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Hi Mary and welcome, You don't mention how long ago your stroke was; it takes a considerable amount of time for the dark cloud to lift. The incredible value of this site is that talking to others who have gone through it and doing things like blogging will help you to work through your emotions and move the process along. A stroke is very traumatic and we suffer the loss of many things as a result of it. We need to go through the normal grieving process just as with any loss in order to heal. Please ask for help and hugs as often as you need. We are a very caring group who will warmly be here for you.

Thank you Bonnie for the explanation, but no swirley arrows. You guys will just have to continue to muddle through life without anecdotes from the adventures of the dull and mundane. Happily with you up and running we can look forward to living vicariously through you.

I'm very impressed Miss Bonnie can you fix mine?

Doug, Have you considered if you like the bed you have...It certainly would be more cost effective to get Teddy doggy steps or a ramp from say Petco. It may not even be the actual bed but the depth of the mattress-something else you need to be conscious of when shopping. We bought a new pillow top mattress and while it was very comfortable, I swore I was going to get nosebleeds for a while. As I finished reading I saw you've already bought it and will have it tomorrow. Good should be nice and cozy for you and Teddy after a healthy snow dumping. At least you got the shopping in before you were snowbound. Try not to stress everything will fall into place and you guys will be fine. Maria

Doug, Sorry I missed your last entry on the actual move. I'm glad you're beginning to settle in and hope you made getting your anti seizure meds back on track a priority. Somehow I think Teddy will not stand for being less than the center of attention for long ~ he'll be charming the neighbors in to treats and uncovering rabbits in no time. It's good you're getting that bed set up because I wouldn't be too surprised if he had you sleeping on his blanket and he on the couch. You guys will get settled in and be very happy. I'm happy for you, you deserve it. Maria

Wes, As I was reading what you wrote I was thinking more along the lines of what your sister said. I wasn't thinking it was a bad thing for you, just more that you were becoming more focused on real life and your emotions are less dependent. The well running dry sounds like you just no longer have the need to vent which is a really good thing. You know this is a long road so if you do need to from time to time we'll be here. Even if you're not posting your own entries frequently, you can always continue to stay involved in the blog community as well by responding to others blogs. Keep up the good work Maria

Jeanne Happy Birthday!! As I'm sure you have been told many times and can attest to :insane: crazy people are born in March but that's okay because we're fun :monkeydance: :happybday: Love Maria :mwah:

Naomih, Happy to hear you weathered the storm safely. It's really quite a pain to lose power like that. Everyone around here knows the drill. You get one flush per bathroom, after that the well pump has no power to refill the tank so grab a bucket and fill the tank with pool water. Sometimes if we're really on the ball we fill the tub and avoid the schlep to the pool. Our grid had a bad transformer so the smallest gust of wind and we'd be out. Fortunately it was fixed so it takes a pretty big storm to knock us out now. I actually envy you for cleaning. My husband has taken over the cleaning duties which are livable and really not bad, but I would just love to have one week of my former self. So know as you're shining and polishing some nut out there wishes she was you.

P.F. Chang's is made much more palatable when you're enjoying it across the table from a 14 year old who has an attitude and a puss on because we could have stayed home and ordered the much better and real Chinese delivery food. If not the food I was tempted to see if he enjoyed the checked being stuffed down his throat, but he knows I'd never make a scene. Typical adolescent I can destroy your dinner out power struggle. With a 14 and 16 year old narrowing it to stroke induced can be a tough distinction, but I'm inclined to agree with mom. Two reasons- One I've noticed as I've been through various medications, some will cause almost a metallic taste in my mouth, other suppress my appetite. I think it has to do with how they effect and mix with your peptic acids. Secondly because she seems like a nice supportive lady and you were once 14.

Jean, Just way too adorable! One chomp on a toad and Levi will learn rather quickly that they taste nasty he'll steer very clear. Better gadgets should come with a kid than a user's guide. They know how to operate the stuff right out of the box. Keep us updated with pictures of Levi and Cooper, they're a joy to see. Be well and keep enjoying life! Maria

Doug, Sorry you had some difficulty getting to your appointment, but it sounds as though it may have been well worth it. Sounds like you'll do well with this doctor. It's great they didn't haul you off to the nut house, you don't belong there. Who knows with inflation your stand could pull in 2 bucks a patient. Sorry too to hear of your mom's mishap, hope she's doing well and doesn't need surgery. Maria

Doug, The apartment sounds great as long as you can handle it, especially now with Nora not so close at hand. The sharp shrill sound of the fire alarm likely bothered poor Teddy's ears. If it kept going on and off he likely didn't want to come out from under the bed fearing its next sounding.When he did he was at the door panting trying to escape it completely - always the smart pooch. Nice with the weather finally breaking you can begin your long walks with him. I'll bet the neighbors are storing up on his treats already and I'm sure he hasn't forgotten them either. Maria

Jeannie, Of the few friends that hung in to get beyond the fear, work, patience, and challenge it took to not just check out on me. They are the few that were ever really worth having to begin with. If I would have had the chance to guess prestroke who had the character to have withstood such an ordeal, they would have been my pick. I guess the fact the rest disappeared in reality is no great shock or surprise, it doesn't make it feel any better but my point is you have to take it from where it comes. I've always had many acquaintances but chosen my friends wisely. When the chips are down it makes it very easy to see the clear distinction between the two. Don't be disappointed trying to rekindle possible past acquaintances. There are many warm, caring wonderful people here will gladly welcome your friendship and be there for the long haul. Maria :friends:

