swilkinson

Katrina, that one-on-one attention makes such a difference. Long may it continue. Sue.

Fred, it is surviving that counts and you have come a real long way since then. You help others so much on this site we are all very grateful you survived. Sue.

Lynn, so happy your husband tracked down the car, just brilliant! He gets the Lassie award from me. Good news about the IVF, fingers crossed that all remains safely in place. Wow, good start to the New Year. Sue.

Well done Jamie, I think way back in 2006 , slowe and jriva and some other bloggers posted this kind of blog. Always interesting to find out where we all came from. And kind of poetic to do it in this form. Sue.

Debbie, we went to an after funeral tea once and two young men CARRIED Ray down a flight of twenty four stairs...luckily I was not there to watch and scream. Your Mike showed a great depth of character and Buce is a CHAMPION. I love that he said: "It had to be done" as that is one of my sayings too. Glad all was fine and dandy for your birthday celebrations, birthdays come but once a year but if you can extend the celebrations the longer the better. Birthday (((hug))) from Sue.

I think I am making some kind of progress but the basic loneliness of widowhood gets to me. It is okay when you are on your way out to somewhere but the coming home means coming home to emptiness, with no-one to share your experiences with. Trev and Edie have been moving house for the past week or so and so haven't seen them, Steve I don't hear from much and Shirley and co have enough worries. Sometimes I feel like a left behind Teddy Bear, once much loved but sitting on the shelf for now. The weather has been crazy, record high temperatures and humidity then an overcast day or two and today the rain has come at last so maybe we will feel as if the world is a fresher place tomorrow. I am glad with the coming of the rain the fire fighters have help to put out the bush fires, at least those close to the coast. I guess there is a chance the lightning strikes will start others so thunderstorms with rain is always a risk. Pity all those farmers who have lost flocks of sheep, those who have lost grazing land and all those people in Tasmania who have lost houses. Plus all the others whose lives have been rearranged by all loss of infrastructure. I went to the Messy Church picnic, only had six kids and fourteen adults but we enjoyed walking on the beach, picking up shells, and just enjoying being in a beautiful place for the afternoon. We had a picnic under the stone pines and had just about finished when the rain came so that was good timing. I did Sunday school this morning but as only one little chap turned up for it he and I coloured in, made a dove out of a paper plate, and then retired to play with building blocks. Did both of us good and we got praised by the congregation as we were as quiet as mice. The powers of the Granma clan...lol. I didn't stop for lunch with the after church group of ladies, I just didn't feel like it. I did talk to one of the other ladies in the car park though. She expressed what I am feeling. She related to me how she had nursed her husband with cancer. Then when he died two years ago she said: "I asked the minister: 'What am I supposed to do now?' but he didn't have an answer." In the end she had decided to go wherever people were, she got involved in a morning tea group in a civilian widows group, took up tennis again and a few different hobbies. When she is sick of the sound of silence she goes to a spot near a lake where there are families always around the playgrounds and sits there and reads for a while. She asked me if I thought she had done the right thing? I said if it was right for her that is what counts. She has made a kind of life for herself. Her family are not close by and she sees each of her daughters once or twice a year and as their families have grown up her grandchildren even less frequently. She says they got out of the habit of visiting when her husband got cranky with the noise the teenagers of one daughter were making and after that they visited less frequently. So sad isn't it that we caregivers can devote ourselves to our partners and risk losing our adult children in the process? I am beginning to see the years of caregiving now as a parade of events, some good, some bad. I have read back in the blogs I've written here and of course they only provide a selection of thoughts on what was happening any any given time but it is an insight into some of what I was thinking and feeling back then. I should make a copy of them and put them somewhere safe I suppose in case I do ever get around to writing something on what happened to me as a caregiver.Thanks for all who have commented over the years, so much support, so much encouragement and advice. I am so grateful to you all. Funny how good I am at giving advice to others and yet so poor at implementing it for my own beneft. Of course there has been the drama of Shirley's son Christopher and the broken elbow all week too. He broke it falling off a bunk at the holiday cottage they have out west. They took him to the small local hospital but the doctors there said he should see a specialist, they just put on a light plaster to protect the arm. So Monday down an hour and a half's drive to Canberra and there they met an orthopedic specialist who operated on the arm the following day. Christopher, accompanied by his father,had an overnight hospital stay and then they went back to the cottage. They will have to stay on as Christopher has to have another set of xrays next week and another appointment to see the specialist. What a disruption to their holiday! That is what happens in families, isn't it? I was going down the south coast to their normal house for a few days at the end of next week but of course they may not be back there so that is on hold for now. The plans we have don't always come to fruition. The clue is not to get frustrated but simply to mark time and see how things pan out. I seem to have been doing that all my life.

