jjohnson

Stroke Survivor - female
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  1. jjohnson
    Well, I thought it was time I wrote a blog and share with you what has been going on in my lil part of the world.
     
    First, I would like to share the following. It sorta sums up my feelings about my "Stroke Journey" which began November 2003.
     
     
    The Process
    I think of myself as diamond,
    perhaps pure gold.
    Maybe my life is an antique vase,
    unique, precious, and rare.

    Consider the point in which they all began.

    Think of the process each went through.
    Each test of life has shaped me.
     
    Failure has polished the diamond I am.

    The tragedy purified my golden finish.

    Another love lost has molded me like clay,

    and shaped me into this lovely vase.

    You have given me strength
    to overcome stress and change,
    only to make my faith stronger in the end.
     
    I began my "membership to StrokeNet because I am a Brain Stem Stroke Survivor. Then life was learning to live life one second at a time. Then a few years later, I experienced two TIA's. I again picked myself up and continued down the journey of life. Then again, I was again back in the hospital ... to be percise, December 19th, 2010 .... funny thing is.... I was at 9am service at Church when this happened... they had to call 911 and I was back at the hospital. I thank GOD it is a "Stroke Certified" Hospital. I feel very safe there and they know I am a "Club Med" frequent patient plan. This time I went straight from the ambulance to a DR in no time flat. End result.... I had yet another Brain Stem Stroke. This one took out my site fully in my left eye. I have been having to wear an eye patch... I felt like a Pirate only minus the bird on my shoulder and no peg leg. With each stroke, I just have to try to stay strong and know this is just another part of my journey. It has been very very hard this go round. Another BIG LOSS for me is my dear friend of 49 years, my dear Lindy. She passed away on February 4th. It is a BIG loss for me as we were like Sisters. I miss her so very much. When I got home from the first Brain Stem ordeal, like I have shared before, all my "so called friends/acquaintances" abandonded me... Lindy was the only true one who stayed by my side. I have two friends, Lisa in PA and Lisa in VA, and I am grateful we have communication by telephone. I do count my blessings. It's just I am or I should say I WAS such a people person and I truly MISS having contact with people. BUT, I just have to be thankful for what I do have. I just miss Lindy so much and I know she is my Guardian Angel watching over me. I think I am kinda sad also because on the 19th my Mom will be gone 38 years. I so miss her as well. Oh well, now to share some happy moments here before I lose my readers. It's hard to believe I used to be a professional clown (pre stroke of course) ....
    Beau has been with us for a year as of Valentine's Day and he is such fun and has settled in beautifully. Of course, there were a few things that he has done that he shouldn't have, but he was still in that puppy stage. He shows me such love and is truly turning into a great therapy dog. He came to me on the day of LOVE and that love continues on and on and on. I thank GOD daily for him and I truly believe Beau thanks for taking him in as a rescue and made him into a full fledged family member. He is just precious and he has a PERSONALITY.... let me tell you.
    I am doing PT and OT now again since my last Brain Stem Stroke. I sm happy to share that those that have been praying for my site to return to my left eye.... keep those prayers going... I no longer am wearing my patch much. I had seen like three times the Specialist from the Wilmer Eye Institute ... my last visit with her she stated to my hubby and I that it was her "Professional" opinion that I was one hundred per cent blind and it was her "Professional" opinion it was irreversable. I asked her if I could plse have a second opinion ... she didn't care for that very much.... she had tested me and retested me during those three visits.. but, I explained that I was not trying to be rude, however, she has a license to practice but my Heavenly Physician is who I am trusting in as through his Stripes I can be healed. So, she gave me the Dr's name I was going to see. He was very far away and it seemed to take forever n a day... but we went. He put me through the "ringer" let me tell you. He told me there was a cyst on the back of the brainstem. There was a lot of damage since the first Brain Stem Stroke in 2003. I have lost all my perf vision... I have lost about ten to fifteen per cent of my brain and that is why there is fluid there. Seeing the MRI was truly shocking to me and Wayne. Every Specialist I have seen lately all say the same thing. They can't believe I am sitting in front of them... Their professional opinion is that I should be a "vegetable"... that with they are viewing I shouldn't be speaking, etc. My balance is way off ... thus the PT and OT. The one thing that I am experiencing which I just hate is the fact my memory is worse than before and also I cry and laugh at the drop of a hat. The Neuro said is was emotional liability. I'm trying not to beat myself up over all this. I am just so happy my site is doing much better in my left eye. I mean I was kinda a "cute" pirate but I truly didn't want to walk the plank. hehehe
    I feel at least I can watch tv better than before and I get to share American Idol with a dear friend. I try to be thankful for what I still have vs what I have lost and like what I posted stated.... this journey is making me who and what I am. After all, Jesus was on the cross and I am no better than him. He wasn't even offered anything for pain. I still get headaches since this started but I take meds for that daily and it seems to keep things a float. I can't believe how many new Dr's I have seen since 12/19... I realize how blessed I am that I am even here... I just hope this is the last one I have. Maybe I should wear garlic around my neck to ward them off. hehehe
     
