swilkinson

Look up Ringtailed Possum and see how cute they are.

Ken, no advice, just to say welcome back to the Blog Community. As you know someone will be along soon to reply in a more helpful way. (((hugs))) from Sue.

Just had a couple of sad days, an old friend died, I didn't get invited to a 50th birthday party while some of my friends did,life is not happening in the way I want it to. Nothing major, just the usual small stuff. The sorting out and throwing away is also getting to me. It is so relentless. I hate to see things Ray valued just thrown away but it all has to go eventually, I know that. So much bad news lately, it seems as if the world is less stable than usual.News of illnesses suffered by old friends, cancer etc also destabalizes my world. I guess it is partly the change of the seasons, my body telling my head that there are worst days to come. I hate the thought of winter but will have to plan some brief get-aways if I can. Maybe four days down at Shirley's place will cheer me up? It is sunny and clear outside, cooler than a week ago so definitely autumn rather than summer. I am loving th warm days and cool nights. Wish it would last. I have a lot of outside work to do and some work still under the house. The "scrappies" are still around a few hours a week. They have taken a lot of metal but that is okay. I know some people would argue that I could have sorted it and sold it myself but I am really not that organised. It is better that it just goes. The roofer has now started the cabin roof but we had an incident last Saturday. He turned back the canvas and looked under and out popped a possum with a baby. I know in some countries possums are considered vermin but here our marsupial possums are considered valued wildlife so I rang the various animal rescue organisations in the hope they could be relocated. One organisation finally told me that if we caught them they would mind them for a few days until the new roof was on and the place possum-proofed. The roofer who is a man of a great range of talents, he turned possum hunter, took a lunge at Momma and off she went. My grandson Oliver thought it all a great joke, he located Momma under the eaves of the cabin, cute face peering down at him but she had abandoned baby so the roofer put the canvas back on and that was that for the weekend. The roofer didn't come Monday as he had an emergency at home due to one of his horses getting out but came back yesterday and did some more work, hopefully today will be the end of it, but the way things are going I won't bet on it. I had my grandchildren here last weekend. I only had them 10 hours Saturday till midnight and the same Sunday. Sunday was my preaching day and a baptism at Messy Church so it was full on for the weekend and Monday I was tired. It takes a lot out of me looking after the three of them. Oh how I wish Ray was the Grandpa he had hoped to be. I will never stop regretting that he was not able to fully participate in their young lives. Oh what a difference that would have made. I am sad they are growing up without their father, grandfather, uncles etc. We all seemed once so close, now we are all scattered. It is one of the curses of the modern age that everyone moves away, there is no village full of people you knew and grew up with. There are not the family gatherings with Granny's house as a meeting place, no extended family to support you. As a widow I feel the pain of that too. No supportive sister and brothers, no contact with a lot of people who grew up with your husband and can share those precious memories. I hate that feeling of being cut off from the family now they all live at some distance away. Phone calls are not the same. I miss the noise and chat of Lucas's visits, I miss watching Alice grow week by week. I miss the relationship I once had with my other son, and of course I miss my daughter and her family. (Okay, vent over) One sad thing we found was a cut out doll's house, all ready for those future grand daughter's he knew he would have. Made me think that everyone has those "ideals for the future" and how we , through our circumstances, fail to grasp them. Am I getting better at the single life? No I don't think so. Like the caregiver's life it is more a kind of resignation, what ever will be will be, rather than a joyful acceptance.

Debbie, sounds like Bruce is taking a bigger part in planning his day even if it only shows up now and again. Yes, it is the little things that lift your day.

Fixed....up and about and about to go out. Comment later.

Spend some time in the sun whenever it appears - BIG saving on Vitamin D tablets....lol.

Hi Ruth, recognised the name right away. That is why I still have Ray's old log on available, in case of lock-outs. Hope that is fixed soon. The medication issue seems to be world-wide. I was often asked if I could wait a day or two as they were "out" of something so I used to order it as soon as we got to the last five days. Not good to run out of anything. Those UTI's are certainly a pain for the caregiver as well as the survivor. Ray's used to also affect his dementia so he would act tired. cranky and unco-operative for the duration.