It becomes like supervising your non-swimming grandchild at the pool, there is danger all around and to the child everything seems to be doable. We are tempted to keep our eyes on them 24 hours a day but for their sake we have to allow them leeway, some human dignity and a chance to do that one new thing that will bring them self-confidence. It is a very hard line to walk. Sue.

I agree, changes may be essential but they all result in losses as well as gains. I mourn the past a lot, partly because Ray has gone but partly because that is what you do in the beginning of a new year - reassess where you have been, what you have done, what worked and what didn't. There have to be some good times ahead, that thought keeps me going. Sue.

Heaps of good news in your blog today. Congratulations to you both on the happy spirit of goodwill that seems to have begun to make a difference in your lives. Sue.

Hey! A blog a day, hope I don't have to list them in my blog report! Sonds as you say like a few steps forward and a few steps back, hope in the end the numbers come out in favour of "forward". Sue.

Sandy, watch out for the reckless Bob. At just over twelve months out from his 1999 strokes Ray got up in the middle of the night and took off without switching the light on in the motel unit we were holidaying in. He just walked across a slate floor, tripped and fell backwards and broke his left hip. When asked why he didn't put the light on he said he didn't need it! Just a case of the old independent Ray reappearing. It is wonderful when they want to do things again and you really love to see their growing independence but there is a reckless side too. I guess if the worst happen you can ring 911. Sue.

Debbie and Sandy you are so much nicer than me. I noticed with Ray that if I spoke softly he didn't take any notice of me, it was the short sharp command that made the difference with him. I call it the "startle factor". You can try it soft or sharp and see which way works for you. Sue.

I think the term you needed was "Back off Buddy" and you shout it in a sargent-major voice. Ray would do what I called "herding", he would want a whole lot of stuff done at once. I would have to stand tall and say: "one wife, one job, choose one and I will do it or I'll go back to what I was doing, shall I ?" I guess what I was saying was "I'm busy and I will get to what you want me to do when I have time." We would all like a house-slave who does exactly what we want done as soon as we want it done. None of us can have that OCD, stroke affected or not. (((hugs))) Sue.

Hi Dyan, the caregiver chat group was inquiring about you last week, and all the others who have been too busy to come on. It is good we can catch up with you through your blog. Choosing home schooling may be doubling your work but by the sound of it it is working for both you and Cayden. It is so good he is learning to read, it starts you on a hobby that can last a lifetime. Sue.

Sandy, it is great to see Bob making this progress. 40 steps without the cane is such a marvellous improvement and him saying he feels like a man again, that is something to treasure for sure. Remember that he will regress from time to time (like falling off the wagon when you are on a diet) but it is okay to make sure the nesxt day that you try to get back on track. Congratulations to both of you for your perseverence. Sue.

