swilkinson

Great news Jay, glad they are both doing okay. You are heading a dynasty now.

Sounds good Heather, you have certainly built up your stamina in a wise way. Just don't overdo it my friend.

Mitch, they certainly are a sign of Spring, lots of birds here too.

Scott, you seem to have it all under control, or at least be dealing with it all in your own way. I am glad you and your PCP agree on the treatment and can discuss the outcome.

Sorry Pam I misunderstood. How about pictures she can point to and other means of communications? Can she point to what she wants? Surely there is some way of comunicating. It all sounds so sad to me.

Kelli, Asha and all the stroke survivors that blog on here - YOU ROCK!!!!

Yes life is full of blessings, the difference is some days we see them, some days we don't. Keep on doing what you are doing Jay.

I am sure this just leaving the lady behind the curtain to die without any analgesics etc is not legal. What about pain management and relief? Just the cough must be painful and all in all it sounds like her needs simply as a human being are not being met. I'm with Jay,if she speaks Spanish an interpreter needs to be called in if her own children can not be there to interpret for her. If her children have said all this is okay why are they not visiting her to check that she is being treated humanely?

So sorry about the inedible meals. Some nursing homes are dreadful that way. Just keep working on the plan. As Jay said, friends acting as food smugglers may be the answer.

I have always been an avoider of drugs but if it fixes the pain I guess you could say it works.

Seems okay Mitch, I could see them all. Congratulations, great job.

Happy to know you feel more yourself again Nancy. It has been a long way back for you but it seems the right meds are finally working for you.

Kelli, being a widow I suffer from bouts of thinking about what might have been. Of course I live in the same house, sleep in the same room, wake up to the same view out of the window. Tomorrow will be three years since Ray passed but it could be just a few months as far as my brain is concerned. It is hard on your own to do comparisons as there is no-one to tell you if you are right or wrong. I do understand your dilemma as you are going into your old house, looking after your son, nothing much is difference except that it is an illusion, it is no longer yours. Just as married life is no longer mine. (((hugs)))

Ruth we miss you too, in the Blog Community and in Caregiver Chat. I know yo have a busy life and outside of work William is your main priority which is how it should be. I am glad he is enjoying the dogs and that they have a calming effect on him. I am also glad he has taken charge off his diet, I need to cut down on sugar too, I should really look into the sugar content of some of the things I eat. Thanks for the heads up.

AS usual Asha you have wisdom to share. Stay in the present moment is good advice we should all do that and we all can enjoy this period of our life whatever that means to us as an individual. Yes indeed. Thank you.

Pam, you have me crying. As a nursing home visitor and a caregiver who has dealt with nursing home staff on behalf of both my mother and my husband I do know what you mean. Nursing homes are run for profit first, staff second and residents come well down the list. It is cheaper to give everyone the same meal than to sort by diet. And yes I have heard the "diva' comment before and worse when staff did not see I could hear their conversation. Life is a compromise, and compromises help no-one. BUT in any situation you have to make the best of it so that is what I admire about you so much, you are working out your own solutions and making the best you can of this part of your life.

