Keepongoing

Stroke Survivor - female
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Blog Entries posted by Keepongoing

  1. Keepongoing
    Hi All,
    Its been sometime since I blogged, I love what you have done with the place. I have been taking the pain meds and they make me very tired by night-time. 6 days left and school is out and I can finally rest. I will also be able to get back to the site. Surgery is set for June 8th, can't wait it better work.
    I have some really great news. Rod has been doing some pretty amazing stuff. He finally started trying to write and it has been going well. He asked last week if I would take him to get the book to study for his driving permit, which we did and he passed. Tonight I let him drive. He needs practice but, he wasn't bad. All the nervousness on my part was worth the smile on his face. It will be 3 years next month and I never thought driving would be an option. :cheer:
  2. Keepongoing
    I haven't been blog for awhile, I am in so much pain at night I have been going to bed early. I am trying to keep work till the surgery, I really don't have a choice we need the income and the health insurance. Luckily I have summers off. Today was not one of my better days, I finally get a call for a job closer to home and I have to pass because of the back surgery. I tried talking to Rod about it, discuss the choices and I was talking to myself. We use to talk so much about so many things and like Jean and Don the Aphasia just kicks the hell out of that. Rod was my rock to lean on.Some days I think he is getting so much back and other days I realize how much we have lost. I know, I know pity party. :nuhuh: Things are so much better than some here have it and I shouldn't complain. I am in so much pain all the time it worries me how much more I can take. I worry if I will be able to take care of us. It is so hard doing everything, being so far away from family there is just no one to take care of me when I can't cook or drive. My optimistic side would say "well it can't get any worse" but the realist in me says "sure it can bring it on". Ignore me it's just the meds starting to kick in.
    Lynn
  3. Keepongoing
    I got to spend most of the weekend at a regional flower show. I was recruiting students for our progam. I teach landscape contruction and design. The flowers were so beautiful and really gave you the itch for spring. Plant people are really great, they are like caregivers they always have a smile and want to talk. This is the first time in a year I have done this and I had so much fun and met so many good people. I also realized I needed to get back into my field and do some speaking events and writing about plants. I have been putting it on hold. Rod can come with me and maybe we can meet some people this way too. I did find out that the Doctor doing my surgery is the best in western NY that people go on a waiting list to have him. Good sign.
  4. Keepongoing

    Work in Progress

    By Keepongoing,

    Most nights I just come here and read the blogs. They lift me up when I am down, and make me realize that things are really pretty good. I started reading tonight and it was like listen to my daughter the other night. She made the comment that I always use to see the upside to everything my glass was half full. That I am only focusing on the bad lately. Is this a caregiver thing? Then I read Alpine and Asha's blog and I heard the same thing my daughter was saying. I want to get to that point where I just apreciate all that I have that is good in my life. Not let the ups and the down affect me so much. I have been so worried about how I was going to take care of Rod after my back surgery it was really getting me down. Now, I am finding we really do have friends out here and we have people offering to help. Even Rod has stepped up his trying to do things for me. I need to Stop rushing through life and not enjoying it, I can't always be in control. I said I would do that after Rod's stroke and now I am caught up in the the rush of the world again taking care of everything. I need to take the time to feel the sunshine on my face. I guess I will always be a work in progress.
  5. Keepongoing

    Back Surgery

    By Keepongoing,

    We finally got my results and I have to have back surgery (fusion) in May. It's a defect I was born with. I am just so lucky I got all the best genes (LOL). Rod came with me and even asked questions of the doctor. It's going to be difficult but, after the last two days I think we will be OK. When we got back to the car after the appt Rod insisted on taking his scooter apart and putting it in the back of the car, he did pretty well. He had a little trouble with taking the two main pieces apart. When he went to pull out the seat with one hand he couldn't do it, next minute he reaches out with his effected arm and is able to pull the seat out and uses both hands to put it in the car. I was amazed. Today I came home and he had been out to the garage and he was able to bring in two bags of pellets on his own. That made me nervous and I told him so. He told he was being careful and he was real proud of himself. Tonight he kept asking if I needed him to get anything for me. Wow, what a change. It's as if he finally is getting his drive back, I don't know if his concern for me has triggered it, but it's really nice to see him trying. We have family that will come out and help. The hospital I will be in is an hour away so they will bring Rod up to see me. I always wonder why life has to be so hard sometimes then something like this happens and then I know what that reason is. May will be 3 years post stroke and still having major improvements!
  6. Keepongoing

    Rod was in a chat

    By Keepongoing,

    Well I finally got Rod on the board and got him in a chat with Jean and Sharnett. Thankyou both for talking to him. He was really happy he tried it. He can get over that people are talking on line. This from a man who use to build machines with computers in them. I think he is finally going to start reaching out. Today is a really good day. When he is online you will see RodD, he still learning so if he doesn't answer he maybe be confused how to respond. I will keep working with him on that. :thankyou:
  7. Keepongoing
    I was told when Rod had his stroke that more people die from stroke than heart attacks, yet more is said about the warning signs of heart attacks than strokes. After Rod's stroke I was given a list of signs, he had almost everyone, and he had been seeing his doctor to complain. She had over 10 posters on heart attack symptoms and not one for stroke. I think many GP don't even recognize stroke symptoms. There needs to be some way to make the public more aware of stroke and it's symptoms. It's too bad the American Stroke Association doesn't do more TV commercials. I know it may not help in every case but, I am sure it would help a lot of people. Just my 2 cents worth, with all of our technology why can't we use it for something worth while.
  8. Keepongoing