    "Patience of spirit is better than haughtiness of spirit." - Ecclesiastes 7:8
     
    To have patience with other people is one of life's greatest qualities.
     
    In Lincoln, The War Years, Sandberg writes of Lincoln's patience with his cabinet in the most difficult days of American history. Many in his cabinet felt they were a whole lot smarter than the President. They made a point of letting other people know it, too. Some mocked and belittled him; one even call him a dumb gorilla. These words often got back to President Lincoln and his wife. She despised them; yet, he was incredibly patient. When he died, these same men realized they had served under one of the greatest Americans who had ever lived.
     
    Patience with others is a Christ-like quality. Ask God for patience, but watch out if you do! God just might put some difficult people around you to try your patience. This is a part of learning patience, as well as an answer to your prayer. I guess I should end this Blog as my computer isn't doing really well.... the page keeps acting crazy (and no it isn't the Typist hehehe) Lenny, I must agree with you my friend, it has been healing to put my feelings down .... I might just have to do it again...
    I try to keep an "Attitude List" daily and remember the good things in life.... I pray for those in need and keep my friends in my thoughts always. I am happy I can be a "Prayer Warrior".... I also get a kick when these new Specialists are all shocked that I have survived the Brain Stem Strokes. Like Helen Ready sang: I am Woman hear me roar... or I will survive by Gloria Gaynor.... I just sing" "Believe in Miracles and SOAR" or "There's nothing to it BUT to do it"... I pray for everyone always. God Bless and Happy Saint Paddy's Day to you.
    Love n Hugs, Jan
  2. jjohnson
    Isn't it funny as we grow in life we value things different with each journey we take? When we were young, we wanted toys, toys and more toys, then our teen years, we had to have the coolest stuff, what the other kids had, however, I never got that sort of stuff as my Mom was basically on her own since my Dad wasn't around and he spent more time and effort on the "Drinking scene"... My Mom did the best she could. She would get for me and my sister before ever getting what she needed.
    We had shoes on and clean clothes and were happy to have food in our tummys. Gosh,I miss her so. Thing is, I was always happy for the simple things in life. Never wanted much. Just a roof over my head, my bills to be paid and never needed the most fancy car. Just one that ran and had four tires. hehe I have never been the Madonna "Material Girl" ... I have just been me and have always danced to the tune of my own drum.
     
    WELL, now SANTA, I do have something for your LIST. I want my eye sight back please. Doesn't have to be 20/20... Just not "Blind" I don't do well with that.... Even this double, triple, etc. I will be happy to deal with. I just want the ability to see and get on with my life.
     
     
    The simple things in life ....
     
    Love,
    Peace
    Gratitude
     
    Laughter
    Friends
    Blessings
     
    GOD
     
    Faith, Hope and TRUST
    PEACE
    Rainbows
    Sound of Raindrops
    The Birds Tweeting
    CLOUDS
    The sound of the Ocean
     
    so much more
     
    There is so much more life out there for me to explore
     
    Merry Christmas
    it means more to me than just the presents....
     
