swilkinson

Good your little carer is with you for Spring Break. Enjoy your Spring but stay safe Fred.

Fred, it would be great to see you. It is a very long plane trip though so most people find it hard to come all that way. I met Ann Rogers (arogers) in Norfolk England last year for her son's wedding as part of a trip I'd planned to make and Barbara (Babsz) King and her husband Eddie came here on a cruise so they are the two members of Strokenet I have met already from the USA. Maybe I will come there one day.

I've got Irish ancestors too, it is what makes me obstinent though I call it persistent...lol. Glad you got to party.

Asha, sounds wonderful, I love reconnecting with people from my past, school friends particularly some of whom like me are now widows. You will eventually get the work done and feel better for the decluttering. Even if it seems like an effort now it will be worth it in the end.

Yes, as caregivers we are also subject to the usual health issues. Who will look after me? I used to cry. Well, same person who looks after me now. Me!!! Hope you get the right ABs and get back to good health soon. At least Dan is sorted for now.

Carol I was a caregiver not a survivor but I understand dealing with change. I am a widow, being married was my "old normal" being a widow is my "new normal", my life will never change back to the way it was. I know this is a bad analogy and nothing like what you are going through, but I also know change is inevitable and somehow we have to work our way towards acceptance whatever the cause of the challenge is.

Stay strong on this one Kelli, the rest of your life is for you and you decide what you do. He can work it out for himself. It must be very difficult for you and the stress is not good for you. So smile and say :"It is not going to happen that way honey."

Pearls you are welcome. The Blog community rallies around people and supports them in their time of trial, well as best we can. The survivors know from experience how you feel and the caregivers know because we have lived with someone who has the same or similar feelings as you have. Thank you for being here.

My English visitors have gone to Sydney for a few days and will fly back to England on Friday. I really enjoyed the visit but am quite tired and I think glad for the moment of the peace and quiet. That will pass as I am soon bored and looking around for something else to do. One thing I will miss is hearing someone say: "What will we do today?" it is the "we" I miss, someone else being there to want to share an activity. I didn't realise how much I missed that. i know I miss Ray but I also just miss someone else being around, someone to share activities with, someone else to come up with a suggestion. Of course some activities didn't happen like going to lunch with a cousin of one of the girls who lived "just north of Newcastle" and turned out to live four hours drive away, a little too far to go for a lunch date with no offer of overnight accommodation. I don't think anyone from a small country like England can really imagine how big Australia really is and a drive of 100 miles not taking you further than the next small city or inland to where the wineries are. They underestimated the cost of travel too and although I encouraged them to be independent and use buses and trains to travel as I do they didn't get the concept. I guess those in the USA and Canada who read this will know what I am talking about. We didn't always get on, three women living under one roof can have vastly different ideas of how life operates. I knew that I was much more independent in my way of living, I know that is because of the caregiver years when I had to make the decisions and consequently living as a widow making all the decisions for myself. But it was still good to show them the countryside, the beautiful beaches, introduce them to some of my friends and join in some of the usual activities. Tonight at Lions several people asked about the "girls" as I have taken them both to a dinner with me and Jacquie had been to two. It was good to be able to "share:" some of my friends with someone, eclectic bunch that they are. And now it is autumn, it is raining today, the first day of rain for eight weeks so we really needed it. I am bored, always am when it rains, so will read my emails, chat on Strokenet when the time comes, maybe clean out a drawer that has been bothering me. I did a quick Spring Clean this year so maybe it is time for an Autumn Clean (decluttering) now. I can't get used to being just one of me, I know I try and be bright and breezy and say living alone is freedom but it is also loneliness. I know this is probably the shape of the rest of my life so I have to accept it, but like every change in my life acceptance is a process I have to work through. The family are all well and I am glad of that. I ring Shirley once a week to catch up with her news, I am hoping to get up there again before I go out to Broken Hill in May. I ring Trev once a week and he usually rings me while he has Alice, depends on what they are doing,sometimes he will send me a photo via Facebook, either way I do get some interaction with them. Shirley sometimes rings me back about something we have been talking about, she is the only one who does this. My older son just says the usual things. If I am worried about something he just says: "You'll be right Mum." I think he can't really think about how life is for me. In a way it is like when Ray died that entity called "Mum and Dad" died too, and I became "the Widow Wilkinson" I don't feel that way always but sometimes it is so obvious. I have also been introduced to someone by friends and that concept comes across, one of the Lions introduced me as "she used to be Ray's wife" which sounded more as if I had been divorced. I did get an odd glance with that one. I guess people still do not know how to explain death and widowhood and being alone or single again and getting the point across. But at least they try, which is better than being ignored. I really felt that when I was first widowed. And so I have to tidy up the house and get back to my regular routine again, meetings to attend, old ladies to visit, catch up on phone calls, invite people to have coffee with me, fill up my life. Yes, I am too busy but busyness fills up the emptiness. That is much better than booze or drugs or anti - whatever being without Ray pills are available. I am just seeking a life that is worth living, and feel I am on track for that now.

