MargaretMary

Stroke Survivor - male
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Blog Entries posted by MargaretMary

  1. MargaretMary
    Life keeps me so busy now and in so many different directions. Idon't get in here as often anymore. At one time I wanted to almost live here. I am not sorry about the way things have changed in my life over the past several months, I am just tired and need to keep moving on. Since Dick had his stroke 5 1/2 years ago, the journey has been an eyeopener to many and a closing of the door to even more.
    There are even some in here that have closed minds and closed the doors and believe that their opinion is the only one that counts. I don't want to deal with that anymore. I will just walk away from that kind of mentality from now on. So what if I don't believe the same way you do, If you don't like me for who I am, that is your problem not mine. :dribble:
    Well, enough of the rambling. I will be back.
     
    Margaret (MM)
  2. MargaretMary
    Wow, 63 guests on and 1 member. Me. Middle of the night and I am the only member awake. I am talking to myself :chat: LOL
     
    Oh well, I have been a night owl for so long now. Sleep is like a far away dream to me.
     
    Richard has been enjoying being able to drive the tractor around on the farm. It gives him a freedom he really enjoys. He forgot how bumpy and tiring it was though. After he disced up one field for me he was tired, but a happy tired. I could see some of the old Richard back in him again.
     
    The garden is slowly but surely getting planted. I think the weather is finally going to cooperate. My plants are all screaming to get in the ground, and the seeds are going to sprout in the packages. The peas are starting to climb the fence and I watch them daily. I so love fresh peas from the garden. I think they are like a watched pot though.
     
    Tucker, the lab, caught the nasty mole that ate all my radishes in the garden. I can't say I am too upset about the radishes because I really can't stand the darn things, but my son-in-law loves 'em. I grow them for him.
     
    Little Red was born Tuesday morning. He weighed in at 70 lbs and looks just like his daddy, our bull. HIs name is Rump Roast. The grandbabies sure liked going out to see the baby moo. It is fun to see the new things in life through their little eyes and small vocabulary. They may not know many words but they get their point across. Moo=Cow, Arf = Dog, Nana = Grandma, and Papa is Grandpa. Vroom Vroom = car, lets go for a ride. I sure like being an Grandma. Mom was right, if you could skip being a Mom and go right to Grandma, life would be great. :uhm: Well, maybe not, but it sounds good sometimes.
     
    :Soapbox: :farmer:
  3. MargaretMary
    The weather is finally co-operating. I had Dick out on the tractor this week discing up the fields. He loves it so much. I love to watch his face as he goes by on Big Blue (Our 9600 Ford tractor) For just an instant I can see the pre-stroke man again. When he came in for dinner, he had such a self satisfied look on his face. He couldn't wait to get back out there. :Clap-Hands: My new garden area is now ready to plant. 2 acres of beautiful rich soil to grow a multitude of fresh veggies.
     
    In the old garden my peas,beets, radishes, swiss chard and onions are all up and reaching for the sky. The rhubarb is almost ready to start picking and making the first fresh rhubarb pie of the season. When the strawberries start then strawberry/Rhubarb pie. I really need to get aspearagrass going. I hate having to buy it when I know I can grow it. It just takes so long to get the root established. I did put horseradish in a few years ago and now I get all the fresh horseradish I want. It was worth the wait.
     
    My plants are taking over my house and our daughters house right now, but it still totaly amazes me how you get such a wonderful plant from even the tiniest of seed. Each year I pray that God will watch over my garden and make it abundant for the good of many.
     