    I so appreciate the light of the peace that was born that very night
     
    I LOVE LIFE....... THANK YOU GOD FOR THAT
  3. jjohnson
    :happydance:
    :Clap-Hands: :cheer: :beer: :hug: :forgive_me?:
     
    Hi and welcome to my special "Celebrate" Blog Entry. It's funny, I knew I wanted to write about my feelings the evening before my "Anniversary Day".... I got on my computer and I looked at the clock and it said: 12:26 and I thought WOW, that is when my Birthday is: 12/26... it was then and there I knew ... I was meant to write about this day at this very moment.
     
    As you can see by my "Emoticons" they express my feelings.
    I am starting this Blog Entry by doing my "Happy Dance"
     
    Today is my 7th Anniversary of my Brain Stem Stroke and all I had to go through and where I am at today. Today is like a Birthday for me as that is how I like to think of it.... I was "Reborn" ...Given a second chance at life as I am a Miracle and God said my work isn't done on earth yet.
     
    For those who don't know me... I will share the Reader's Digest SHORT part of it. (You can read it in My Gallery section).
     
    I went into the hospital for a simple "In and Out" Procedure, a Heart Cath. Well, it ended up I needed Emergency Open Heart ByPass Surgery and when I was in Recovery, I didn't respond and they had to shock me twice. Still nothing, so they did a CT Scan and it revealed I had experienced a major Stroke on my BrainStem and there were so many other strokes they were "too numerous to count." I was in a Coma and on Life Support. My Husband was told numerous times I wasn't going to make it and if I did I would be in a vegetative state for the rest of my life and have to live in a nursing home. They lost me but brought me back. Well, I did come out of the coma but found out I was totally paralyzed. Told I would never walk or talk, etc. All I could do was lay flat and stare at the ceiling. All I could do was cry out to GOD and he told me he would Never leave nor Forsake ME. He never has. IF it wasn't for my Faith, I truly don't think I would have made it.
    I got to the point where I got to Rehab and after months of that....I proved them all wrong. I got to go home in a wheelchair as my "ride". I was very blessed that my Hubby took on the roll of "Caregiver" and I have been able to be in my own home. That, in itself, has been a wonderful motivator for me. It has been a long, tough journey. A lot of ups and downs, twists and turns, I think my wonderful 911 crew felt in the beginning they should just move on in...
    I fell so many times. They were so kind toward me and understanding. After much hard work and pulling myself up by my boot straps, I am only using my wheelchair when I am out for long periods of time, all the other time, I use my Rollaider. I just adore my Rollaider. I love to stand tall and let the world know I am a Miracle through the Grace of God. By all the Specialists, my Cardiologist, etc. I am not suppose to be here. The Beast didn't know whose door he was knocking on. The best thing those Specialists said and it made me want to prove them all wrong was I would never talk or walk again. I had to start out in Rehab like I was just born, Like a lil baby, learn how to sit up, roll over, feed myself, etc. BUT, hey, here I am 7 years later. It amazes me. Instead of trying to shoot down the HOPE I tried to hold onto, they wanted to just leave it at the door. Well, I have held onto that HOPE and I have stayed on this Journey of HOPE as I call it. My thought I always kept in my heart and mind was: I walk by Faith and not by Site. I tried to stay positive....it was hard ..I won't say it was a bed of roses. The hardest part of all of it was the loss of my perf. vision, I am blind there and I had to turn my Driver's License in and that just about did me in. My freedom, my independance was taken. But, hey, I just had to reinvent the way I was going to get things done. I still drive people crazy hehehe so hey ... it is what it is. Another saying I incorporated was There's nothing to it BUT to do it.... my favorite accomplishment was writing my Book, "The Little Bird Who Couldn't Fly" It was the story of my ordeal about adversity and how you overcome it. My saying from that is: "Believe in MIRACLES and continue to SOAR"... Life is a journey each day and each day I wake up I thank God and he gives me a clean canvas and it's fun to see how I fill it out. I am blessed by the recovery I have. My enjoyment is sitting out on my "GrandPop's Stoop" (I wrote a Blog about that last year I believe)...I love sitting outside and listening to my windchimes and hearing the birds sing. I love going a half mile from my home and see my beautiful Chesapeake Bay. There is so much life out there and I want every bit of it I can take. Never give up....
    I had a goal a few months ago as what I could do and get it done before my anniversary date of today. I wanted to see if I could read a book and see if I could remember the story line. I have really bad short term memory, it drives my hubby nuts. I have long term memory but not short term real well. I finished my book the other day and a friend took it back to the Library. She got me the book in LARGE PRINT.... I told her that was the only way I could ever try to meet my goal deadline. I would have to refresh my memory in order to start a few days later of reading. It took me a while to get it read. It was a little tricky with my eyes reading a book....but I tried different things and I did get it read. I have shared the storyline with others to see if I could remember it and they were so happy to rejoice with me with meeting my goal.
    It is fun to look back (I don't dwell on it as I want to look forward)
    I have been blessed with a lot of recovery. I think as long as I try ...who is to tell me what recovery is still out there for me?
    This hasn't only been my seven years of going through this, my hubby, he's my Caregiver as he has to dress me and put my shoes and socks on... I am cooking most of my meals now. I have been "releasing" weight...I don't say losing it cuz I don't want to find it. It makes walking much better and it is good for my Diabetes and my Muscular Dystrophy. I want as much of life back as I can get.
    I have experienced three other strokes. They were TIA's. I need to keep stress outta my life. Easier said than done. We are talking about life here and all that comes with it.
    Wayne has to do most of everything and I do try to pitch in and do what I can to take the load off of him.
    It will be a year in December since my precious Harley Boy went to the Rainbow Bridge and I miss him so much but we have had Beau nine months now and he is such a love bug. He is doing a lot to help me. The unconditional love he gives me .... that is a healing that is for sure and he is putting paw prints on my heart.
    So if any new members are reading this blog, please stay strong, stay positive and keep the HOPE alive cuz there is recovery. I know cuz I am here.....seven years later. If I can help you in any way, please PM me....I have to pay it forward.....I can't keep it all to myself. I want to share my experience, strength and hope with others.
    Oh, the neatest thing is one of my special prayers is coming true...while I was in Rehab, I had the Best Nurse and she shared with me where she went to Church, I have been looking for a new Church and I found the one she said she went to. I wondered if she would be there after all this time. She is a member there, she just had surgery a few months ago, but, I can't wait to see her when she returns.
    Thinking about that just shows me how far I have come.
    Life is good....Life is worth fighting for.
    Well, I hope you enjoy today ...as for me, I want to shout it from the roof tops, WORLD, Here it is..... seven years later.....
    Most people say "Seven Year Itch..." hehehe
    I say... Thank you God for the gift of seven years.
    I want to share:
     
