kkholt

I finally found not one, but TWO two-piece bathing suits that fit. Being from Alaska we don't spend a lot of time in a bathing suit except for the occasional summer swim and the even less frequent warm weather holiday. So the bathing suit search over the past several months has been extensive and exhausting. All shopping has been achieved through mail order - as the closest store that might have a couple suits is over a hundred miles away. I would likely find upon making the 100 mile trek, a selection of suits, in sizes that most people can't wear, something like a size 4, petite. Not something a born and raised mature Alaskan girl can fit in to. Ask any Alaskan, we beef up in the winter, needing the extra fat for warmth. The exhaustive search came to an end last night - as I took my packages into the bathroom, and closed the door, for total privacy. My husband could not understand why I can dash in to use the bathroom on several occasions, to hurried to be bothered to close the door. But when it came time to try on a bathing suit, the curtains are drawn, the door is shut, and locked. Everybody is asked to leave the house. Like many women, one size suit doesn't fit my whole body. However I'm too cheap to buy the separates, $20 is my price range for a bathing suit - top and bottom. Thus, I have to compromise and one part of the suit will be a bit loose. As a result there is no way these suits will ever withstand any ocean water resistance, they are soley for tanning purposes. And so my search ends.

Hi Suzie-q, This is a great place for support. Blog away! -Karen

We lost a dear friend today. We all have those second mom's in our lives, the moms of our best friends who we build strong relationships with. Rob lost his second mom today. She has been suffering from cancer. She was diagnosed less than a year ago, and she lost the battle this morning. She had seven kids, and when ever I saw Rob come in to her presence, there was no doubt he was considered as number eight in her eyes. They adored each other. When Rob had his stroke, she visited him in the hospital. As he was getting out of the hospital she was admitted and he visited her. When she first visited him, she sat by his bed, when he visited her, she wanted him to stand from his wheelchair by her bed. They were bonding, she getting sicker, he getting better. They knew their roles. Towards the end of her illness, she had a lot of discomfort. Losing her is hard, however there is some ease knowing she is no longer in pain.

"I am three years post stroke in May......maybe this is as good as it gets. Yes I know in some ways I am one of the lucky ones. I can manage pretty well, so I shouldn't complain.......but we always want more. Maybe thats how and why we get better because we always want more." Mary - so well said! -Karen

We purchased our tickets for a March 2006 Mexico vacation and paid for accommodations before Rob had his stroke last August. As the pieces were falling together in the hospital, it did cross my mind whether we would be able to make our trip. I had a vision of me trying to push Rob in his wheelchair in the sand and it wasn't a very pretty vision. It is an important trip for me, I'm meeting my three sisters a best friend and all their husbands there. We haven't been all together since my Mom passed away 4 1/2 years ago. Within a week of leaving the hospital Rob was learning to walk with a cane, and I knew we would be able to go on our planned vacation. I soon thereafter sent the e-mail addressing the thought that my family was probably very quietly wondering - that yes it was our intention to meet them in Mexico. I got a couple sigh of relief replies. Nobody had even dared speak of their concern. So here I am, digging out the bathing suits. While it's 30 below out, I'm inside racking my brain, trying to remember where I last saw my tevas. Vowing to lose ten pounds in 4 weeks. Not sure how successful that will be as I just polished off a couple chocolate chip cookies. Thank goodness fat looks better when it's tan.

A dose of something like that truely puts things into prospective, huh? -karen

Lynn gave you some really good suggestions. You need to relax! Muster some self-confidence, and don't allow your concern for your sister judging you, to upset you. I agree that your sister probably wants to make a connection with you. Let us know how your visit goes - relax, enjoy your visit, and don't be surprised if your sister gives you a helping hand. Karen

Hi Lynn, The best advice I got from a friend was that people want to help and all we need to do is point them in the right direction. We had so much help after Rob's stroke, for the first few months, I found it humbling. Warm thoughts Lynn - -Karen

We were talking this morning about the question; why me? If you were walking along the street and found a bag full of money, would you ask the question; why me? If you end up with a puppy that grows up into a terrible bird dog, do you ask the question; why me? We all have good fortune and bad fortune - the answer to both is the same. We just don't question the good fortune we have.

Hi Sue, I'm gonna stay inside - it was 20 below this morning. Warm thoughts, -Karen

Rat poison. That's what Rob told me coumadin was. He hates taking it, you can tell by the scowl on his face and his demeaner when he talks about it. He is on the count down, to seeing the end of this medicine. A week and a half is all he has left and then he is done. Ending coumadin. It's a positive feeling when I think about it. It means that we are at the end of the treatment in an effort to prevent Rob from having another stroke, from his PFO. More healing. More progress.

Hi Kristin, I enjoyed your blog. As a committed caregiver myself - it really hits home and speaks to me. I noticed a lot in common with you in relation to your work, teenager, and committment to your family. Thoughts go through my head - just like you, that flee through fast. I have no guilt for those thoughts, and just consider them as a part of my emotional adjustment. "I didn't sign up for this" thought might breeze through my head and bring a few minutes of anger. Sometimes this is just the thought I need that gives me the spurt of energy to roll up my sleeves and continue the hard work ahead. I saw in your blog a very big-hearted caring person. I applaud you! -Karen

Hi Janice - how about suggesting spaghetti, it's about as easy as hamburger helper - just a little better tasting. -Karen

Throughout his therapy my husband when trying to move his affected arm has ALWAYS used every muscle in his body to get the arm to move - including all his facial muscles. We use to laugh when his in-patient therapist would say, "okay, now try to do that without using your eyebrows". I will sometimes hear my husband making funny noises - and notice he is trying with all his might to use his arm/hand to do something. It takes so much effort and he is trying so hard. Don't worry about the faces - use what ever muscles you need to get the job done. Even those eyebrows! -karen

Hi All! I have a really wierd feeling and need some help dealing with it..... My husband is 2 1/2 months post stroke, walking with a cane, has some hand/arm movement. However I live in fear that every day is all the better he will get. It must be part of the grieving process. I just can't shake it. It is almost an obsession. Any thoughts on how to get through this? Karen