swilkinson

Fred, it all comes back to accepting what you cannot change and doing a workaround so you can be safe. I'm glad you have the scooter and the dog, the scooter for transport, the dog for company. It is good you have the hope of better things to come too, you need hope to keep you going. I know I do. And Spring is ahead of you so all good for now.

Glad that things turned out so well for you Kelli, we don't want to lose you.

Losing a pet you have had for a long time is hard, the only time I have heard my husband sobbing on the phone was in 1995 when our little dog died. We travel the same road with them as a companion and that makes it really hard when they are no longer by our side. Sorry for the loss you have had with Rocky's passing.

So very sorry for your loss Asha. Please extend my condolences to your husband and son too. It is so hard to lose family members. To me it is like a part of our history has been wiped out. Of course others hold those memories too but it sounds like you were especially close to this brother-in-law and so you do feel devastated by the passing. (((hugs))) from Sue.

Katrina what a great blog. I just wrote a blog on another site entitled "Helping others helps me" and I think that is so true. So glad you are volunteering as it keeps your brain active. Getting back to the library sounds good too. But this time they will know what you can and cannot do so hopefully you will settle in better when you get the job. Don't worry about the future it tends to take care of itself. I'm so glad your Dad has the handle on the paperwork and is right there to help you. Keep smiling.

This blog is a few comments I would like to make about funerals. Only read it if you want to. I know sometimes we don't want to read about such a topic but it is one I have had a lot to do with so I am expressing some personal opinions, not writing a handbook. Whenever I post on Facebook or on here that I have been to a funeral a lot of people say they are sad for my loss etc. I do pastoral care in our church so I go to a lot of funerals. For me this is the end of the journey, the past is past, there is no need to do anything except to be present. People often can't understand the practice of presence but it is part of spirituality for me. Maybe that is a bit “zen' but I know one of the first things people ask after a funeral is:”how many were there?” as if numbers show the regard in which the person was held. Well of course numbers are not important as you would have to factor in a lot of variables like how old the person was, number of family members living close, closeness of neighbours etc. But I like to think me being there is a plus. It is nice if the people there are also known to the family but in a lot of cases, here especially, the adult children scatter and know very few of Mum or Dad's friends. If they are churchgoers and the children are not of course they don't know these dear friends of theirs that see them every Sunday. A lot of families look at the funeral as the last thing they could do for the one they love so much, so I often hear someone say:"she would have loved this" or to an old friend "Dad would have loved you telling that story, he always laughed when he heard it". Everyone at the funeral is grieving in their own way. Even people like me who hardly knew the person, except in their last few years. I grieve for their loss, the smile I got when I visited, the few stories I had the privilege to share. I also get to know a bit about the family so I sort of recognise them from old photos so can be confident when I say: “You must be Bob”. I went to a funeral on Monday and the daughter was the only one of three children able to attend but she and her husband read out letters from the other two siblings. It was different but nice. On Wednesday I went to another, small family, low key, not as much time spent on the eulogy, one hymn, for a lady who was very quiet so reflecting her personality. I loved her for her comforting silence when she sat next to me in my pew after my husband Ray died. Sometimes we don't need to hear words to know someone loves us. The funeral is hard to get through for every family, it was for me when my Dad died in 2000 and then my husband Ray in September 2012 and Mum in November 2012. But I really appreciated the effort old friends of mine and of the other person made to be there, some from quite a distance away. We all express love in a different way and for some it is to make sure they are there for the final good-bye even if they haven't seen the person in some years but still have fond memories of them. When Ray was so sick and no-one visited me I got very tired and cranky as you all know and would vent about those who had abandoned us. I haven't changed my mind about that but I have cut them some slack so if someone comes up to me and says hello and reminds me that maybe they haven't seen me for a while but am glad to see I am okay etc I accept that as if it is an apology. There is comfort in the love and respect others show for your family by being at the funeral. If I can I will go to the funerals of those last few friends of Mum and Dad's too. It took a lot of self talk to go at first while I was still in mourning but I did it. If you find it hard to go to funerals but actually can get there take a deep breath and be the person your loved one would want you to be. I know Mum or Dad would like Julie and I as the remainder of the family to honour their wishes. I can, Julie can't, we are very different in personality and in situation. I loved Mum and Dad and knew most of their friends, living close to them was an advantage in that way. I hope what I have shared here resonates with you. It is a tough subject but one we have to face up to as our loved ones age and die. Comments very welcome as usual.