    Character may be manifested in the great moments, but it is made
    in the small ones.
     
    -- Phillips Brooks
    also
     
    "If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning." - Gandhi
     
    "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." Phill 4:13
     
    When the journey got hard, as believe you me it did, he carried me in his loving, capable arms. But, today we both are rejoicing and celebrating.
     
    Have a wonderful day today and thanks for taking the time to read my Blog. Hugs and Love and Blessings always. Jan
  4. jjohnson
    WOW, so much has been going on in my lil part of the world ... I'm still out here taking life a moment at a time. I think of Tim McGraw's song. "Live life as though you are dying".... I truly do try to get as much in my days as humanly possible. There has been joy along as much sorrow lately these past few months. The JOY is the simple fact my new baby, Beau, is fitting in quite well.... He's a bundle of energy and full of LOVE for me. He makes me laugh daily. He has been in my life five months today. He truly is a special gift God put into my life. I will always miss my Harley Boy but he will always be in my heart and I know he's watching me from Doggie Heaven. I have noticed some new "recovery" since I have had Beau. He brings me his toys to throw and he will catch them and bring them back to me and I either use my "gripper" to pick them up or I will bend over to pick them up. I didn't even realize I was doing that as it was like Jan pre Brain Stem Stroke. It just came to my mind last night that I was doing that. I mean I am not the fastest person doing it BUT I am doing it. I can't do a lot of picking up and throwing due to my Myasthenia Gravis, however, I am doing it. Beau gets so excited with his Mommy. We sure are a good team. He is learning to be a "Service Dog" for me, he wakes me up, etc. BUT, I think he is doing the better part of training me to be HIS Service Mommy. There is joy again in my life since my precious Harley passed away. I truly didn't think I would ever get over that loss, however, time has helped and some really great, wonderful loving friends. The pain will always be there as I adored my Harley but he wouldn't want me to be the way I was. Harley left a great legacy ... his legacy was LOVE and he would have wanted me to get a rescue dog and give it love... Harley was a rescue. So, Beau joining our lives was meant to be. It is so cute when I get up in the morning, Beau brings me his toys and lays them at my feet as if they are his gift to me for the day. Then he bows in front of me. It is so cute. As though they are his "offering" to me. He sure knows how to touch my heart. He has put footprints there right beside Harley's.
    Next page of what is going on in my part of the world.
     
