swilkinson

Carol I smiled at you reading the book under the bed clothes with a torch - me too! I know how I would miss reading as you did. Congratulations on getting that skill back again - enjoy your book club meetings.

Fantastic! You are a role model, and always will be. You might not think so when the going gets tough and you feel down but it is the fact that you come good again that makes you a champion.

Glad you got the blog to publish. I love the poem, it is easier in Heaven for some I guess. (((hugs)))

Scott on the bottom of the page as far dow as you can go on this page on the left hand side there is a button which you can click on which says "Change Theme" . The theme is the border around the page and in some cases the background you use. I just use Invision Blue as the others interfere in some ways with the blogs I find. Yes, I agree that they lift your mood but maybe I am a simple gal who is fond of blue Pam and that suits me fine. Also the themes are the opposite of the seasons for me here in Australia.

Had another two good days with an overnight visit from my daughter and her family.

Yes, you did it, you walked in on a gentleman's arm looking like a lady who deserved to be there, And you DID it! I will do a happy dance for you. Yes, sometimes the good things seem to be overwhelmed by the bad things but it is not so, the good and happy and contented days often have the beautiful muted colours of flowers while the bad ones appear like fireworks. But the good days are here to stay and so will continue to come.

You are so right Jay, blessings do beget blessings.

I just wrote the Blog report for the week ending 3rd June. In writing the report I reread each blog written in the period, look at the comments and register the points made in the blog. I want to just give the readers of the report an idea of what the blogs are each about so they can read them if they have not already done so. I have been the Blog Moderator for some years and have read some remarkable blogs in that time. Some were superbly written, expressive in character and wonderful to read. Others were less well expressed but had ideas in them that were life changing. I find that with those many little blogs that Jay (Jayallen) writes that he often expresses thoughts I hear resonating in my own life. Tonight I read the line: " As I have my coffee and enjoy the warmth of the sun on my face I can't help but be overjoyed with the blessing of my survival" and that brought thoughts of my own survival from being a wife and mother to being a grandmother who is also a caregiver firstly for my husband Ray then adding my mother and father (briefly) to my household and then supervising my mother two years later when she moved into care and then visiting her there for twelve years. I am now surviving as a widow with all that life throws at me. I am not saying I compare life as a caregiver to life as a stroke survivor, it is like comparing apples and oranges but they both have survival aspects. I have known potential caregivers, wives, partners, husband and children who go at the first sign they will have to be responsible as adults tending a loved one who has had a stroke. Being a caregiver is not in everyone's blood. But with the support we can all provide here it can be done if you love that person. Love is all to me, not that erotic love, not that emotional love but the intentional love that wants the best outcome for the loved one. Not everyone can be looked after at home so some like me with my mother may have to oversee the loved one who is now living in a nursing home or care facility. It may not be as hard physically but it is as hard emotionally, believe me. How have I survived? I have my faith and my church, I have my family and friends, those who stayed through the ups and downs and those I made on this part of the journey. I now have friends who only know me as I am now, they may be supportive in the future but for now they are untested by the events of my life, knowing Ray and my parents only in as much as they have heard me talk about them. They really make a difference in my life as they are Sue's friends, some I have introduced to my children but not all, the occasion has not yet arisen. They are not family friends. I still have some of those too, including some of Ray's cousins who ring me occasionally to see how I am. Of course there are many who have not contacted since the funeral, sadly they were not MY friends it seems. I have also survived because of the support I have received from often surprising sources, people I have not seen for years who re-appeared in my life. It has been good to see my life through their eyes. Old school friends have retired to the Central Coast and I have seen them in the local area, a couple of people who had sons and daughters who went to school with my children, lovely to be able to message my kids and say "XXX asked after you, they have...kids and would like to see you when you next visit." I love the fact that with 30 000 people living on our coastal strip it is still possible to bump into people I know. I have survived because of you all here and in the other support groups I still belong to, with the kind wishes all all those well wishers, those who contact me through email, Facebook, on the phone or by leaving messages with other friends. To me support is very important. I need to know others are thinking of me, that I am not forgotten. I am alone so much of the time that brooding on that aloneness would be frightening so the fact that I can contact others in so many ways is reassuring. I have neighbours too that call out to me and just the sound of a voice saying "hello, how are you? " is often enough to brighten my day. To quote Jay again "There are times when I hit a barrier and frustration seeps into my head." Me too Jay. There are still "poor me" moments. moments when I miss Ray so much, I long for company, I wonder if my children have forgotten me, I wonder if the life I am living now is worthwhile and what would have happened if Ray had not had that first stroke etc. There are always going to be regrets and resentments in my life and like Jay I often just have to sit and count my blessings and be thankful I am here to see another sunny day. In each and every day there is plenty to be thankful for. Thanks Jay for the reminder. And so to the title of this blog. "You seem happy today." was one of the cheerful remarks by one of the purchasers of the sausage sandwiches I sold as part of the Lions Club of Killarney- Bateau's day to do the BBQ at Bunnings ( a big hardware chain) at Tuggerah. I love doing the BBQ in the morning as I get to say "hello" to the customers, share a joke or a snippet of conversation, as well as join in the happy chat of my co-workers. It's only once a month but I enjoy it every time, wet and windy or fine and sunny, it doesn't seem to matter, we all join in the happiness of the day. And that is something else to be thankful for.

Yes, maybe some day you will both understand. So much of life is a mystery though, and somehow we have to accept that in some cases we will never know why some things happen. (((hugs)))

Distraction and redirection works in all kinds of different ways, the dentist does it when he plays orchestral music and talks to you. The nurses do the same when they are exercising stroke affected muscles. I guess your pizza making, coupled with the smell of it cooking as another distraction. Good idea to feed the troops too, gets them in a good mood. And the therapists can see how moving muscles when you are concentrating on something else works too.