Welcome to the Blog Community. Thank you for detailing some of what has been happening in your life. I agree "mild" is a misnomer, all strokes affect you in some ways and fogginess and fatigue are felt right across the stroke spectrum. My late husband Ray's first stroke was described as "mild" and he did take six months of rehabilitation, particularly trade related as he was a carpenter, to get back to work. I was happy he achieved that but our lives changed permanently as he managed a day's work but then would come home and collapse exhausted from the effort. But he did get stronger as time went by. Give yourself a chance to heal, rest, recuperate, exercise, eat good food and see if medication or meditation will fix some of your current problems. You will get a lot of good support and advice here. Read it all and decide what applies to your situation. Look forward to your next blog. (((hugs))) from Sue.

I was saddened today to read Ann's post on the passing of Will Furia, our hostwill, another good soul who put his spare time into helping others on here. I remember having a chat with Will one night and he said he had a soft spot for Australia as one of his distant ancestors was Captain James Cook who on one of his journeys mapped the east coast of Australia and is credited as the "discoverer". Of course we are moving away from being discovered now, our aboriginal Australians had been here 40,000 years by the time the good Captain got here. Hostwill was a good man, kind, caring and committed to helping others, that made him pretty special and I am glad I got to know him. Life goes on here. Last week for me was mostly about clearing things out, with helping my daughter-in-law Pam with the garden on Monday, church activities on Tuesday and last Wednesday till Monday cleaning up under the house and cabin and filling the 3 cubic metre skip I hired for a week. I must say when it first came I was worried and wondered what I had don but although It was expensive to hire today when I saw it leave, filled to the brim I realised it was worth all the aches and pains and heartache to know I had finally made a start on the cleanup. If I am to sell this house there is much more of a similar nature to be done. I was fortunate to have the help of some "scrappies", people who salvage metal.Unfortunately every piece of wood, every strip of metal,every "saved" item that I threw out reminded me of Ray and how he had brought home all these treasured pieces. He was so sure they would all come in handy one day. And so they would have if he had not had the stroke in 1990, if he had not had the two major strokes in 1999, if he had not lost the use of his left side, left leg, left hand etc .It was heart-breaking, throwing away piece by piece what would have been parts of sets of drawers, book shelves and doll's houses for the girls all lovingly hand crafted by Ray's skillful hands. I think of all our grandkids missed out on because of the strokes - knowing the pre-stroke Pa Ray is the major one. I know we probably threw out a lot of stuff that could have been recycled or I could have sold but I need the space in the garage so I can move the boxes from the cabin and sort them out.This is so the ceiling can be replaced in the cabin after the roof has been fixed. I could not have done it alone and the scrap metal men with their sorting skills were needed to keep me on track. I had to look away when one of Ray's many treasures was thrown in the skip and keep my thoughts to myself. I did have a few restless nights while we were doing this, it is not easy to throw away a thirty year accumulation of one's loved one's trash and treasure but it had to be done. I know Ray would have hated it. Of course there are at least two more skip loads to be done before the accumulation is gone. I do have someone coming from the local Men's Shed to look at some of the plywood (they are making possum boxes to house possums on one of the Wildlife Reserves) and there are some things I will keep in the hope that Trevor will come back and get them but at least it is a start. There is also still some of Mum and Dad's stuff stored up in the cabin so it is decision time, what will I keep, what will I have to get rid of...sigh. There will be some room for some keepsakes in the house but I really do need to "let go" of a lot of what was once family every day use items. How many saucepans, plates, mugs, glasses etc do you really need when there is just one of you? The boxes in the cabin mostly contain excess household items, and of course boxes and boxes of books but a lot of that will be recycled through our church Op Shop and other charities. The charities here are supporting the poor as they will do for a long time with money so tight. I love all the little old ladies who look after our church's charity shop... they are cheerful, diligent, wise old heads and with time on their hands after nursing husbands, mothers etc like me they are born volunteers and enjoy the day in the shop. Like so many others they live alone and enjoy the socializing as well as the feel-good sensation that you get from helping others. Volunteers, worth their weight in gold. It was Lions Youth of the Year dinner last night, hosted by our Lions Club. I always see one of my daughter's teachers at those combined dinners and an old friend of Ray's. Both asked how I was coping and I put on my social face and said: "Just fine." but of course we all know that isn't so. Like everyone else I have my ups and downs. Today the sun is shining and the birds are singing and I AM fine. Last week the rain was falling and I was doing what felt like getting rid of Ray one piece at a time...not so fine. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? There have been a lot of changes in my life recently. The moving of Trevor and his family to Broken Hill at the end of January was hard and yesterday my son Steven and his new partner moved to Adelaide. That leaves Pamela and her three children and me on this part of the coast. It is unsettling to me not to have the boys close by. It has always been a reassurance as I knew I had help if it was needed. Now I have to rely on help from friends who are not as reliable and not obliged to help. I know a lot of others are in the same situation so I am not alone in this. But it does give me a kind of helpless feeling. As we all know the only person we can rely on in the end is ourselves. We sometimes get help from friends but mostly we have to pay for work to be done. I am now at that stage, plan out a job, figure out how much it will cost and if I can afford it, get it done. Apart from that I just have to get used to being on my own and being self-reliant. I know this is a safe place to vent, whine, complain, reflect and occasionally share my good times. People here understand what I am going through. I guess it makes me appreciate my friends at Strokenet even more. * I rewrote a blog I did yesterday into this new blog. Somehow what happened yesterday did not seem as important today.