    Finishing sentences

    By Keepongoing,

    I just realized today that Rod and I will be celebrating our 18th anniversary on Feb 13. We married on the same day as our first date which was a friday the 13th (we figured if we survived the day then it was lucky for us). It was a second marriage for both of us each with our own children. They say second marriages are the hardest. I say it has been the best even with the stroke. We have been through a lot of stuff but, our relationship just always got stronger. I use to be the one always in a rush forgetting what I want to say and there would be Rod finishing my sentences. Now I am the one who finishes the sentences for him, on the days that aphasia is winning the battle. Today it happened about 5 times he was getting so frustrated and I felt so bad for him. I said with a big smile you know you use to be the one that had to finish my sentence and I didn't have an excuse. We both started laughing and realized it's things like this that makes our marriage work; love, laughter, and caring.
    I survived the test on my back. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks we will have a verdict on whats wrong with it. It was so nice to have my daughter and grandson out to help us for two days. The last couple of months I have been doing a lot of worrying about what to do if I get sick, who would take care of Rod and me. Our grandson is 18 months old and a doll. He sure kept Rod busy, he wore him out. I am not sure how much Rod really grasps the seriousness of my back injury. He has been really clingy all of a sudden. For now I just need to keep him laughing and finishing his sentences.
  9. Keepongoing

    Depending on others

    By Keepongoing,

    I have to go and have a test on my back on thursday after which I have to lay flat for a day and a half(Mylogram). I was so worried about what I was going to do to feed Rod or help him if he needed it. He can do a lot of things but using the stove is not one. Then I remembered I said I was going to reach out from now on and ask for help when I needed it. Reaching out is so hard for me, I do have that super women attitude sometimes, or maybe I just don't need to be let down. Well, I reached out and to my surprise people responded. What really surprised me was my daughter. She is going to make the 6 hour drive out to help us. It just goes to show maybe outsiders really don't know what you are going through and are just waiting for you to ask. They see so many of us as a towers of strength and don't want to interfere. I am sure there are many that don't care but, I am beginning to think there are more that do.
     
  10. Keepongoing

    Getting on with life

    By Keepongoing,

    Today was a good day, I am starting to have a good time at work and enjoying our life even with the changes the stroke has brought us. I hurt my back just before thanksgiving and found out on Monday it going to be a continual problem. I am just finally beginning to realize life is tough for everyone not just us, and that it could be worse! We are going to start living the life we have now and the heck with thinking about what we had. What we still have is each other. We need to find new things to do with both our limitations. Rod is trying to be even more helpful because of my back, he is truly an amazing man. He just never gives up and always has a smile for me.
    I have to stop trying to be so independant, always having to do everything myself. I have decided that what ever help I get from family and friends I will take. If family can't bother to pitch in then it is their loss. When I need help I am going to ask from now on and I am not going to think that I might be bothering them. It time to have a new outlook on life.
  11. Keepongoing

    Lake effect snow

    By Keepongoing,

    Well winter finally found us, darn. This Lake effect snow thing is for the birds. We are starting our third year here and I still can't figure out why anyone in their right mind would live here if they didn't have too. When I was first hired for the job I asked about they snow, I was told we get around 6" and it stays that way the rest of winter. Yeah! that because it usually snows on a daily basis. The year we moved here it snowed everyday until the end of April. At least this year has been my kind of winter so far, so I guess I had better not complain. Rod got some good news the seizures are under control and the Dr. is going to take him off the baclofen for his clonis that seems to be under control as well. Two days of Dr's appts but, some good results for a change. Sometimes it just feels like Appts are our social life. Heres hoping to an early spring and an even healthier one.
  12. Keepongoing

    Surprises

    By Keepongoing,

    :happydance: I haven't posted in awhile but something happened that is so wonderful and I figure I need to talk about the good as well as the bad. Last night Rod made a comment that he was worried he had forgotten so much and that he could remember things that happened when the kids were little. He started talking about his stroke for the first time and told me what it had felt like and what he remembers of all that he went through. 45 mins. had past I just let him go on and on, I couldn't believe what I was hearing my husband having a conversations for the first time in 2.5 years, using sentences and talking about feelings. We were talking again something we use to love to do. I was so afraid to let it stop, that it was a fleeting moment. He all of a sudden seem more aware and wants to get back more. This has been a problem with him no desire to try and get his life back. He's doing his exercises for the past week and trying to help me even more. I just hope now that the desire to fight is back he won't get down if it doesn't go as fast as he wants it to. For now I am just going to be happy with the conversation and the little pieces of my husband that are coming back. :happydance:
  13. Keepongoing

    Our Valentines Day

    By Keepongoing,

    I have been reading all the blogs about love, how it changes, valentines day, and people mistaking us for their daughters instead of their wives. Today is our 18th wedding anniversary and I was thinking of all the things we cannot do or we do not have in our lives right now and it was sort of sad. I brought Rod home a rose and he had a card waiting for me. He had tried to write something special like he use to do all the time before his stroke. He had the biggest smile because he had tried and then he told me what it was suppose to say. "Happy 18th anniversary, Can I have another 18 more?" Love does change in our situations I believe it just gets more real. I still get a flutter in my heart and can't imagine life without him even when it's hard. That's what love is! Happy Valentines Day everyone
  14. Keepongoing
    I had a great trip with my students to set up for the Buffalo flower show. I just set up a new album with some pictures of the flowers and work my students did. Even with my back hurting I enjoyed the day. Rod almost got his computer wireless, hopefully by Thursday then I will get him back on the site. His computer is so slow he gets fustrated. We had a long talk about the driving again. I want him to wait a little while longer. His forgetfulness has me worried. I have gotten the information for him and I am going to give them a call and see what they do in the assessment of his driving skills. Had a great time in the Chat the other night. Hope the pictures give everyone some spring fever.