If you see me out and about you would think how confident I am, laughing, joking, chatting to all and sundry. But back at home it doesn't seem a bit like that. I have posted on Kelli (ksmith)'s post titled "My world is closing in" and frankly, as a widow living on my own some days it feels very much like that. I do have good friends, real and in cyberspace and they are there for me, briefly, at random times and in special ways but they are not that one "special person" that I miss - my late husband Ray. On Saturday it will be three years since he died. I will be out all that day at a rally with a girlfriend and I am sure she will be aware that it is a special day and try to keep the mood light and make it easy to be in the moment but half of my mind will be in mourning. Because that is how it is on those special days like Father's Day, our birthdays, anniversaries and of course the anniversary of his death. The pain is less severe, the suffering is not as intense, but you still grieve and to a certain extent I guess I will do so for many years to come. I have been keeping company in a casual kind of way with an old school friend. He has married three times,been divorced for many years, likes his own company, is happy on his own. I am just a friend he talks to and has an occasional meal with it is not serious on either side but for a while I thought it might be. I can see now that as we head towards 70 marriage is less likely to be what we want. Companionship yes, marriage no. And yet for me marriage spells permanency, for him, with three marriages behind him of course it doesn't, he just wants someone to talk to from time to time and as old friends there is so much we have in common for us to talk about. My circle of friends, the ones who took me into their circle when I first became a widow is dwindling now. We have had some of our circle die, some move away, several of them have moved into care. That is the way life is. Our friendships wax and wane, our family moves around, our grandkids grow up and no longer want that hug of love, they want time to play on their iPad instead of the old movies we once watched together. All of this technology seems to have weakened the bonds of family love and somehow as a widow I sometimes feel neglected and forgotten as the families of my children demand more of their time and my portion of time shared gets less and less. There is no sense in feeling sorry for myself, a lot of good that will do. Instead I need to fill my days and sometimes my nights with worthwhile things to do so I still do all the church visiting, phone friends, go to meetings and out to lunch and hope that all of that reduces that hollow feeling I sometimes have inside, that question mark over my life that says: "Is this all there is?" because at this age that is a valid question. And I don't have any answers. I still co-host the Tuesday night's Caregiver Chat with HostSally, and moderate the blogs which means, reading the new blogs daily, commenting on them and at the end of each week writing up the Blog Report. I still do voluntary work for my Lions Club, BBQs, meat raffles, helping at the meetings. I enjoy that but rarely see anyone from my Club outside of these activities. I do some other community work, I attend a Coffee Morning now at a drop-in centre, chat to the people who come in, I do empathize with their stories, acknowledge their struggles in life. I advise (not counsel) and generally try to make the situation the person finds themselves in a little easier. I did telephone counselling for many years so it is a milder version of that. I hope it helps somewhat. I badly miss Ray and my Mum, three years seems a long time I know but sometimes to me it seems no time at all since they have been gone. You can't care for someone for that many years and not have it leave a lasting impression. So much has changed in the three years Ray has been gone, things like the kids moving away, the fact that I have been to the funerals of a few of his friends and some of his cousins and that life just changes anyway, especially as you age. So the life I lived with him and the life I live now are different. Harder somehow to deal with by myself. My kids are often too busy to really listen to what I say so any advice they give is often wide of the mark. It is 2am. I can't sleep, guess I won't much now until after the 19th, anniversaries are always like this, worried and sleepless before and fine once they have passed. Even logical approaches to the problem of grieving do not really help. I know Ray is dead and gone in fact but somehow not in my heart. Maybe that will be ongoing. And where does that leave the future? My future. I guess no-one knows. And for better or worse that is how it is. Tomorrow I may wake up and be happy that I do so, grateful for the sun and the beauty of Spring bursting out all around me. But maybe I won't. Someone said at the Lions Dinner tonight that he thought I was a bit quiet, and I am. there is a lot of things turning over in my mind, nothing of great importance but just thoughts of what my life is all about. Philosophical I know but it is hard to be practical at this time of night.

Pam, you are learning to work the system to get some of what you need to go through the rigors of nursing home life. Thank you for being an advocate for your roomie, I am sure she appreciates that. Hang in there, better things ahead. (((hugs))) from Sue.

Katrina, as always know that a lot of us are reading what you write and cheering you on. You have been through so much but you seem to land in a good place from time to time. I hope it continues to be good for you for a while now. (((Hugs)))

Mitch, love your garden plans, hope the summer house works out, if it is featured in a magazine be sure to send us the link. Looking forward to seeing that. Sue.

Fred, puppy pictures too I hope? Glad it all went well. She will be back to being your favourite as soon as the novelty wears off.

Pam, I worked with a lot of women in my work life and petty rules always seemed to spring up. Someone would try to wield power to get to be the decisiion maker. When I worked with mostly men this did not seem to happen as much. No it is not a prison but someone will always try and run it like it is. Pick your battles and see how many you can win. If nothing else it adds zest to the day.

Being a mentor to stroke survivors is a wonderful thing to do Jay. I wish there had been someone like you to talk to Ray when he had had those first couple of strokes. Just knowing you are not alone, or the only one makes such a difference.

Good friends are hard to find so hang on tight to this one Jay.

Debbie, it sounds a wonderful result. Ray too did well in the pool and his walking improved so much. Unfortunately only to go backwards when he stopped the pool sessions because he felt "cold" when we got out. I hope Bruce will keep going to the pool with you and continue with your help. Amazing that he is walking after so long, I hope that keeps going too. Congratulations to you for making all this happen. It is hard to keep it up for any length of time but it is as usual move it or lose it.