Yes, life throws you some curves. Just keep going Nancy, you have to build a new life but it has to dovetail in with the old. I am surprised by the fun times in life sometimes and I hope you are too. I'm glad you can laugh at what Dan does in his efforts to control his life, it is funnier when seen at a distance and happening to someone else.

Fantastic! You have achieved another brain exercise that is making something both useful and creative - good for you.

Thanks for the update Sandy. I think we in the Blog Community do look out for others who are regulars here and wonder what is happening in their lives. No illness for Bob in your winter seems like a mighty achievement to me. Yes, Ray was the same, could not start his exercises on his own. Unlike Bob though he resisted doing his exercises sometimes. He'd say he was too tired, too hot, too...any old excuse.

Jay it is okay to be mad at someone who has done something so stupid and positively dangerous. It is okay to have second thoughts about your own safety. I am glad it was not worse. Be safe.

A preview of Spring is something to be enjoyed by all living creatures. Amazing what you can see and hear waiting for a bus.

Fred, not something I usually say to you but: "Live in today, let tomorrow take care of itself." I think we all worry about our grandkids but they will grow up as we did and somehow find their way through life. Our job is to give them the values that will make them fine citizens and hopefully God respecting men and women as well. I know you will do a splendid job of that. Give the little one a hug every day and let all your kids and grandkids know that you love them. That is the thing we all need to do.

It is very individual. Ray was diagnosed as a diabetic at the first stroke, he was working and I was working so I had all the notifications to do. I was 1000 kms from home so I had to have others do a lot of it for me under my instruction. Having a stroke changes life dramatically as you have found out. While some things are logical like finding out about the new medications, who you need to consult, further therapies needed, what the outcomes may be etc some are simple like get enough sleep, eat good food for improved nutrition for both the caregiver and the stroke survivor, giving up habits that will likely lead to another stroke for the survivor or increased stress for the caregiver. That is why finding and signing up to a site like this is so essential. We need help and help is available here (on the internet). As Lin said read the handbook, join the forums, post a blog, join chat. We have helped people in so many ways and that has eased them into the stroke caregiver experience and helped them to sustain that role. Once the survivor is home there is a different check list to follow of course.

Yes, you are good a taking advantage of the time you have. It is good to see you going back to things you love like the theater and politics. Keep on getting what enjoyment out of life you can to make your life worthwhile, it is the only way to live.

Fred, it is good you have company. I think having company makes the day go faster. Thanks for keeping us updated.

Took them to the BBQ for the stroke recovery group WAGS and they said how nice it was to be with warm and friendly people - that in my eyes is kindness born of pain, we have suffered so we have a greater compassion for others.

Congratulation babies do change the way you look at your life. You sill have so much to give to the next generation.I am sure this baby will be a blessing in your life. (((Hugs))) from one grandmother to another.