You should find out about the drug interaction as soon as possible. My pharmacist actually rang the doctor and got a new script faxed through for a slightly different drug (which he actually recommended.) This interaction was causing incontinence so it was URGENT as far as I was concerned. If it is causing additional pain or shakiness I would consider that urgent too, after all both will affect your balance in the end and your ability to function at a high level.

Last time I wrote a blog I was still hopping around on a foot and a half, now I am back to walking on both feet and wearing some nicer shoes. Unfortunately the new skin blistered and now I have a whole other problem, sometimes you can't get anything right. I am just fillng in summer with some gardening, and extra tasks, this week it was attacking the cobwebs and just general tidying up. I don't feel a compulsion to do a lot, I am finally learning to pace myself., just maybe I am getting older and wiser at last....hmm. Besides it is still humid so easy to get tired. We have had a few mild and sunny days, it has been really nice weather, heading for a scorcher next week but that is the Aussie summer for you and somehow it all forms the weather patterns we accept as being normal for this time of the year. The summer comes with the usual work, watering the gardens, pulling out grass along the picket fence at the top side of the house, working on the shrubs. Today I went to WAGS ( the stroke recovery group) and overheard one of the caregivers saying she had been to a seminar on roses and you have to feed them every six weeks and water them weekly, no wonder mine look like bean stalks and don't flower. Repeat : I must do better, I must do better. Sadly one of our long term attenders, who used to be our photographer was resigning today, age, stroke damage and scoliosis has made sitting for long periods of time in hard chairs impossible and so he is curtailing his activities, he is only a year older than me so it is sad. We had three new couples join today, it is always the first meeting of the year that connects new members referred by their physio or their neurologist. We welcome all comers and it is good to have some younger ones come into the group. Anther young woman said she stroked three weeks after giving birth and she and her Mum were there. The baby is eleven months old now and Mum has moved in permanently to take care of her and the baby I went to lunch with some of the group afterwards and spoke to a couple of the new people. I always like to hear the stories and feel that sometimes my listening to them helps in some way. One man seems stuck at the landslide caused by his strokes eight years ago. As sadly some do he lost his business, his wife and his family. Naturally he is bitter. I hate what happens to people through no fault of their own. Life is tough for some people isn't it? Another was telling me how far he had come since the strokes three years ago and said he had a feeling that things were turning around for him now. Such a contrast of emotions from the two survivors. Another two funeral week coming up. People ask me if funerals make me sad, on the whole they don't, for me death is just the end of life. Neither of the people who's funeral I a going to are close relatives so I am only attending as a courtesy to the families, it is part of what I do in the church. I think of it as another form of pastoral care. But this is also Messy Church week so that is tomorrow afternoon and as usual will be a lot of noisy and boisterous fun with lots of kids and young parents enjoying the craft work and games. Me too for that matter as I have honorary Granny status with some of the kids. I love it, it lifts my spirits. I was laughing today about Ray's cake addiction and telling another newbie survivor new to the WAGS group how the Scallywags used to pass what was left of the cake from their lunches down to Ray causing the fuss in the middle of the night after, with his diabetes out of control and other issues. It is good now that I can look back at that and laugh and it is not a serious issue any more, just another Ray and Sue story to tell. I guess that is true of all of the happenings now, the sting has gone out of them and they are just part of the way things were. For those reading this I want to say: enjoy life as you go along and you will always have happy memories to look back on. It is not easy to do, but it is worth it.

It is good you have the volunteering to fill in the days and it sounds very worthwhile.Teaching someone to read is giving them a precious gift. As for the driving and all else you want to do take it all slowly. The future is bright for you again so no stressing out and the present can be a good time for you.

John, I agree with all of the above, she is tired, the body won't cooperate, she needs the sleep because it blanks out the fact that you are doing the things she probably still wishes she could do. This may change with time or it might not. Bob, the old Dad of my next door neighbour is 85, has not had a stroke and sleeps all the day away apart from a couple of hours he is up for meals.His son works from home so is able to work around those brief times and seems to be okay with what is happening to his Dad saying that sometimes you just have to let nature take it's course.

Julie, I remember those weeks and weeks of Ray being in hospital and rehab, the trips back and forward every day, the sleep of exhaustion that still felt like a lack of sleep when I woke up. Once he was back home I was still exhausted but it was the way I felt it should be, Ray and i against the world. Hope you can get through the next couple of weeks. We miss you at chat and look forward to you coming back on again.