    Tomorrow the red potatoes will be planted and then the purple ones. They sure have a wonderul flavor.
  4. MargaretMary
    It has been a while since I have been in here to write. It is getting harder to write anything down. I do come in and read every now and then just to keep up on everyone, but I know that I have missed a lot. I have been on a journey that has been a long soul searcher, and I am afraid that it is far from over. I can truly understand how one can take their own life, but I know that is not something I can do. I understand why people drink or do drugs to get away from the realities of life, but that also is not for me. I was made a strong person, and somewhere I lost a lot of that strength. I want it back and I want it now. As in the poem "Footprints" my foot prints are not there because Jesus is carrying me right now. I have to believe that someone can carry me for a while.
  5. MargaretMary
    As most know, we have been in the process of adopting 4 children. Well, it all fell through and we are devastated. I am so angry with the so called system taking care of these kids. They have done a sever injustice to them right from the start and we got caught right in the middle. Not only did they not help these kids like they promised to do over and over again, but the agency also ruined us financially with what little we had left. And this is supposed to be a Christian organization to boot. Promises, promises, LIES all LIES. Now I am fighting for my mental as well as physical health, and the kids are separated again and devastated beyond belief.
     
    My heart is broken, and I have so much emotion tied in knots right now. I hope soon that I can think a bit more clearly and do something about this so it will never happen to another child again. Our daughter that never takes time off from work, not even when she cut her finger off, has been unable to go to work for the last two days. The oldest of the adoptive children got to a phone and called me yesterday begging me to let her "come home." Dear God, how I wish I could. :head_hurts: Even the agency can not deny how far they have come living here with us, through no help from them. The kids schools are so angry with the agency they are ready to fight them too. The teachers have called me and they have even cried.
     
    I know that I must take care of myself now and get better. My head tells me that over and over (as well as everyone else), but that does not help the ache in my heart. Time heals, so they say, will it heal these kids? Why wouldn't they listen to me and get these kids the help they needed? Why did it take me getting sick to make things start to happen for them. Now 4 little lives are hurting and no one seems to really give a damn.
     
    I have always been such a strong person and they even managed to break me, The Top Sarge, the one who could fix anything as my daughter said, the one who always had a positive outlook and would give people the benefit of the doubt. Where did the real Margaret go, and will she please hurry up and come back. It is hard to live like this.
     
    Dear Lord Jesus, take these babies in your loving arms and never let them go. They need your love and strength. Make sure they get the help they need so desperately. I can't push the right buttons for them anymore. Make sure someone strong is there to guide them and love them. Each one has so much potential to be good and highly productive members of society if only given the chance.
  6. MargaretMary

    It was just a teaser

    By MargaretMary,

    Power on, power off, power on power off, thank God the power is back again. :big_grin: :happydance: When we lost power again today my heart sank down in to my feet. I am addicted to the modern conveniences, like running water and being able to see things. I admit it, I think it is time for the 12 step program to begin."HI, my name is Margaret, and I am an addict to simple everyday things we all take for granted."
     
    Spring is just around the corner. Which corner? I am on my way to find it. Can anyone tell me exactly where to find it? I am not a man, so I am allowed to ask for directions aren't I? Wait a minute, WOMAN, poop, man is in that word, so I must be some kind of a man. Maybe it's "Oh MAN," or "Praying MANtis" or no I've got it, "You'll MANage." I have made it through another interesting day here on Maggy's Funny Farm.
     
    :cocktail: :oohlala: :yikes: :cocktail:
  7. MargaretMary
    [/b] Hey, we have lights ! I can even flush the toilet! YEA!!!!! The kids can watch some TV and I can cook and clean. Just kidding, I am glad to be back to the real world here. The freezing rain hit us hard here and took down many trees and a lot of people are still without power. The temperature is so cold and it is hard on many.
     
    'We all slept in the livingroom to keep warm the last two nights. We tried to make it like a campout for the kids and I think they enjoyed it most of the time. Roasted marshmallows over a candle just aren't the same though. :big_grin: Thank God we have the woodstove or we all would have frost bite by now. The blower would not work but it sent out heat, and we huddled around it.
     
    My brother loaned us his generator for Mom and Dads house. They at least had their furnace going. Mom can't take the cold at all since her cancer surgery, and they are both old anyhow. This kind of weather is hard especially on the old and the very young. I had to laugh at dad though, when the power came back on, he sat at the table and didn't move much. I went in to see how they were doing, (the power had been back for almost an hour by this time) and he said, "I will be glad when I can watch TV again." I asked if there was something wrong with it and he said "No, just need power to run it." He didn't realize the power had been back on. :happydance: He's happy now.
     
