swilkinson

Ummm... we all make mistakes. I always tell a friend he is on the whole a wise man who makes an occasional mistake. So I will give you the same advice. I have done something similar myself, turned up at an event both a day early and a week late...so it just proves you are human like the rest of us.

Pam, love your independent streak, go for what you want. It may be a bit like living on the edge but better that than returning to the zombie state you were in. Yes, do move around the place, make it your neighbourhood. It is great to make friends , find pleasant companions, help those you can. TO LIVE!!!

Sherry!!!! How good of you to remember to update us.. I have been here since 2005, sadly my husband Ray died in 2012 but I stayed on as a volunteer. It is wonderful that you came back on to continue your story. In a small house in Florida with two dogs sounds like the beginning to a new story. Welcome back.

What makes a difference in your life? Is it family and friends, grandchildren, maybe even your dogs or cats? Is it that special someone who always does a kind deed and says a loving word? Is it the support from family or friends or that you get on this site? There are a lot of things we hold dear in our lives and when something like strokes (or in my case widowhood) strikes then our values change and we may have another look at what is important to us in our new situation. To me it is never the big events that remain in my mind but the odd and quirky things that happen. My precious memories are built around family and friends but sometimes even the wise words of strangers still echo in my mind. Sometimes it is the out of character happenings that prove we are all human. One of our more solemn church members, who has a lot to say about procedures and protocols etc looks so different when he is holding his grand daughter and smiling at her. It makes me think how wonderful that loving smile is on some faces and when it happens is a thing of rare beauty. It is November and that is a busy month. Today I was supposed to help out at a Lions BBQ but a friend came and wanted to talk and somehow that lasted longer than I thought. I hope there were plenty there to help. I do get torn sometimes between a previous appointment and a present need though, but I also know it is not good to say to people: "I am always there for you" and then send them away when they do need someone to talk to. So it was a choice by default today, by the time my friend went it was too late to go as lunch time was truly over by then. I am slowly getting the garden in order, refilling the pots, cutting back the mess up the back of the block. It all takes time and so I do a bit of it when I can, trying at the moment to do a little each day. I wish it was a once for all job, get it cleared up, sit back and relax but a garden is never like that. With the Spring showers we are getting now the grass grows apace and it gets more expensive to have it cut more regularly.I don't think I ever really appreciated how much Ray was saving us by doing the lawn mowing. Now I have to have a man to mow it so I can keep the yard looking respectable. It is a necessary expense. Family is really important to me as you all know. I am going out to Broken Hill soon to support my son when he asks the Family Court for extra access to Alice his much loved daughter. I do enjoy the time Alice and I spend on the phone and on Skype. At least with that contact she is unlikely to forget me and I have some understanding of the stage she is at in life. This weekend I had four sessions with her, always as I am saying good-bye she says "don't go Granny Sue" so I tell her I will see her soon and be able to give her a hug in person. I don't know if she understands that, I hope she does. I was talking to a friend about not being appreciated for what we do. She, like me, is a volunteer in her church and puts a lot of time and effort into helping people. We do welfare as food aid at our church, you would not get a big parcel of food as a handout as it is all provided by the people who come to church, a lot of them not well off themselves, but it is enough to tide a family over for a few days. Just lately we are getting products from a local manufacturer of cereals, herbs, spices and sauces and that helps add bulk to the parcels. And of course gives some variety to the meals you can make with the pasta or rice added to the parcels. Food aid is a good ministry as it impacts directly on how people live and we would like to do more of it. Bless the little old ladies who add something to their grocery list each week to donate to the church welfare pantry. We also have a team of people who help me do the visits to the lonely, the shut-ins and the residents of the various nursing homes who have been past members of our church. They brighten up someone's life as they visit. I find that I also interact a lot with staff, stop and say a friendly word, try to remember their likes and dislikes, maybe recall the name of a child or a pet. A cheerful staff makes for a better atmosphere so that does some good too as that cheerfulness is past on to the residents/patients. So add church to the things that are important to me, and the kind souls who do the ministry in so many different ways. And last but not least, sitting out in the sun, in the garden, on the verandah, or even near the beach if I have the opportunity to spend some time there. Sitting with a friend in the sun even more so. Add a cup of coffee and life is perfect. Add family and friends and life is complete. Family,friends, church, sitting out in nature...some of the things that for me make life worthwhile.

Lovely Jay that you can now provide a meal for family and friends - congratulations. Sue.

I had a look at your work and it is very professional. I know you make the most of your opportunities so hope the trip to India is a possibility for you and Jules. Enjoy your trip to Cairns and environs.

Sarah You are a determined woman so I am sure you will get the weight off. Not sure about having 20lbs off by Thanksgiving though. You have had a lot of worry and yes, eating comfort (fattening) food is the way a lot of us deal with that. God luck with the weight loss.

I was at an older friend's house and watched her delight as little ones came to her door dressed in fancy costumes. Our church held a neighbourhood event on Friday night which was a big success. I am not into Halloween as it is not really an Aussie tradition but the young ones seem to love the dressing up and the older ones seem to love seeing them having fun.

Colleen, good things can come out of what seems a bad situation. I am glad you have had this slow down time, you were getting really stressed before this happened. Like you i found that having Ray in hospital did allow me to sleep sounder, do more "me" stuff and maybe my mind relaxed enough to take in new information. Just be prepared for the homecoming, it is a really hard time for the first couple of weeks until you establish a routine again.

I went to Sydney yesterday. The purpose was to hear a friend doing an organ recital at the Anglican cathedral. I did that and had afternon tea with him and his wife who is a dear friend. It took me from 9.30am - 5.30pm tp get there and back and I was exhausted but it was worth it. Live life to the full Mitch and there is nothing to regret. Sue.