    A very dear friend of mine who was a stroke survivor took their life in June. This has been the hardest thing for me to deal with. I miss her so much and she was doing so much better. I had been working with her for the past two and a half years. We would go to the movies, go out to eat, she would come to my house and we would work together. She was to come to my house that Wednesday and she didn't show, I called her Wednesday and Thursday.. no answer so I left her a message. The last time we spoke I told her how much I loved her and she told me she loved me as well... Her exact words were "I Love YOU".... the next day she took her life. Instead of coming to see me as planned she had her nurse who drove her and stayed with her during the day to take her to get her hair cut and get her nails done. I live with the thought if we had gotten together, maybe, I could have said something to have helped her, etc. People have said I knew her like the back of my hand and she probably didn't come over because she knew I would sense something wasn't right. I never in a million years would have thought she would have taken her life. I know, deep in my heart, God welcomed her with his arms wide open .... She was such an awesome woman. I loved her so much and I miss her deeply. She felt she wasn't getting better fast enough....But, I saw her improving. Just not fast enough I guess. I guess no one will ever know the whys.... That damn Beast Stroke.
    I went to her funeral, however, the Church was full so we had to try to go into an overflow room and the speakers didn't work. The important thing is I went... she knew I was there. I went ahead and had a moment of my own to celebrate her life....I would take her a half mile from my home to the Chesapeake Bay and I taught her how to throw coins into the water....I would say "Now, make a wish" and we would throw them in... she would get so excited and smile. She shared my love by being by the water. I also went and got a brand new two dollar bill... cuz we were a team. I would call us "The Twosome Stroke Survivor Sistas"..... I cherish that two dollar bill. My dear friend, Bonnie, took me.
    Last week my dear friend, Bonnnie, lost her husband to Stroke. I went to the Celebration of his life and it was something.
    I just wish one day that damn BEAST will be a thing of the past.
    The thing that bothers me is Bonnie's hubby was at the Hospital where I went for my last two strokes, it is a stroke certified hospital... but, with his passing, it sorta makes me wonder. I know that is negative thinking and I have had such excellent care there, but, I guess because he died there.... I just have to give it all to God and pray for peace.
    I will be here for my dear friend, Bonnie, his wife. I did go to the viewing and she was tickled to see me there and thanked me for being there. I just said why wouldn't I be? We are friends and that is what friends do for one another.
    I need to get through this valley of sadness and move forward ...
    My Brother-In-Law, Tommy, had to be rushed to the hospital and they put stints in and they sent him home and days later he had a heart attack and went back, they didn't put the stents in far enough and they ended up being one hundred per cent blocked. He's doing better now, Thank God.
    Now... on to some positive updates:
     
