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Sue - are you taking Ray to the nutritionist because he is a diabetic? -Karen

I love your poem Ellen! And very happy for Denny who learned a new one-handed skill, bravo. -Karen

Betty Jean, This sounds like it is so real for Jim. Now, how would he explain that his left arm doesn't move, when he wants to reach for something? How does he justify that his leg won't move if he is sitting on the edge of the bed, and you ask him to kick his leg out? I've heard that when people who have this serious denial fall, they usually accuse somebody of "tripping" them - or having a reason it wasn't their fault...... Does he think his arm is moving, when its not? All I can say Betty Jean, is that for Rob, we had to "jog" his brain a lot. We would remind him of things he could do, and hadn't considered. Little by little, things started to click for him. For months he had problems with the right side (that is his affected side), and the running boards on his truck are now cracked and broken, to prove he had a bit of issues on that side. We just look at them and smile...... Thank goodness the neglect on that side has improved before we lost the whole running board.... it does get better. -Karen

We decided to indulge in a cup of coffee tonight - something I rarely do because it can keep me from getting to sleep at a decent hour. But it was something we decided to enjoy together. Rob can move his right arm, it isn't easy for him, he has to think about it. I really believe the more he uses it, the better it will get. Maybe I'm in la la land, but I can't help but believe that. So, when I see him take his left hand, to move his right arm, I usually give him a "look". I also believe he does this without thinking..... and it has probably become a habit. So when we were having our cup of coffee, and he had his right hand resting on the table, I saw it coming. He doesn't even think about it, and he took his left hand, and moved his right hand a little closer to him, about four inches. This got him some raised eyebrows from me, "the look". So this incident started us talking about his arm, and he was telling me how he had been thinking about where the major deficits were. I asked him how his "chicken wing" movement was going - where he takes his arm, and moves his elbow straight up and out to the side. So he flapped for me (those parlour tricks you know), and I was amazed at how much better he could move it than earlier this summer. That movement started the discussion about the agony of not knowing how much better he will get. He says somedays he wonders, "is this it?" -- and then when we think about the progress in the last five months, and we continue to have more hope, that slowly, slowly.... he will continue to get better.

Betty Jean, I'm wondering if that is impulsiveness. I recall my husband talking about how he just "felt" like he could get up and walk, but he knew better. He had to really hold himself back - I recall when we would help Rob transfer we would have to almost put our hands on him, to keep him in the chair until everything was ready - he often would jump up, or move before everything was lined up and we were ready to help him. His therapist called it impulsive. Rob has gotten better to the point these aren't issues anymore - but it certainly was something we had to watch for the first month. I am also wondering if you husband lost the use of his dominant side? Rob still has use of his dominant side and has litteraly bulldozed through life with his left side, it's so strong. I wonder if that is similar to what is going on with your husband? -Karen

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Tina, It is amazing what smells and sounds make us remember. Fall is too our favorite time of the year. We have a berry here - high bush cranberries, that smell like dirty socks. It is such a familar smell to me.... and I love it. -Karen

Heather -- It's a long road. Big Hug! -Karen

Hi, Glad you are feeling better. -Karen

Some how Jean.... I just suspected you had been nominated before Don's stroke. I have a couple of really good friends, who we all know each others husbands well - and can truely appreciate when our husbands do something that wouldn't be admired by other women Which we can giggle about. Yes, like Don, Rob was in the "Lucky husbands club" for quite a few months, and he did appreciate that. He now has enough independance and enough disability today - that I have to be extra careful not to get him voted into the "Husband of ungrateful wifes club"....... -Karen

So it is time to tell you all about the "lucky wives club". Many of you belong, and just haven't acknowledged it yet. You are nominated by another women usually in this way: "You're lucky, Rob is so...... and then she can fill in the blank with "nice", "talented", "funny", "good at doing things around the house". Any thing that another woman values in your husband. So it was a few years ago, that I too realized I belong to the "lucky wives club". Lucky to be married to one of the nicest, friendliest guys in town. So nice, that he would take the shirt off my back, and give to you. Mind you I'm not complaining, just acknowldging my status. Rob made me plant hangers the other day, and they were sitting on the porch while I decided which of the eighteen corners on our buildings I was going to put them on. Guess I didn't get them permanently attached to the house fast enough, because he has already given one away. He loves women, all women, and all they need to do is admire something, and he gives it to them, it's theirs (even if it wasn't his to give away). Any other women out there in the "lucky wives club"?