Lenny, what a colourful and cheerful post. Hope the red Sox do well for all the fans like you.

Just saw quite a lot on our Today Show about your extreme weather. Stay inside and stay safe Fred.

Nancy, your list reminded me of all I have to take away when I looked after Ray, which is why we concluded our travel to anywhere but family in 2006. Too much gear to haul around! Try to offset the silence from Dan with your own version of noise, your music, your housework, your out-loud daydreaming. I used to have to do that on days when Ray went to bed and sulked or sat on the verandah with his lips compressed. Your spouse is always going to have off days and angry days but that does not mean you have to share them. Sometimes I knew Ray wanted to shout: "Turn that music down!" but he resisted even that. Seriously we all have (had) issues and somehow we learned to cope with them. I guess your problem is there is such a wide range of emotions and behavioral variations to deal with. Do your best and forgive yourself when you get it wrong.

So much to think about in your blog. I used to take Ray out and about any sunny day in winter. He got depressed inside all the time yet objected to me "dragging him around". It is a Catch 22 isn't it? I love that you have regular places, like the winery that you both love to visit. And your plans to try hippotherapy sound to be coming into line now. Like all caregivers you are in a fight to get what is BEST for Ray and opposed to what the medical profession wants which tends to be "take this and go home". Without an advocate they would not do as well as they do. He is lucky to have you in his corner.

Sally, I've put this as a favourite so when I am on my computer I go and look at Mamma Eagle to see what she is doing. It is 5.30am her time and she is grooming her feathers. I smile at your saying it was in living colour as of course early morning hours I am seeing her in black and white.

George, just as well the winter is long as you have so much to fit into it. You certainly have it all listed out so I hope it all gets done. Must be nice to have Lesley back working alongside of you again.

Debbie, have a great visit with Mary Beth, it will do you so much good. And Spring is just around the corner for you. I know that because here the days are getting shorter and it was a lot colder today than it has been so far, autumn (fall) is just around the corner for us. Hope you have a lot of happy chat over the weekend and feel your spirits rising again.