I have been having a different kind of holiday as I home host one of the people who home hosts me in England, she and I are third cousins and she is with a cousin from her mother's side of the family. They are here for an extended holiday, five weeks in all and they will be going home in the middle of this month. I have been showing them the beauty of the area in which I live, a coastal area of beautiful beaches, spectacular views, little cafes and endless eateries so a spot of sightseeing and a stop at a coffee shop is the order of most days. When I go to England I see England filtered through the life I have in Australia, so I probably see it as smaller, crowded with people of many nationalities, and much slower to drive through as they can't build new roads etc as they are short of space. I see the people as probably more worried about life than the general public in Australia, a little more pessimistic, more cautious, certainly not as adventurous. I guess the shorter summer, colder winter is an influence on how they feel about life too. And living closer to neighbours in a smaller house may make a difference to how you feel about community and privacy issues. Now the chance has come to see how the cousins I am hosting feel about Australia. They are shocked by the "lawlessness" of Aussies, I guess in a way we choose the laws we obey, or rather the ordinances, like where you can walk a dog off a lead. We witnessed that today as we went to a beauty spot with a lighthouse and lovely view along the coast and helped a man trying to corner three Labrador dogs he had foolishly let off their leads. He was chasing them up and down the steep steps to the beach. A lot of us tried to herd them but to no avail so in the end we left him to the task. What I got out of this is that we are all victims to our own whims. A lead on each of the three dogs would have saved him all that angst. I hope the day had a happy ending for him. On the whole they love Australia and the beautiful area I live in, like I do when I go to England they miss the food (coming from winter foods to cold meat and salads) their families and friends, the routines of their lives and probably the way you do on holidays the familiar faces and places that are a part of their accustomed lives. .They have met a few of my friends and tomorrow will meet more as we are going to a BBQ with some of my friends from the stroke recovery group WAGS that Ray and I attended for many years. I love the survivors and caregivers in that group, they gave my life meaning when it had none. They nurtured and cared for me, and I for them, and so as I still value those friendships I have remained a member of that group. I think I still have something to give, as I do here. Today we called in to see some friends of mine, I didn't ring we just appeared on the doorstep, or I did anyway. Etiquette differs from friend to friend but with this couple it is a courtesy to call when I am in their area. They were pleased to see us but I could see my cousins were uncomfortable with the visit. We are all different, I could tell we were welcome, but there was that sense of the cousins being ill at ease so I left after about half an hour. I am so glad I have those kind of friends, those that accept me for who I am regardless of circumstances and welcome me whenever I call. i welcome my friends the same way. Maybe it is part of being an Aussie or maybe it is simply part of being me. I planned to have a week off from church activities but tonight had two more emails about meetings I have to attend. I love the pastoral work, my visits to the older ladies in the nursing homes, the phone calls to the shut-ins, the conversations in the shopping centres and other places where I encounter people pastorally. But sometimes I need a rest from it all.This Friday I hosted the World Day of Prayer meeting at our church for Australian Churchwomen. It is always nerve wracking as I am sure it will all go wrong and then on the day it is fine. The ladies and a handful of men enjoyed the speaker and the afternoon tea afterwards. It is great to get together with others who are like minded. There is always a lot of laughter too as old friends meet across the room. I love those opportunities to see people i would rarely see otherwise. So life is interesting right now. There is plenty to do fitting housework etc in between the excursions. I have to do the Lions Club BBQ on Monday at Bunnings , a large hardware store. It's a good fundraiser so I like to be there, you can never tell who you will meet from your past. It is hard, hot work in this heat but at the end we have more money to pass on to a good cause. And that's what being a part of a service club is all about, raising money to give a helping hand to others. And that is what my life is all about - giving a helping hand to others. So it's back planning more trips out to the local beauty spots, My cousins may only see a tiny part of the Australian continent but what they have seen they will have enjoyed to the full.

Not guilty, not me this time. I noticed you had two copies of this so maybe someone else on team deleted it. As they were slightly different I left them both here. I am usually the one who deletes duplicate blogs. i know it happens a lot and I review them all to see if they are either duplicates or extensions as yours was. Sorry it happened this time.

For me it is an extra day to appreciate life. I was once where you are now, a busy caregiver, for the last twelve years of a 44 year marriage that ended three years ago when my husband died. Now what I do I do alone. Not moaning, just saying. Enjoy your extra day this year. It is one more to build up some good memories.

Well done Scott, keep on persevering.

Great beginning Carol, thank you for your blog, everything we read about strokes helps in some way. My husband Ray had seven major strokes and each time battled back to as well as he could be. Sadly he died in 2012 and I stayed on here as a volunteer. I love the Blog community as we all support each other and learn so much here.