    I have been trying to help my health.... I have, to date, Released 37 pounds. I don't say Lost as I don't want to find them, I say Released. It has been an awesome experience. I have been walking with my Rollaider. The weather has been so bad lately. Rain, Rain, Rain, super hot so I haven't been walking too much but I get it in when I can. I do use my NuStep Machine and my Richard Simmons Tapes. He is such a "Hoot"... Laughter is so good for the soul.
    I'm still working with my cancer patients. I have had three more referred to me and it is such a blessing. I truly thought my volunteer work was over after my Brain Stem Stroke and the deficits it left me with. BUT, There's nothing to it BUT to do it. Where there is a will, there is a way. I still have my mouth and my computer and phone. So, with God's help, we "get er done" as Earl would say.
    It's hard to imagine that this November it will be seven years since that day my life changed forever. There has been blessings, I am still here, I still need to stop being the Judge and Jury of Jan. I am so hard on myself. My life has always been my volunteer work.... it's in my blood. I still Host my MD Chat and I enjoy that so much. My MG has it's good days and ... ups and downs with it. Extreme heat doesn't help and this summer has been rough thus far. Extreme cold doesn't help either and those six feet of snow was really tough for me. I am blessed we have heat and a/c... my heart goes out to those who are homeless. I appreciate the blessings I have.
    I look at life so different now. I see it as a Map.... The road changes, the route I might have in mind to take sometimes has detours. But, I just enjoy the ride... There are ups and downs, ins and outs, twists and turns. I just take it all in.
    I just am grateful I have the recovery I have thus far. I still keep that HOPE alive and work daily to keep what I have and hope for more.
    I think the weight loss is helping me a great deal.
    I so enjoy sitting out on my "Grandpops Stoop" and enjoy so much listening to the birds singing their little toons for me, listening to my awesome windchimes. I try to sit out as much as possible, the heat is not cooperating with me. But, on good days, that is where you will find me. Beau has to sit out with his Mommy. He has a lot of "Jan" in him. He is a "People Person" as well. He is a great source of comfort and company for me. He truly is a good lil guy. IF only he could get out of his "terrible ones or twos" No one truly knows how old he is. The Vet thought about a year but he truly doesn't know. He is a good boy and I sure am blessed he is ours.
    I spoke to one of the Moms of one of my Cancer Children I had worked with about 14 years ago and he is in College now on a Football scholarship and he is in College...His plan is he wants to be an Oncologist ... WOW.... He is a counselor at a Camp for Cancer Children. I am so proud of him.
    I have been a Pen Pal for a friends son as he went through a "Boot Camp" for the new position he is being hired for with the Dept of Defense. He had to go to Georgia and go through some very intense training. That was a cool thing to do.... I enjoyed being there for him. He graduated yesterday and he is on his way back to Maryland.
    Just try to keep my days busy.
    I see my new Specialist today so I should try to catch some shut eye before my day starts.
    This is what has been going on in my lil corner of the world.
    Just remember, each day we are given a canvas... how are we going to fill out that blank page?
     
    Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do. Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.
    - William Faulkner
     
    Never mind what others do; do better than yourself, beat your own record from day to day, and you are a success.
    - William J. H. Boetcker
     
    Achievement seems to be connected with action. Successful men and women keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don't quit.
    - Conrad Hilton
     
    Do the best you can. Be proud of your accomplishments - without comparing yourself to others.
     
    Hope you are doing well.... Enjoy your day. Love n Hugs, Jan Remember: Without Friends, life would be like a garden without flowers... :forgive_me?:
  5. jjohnson
    You can't let praise or criticism get to you. It's a weakness to get caught up in either one.
    - John Wooden
     
    Conventional people are roused to fury by departure from convention, largely because they regard such departure as a criticism of themselves.
    - Bertrand Russell
     
    Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
    - H. L. Mencken
     
    Criticism is almost never constructive. Don't criticize others, and ignore it when you receive criticism.
     
     
     
     
     
    Stay Positive Around Negative People
     
    Courage Quotes
     
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. - Elbert Hubbard
     
    Ralph Waldo Emerson quote: Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail
     
     
  6. jjohnson
    "DON'T LEAVE IT ON THE DESK"
     
    There was a certain professor of religion named Dr. Christianson, a studious man who taught at a small college in the western United States.
    Dr. Christianson taught the required survey course in Christianity at this particular institution. Every student was required to take this course their freshman year, regardless of his or her major.
     
    Although Dr. Christianson tried hard to communicate the essence of the gospel in his class, he found that most of his students looked upon the course as nothing but required drudgery. Despite his best efforts, most students refused to take Christianity seriously.
     