Sometimes I pray for a miracle and what I get is something like one of those old black and white comedy movies with strange characters doing strange things. For the last two days a local "scrappie" (metal collector) and his mate has been helping me clean up under the house and cabin and fill a 3 cubic metre skip (bin) which is parked outside my house. Drop off was this Wednesday, pick-up next Wednesday. When the bin came I was appalled at what I had done. There sat the bin, huge empty and rusty, I had to fill it up but how? I knew when it was collected it would only contain what I had been able to put in myself. And under the house and cabin was heaven only knows what, valuable, valueless, wood, iron, steel, aluminium and plastic, all of Ray's "bits that will come in useful one day" collection. Plus old doors, windows, screen doors etc, a huge pile of junk on three different parts of the block. It gave me goosebumps to just contemplate the job ahead. So where to start? Anywhere would do I guess. Along came a metal collector. He saw the collection of old aluminium frames I had laid by the bin and asked if I had any more. This was a one woman operation on Wednesday so I said I was transferring it all from up the back. He asked to come up and see and collected some more metal stripping that Ray had for who knows what reason, saw the weights and asked if he could have those for his son, saw an old motor from a washing machine, could he have that too. Gladly I said, as long as it all goes out of the yard. This time last week I had high expectations of the cabin roof being fixed at last. The roofer Mark was to have the materials here on Wednesday and by Friday it would all be done! Alas from Monday this week we have had rain every day.It has not rained all day every day but a couple of days it did rain all day and it was definitely cold as well as wet. Thursday morning I did my first Scripture class at one of the local schools. I had lots of fun with the children, came home, had coffee and changed. Back to the piles of rubbish again. I was just wondering what to do next when in came a light truck, Another scrappie. He looked at the bin, looked at me and asked: "Mind if I help?' Wow, could have knocked me down with a feather. He was a largish man, said he had been a security guard, said he thought he had met one of my sons, vaguely remembered picking up stuff here once before. Well, he did know what was what, asked if he could have all the copper, brass and aluminium and anything that he thought was okay that I did not want. We worked side by side for three hours before the rain came down heavily and I decided enough. Today he brought a mate who wanted some old decking I had under the back of the house and said he would help in exchange for taking it. So three of us, working for three hours put quite a dent in the piles. Even when we have filled up the bin there will be a lot left behind but I do have a couple more people coming. The local Men's shed people are making possum boxes for the local Wildlife Sanctuary out of plywood and I have lots of that so hopefully they will take some of that away for me. There is another friend who wants some too but he is away this week so can't shift it till next week. It was strange working alongside two men I hardly know but they were kind, courteous and quite funny as they exchanged jokes and worked out what some of the strange objects were in Ray's old toolboxes. I am keeping tools, boxes of spanners, some of the old saws, shovels and other gardening tools. I am only keeping things I can use or what I still want for the boys and Shirley. Some of them were my Dad's moved here when Mum's house was sold. Of course I will have to have another down-size later, this is just the start. It has been sad in a way seeing things Ray prized as they really are now, old, rusty, way past their useful life BUT some of it will be recycled by the young men and their families benefit from the extra pocket money Dad had earned on his days off. I do care about what is happening, I realise that if Ray had not had the strokes life would have been very different and a lot of what has been thrown out as useless would have been made into toys, boxes, sets of drawers, doll's houses for the girls etc as he had planned when he stored all of these materials. It was fate that intervened. I can no longer live in the "if only" state, I have to be practical and cut my losses. One day I will want to move and that means all of this will have to be cleared out. So at least I have made a start now. And thanks to the suggestions of the girls in chat quite a few people found a bargain at the side of the road.

When I first came on Strokenet Garry Gray posted a site on Prince Edward Island and I had a peek at the eagle's nest every day. It is so interesting. Thank you for sharing.

Welcome to our Blog Community. There are a lot of good people here who will support you in whatever way they can. Settle down and get to know everyone. Caregiver and survivor alike we all need that sense of belonging somewhere special. Sue.

I agree with Kelli, we teach our kids, supervise them for a while, and then let them make their own mistakes. It is not good to micromanage their every move, we all had to fall down in order to learn how to get back up and walk. Good blog again Asha.