    I think it is time to go and take a nice long, HOT shower, everyone is in bed and that sounds sooo good right now.
  8. MargaretMary

    Sunshine

    By MargaretMary,

    I woke to the alarm as usual this morning. It seemed I had just shut my eyes and I really did not want to get up. I think that seems to be going around lately. The puppy was so excited to see me as I stumbled for the kitchen to get things ready for the kids for school. He begged for some grandma lovin' and then his breakfast. With my eyes not very clear, I opened the curtain and stood there in awe. The sun was trying to peak up over the horizon and all I could see was one magnificent ray of light aiming straight up in the sky. It lasted so long before the actual sun made his true appearance. Thank you God for the beautiful start to a new day and a new week.
  9. MargaretMary

    Blues and Greys

    By MargaretMary,

    The fine line has been crossed. My poor hubby looks at me and asks what he can do to help. I don't know anymore. He is such a wonderful person. I miss the old Richard so bad tonight. It does not seem to get easier with time. There are times I try to think back and then I cry. Why bring up something that is no more? It is a new time and age. I have learned to live with it most of the time. It is so hard when I need his arms and his wisdom and his touch just to let me know he is there.
     
    Am I out of my mind? It seems like it lately. Too much going on and only one to do it all. "Bring in help" I keep getting told. Easier said than done. Super Woman has cracked and the super glue is having a hard time filling the crack in.
     
    Smile Maggy, it can only hit bottom and then you will bounce back up. You have bounced before you can do it again. :bouncing_off_wall: God please forgive me. I can not even muster up the thought of praying for myself tonight, I hope someone else will for me.
     
     
  10. MargaretMary
    It has been 5 years since Dick's stoke. I will never forget this night as long as I live. Today I was at the hospital with Mom and went to the cafateria to get something to eat. (The food hasn't got any better) Some people were sitting across from me at a booth and they were planning their mothers funeral. She had a stroke and the Drs. said would be dead within 48 hours. I wanted to scream at them "DON"T GIVE UP ON HER." But instead I sat there and cried. Dear God, I remember the same thing being said to me, except it would be a matter of a few hours. This is such a throw away society. I am so glad that I never gave up on Dick. He is my life and my best friend.
    Mom's surgery went very well yesterday. She is on the road to recovery at last. :bouncing_off_wall:
  11. MargaretMary

    Emotions and motion

    By MargaretMary,

    :wicked: I think I could use a few more faces but then...... I had hoped I had things back in a somewhat controlled atmosphere and then the bottom dropped out again. I hate feeling this way. I hate having to be the mean one. I hate it when those that say they will help are more of a burden than help. I hate being lied to, and then getting excuses instead of truth. I hate being tired and no one seems to give a damn. I hate those that take and give nothing in return, I think that is what this world has come to. Everyone out for themselves and forget who they run into on the path of "searching for ones self."
     
    I am going to hold off on signing any more adoption papers. The agency has lied to me so many times now that I am wondering what is next. The kids are in need of help that I am not qualified to give or even knowledgable about, and they are dragging their feet, no that is not the right way of saying it. They are ignoring my pleas for help. Maybe this will wake them up. I know that they have heard by now, and I have been told that they don't know where they would place the kids if I give them back. A few calls have already started today. We'll see, we'll see.
     
    I cleaned the cupboards today, inside and out. A thankless job because no one sees it unless they open the cupboard doors. But I know it is done and that is all that counts. The laundry is finally getting caught back up after being neglected while taking care of things for Mom and Dad. My sister came for a few days to sit with our parents and give me a break from running back and forth. I still have to go up there each day but she is doing the cooking and cleaning for now. She has been here 2 days and her husband is already chomping at the bit for her to come home. She was suppose to stay for at least a week. Oh well 3 days was better than none.
     
    My mind is in constant motion and I can't sleep. I am lucky to get 2 hours a night now. I think I will see about a sleeping aid of some kind. Maybe that will help. Doc will help me out. Well, this isn't getting the dishes done. I hate having dirty dishes in the morning when I am trying to get kids off to school.
     
