swilkinson

Pam I cannot begin to imagine what your pain is like. I cannot imagine crying out for help when you need that medication and not getting it on time. I do know it exists as i hear those cries in my nursing home visits. It is so hard for you that your medication fails and leaves you in pain. (((hugs))).

Fred you have your hands full with family matters and still one puppy to look after. I just trust that things will work out for you. Hugs and prayers coming your way.

Yes, we are lucky to have the interaction with people. I think they appreciate the fact that you are a volunteer helping others Jay.

Jay, every day above the ground is a good day, as my Dad used to say.

Pam, I am glad you did feel there were still compassionate people in the world like the man who gave you a blanket. That was a trying time for you. I agree no-one should ever be in pain and if it costs more then it costs more. So few people stand up for their rights so I hope all who you encountered that night learned something from your strength, even those tough security guys.

Fred, we all do our best, we work, we build, we raise families. We just seem to be getting it all together and then life trips us up again. Of course we also age and then maybe our health is a problem. You have survived a lot in your life, stroke complicates that perhaps but that has to be dealt with as best we can too. Thanks for expressing what a lot of us feel.

Another form of counting your blessings i guess. Hope you heal quickly and find even more to do with your left hand. Ray was the same, used it cupped to carry things or as a weight to hold things in place. He always said it was "useless" but really used it much more than he realised.

You are right it IS so high school. I've noticed that in the facilities I visit. Lot of the ladies make little snide remarks and make a big deal of "not talking to that one". Maybe that is the only way they can feel like individuals and as if they have some control over their lives.

Did you miss me? I was away for eight days and it seemed like a couple of weeks. There has been a lot happening in my part of the world and in world wide events. It is so sad that innocent people suffer when the fanatics take over the world. I do wonder sometimes at my age where the bold voices of the moderators are. Two deaths in my friendship groups while I was away too so that is sad. I know when I befriend people who are sick, or old or infirm in some way that that is going to happen but it is still sad and another hole in my life. One was another carer for a stroke affected daughter so she will really be missed. I went out to Broken Hill again to support my son in his struggle to get more flexible access to his daughter. It was beginning to warm up in Broken Hill and although the lawns a green a few days of over 40 degrees heat will brown them off again. The semi arid country is a wonderful place as it is so different from the coast where I live and I love it. I love the spectacular sunrises and sunsets, the parrots and galahs wheeling overhead and their ear splitting screeching has to be heard to be believed. You don't get colourful feathers and a singing voice in nature it seems. But who could not be in awe of the bright sky and the wheeling shapes dark against it as night falls? I did step out of my comfort zone and attended a local Lions Club dinner. Ray and I often used to do that on our holidays, one thing to do it as part of a couple, quite another to do it alone. However the Club members were friendly and I came away thinking that was a great idea. As in any organization the more you put into it the more you get out so it was good to hear what they are doing in their community, the different activities to what we do. The highlight for them is the Christmas party they throw next Sunday on behalf of a lot of the groups that help the disabled, 150 people plus Carers so a really big deal. They say it brings them much happiness to see the expressions on the faces of the younger ones when Santa comes along on the big red fire truck. At the summer temperatures that they experience it is no place for reindeers for sure. Today I set out to do three tasks, half did two of them and did not do the third at all. It was one of those days. I think I am still tired from travelling yesterday. I have noticed a couple of the handier shops have closed and moved to bigger centres. Makes it harder for those who are old or have disabilities to get the services they need. And there is no free transport to those big multi-store centres from here. I think our Federal government should start promoting shopping locally again. It is better to see the money going into the pockets of local families rather than the big multinationals for a change. When will we see the small traders getting a fairer go? Just had a call from my son in Broken Hill. Alice has discovered Granny Sue's caravan in the back yard and has been jumping on the bed. She says she is going to have her lunch on the table tomorrow. Looks like it is her new favourite place. I said that is okay as long as she and Daddy keep it clean and tidy. I bought the caravan at a garage (yard) sale for a very reasonable price last week, it is 35 years old but has always been out in desert country and used for camping and family holidays, is in good condition and will make that extra "bedroom" that Trevor needs. I have had to share Alice's room which is small and not good for either of us in the hotter weather so a caravan in the back yard is ideal. If Trevor moves on I can always sell it again. Today I also went out to lunch with the seven other women who still meet from my former church, they are mostly in their 80s but tell us younger ones all about what has been happening in their lives. It is good to meet with various groups and share some food and laughter, it is what a widow like me needs.Today we commiserated with one of the group who lost her mother last month and sang "Happy Birthday" to one of the others. We have been meeting together roughly monthly for the last eight years so it is good to continue to do so. Last month's lunch was actually the afternoon tea on the day of the big hail storm, today we were looking over the inlet of a little lake and enjoying the summery view. What a contrast. I have been drawing up my Christmas calendar, there are gaps to be filled but that is okay, it is not all settled yet. No intention of repeating last year and doing it alone so may think of alternative plans. There is always plenty of festivities and pre-Christmas parties but without Ray and the gathered family is not really Christmas as I would like it, not that family occasion it used to be. Maybe with my daughter and family closer next year that will change again. For now I have to live life as it comes, stepping out of my comfort zone occasionally to include something I once did with Ray performed in a different way by Sue Alone.