MC thanks for the update, glad your medical problems are almost sorted out. Yes, I have the older son problem too, I am the world's worst mother. I suppose I just have to wear it and see how it goes. The other two, my daughter and my younger son, love me so two out of three.....sigh. Sue.

Nice to know you and your wife had a good getaway Fred. Hope the doctors pick up some more information and fins some solutions that will return you back to full health. (((hugs)))

A lot of older folk who have not had those youthful music lessons now play the ukulele. They play in large groups and seem to have heaps of fun. I do not have any musical training but it does look like fun to me.

It is strange watching someone else do the hard yards. As a long term caregiver for a stroke survivor I sometimes thought of myself as unique - well no, there are 50,000 of us just in my state who are caregivers listed as 24/7 and so entitled to a small allowance. It used to be called a "Domiciliary Nursing Allowance" and was given to people who basically were doing home nursing. I got that for a number of years as Ray got to the stage where he had to be showered etc. So I was certainly NOT unique! My next door neighbour has his elderly father living with him and brings him over here to shower him every few days. He uses the shower room that was purpose built for Ray, a room in which the person to be showered sits on a stool or in a shower chair with space all round so with a flexible hose he/she can be showered from all sides. My neighbour does this with a minimum of fuss. His dad emerges clean, in clean clothes and as chirpy as ever. No fuss. My neighbour has been on his own for years and is struggling with all the usual issues entailed in housing and looking after a frail aged person with limited abilities. Some days he comes over for a few minutes and shares his present worries with me knowing that I have been there and done that. He has a much less emotional, more practical approach to looking after his Dad than I had with Ray but has very similar problems so I am able to make some suggestions for making care easier for him. But he also works full-time from home so he is working 10am till 7pm with a couple of breaks for meals in order to keep his income flowing in. It is certainly hard to do that. Like me he has others in the family who he had hoped would take turns in looking after his Dad as that had been the original agreement. Of course that is not happening and there have been no weekend breaks where the others have taken over care and so his breaks are few. One solution is he returns his dad to his original home and one brother calls in twice a day for a couple of days. This is limited of course so he is now looking for respite and having the usual guilty feelings about not being able to do 24/7 care for as long as it takes. The physical and mental side of looking after someone who needs 24/7 care we all know about here but it is strange looking at it from the outside as I do now. I am just rolling along, going with the flow as I have learned from Asha. Yes, I do have some problems but they are not pressing ones and I am managing to sleep through some nights. I miss Trev and family and have the usual worries about my other son but on the whole I am okay. I did have a bit of a melt-down on Sunday night. I had been with some friends, all couples, all discussing Valentine's Day, what they had given or been given, what they had done together. As a widow there were no phone calls, no cards, no presents, nothing at all happening it was another nothing day for me. But that will happen now. I am slowly assessing what I need to keep in my life and what I want to let go of. I need to do a major declutter of the house, maybe rearranging the paperwork from one room to another is not what I need to do, more of getting it to leave the house all together is what I need to do. I confess I am a pack rat and it pains me to get rid of books I have reread a dozen times, clothes I might one day fit into and some of my older furniture that is not as functional as it used to be but still has sentimental value. Yes, it is time for a clean-up while the weather is cooler and before wet and windy winter keeps me inside. The garden too needs a tidy up and I am finally going to get rid of part of an old wire fence that is full of grass and old vines. I started that yesterday and filled our green waste bin in a couple of hours. It was humid yesterday so I had a couple of showers and finished the day squeaky clean. Today I can feel all those muscles that you use for pulling out long grass and not much else. If you are looking at snow think of your July and you will know where I am at right now. My children are over looking at me as a widow who needs some consolation now. I am just "Mum is on her own now" as my daughter put it.So all assume that if there is no emergency I am doing fine. Yes I am, fine but often lonely or feeling out of step with the rest of the world. As we know caregivers lose friends and the longer you care the longer you are out of the loop. But that's life and we jut have to make the best of it.