  12. MargaretMary

    A bit calmer today

    By MargaretMary,

    :hiya: The bad days seem to outnumber the good days lately. But today was pretty good up until this early evening. I love these kids so much and the little one can be such a sweetie, but there is something so wrong with him and no one wants to get involved in his care and treatment. It makes me so sad to see that they are willing to throw away this childs very brilliant mind. They know we don't have the money or the knowledge to do this on our own, so why are they doing this? If he gets no help I am afraid he will be in jail for some horrible crime by the time he is 16. He says he likes being mean to the babies and animals.
     
    Got the bathroom cleaned from top to bottom today. Spring cleaning has arrived for me. I know it is a long way off but I think it will take me a bit longer this year to get to everything anyhow. Where do all the shampoo bottles come from? Just enough left in them for one more washing. I mixed them all together and put it in a dispenser for washing hands, kind of like soft soap. The kids love it. The 6 yr old said it makes her hands smell pretty. She is very self consious about her hands. She has a couple of warts that kids at school tease her about. I think it is time for a Dr. to see her. I have tried all the over the counter stuff and she still has them.
     
    I got to play with the babies tonight after I got my kids in bed. They had just as much fun as I did. I love being a grandma, and they are at that cute but naughty stage, so I don't have to deal a whole lot with the discipline part. We had cookies and got real messy and the mommies had to clean them up while I cleaned myself up. What a treat.
     
    Mom is feeling a bit better, but still sleeps most of the time. Dad gets so lonely for someone to talk to. I try to make a point of finding something each day that would interest him and sit and talk about it to him. I try real hard not to bring up this new medicare part D stuff though. I have had to go over it with him so many times and he just does not get it. I try to assure him that I am on top of it for him and he doesn't need to worry about it. Dad's 80th birthday is coming up on March. He still looks 60, and until this alzheimers hit him he was so active and did everything for himself and helped run the farm. That blessed old man is my dad and I love him so.
  13. MargaretMary
    Since Dick had his stroke we have tried to take one day at a time. Somewhere along the line I forgot to stay on that track. :bop: The love that I have for my husband is more than I could ever put into words. He is trying so hard to be strong for us through this new journey in our lives. We were hoping for a quiet weekend, the kids gone now, and grandbaby on trip with mommy and daddy, but dear friends knowing we are hurting show up to make sure we are OK. Bless their hearts, they are only trying to help. Tonight dick and I sat joking about Monday morning. We are going to sleep in till 10, not answer the phone, forget answering the door, leave the tv off and just hold eachother listening to the peaceful quiet of the day. All of a sudden he stood up and said, "boy that was a nice dream, back to reality." It was a nice dream.
  14. MargaretMary

    Memorial Day

    By MargaretMary,

    This day/weekend means so many different things to me. Of course the rememberance of all of our soldiers is first on the list. I come from a long line of military people in my family. And Dick is also a veteran of the USAF. I salute ALL who have given their time and their lives to keep us America, land of the free and home of the Brave. :forgive_me?: Flowers are placed on graves and tears are shed.
     
    This is also the weekend I try to have my garden in by. Well, I have half of it in. I did not make my self enforced deadline, but it wasn't for lack of trying. :blush: The garden is a bit larger than I have put in in the past. I am hoping to make a go of a small roadside stand this year to earn a little extra money. Since I lost my medical insurance the Dr. bills are pilling up. Everyone says I have a green thumb or two so, maybe this will work out.........
     
    This weekend is also the unofficial start to the summer. We opened our daughters pool and swam in fridged water. :yikes: I think I am getting too old for freezing my ninnies off like that. The family and friends all come for 1, 2 or 3 days and we party. So much food goes through my kitchen that I should put in a revolving door. When I take all the pop cans back to the store I have to make 3 trips, or they won't let me in. But a good time is had by all. This year everyone brought their quads and anything else motorized they could ride. #3 daughter was the first to run her quad through the swamp and flip it over. She had to find one of her shoes in all the mud. She was officially named "The Swamp Thing." What a muddy mess, with a big smile on her face.
     
    Ahhh, the great warm weather, I love summer. It is finally here!