Ann, Rob didn't laugh for a month after his stroke. This was very hard for me, as he and I both laugh a lot. In the hospital we had one episode we both will never forget where we both laughed really hard about something he said about the cauliflower in his soup. He still doesn't laugh as much as he used to, but much more than he did the first month. I wish there was an answer to the alternative to private insurance - man it's frustrating. Take care Ann. -Karen

Robyn, It's curious that Jane said she doesn't think about you, however she still took the time to call you at the prearranged time..... I'm wondering if she isn't taking her anger about the stroke out on you. As an outsider who only has a small picture from your view - I still can't help but hope you two can at least have the opportunity to talk again in a while, so that at a minimum both of you can put your anger into positive places. I just can't understand what positive aspect she was expecting was going to come from her not allowing you to talk to her for 30 days. What was the point of that? Was she just delaying the break up? I'm hoping you heal, and feel better every day! -Karen

Oh my gosh Ann, is it a possibility to find out from your insurance company what skilled nursing facility in your area is considered in-network. If there isn't one, then the insurance company usually pays the network % of reasonable and customary rates. Another resource may be your States insurance commissioner. Make sure you read a copy of your policy - and do not trust the customer service representatives at your insurance company, they may not have the correct information (in the computer) in front of them...... Insurance companies can be just down right wicked! Hope it works out for you and Bill. -Karen

Hi Annie - we too had a hospitalist that was especially present the first few days afer Rob's stroke - before Rob moved into Rehab. I didn't like him. Maybe he had too many patients, and that compromised his ability to provide quality care. He had the attitude it was okay to not know why a 47 year old man that is in excellent health - doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, very active - would have a stroke. That was very frustrating to me. I work at a medical facility and as a result understand how much people need to be involved in their care, and not to assume anything. Things in the hospital rarely ran perfectly -- and I was there as his caregiver to make sure that Rob didn't fall through the cracks too far. My head was spinning after readying your blog - I feel for you. -Karen

Hi Robyn, My experience with the physicians and therapist around Rob in the hospital and today, were and are careful not to give very high expectations. His rehab doctor told us he expected he only had a 20% chance of using his right arm/hand. Not sure what he ment by that, but although he has very little function, has good movement (this helps to prevent pain). The same physican told Rob (according to his memory) that he will never fly again. I am just not familar enough with strokes - but am curious that a doctor would tell a patient to expect a complete and total 100% recovery. Those are very high expectations. So I wonder how you will feel about it, if she doesn't make a full recovery after having been given the expectations that she will. -Karen

Jean - I have a little rule - that am only allowed three things to b**** about. I also try to get Rob to abide by my three-item rule, because he can be quite a nag. Long ago I realized we were going to get along much better if I quit complaining that he didn't fold the towels the way that I did, and that he didn't put the dishes away where I wanted them......... and the list can go on. However him doing my laundry, costs me extra money, when I have to buy new clothes then that issue is just a bit harder to let go. The funny thing is, that I'm quite a messy person and easily leave my shoes in the middle of the entry way, don't rinse out the sink after I brush my teeth, and that list goes on......numerous things that he takes issue with. So we pick our battles, and we let some go, and it has worked for 25 years because we have lots of smiles, laughter, compassion, respect, love, and we rarely stay mad about things more than about 15-20 minutes, then it's gone..... It's so much easier to get along when you just let 90% of those petty little things, go by, in the big scheme of things, they really aren't that important. I guess when those petty things are bothering me, that is sign, things are well settled in my life, and that is a good thing.