Just back from Broken Hill, weather as hot but no palm tress. Glad you enjoyed your break.

Yes, life is all ups and downs but kindness definitely improves the situation and makes for an up day. Glad you did feel the kindness especially from Bossy Nurse. Maybe the Ombudsman's visit will make a difference too. May it long continue on this happier path for you.

Sorry you have had such a let-down, do let your travel agent know, if you have one, as there needs to be a note that there are stairs up to the roof top pool and no way in for a disabled person. I know I would have been shocked if I had stayed there with Ray and had not been warned. Enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Got to love a man who makes muffins Jay.

Mitch,we've all had the "vanishing blog" experience. i think it is divine intervention when i am being wordy or smug! But you are enjoying your holiday and that is what counts. Go on having fun.

Fred, whatever is bothering you write it down and publish it. We can send you (((hugs))) in the meantime. Sue.

I am glad you are finding ways to make the poor lady's life easier. It is amazing how simple it is to make life better sometimes, like the hair conditioner.

Pam. life does change but it changes really slowly. I agree, don't sweat the small stuff. I do that sometimes and the only one who suffers is me. If I don't take care of myself there is no-one else to do it. I have to take some deep breaths and let it go. I know it is harder for you as you can't get away from the situation but it will change eventually, always does.

Mitch, enjoy it while you can, sounds like a great holiday. It is raining and cooler here just above Sydney. Is summer on it's way? Maybe one day soon.

You will have fun with your son but I can see there may be other problems for you. Life is what it is.

My goodness, so lucky this late in the season to have those lovely fall days. Enjoy.

Mitch relax and enjoy your vacation.

Asha, great you had that special trip. I loved the north of Italy, had a lot of Italian immigrants as friends growing up so found myself feeling "at home" there. The cities like Florence and Venice are good to see as tourists aren't they? Al those monumental cathedrals and that sense of a long, long history of civilization.

I went to a funeral today. It was at a crematorium and conducted by a celebrant, there was a graveside service to follow. The lovely lady who died who I called Essie was for a while my mentor for the stroke/dementia journey as she too was on the same journey with her husband. She steadied me when I was about to fly off the rails and her tea and sympathy morning teas helped me so much. Sadly her husband died in 2007 and she only really had three good years as a widow as by 2010 she had been diagnosed with dementia herself and lived for five years in a nursing facility. I visited once or twice but not for long as she would wander off, so sad that my dear intelligent, lovely friend not longer responded to me as she once had. I did see her on and off in our local shops and had morning tea with her then, just so her daughter could go shopping for her without her wandering off. Although I visit a lot of people now in that period when Ray was so sick himself I somehow couldn't change roles and be her companion as I have been to so many since, just couldn't change roles and get to grips with her dementia much to my shame now. And so I want to pay a tribute to her and her caring nature. I want to tell you that angels like Essie do die, that they do all that caring for their loved ones and many others for all those years and still get sick themselves. Although they seem so superhuman in their humility and emotional stability and in the help they are able to give, they still have the same frail nature as the rest of us. It is hard on our side to sometimes make the changes that will allow us to support them as they have supported us as I know but if you can do it, do it. Angel caregivers need support too to go on and enjoy the life during the caregiving years and after the caregiver role ends. At the funeral two of the grandgirls read out a poem by Joann Snow Duncanson called: "Two Mothers Remembered" I Googled it but could not find a link to it. I am going to quote a verse here that really was Essie: "Then came the time that her mind clouded so and I sensed that the mother I knew would soon go, So quickly she changed and turned into the other, a stranger who dressed in the clothes of my mother." And that is how I felt about my Mum too as she went on her dementia journey. I felt as if she was another lady in my mother's clothes, someone I could only relate to with a huge effort and I managed to do it for the last eleven years of her journey. And to a lesser degree that is how I feel about the other dear ladies I minister to as part of my role at the Pastoral Care Worker for my church. Yes, I am stronger now and I can handle that now. I can go in and be a companion and laugh and smile and show affection to them, these frail older ladies. I wish I had been able to do that for Essie but the relationship was too close for me to do it and because I was still looking after Ray and supervising Mum's care I didn't seem to be able to overcome that. I guess that is why I cried at her funeral today, for her and for me and the relationship we lost. And as I looked around the gathering today I knew that many people there were feeling just as I was feeling, guilt that they had not continued the friendship or been the support they would have liked to have been. Essie's late husband was in my Lions Club and so I was there with some of the members. We were there for old time's sake, remembering both her and her husband and the great work they had done in the community, and also what they had meant to us. It is not the way it could have been but it is the way life is.

With some people it is pride Jay that stops them taking a gift. Keep on persevering you will be blessed by what you do.

Pam, sounds like hell on earth for you right now. There will always be bullies wherever you go, you can be like the oak or the bending reed. You do need to network, even in places like that there are ways of finding like minded people. Maybe someone else is crying inside just like you are. Why not ask for a "Champion" you might not have that system there but a champion is a staff member that has to be on your side in any argument. If they haven't heard of that say it is an Australian idea and how can we let them be better than us? That sometimes works. Hang in there, wait it out, be like Rosa Parks, one person can make a difference.