I watched Ray with the same frustration as you but not with the will you have to survive and thrive. I became his enabler in order for him to do more, so as I did more he did less. Was I right or wrong? I don't know. I just wanted him to thrive. I want you to thrive also, so take it slow, make the effort, reap the reward. I pray that it is the way it will happen for you.

Me too. I asked for Ray not to linger like Mum did and he didn't. But I always see G-d as a compassionate father figure so for me He is there through thick and thin, good days and bad days. Is he also a punisher? I don't know. I know my Dad would discipline me "for your own good", does G-d do the same? I don't know.

Lynda, during my years as a government worker I did all kinds of task, some better than others. As I worked for travel, additional goods for the family and a better life for my children I would always think: " it pays the same whatever I do". I guess I had a job not a career but got a kick out of working so the kids could have a few things not possible on one wage. If you need to work a job is a job. Hope you manage for a while. It is never going to be easy, as long as it is doable. And you continue to be in good health.

Fred, just go on doing what you are doing, G-d's plan is not for us to know but remember it always contains good things. You have time to type on here, to greet people,encourage people, answer questions the same as you always have done. I am sure you do that in your family too. Tell some of those wounded warriors to ring you when they feel down and share the same wisdom with them. I was doing some pastoral visits for the church today in the nursing home where my Mum used to be. A couple of people I knew from when my Mum was there stopped and chatted for a minute or two, there are plenty of lonely people in the world to stop and say "g'day" to. I am finding more and more now that G-d brings people to me, I don't need to go look for them. I have always been a chatterbox and now that is coming in handy. I love people, love to talk to them, love to see them simile or laugh and know that just for a moment I have brightened their day.

Asha, love the way you have converted what could have been a negative into a positive. Have a great date with your hubby, he is a fine man and a very thoughtful one too. I am glad you are going out together alone again, with changes coming up this is a good time to re-establish the "two of us" reality.

Rose, you are doing well, peeling the clementines one handed is another small victory for you. And enjoy your snuggly moment, not a lot of those in our hot summer this year but a couple of cooler nights because of rain remind me again of that pleasure.

Sarah,you do well to do all you do for Gary and give him close to the kind of life he would have had without the stroke. Going into that crowded situation took a lot of courage. More power to you my friend.

Congratulations to all on the birth of Elaena, what a wonderful thing it is indeed. I'm glad Cookie has taken to her to. It will be interesting for you to be able to watch her grow. Well done all!!

Nancy, basically you have to survive and Dan has to survive too. It is hard to know that we are weak, vulnerable and really don't have many of the answers but that is how it is and we can accept it and go forward or deny it to our detriment. Experience talking here. Going through a sad patch myself, (family issues) but the grit I got through the caregiver journey will help me through this too. (((hugs))) from Sue.

Enjoy your new freedom, love that you call it an ATV. You did well against that bully of a doctor, glad you got a rep who was willing to be real with you. It is hard to find a good advocate. And the novel was readable so that is what is important in the Blog Community and I am sure people can relate to what you have been through.

Good to hear from you again Ruth. Don't work too hard we want you to be well. I have psoriasis too and know it only goes mad when I am doing to much so slow and steady is better healthwise than trying to fit too much in. See if you can get a neighbour teen to walk your dogs if you need to take a break from that. We do miss you in chat, so maybe on your next break you can drop in and chat with us? Always good to hear from you about your life with William and your dogs.

Fred thanks for the reminder to all that life is tough but liveable. I know modern technology helps a lot and being able to communicate too but all the survivors do it tough. You put it all so well.

Ron, there is no-one as good as the primary observer, you, who sees the person hour by hour, day by day. I always told Ray's doctor: "Ray is doing this, Ray is feeling that.." whenever different behaviour occurred. We went to the same pharmacy for every script too and once or twice our regular pharmacist questioned a medication, looked it up, told us it clashed with another one, even faxed that information to our doctor. As a caregiver you need to monitor all that is happening to your wife and advocate on her behalf. Sometimes I thought I was fussing too much, but better to be seen as fussy than to have something hurt or slow down the progress of the one you love.

Good to see some improvement, think of happier days ahead when Spring comes and you can get out more easily. Plan to visit beautiful gardens or take walks in spectacular scenery. Whatever keeps hope alive and promises future joy.