Marie, Congratulations!!!! Many years of love, health and much happiness to you both. Love, Maria

Well said Polly I think you finally got it! :monkeydance: You don't have to beat it to move beyond it iinto the positive. How's this for something to Polly up and feel positive about? A new reality without tears :cheer: You look at your world in the present and appreciate the many talents you still have realizing they now may come with some slight limitations. Polly already knows now what she is capable of when she sets out, doesn't come back disappointed, frustrated, and crying. Instead my fellow Polly you're armed as before confident from the experience to take on the next with your smile and positive attitude for the next :congrats: . I think you really have had a major breakthrough I love you Polly Maria

With a beautiful face like that one thing she'll surely never have to fish for is compliments. Each time I think her latest pictures are just as adorable as can be, you floor me with new ones. Keep them coming, they're one of my favorite treats. Maria :friends:

Bunny, I'm sorry you are so sad and feel so all alone. I understand what you mean. I also worked with a lot of people prestroke. Looking forward to seeing them everyday almost becomes a means of socializing. That's another great value of this site. As you begin to visit regularly and get to know people the same thing happens. It becomes a social thing for you. You'll start to make friends,will have people to talk to and hang out with. You probably will also find another thing will start to happen. You won't be so sad anymore.This is really a great community of people which you'd very likely enjoy very much who would more than welcome you as a friend to hang with.

Doug, As the other ladies have said try not to jump to any conclusions. Enjoy the fact that you have a well behaved and loyal companion. I'm sure as spring rolls in Teddy will keep you more than entertained with outdoor adventures and quests for rabbits and romance. Another month or so and Teddy will lend to much happening. Maria

Wes, Congrats on your first day! I echo the others with take it easy! Don't push yourself too hard it's really not worth it.

Looks an awful lot more inviting than mine which is covered with snow and ice and probably frozen solid to the bottom. That hot tub looks way too good from 15 degrees. Don't be surprised to find us all in it.

John, The weather does seem to be at the forefront of things these days, but spring is coming. I think we will all surely appreciate it this year! Sorry you had to have oral surgery, so right- never fun. Good on the shot for the knees, this weather certainly couldn't have been making to bear them any easier. Between the shots and some warmer weather you should be good as new. Maria :friends:

My Pollyanna friend,, What makes it a bit more difficult is that we Pollys always believe the sun will come out tomorrow. Unfortunately Miss Scarlett we find with stroke that although tomorrow is another day, we may have to worry about it a bit because this is something a bright smile and positive attitude just doesn't cut it for. But we keep smiling and believing that somehow it is. While eternal optimism sounds like a good thing from the outside and certainly was prestroke. Now it's horrible. We almost keep believing that somehow magically it will all go away and it will all be okay again, not intellectually, but in our Pollyanna view of reality. Then when we are faced with the reality of the fact that our optimism just isn't enough for us to find a way to pull us through, we feel beaten down and defeated. That's when through the tears Polly says I don't think so I can't worry about this today! I'll worry about it tomorrow! Armed with that we find a new plan with which we are determined that our spirit is stronger than anything we've encountered before so this too we will overcome. So the cycles continues. This didn't kill your spirit my little fellow Polly. It just redefined the parameters of it. For now you're going to be optimistic and spirited not about being the old Kathy, but about planning a day or activities that are within reasonable limits for you now, so you can be optimistic about achieving them. You know what might find? You will have a good day, not be disappointed and cry. You will very likely to feel Pollyish enough to plan another and another, but take it slow so you don't burn yourself out reinventing Polly. It's like a diet where you need to plan your meals. You'd be best off to plan here to keep yourself in check. Socks are inconsequential in this. They make us happy either way. I love you Maria :mwah: :hug:

Leah, You jam packed an awful lot in to the day and don't leave out the fact you were pretty hyped up about going to the psychologist. The anticipation and emotional anxiety from that I'm sure added to you feeling wiped out. Stick with it though. It's a long process and one which is a gradual evolution. Try not to wipe yourself out with each appointment expecting some grand revelation. Therapy doesn't work that way, but it is worth the time, patience and work in the end. I don't find manicures and pedicures very relaxing. It's more of an inconvenience. I just want to be done with so I can get out of there and move on. Whatever you do Do not take waxing tips from Kathy! You don't sound nuts. You sound perfectly normal to me. I cried every day for 2 1/2 years. I'll be 4 years post in March and I don't cry every day any more, but I still have a good jag now and then. Keep chuggin along, you do find balance and it does get much better. Maria :mwah: :hug:

Wes, The irony of Provigil is that even though the doctor will prescribe it, the insurance company isn't so quick to buy into the whole thing. I thought, eh, can't be too bad to have on hand in case I need to attend a business function with my husband and actually need to hold a conversation. My prescription plan bounced it back and asked for all sorts of justification for use from my doctor. At that point I decided it just wasn't worth the hassle and muddled through. Going back to work for a week is a good suggestion. You'll see if the everyday really wears you out and really catches up with you. Don't be too disheartened and disappointed if it does. We don't have the ability to rebuild stamina the way we once did. Good luck with your driving evaluation. It may point out some adaptations that need to be made that you do not realize. Most importantly they will keep you and your family safe. Be well, Maria :friends:

Bart, I'm not handicapped, disabled or anything else. I'm just me and my arm doesn't work so well. You are your own limitations. Try not to define yourself by what you think you can't do.