Fred, yo do try to keep a positive attitude and that comes through loud and clear in your blogs. Enjoy the wonder of the changing colors, it is a great gift to each of us that we can still see beauty and joy in our daily life regardless of the circumstances. Sue.

Pam find what escapes you can, nursing homes seem a hotbed of gossip, retaliation and unrest sometimes so listening to a meditation tape, a sit outside in a sheltered spot, anything you can think of that can be used as an escape hatch is good. Keep smiling if you can, if not just keep plodding along and life will change again.

There are people who show those opposite characteristic, it can be confusing. But this man also displays a loving heart so take him as you find him and encourage the good deeds ignoring the shows of temper. We all need friends however fickle.

I was once given methadone instead of pethadine to stop the pain of a gall bladder attack, among other things it gave me a giant panic attack. Never had it again, once was one time too many, Hope the fentanyl patch works for you, a patch is less trouble than constantly taking pills.

As long you know I will stand up as tall as I am able to, put on that solemn face that mothers use and in a tone to rival that English Nanny when she is talking to a recalcitrant parent, point a finger and say: "Get Out." And the thought will vanish.

Glad you had the courage to turn down the "free" hairdresser and go and get a fabulous "do". You are very brave and deserve the good things that life has ot offer. Hope you have or had whichever applies a very Happy Birthday and hope everyone is kind to you for the whole week. You deserve that and more.

Fred just do what you can do. You will know your own abilities. Is there any chance of getting more therapy? And it may be worth having your medications reviewed to make sure they are in sync. I'm happy you are still here.

Jay, always good to have a day to relax, never been one for sleeping in myself but I can see the advantage.

Mitch you do well to keep going. There is only so much pain you can put up with. The trip to Palm Cove sounds wonderful, my daughter and her family were in Cairns for three years so I know the area well. Hope you have a great holiday and when you come back there is the physio etc to look forward to.

You are a great advocate for your roomie. Keep on telling them, one by one they may listen.

Many years ago, in the '80's I did a six month course that made ordinary citizens into Lifeline Telephone counselors. Lifeline was set up as a Suicide Prevention line in Australia but all kinds of people ring Lifeline with all kinds of questions and queries and just sometimes because they are lonely and need a listening ear and have no-one else to turn to. I did my own first course and later five more as a group leader. In one of the courses we were introduced to the concept of the gatekeeper and I thought I would share it with you. As we had a different leader for each course I cannot attribute it to anyone as I don't know which wise person brought the concept to us. This is not a tested idea but one of the many imaged meditations we did. I guess we are all familiar with the idea from Biblical and medieval stories of the gatekeeper who guarded the gates of fortified cities or large houses and let in only those who had the right credentials, the invitation, the password or whatever was needed to gain entry. The gatekeeper refused entry to those who were not authorised to come in. He (or she in the case of nunneries and convents) would be backed up by men at arms or other stalwarts who could enforce the prohibition order. So this concept can be used against re-occurring thoughts, especially those that come and taunt us in the middle of the night. So you are having a recurrent thought that you are worthless, no longer the person you used to be or in my case not the person needed to do the job. Okay. So you don't want that thought entering your head. Appoint a gatekeeper. This is the biggest person in your family, neighbourhood or an imaginary figure. He has to have a name. When the thought comes knocking at your mind, holler the name. Not out loud...we do not want to scare the neighbours. Holler the name, in comes the gatekeeper ready for service. You give out the ground rules. Every time you hear the word "worthless" you will toss that varlet out. Yes Sir (or Yes Ma'am) you wish will be carried out. If you keep it simple it seems to work. Don't give the gatekeeper a shopping list,just a single task and after the thought has gone fill your mind with something else, pick up a book, listen to your favorite music, promise yourself you will sit out in the sun in the morning. You need to reward yourself for a job well done. That thought has gone and every time the thought tries to get in at your command the gatekeeper will muscle it out again. Soon you will no longer have that thought. You can if you want replace it with a positive one but you do not have to, it is your decision. As a praying person I pray for all sorts of people, I pray for their operations, their grandchildren, their illnesses, their bereavements and just sometimes their ability to get up in the morning. I have done this from a young child. I have explained in a previous blog that I was taught JOY. which stood for Jesus, Others, Yourself. Obviously I wasn't from the "ME" generation...lol. I have found it hard over the years to do that, I am as self-centered as anyone, but it has helped me in times of crisis, I know to pray first, look what I can do to help then afterwards take care of my own needs. I had to do that a lot as caregiver for Ray. So when an emergency arose I would call the ambulance, make Ray comfortable, let the ambulancemen (or women) in, help with the paperwork and see him loaded on board. The ambulance goes off with Ray in it and I DON"T follow it immediately. I make a cup of tea and sit down for a few minutes. It will take them a while to check him in and I don't need to be there. I need to take care of myself. It is another form of gatekeeping. There are rules and processes I need to follow if I am to remain well and strong myself. The gatekeeper's orders are : "Don't let panic in." I hope this is helpful and someone can use this method to get rid of some of those unauthorised thoughts that prevent us from sleeping or to put off or lessen a panic attack. This method is not something that will get rid of any mental health issues is is more a tool for wellness. I am not a doctor, I am not a counselor, that training was a long time ago. But this is just one of the tools in my wellness kit that has served me well and I hope it does the same for you.

I am happy you are alive too. Happy Birthday from me and I am sure the rest of the Blog Community.

Sounds good Jay. Sounds like she is looking forward to the experience.

I agree, you are a blessing.

Fred, you will adjust to whatever the situation demands. You are a fantastic grandfather to that little girl and I am sure she knows that. A better guardian for those pups and their mother you could not find. Enjoy their antics while you can.