On the 23rd of August my life took a dramatic turn. I had had a small mole behind my left knee, I had it checked out a couple of times over the years but it was assessed as harmless. Years went by with my time taken up as caregiver to Ray and then as a widow and I filled my life with busyness, trivial in itself but filling an otherwise empty life. I ignored the little spot as it grew bigger and suddenly I realised it had really changed and so I went to my GP who referred me to the local Skin Cancer and Skin Care Clinic. One of the doctors there took the large spot off under local anesthetic and sent it away for analysis. Four days later I was called back to the Skin Cancer Clinic and told I had appointments in one of the major Sydney hospitals to see a surgeon, one of the best in Australia in Melanoma surgery. So a couple of days later I was in there being checked out and the following day I was in hospital. This time I did the right thing and called my daughter Shirley. She came down and took over, taking me down to the hospital, coming back home to get what I needed when the operation was scheduled for the next day. With the previous operation the surgery took an hour and I was sent home with dozens of stitches which I had to care for myself. The second operation, this time to make a large margin around the original site and to do a skin graft took much longer and was followed by six days of bed rest, antibiotics and all kinds of care. I finally came home last Wednesday. To say I was shaken by all of this is an understatement. I had been avoiding doctors and the medical merry-go-round having had so much of it in the years I looked after Ray and now I have a ticket to ride in my own name. I had always considered myself healthy and then this small part of me proved otherwise. Dear caregivers, let me be a warning to you, do not neglect your own health while caring for a loved one, your life is important too. Have all your health checks as they need to be done. Believe me the pain of not doing so is not worth it. I will be three weeks not able to drive because of the site of the graft behind my left knee and then 6-8 weeks before I can resume normal activities. That is a lot of things to be eliminated from my usually busy life and it has given me a lot of time to think about what I need to do, not just for now but into the future. I have to return to the hospital in four months time and have four monthly reviews for two years to eliminate any other occurrences and check the activities of nearby lymph nodes. It will be a long time to clear me of future happenings and then of course like the general community I could still have other health problems. I am glad to be home and back on my computer thanks to my daughter Shirley who has set me up well with space to put my feet up as instructed. She has improvised a tray table and a laptop connection. So I will able to be in contact with friends via my computer, landline and mobile so hope to return all the good wishes that have been sent to me. It is a blow that I am not allowed to drive for a while but there will be plenty of handicraft to keep me busy. And plenty of books to read too. Thanks to all those who contacted me via Facebook and sent me their prayers and best wishes. A dear friend from my Stroke Recovery group has taken to bringing me meals and others from the group have sent flowers and cards, rang me or dropped by. I am so pleased to be supported by so many strong women who already have their hands full caring for another loved person in their lives. They are a good example of the saying : "If you want something done ask a busy person" and I didn't even have to ask, they knew what was needed. My boys have been supporting me by phone and text, they are both too far away to help but they have also been in contact with Shirley to support her too. Trevor of course wanted me to go straight to Broken Hill where he said he would take me to the local hospital to have my dressing changed etc but really at this stage even the couple of hours sitting on a plane would do me in. I do have some help coming too as a domestic worker will come twice a week to do housework and a community nurse will come three times a week to dress the wounds, essential with a graft that has to be monitored. I will give up wearing knee length shorts and find a suitable longer pant to cover where the graft was through the summer months. Swimming will be okay as long as I cover up as soon as I return to the beach. Dancing as an exercise has to be postponed until full healing takes place so I will hand over my Dancing Diva trophy at the next Women's Weekend in November. As usual the lesson learned was that so many people are worse off than we are but still we do have to be vigilant about our own health. Not fair to burden our kids more than we need to. I have tried to maintain my independence but this episode was a reminder that I am ageing, over 70 now, and I need to be mindful of what is ahead of me. My daughter said she will bring her two teenage children down in the next school holiday which is only three weeks away and they will help me with the sorting out and decluttering. I still have books and toys left over from their own growing up years and they will have a better idea of how much of that I need to keep for Alice and Shirley and I will go through drawers and cupboards. I have been given a reminder of my own mortality and i need to take heed of that and have some contingency plans in place. Of course this is not the end of my life, just a reminder that there is an end and this may have been a lucky escape caught just in time or it may not. I have my faith and my church and I have so many good friends, interesting acquaintances and well wishers to keep me going. The 8th of September would have been Ray's 75th birthday and I got a bit sad and wistful then, thinking how different it would have been if he had been with me, alive and well. But if he had been an invalid and depended on me still that would have been an entirely different scenario. As it is I only have myself to take care of and intend from now on to do a better job of it.

George splendid news about your trip and your mother-in-law/son-in-law time. Your MIL is certainly an amazing lady for her age. Hope you three enjoy what is left of the warmer weather before you have to settle for the more restricted life of winter. Wish I was there to share a coffee with you all.