kkholt

Thanks ladies!

Thinking about this, I realized that Rob doesn't even recognize his cognitive gains since his stroke. Which have been tremendous.

When he sees me struggling emotionally, and knows I'm seeking professional help, he responds kind of numb to it. How do I know the line between what he cannot do, versus what is a part of the grief process for him?

Seems the most important thing for me is to accept that he isn't the same person he was on August 12, 2005.

The caregiver bill of rights - from the stroke foundations states that a survivor needs to be treated by their caregiver like they are going to recover completely; while the letter from your brain states "I need you to accept me as I am today... not for what I used to be, or what I might be in the future".

Toxic mothers aren't going to change; a daughter's reaction to them CAN change when they get over needing what their mothers are incapable of giving.

In the case of my brother-in-law, and his father (my father-in-law) who have a seriously dysfunctional relationship - the son in this instance can not quit insisting on what his father is incapable (or unwilling) of giving.

Its pretty unfortunate but I don't see it changing for them.

-Karen

p.s. forgive me if I have aided with any hijacking, I'll go now.....

Am so glad to hear how well your father is doing. Having the option to operate and remove his lung is good news.

Take Care!

-Karen

Hi Sandy,

Your blog with Article is fantastic. I can't join the ranks of people with toxic mothers. She could be bossy, and perhaps a bit aloof sometimes, but not toxic. She certainly wasn't self-centered when it came to her children. I always describe my parents as having a dysfunctional relationship (separated when I was 14) so I can join the group of those who describe their families as dysfunctional. And I'll save that for another chapter.

Great blog and most helpful article.

Thanks!

-Karen

Hi Janice,

I'm a Mac user too. The only problem I have is most of the clicable smilies don't work for me.... so I have to describe them.

I use Netscape to access the site - wonder if the browser makes a difference in your ability to blog or not?

-Karen

You know. I just found out that the original Medicare Act required that all States have a Medicare QA contract that has a "plan" for each State - AND that this sort of thing is what I understand they would investigate. Course I don't have any idea of how to find more out about this... and I'm a bit too tired to go digging around on the web. Just thought it might be of interest that there may be a place to go with this.

-Karen

This is kind of funny Suzie -

And I thought it was just the kids who had a hard time engaging after spring break! That must be the hardest time for everybody.

-Karen

Wow - you're on the move. Yeah German food is good, but German beer is better!

So do you bring interesting gifts home for your family from all these exotic places?

-Karen

Hi Sue,

Reading your post, it almost feels like some of the things of your day were so positive however, unusual, and that you need time to process, reflect and figure out what happened and why......

Your post made me feel warm and fuzzy

-Karen

Oh Kim - it sounds like you really do appreciate your Mom. It's unfortunate she didn't see the humor in your jeopardy joke Reading this, makes me miss my Mom. Yes, yes, do call her, she'll love it!

-Karen

Every movement is movement to move from.

-Karen

you are so right Jean - two people can fit in the shower with a bench. That is how we started our first showers at home after Rob's stroke. It just made sense for me to get in with him to help. He LOVED that. Then he graduated to a chair in the bathroom, and now he just said forget the chair and walks around the house naked after his shower

I too am a size 8.5 - and as you, Sandy, can't wear shoes too narrow.....

Karen

Dogs being such creatures of habit will quickly teach you their escape route. I kept repairing our dog kennel with chicken wire, trying to stay ahead of the escape artist. Because the wire that I used to attach the repair hurt my hands so bad, I started to use those really strong plastic tie wraps..... Until I saw the dog had learned how to bite and snap them. It's amazing what these animals can do.

Hi Kristin,

Sounds like your GM has an attendance problem to me. Although all reasons for being out are legit, we all have a responsbility to be at work as to not let others continue to carry the load. Continual absenses regardless of the reason would lead me to believe disciplinary action may be in order... and your GM's boss may not be addressing what he/she needs to.

Sounds to me like you are not losing the rat race, but coping quite well. I just love those lazy days that are so necessary for regeneration....

-Karen

Hi Amy,

My relationship with vacuumes is slowly ending as we are strategically replacing all the carpet in our house with wood floors. We've only got one room left, our sons bedroom, with carpet. The rest is tile and wood - and is so easy to keep clean (or ignore because the dirt just doesn't show as bad).

Isn't it funny how important some of the little things of life are? Like a vacuume.

-Karen

We're going to Mexico!

do you also do all of your shoe-shopping by mail order or internet? sandy :giggle:

Yup, I've purchased several pair of shoes on Ebay, a couple pair of Dansko's and a pair of Tevas. Mostly because there is a much better selection on Ebay than I can find here.

I love your blog - AND with Sandy, I share the love for shoes. For some reason my receptors haven't been dimed in my relationship with shoes.

My husband calls me Imelda.

-Karen

Hi Amy,

As my dad got older, he said, age is just a number. Have a great day!

-Karen

Hi Suzie-q,

This is a great place for support. Blog away!

-Karen

"I am three years post stroke in May......maybe this is as good as it gets. Yes I know in some ways I am one of the lucky ones. I can manage pretty well, so I shouldn't complain.......but we always want more. Maybe thats how and why we get better because we always want more."

Mary - so well said!

-Karen

hey:

 

I thought the blog will be depressing but turned out to be quite encouraging, yes I agree with all your examples and in 2004 when I went to India(I m from India), and saw so much difference btween rich and poor, as if poor people had no right of living, and only rich people can live normal life, all my troubles seemed so small that time

 

Asha

A dose of something like that truely puts things into prospective, huh?

-karen

Lynn gave you some really good suggestions. You need to relax! Muster some self-confidence, and don't allow your concern for your sister judging you, to upset you. I agree that your sister probably wants to make a connection with you. Let us know how your visit goes - relax, enjoy your visit, and don't be surprised if your sister gives you a helping hand.

Karen

Hi Lynn,

The best advice I got from a friend was that people want to help and all we need to do is point them in the right direction. We had so much help after Rob's stroke, for the first few months, I found it humbling.

Warm thoughts Lynn -

-Karen

Hi Sue,

I'm gonna stay inside - it was 20 below this morning.

Warm thoughts,

-Karen