    This year, Dr. Christianson had a special student named Steve. Steve was only a freshman, but was studying with the intent of going onto seminary for the ministry. Steve was popular, he was well liked, and he was an imposing physical specimen. He was now the starting center on the school football team, and was the best student in the professor's class.
     
    One day, Dr. Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him.
     
    "How many push-ups can you do?"
     
    Steve said, "I do about 200 every night."
     
    "200? That's pretty good, Steve," Dr. Christianson said. "Do you think you could do 300?"
     
    Steve replied, "I don't know.... I've never done 300 at a time"
     
    "Do you think you could?" again asked Dr. Christianson.
     
    "Well, I can try," said Steve.
     
    "Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I have a class project in mind and I need you to do about 300 push-ups in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do it? I need you to tell me you can do it," said the professor.
     
    Steve said, "Well... I think I can...yeah, I can do it."
     
    Dr. Christianson said, "Good! I need you to do this on Friday.. Let me explain what I have in mind."
     
    Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the room. When class started, the professor pulled out a big box of donuts. No, these weren't the normal kinds of donuts, they were the extra fancy BIG kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited it was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to get an early start on the weekend with a party in Dr. Christianson's class.
     
    Dr. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, "Cynthia, do you want to have one of these donuts?"
     
    Cynthia said, "Yes."
     
    Dr. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?"
     
    "Sure!" Steve jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. Then Steve again sat in his desk. Dr. Christianson put a donut on Cynthia's desk.
     
    Dr. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, "Joe, do you want a donut?"
     
    Joe said, "Yes." Dr. Christianson asked, "Steve would you do ten push-ups so Joe can have a donut?"
     
    Steve did ten push-ups, Joe got a donut. And so it went, down the first aisle, Steve did ten push-ups for every person before they got their donut.
     
    Walking down the second aisle, Dr. Christianson came to Scott. Scott was on the basketball team, and in as good condition as Steve. He was very popular and never lacking for female companionship..
     
    When the professor asked, "Scott do you want a donut?"
     
    Scott's reply was, "Well, can I do my own push-ups?"
     
    Dr. Christianson said, "No, Steve has to do them."
     
    Then Scott said, "Well, I don't want one then."
     
    Dr.. Christianson shrugged and then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Scott can have a donut he doesn't want?"
     
    With perfect obedience Steve started to do ten push-ups.
     
    Scott said, "HEY! I said I didn't want one!"
     
    Dr.. Christianson said, "Look! This is my classroom, my class, my desks, and these are my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don't want it." And he put a donut on Scott's desk.
     
    Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his brow.
     
    Dr. Christianson started down the third row. Now the students were beginning to get a little angry. Dr. Christianson asked Jenny, "Jenny, do you want a donut?"
     
    Sternly, Jenny said, "No."
     
    Then Dr. Christianson asked Steve, "Steve, would you do ten more push-ups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn't want?"
     
    Steve did ten....Jenny got a donut.
     
    By now, a growing sense of uneasiness filled the room. The students were beginning to say, "No!" and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks.
     
    Steve also had to really put forth a lot of extra effort to get these push-ups done for each donut. There began to be a small pool of sweat on the floor beneath his face, his arms and brow were beginning to get red because of the physical effort involved.
     
    Dr. Christianson asked Robert, who was the most vocal unbeliever in the class, to watch Steve do each push up to make sure he did the full ten push-ups in a set because he couldn't bear to watch all of Steve's work for all of those uneaten donuts. He sent Robert over to where Steve was so Robert count the set and watch Steve closely.
     
    Dr. Christianson started down the fourth row.. During his class, however, some students from other classes had wandered in and sat down on the steps along the radiators that ran down the sides of the room. When the professor realized this, he did a quick count and saw that now there were 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it.
     
    Dr. Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was taking a lot more time to complete each set.
     
    Steve asked Dr. Christianson, "Do I have to make my nose touch on each one?"
     
    Dr. Christianson thought for a moment, "Well, they're your push-ups. You are in charge now. You can do them any way that you want." And Dr. Christianson went on.
     