Spend some time out in the sun, sunshine is a mood enhancer so as often as you can even if it is only for a few minutes. Glad that the nurse got you a new colouring book, that will pass time, keep you focussed and cuts back on worrying time...

I do think writing something down makes it more real for me too Asha. All will be well.

Pam, yes we all live in Limbo sometimes, hard to wait peacefully and just allow time to pass and see what happens but good things do come into your life from time to time so anticipate that will happen.

I thought it was cold yesterday until this morning when I woke up and the TV show host said it was going to be the coldest morning in June for 20 years. i rugged up and went off to lunch. Had a good day so no complaints. Just got out some more winter clothes, just to be on the safe side.

Mitch, anything that motivates you is great. Looking forward to the full report. Sue.

I haven't written a blog for a while as really my life just goes on from day to day. I have settled into a routine three years and nine months out from becoming a widow and my life more or less follows a pattern. The days can be soothing or dull depending on how I feel on the day.The winter days of course compound that as they are shorter and the evenings longer so in the evening it is watching TV, doing some hand work, knitting, crocheting, beading, whatever I can lay my hands on that makes me feel useful. And most nights reading and coming onto the computer round the evening off. During the days I seem to fill in the time easily so I don't think about what I am missing out on being a widow as much as I used to do but it is still lonely for me being a widow. And I still miss Ray. I know for all of you northern hemisphere inhabitants you will laugh at my definition of cold : "time to find the heater" but that is what I did today. I invited a friend from church home to lunch and she was rubbing her hands together and going blue so I searched for and found the heater. After dusting it off it still smelled a bit of old dust but it was functional. I usually just rug up warm and walk around the house that way, with an open plan house that is the way to do it or you have to heat it all. Heating it all is not a good proposition with the price of electricity here. I'd rather be a little cold than cop the bill. Of course that could just be the Scottish ancestors urging me to "save the bawbees." I put on a coat to go out and that seems to be okay most of the time, add a scarf if the wind is blowing. Those of you on my Facebook page will know that it was my turn to run the church markets yesterday as the person who usually does so, Steve husband of our assistant minister, is also the president of our local Orchid Association and heading a big Orchid Show this weekend.. The Market went well but with three incidents that seem typical of the days I am in charge, Firstly a lady stall holder fainted, I only found out about it after she had recovered as the ladies from our Charity Shop called the "Op Shop" handled it all beautifully, putting a rug around her, getting her a drink and on finding out she had not had breakfast getting her a bacon and egg sandwich for which she was very grateful. That is love in action, see what you can do, do something practical. Towards the end of the Market a stallholder with a truck in place of his usual van tore the bell rope off the bell that hangs under our outside portico roof that shelters us from the summer sun. This was a problem as we ring the bell on Sundays but he and some of our menfolk found a ladder and devised a way of securing the bell so it could still be used today and he said he will come back and repair it one day next week as he needed to purchase a new shackle to complete the repair. That again is love in action, do something wrong, apologize, make things right again. The third problem was mine as when I opened the school gates that morning,as we use their parking area for our Market Day with their permission, the padlock had disintegrated in my hand. That is the story of my life, I have an awkward attitude towards metal objects. One of the church wardens assured me it was not my fault, said he knew how it worked and how to fix it and did spend some time trying. In the end he had to phone their security firm and tell them what had happened. That was good sense too, because when we feel we are operating beyond where our knowledge of a situation applies we need to reach out for help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help if it will solve the problem more quickly. I think life has many insights to impart, no matter how old you get there is always something new to learn. As a part of my Market Report this morning I told the early congregation briefly what had happened and they laughed. It is good when that happens as those who laugh at us or with us are generally not going to censure us later (well I hope not anyway), And as overall despite it being windy and cold the day was a success I think it will soon be forgotten that it was not also perfect. There seems to be things happening around me now that can change our lives, we have had a lot of reports on Britain leaving the EU, that will affect us as we still think of ourselves as being part of the Commonwealth with the Queen of England as our titular head. We have Federal Elections coming up next Saturday and of course if there is a change of government as a result of the elections different parties in power mean changes to taxation, pensions etc. I know that can be a frightening prospect to older people. But as long as I remember all will be well I am fine. I have enough, I have had less and I have had more and always it has been enough. We all have ups and downs in our life and somehow we survive them. If it was not so I would not still be HERE.

So sorry you had to go through all of that, in court cases there are no winners. You have had a couple of bad years so hopefully there are some good times ahead now.

Sandy, you sometimes have to read a few previous blogs to find out details, like Kelli's son is 13, she is being asked to mind him three days a week as well as her two access weekends and she is doing it is in the house she lived in with the ex. So that brings back memories for her and she feels strange because of course it is no longer "her" home. I do understand this well as a girlfriend of mine is going through something similar. Sometimes you have to say: "I don't think doing it this way is appropriate now." and work out a new way of giving their son what he needs, security but with some idea of separation as well.

Katrina, it sounds like here is a lot of work to be done once the splint comes off. Congratulations on the progress you have made so far, you just have to be patient a little longer.

Will keep praying Jay.

Yes I know the embarrassment of suddenly finding yourself on the floor. That's where a good sense of humor helps.

Jay it is great when something you do is recognised. You don't do it t obe thanked but it is great when someone says "thank you".

Well said.

Jay you do have a talent for writing so maybe writing greeting cards could also be appropriate form of writing for you.

I feel like you do when I am sitting out in the sun, freer, lighter, happier. Glad you had some time outside, it is soooo good for you.