The weather is fine and sunny, the beaches are crowded with holiday makers and family parties and heaps of kids as it is school holidays. But further inland our brave fire fighters, 70% of them volunteers, are fighting to save houses and property from bush fires in western New South Wales, Victoria and Tasmania. It was a scorcher today up to 110 degrees here on the coast, unheard of by most people and scary with those hot winds and tinder dry bush all around us. And further inland it was even hotter, and not a rain cloud in sight to give us hope of cooler weather. Which reminds me of last year's posts by Fred (fking) on his Texan summer. Down in southern Tasmania, a place where it snows in winter, a small town was almost wiped out by fires. It is so sad to see, via our TV screens, someone going back to the pile of twisted metal and smoldering wood that was once their home, pitiful to see an older man cry as he looks at the crumbling fire blown ash that was once his small retail business. It is all very well for the politicians and the insurance companies to say "they can rebuild" but what of the emotional damage to people, the lost pets, the irreplacable memories, the forsaken neighbourhoods as neighbours give up the fight and move rather than rebuild. You can never rebuild a small community back the way it was. I spent today visiting two old friends, one a lady now fading after a vigourous life, the other my age and after two years a widow finally setting off on adventures. She is flying off to join her son in San Diego next week for a two week vacation. It is the first time she has flown so far away from her home near me, her first visit to the United States and like most women she was wondering what to pack, what to wear, how she would find her way around. But she was excited! She said she will keep in touch and let me know how she is doing. Can't wait until she does. Two women very dear to me, both good supporters in times of trouble - God's blessings to me. I also had two different visits from two old friends on Saturday, people that I hadn't see for a while, one two years, one for 35 years! It is so good to have friends and acquaintances, especially now I am on my own. I need people who have know me since...school...work...marriage...pregnancy and the birth of three children...middle age and retirement...all different people from different parts of my life. I need them and somehow I manage to drag some of them through life with me...hanging on tight when times get tough. No, some of them didn't appear through the bad years and are only just getting back in touch now. It is so sad they couldn't have been here but some people do not cope through the tough times, yours or their own. I used to think that mattered, now I don't. Last Friday my grandson Christopher fell off the top bunk bed where they are staying for their two week vacation and broke his elbow, today he was operated on in a hospital in Canberra and the elbow has been pinned back in place the way it should be. He is in hospital for one night and then hopefully he will be having a six week period of healing and be back to normal. He is a philosophical young man and will cope. It will be a dull summer, no swimming, no going to the beach etc but he will cope with that too. I am proud of the way he goes through life, he is a credit to his parents. But then I am a doting grandmother and somewhat prejudiced. I've had a few meltdowns the past week, the 2nd of January was the anniversary of my Dad's death and that was not a good day. I had some problems with the car, another reminder I have to do things for myself now and I have to take it for repairs tomorrow. The interrnet provider changed my plan and I don't know what to do about that. I got some bills which were a lot higher than I thought they would be. Those are the kinds of things we all deal with every day but another reminder that all problems are my problem now. An old proverb says: A trouble shared is a trouble halved, a joy shared is a joy doubled. Single and alone means no-one to share it with. So prayers for all of those affected by bush fires, especially those alone who have to work it out all by themselves. Prayers for young families who have no home, kids who have no school to go back to, old folk who will lose valuable links in their friendship chain. I pray a lot and like an old rector of mine I probably need to carry a little book with the names of those I am praying for so I don't forget anyone. I could use it in those long supermarket queues that come from living in a delightful area of coastline where holidaymakers love to come for the school holidays, especially at Christmas time. My memory is also not what it once was. Maybe that is one of the blessings of ageing, a memory that fades out the bad times along with the good. Imagine what is would be like if our memories were always fresh and painful as well as happily remembered and joyful.

Your blog reminds me how hard it all is, how hard I had to work with Ray to make any kind of life at all. I am glad I did it and would do it again. Nancy, take a breather from time to time, Mr OCD will blow, so let him, think of it as a toddler tantrum. Concentrate on Nancy once or twice a day, he will get used to it. Peace at any price is too hard a life to live. Sue.

Nancy...not fair...you changed the title and spoilt my joke in my blog report...lol. Sue.

Debbie, sorry you have to worry about Bruce when you are sick yourself, the life of a caregiver eh? I can see improvements in Bruce that are really outstanding. Here we attach a flag/streamer in a light weight pole (like a fishing pole) to the back of the powerchairs and scooters so you can see it flying like a pennant above the cars, even the SUVs. I guess you need one of those for Bruce if he is going to do parking lot tours. Sue.

Great Colby story, glad you got to enjoy your grandkids.

Fred, you wrote blogs on 2nd, 3rd and 4th according to me so you certainly have a lot to tell us this year. Good for you. I love to read new blogs every day but it is hard to keep up if I go away for a few days! And your blogs are always thought provoking. I feel pity for those who have to find a way out of their own country to get a better life in the USA, as a migrant child myself I do feel some sympathy for them. It must be hard, leaving their own families looking for a new and better life in a land where they are aliens. Sue.

While I do like Jean's blogs, I like Asha's blogs too. You have so much wisdom to give us here, so many wise words to help us on our way. Please do another blog on your life. I'll keep coming back till you do. Sue.

Congratulations Jessica. Take things slowly get good advice and all will be well. Enjoy this special time of your life. Sue.

Lenny, staying up to past midnight and really ENJOYING yourself, that is great. Not sure about giving Christian the noise makers if anyone was feeling a bit hung over! The tone or stiffness the next day can just be the long hours of sitting in less than comfortable seating, happens to us all as we age. Lovely, happy blog Lenny, thanks. Sue.

Hey MaryJo, just realized you have a new profile photo, looking good girl! Sue.