I've been asking Rob for over ten years - maybe twenty.... that all I want for Christmas is for him to quit doing my laundry. I want my clothes washed in cold water, and many of them are hung dry because I like the stiffness associated with hung clothes. It also prevents those little balls from getting on your clothes in the dryer AND most important, it keeps the clothes the same size (and color) as when you buy them. I even hide my dirty clothes in the bottom of the hamper -- he still finds them. This morning I put a load of laundry in the washer - anticipating I could hang them to dry when I came home from work. As a person that works outside our home, I like to manage the laundry, in such a way, that it is constantly done throughout the week, rather than on one specific day. SO, I came home a bit late from work (which was my first mistake) and heard the dryer running. I immediately ran to the dryer, opened it, to see all of my clothes (work clothes) being tossed around, carelessly in the dryer, getting smaller, and smaller. Of course I had a hissy fit, and told Rob I was NEVER going to speak to him again, until he promised he would NEVER touch my laundry again.... it took about 5 minutes and the promise came (I really didn't expect it). Rob informed me that if I just washed all these clothes again, I could just simply hang them to dry and everything would be okay

IRONING? Oh my gosh Sue, do you iron? Isn't there any way you could purchase things that don't need to be ironed? I guess I live in a world of synthetics...... and wrinkles. We have a saying here, that cotton kills - and we don't have to iron wool. -Karen

Robyn - sounds like you have a good plan. I'm thinking when you call her, if you do talk to her, try to keep the focus on her..... In the same context, rather than telling her how you are feeling about what is going on, ask her about how things are going for her. Rob was very self-centered for many months after his stroke - - just remember it may be that way for her. Rob was highly sensitive to his family asking him "if he could do so and so.....". He said it always felt (feels) like parlor tricks when people ask if he can move something or do something. So be careful with those kinds of detailed questions. He didn't like his family asking him what he did in therapy because it seemed he felt they were judging or being critical (that was his issue, not theirs). He was/is hyper-sensitive to their queries. He can talk to me about these details - and is eager to do so, he just can't have that kind of relationship with his family. One thing that seemed to help was I could point out details of his improvements that he couldn't -- it helped keep him positive with the gains that often seem so small day-to-day, but when you look at it in weeks and months, they are huge. Hope it goes well Robyn - good luck. -Karen

A couple weeks ago, we had some friends fell a couple trees in the yard that were dying and we were going to loose anyway in a strong wind. The wood has been stacked neatly in the round, in the front yard, waiting for somebody to attend to it. We only heat with wood for secondary purposes, during power outages, so the wood isn

Hi Deenie - check this site for taxidermy appraisals. It appears the value has a lot to do with how much it would cost to replace the trophy. I thought it was funny that they have appraisals for divorice and appraisals for insurance. http://www.taxidermyappraisals.com/ Jean - I do believe that Don and Rob would have enjoyed being in the field together - both having appreciation for high ethical standards, in search of an experience they value. -Karen

I was born here when Alaska was still a Territory, prior to statehood. My dad was instrumental in developing Alaska; he was a pioneer who built numerous runways, roads, and bridges from Southeast, the Alaska Peninsula to the Interior. I grew up in a time when nobody even considered hunting regulations and bag limits. My Dad usually traveled with his rifle in his pickup (not in the back window mind you) and when the freezer started to get low, he would look harder for the opportunity at filling it back up with wild game meat. I guess he could have decided to raise us where he was raised, in Grand Rapids Michigan. I

I LOVE my house cleaner. Feel so fortunate to find somebody that will clean the house -- just a little weekly event -- she comes by for two hours once a week and tidys the bathroom, kitchen, and cleans the floors. It is amazing how much less stressed I feel when the thought of having to clean on my day off - is gone. Today she asked me "where does all your dust come from"? Guess I have more dust than other houses she cleans. I think it's because we have forced air heat, and the ducts need to be cleaned. Or could it be the gravel airstrip we live on?

It's nice to have the choice, isn't it? -Karen