    A few moments later, Jason, a recent transfer student, came to the room and was about to come in when all the students yelled in one voice, "NO! Don't come in! Stay out!"
     
    Jason didn't know what was going on. Steve picked up his head and said, "No, let him come."
     
    Professor Christianson said, "You realize that if Jason comes in you will have to do ten push-ups for him?"
     
    Steve said, "Yes, let him come in. Give him a donut."
     
    Dr. Christianson said, "Okay, Steve, I'll let you get Jason's out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?"
     
    Jason, new to the room, hardly knew what was going on. "Yes," he said, "give me a donut."
     
    "Steve, will you do ten push-ups so that Jason can have a donut?"
     
    Steve did ten push-ups very slowly and with great effort. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down.
     
    Dr Christianson finished the fourth row, and then started on those visitors seated by the heaters. Steve's arms were now shaking with each push-up in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. By this time sweat was profusely dropping off of his face, there was no sound except his heavy breathing; there was not a dry eye in the room..
     
    The very last two students in the room were two young women, both cheerleaders, and very popular. Dr. Christianson went to Linda, the second to last, and asked, "Linda, do you want a doughnut?"
     
    Linda said, very sadly, "No, thank you."
     
    Professor Christianson quietly asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Linda can have a donut she doesn't want?"
     
    Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow push-ups for Linda.
     
    Then Dr. Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan. "Susan, do you want a donut?"
     
    Susan, with tears flowing down her face, began to cry. "Dr. Christianson, why can't I help him?"
     
    Dr Christianson, with tears of his own, said, "No, Steve has to do it alone; I have given him this task and he is in charge of seeing that everyone has an opportunity for a donut whether they want it or not.. When I decided to have a party this last day of class, I looked at my grade book. Steve here is the only student with a perfect grade. Everyone else has failed a test, skipped class, or offered me inferior work. Steve told me that in football practice, when a player messes up he must do push-ups. I told Steve that none of you could come to my party unless he paid the price by doing your push-ups. He and I made a deal for your sakes."
     
    "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Susan can have a donut?"
     
    As Steve very slowly finished his last push-up, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 push-ups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor.
     
    Dr. Christianson turned to the room and said, "And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, on the cross, plead to the Father, 'Into thy hands I commend my spirit.' With the understanding that He had done everything that was required of Him, He yielded up His life. And like some of those in this room, many of us leave the gift on the desk, uneaten. "
     
    Two students helped Steve up off the floor and to a seat, physically exhausted, but wearing a thin smile.
     
    "Well done, good and faithful servant," said the professor, adding, "Not all sermons are preached in words."
     
    Turning to his class, the professor said, "My wish is that you might understand and fully comprehend all the riches of grace and mercy that have been given to you through the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He spared not His Only Begotten Son, but gave Him up for us all, for the whole Church, now and forever. Whether or not we choose to accept His gift to us, the price has been paid."
     
    "Wouldn't you be foolish and ungrateful to leave it lying on the desk?"
  7. jjohnson
    I have found since my Brain Stem Stroke, people don't seem to understand the difference I have to endure. This has caused me a lot of pain in my daily living. Pre-stroke I was a very "together" person. I was quick in my decision making, thought processing, in every aspect of my life.
    It seems since my stroke, People don't seem to have patience with me or even understand what I am going through.
    I don't use my "Brain Stem Stroke" as a calling card for an easy life or for a free pass... My life is anything but easy. It is a daily struggle to get through each minute of every day.
    I get sick and tired of hearing well that happened years ago. Do they walk in my shoes? I think not. Are they homebound and don't have visitors and friends stopping by? Have they had something happen to them where their life was turned upside down? Have they had people just walk out on them and their friendship because of the deficits that stroke left them with?
     
     
    Life just is. Whether we perceive life as hard, pleasant, challenging, exciting, stressful, or otherwise is a result of our perceptions and our way of thinking. We know because we live it day in and day out.
    If we decide to stay in the game of life or not we are here until the day we die. I made it through being in a coma and on life support. I know what kind of life I had pre stroke. I had to live with the diagnosis of Muscular Dystrophy. My life changed but I got through it day by day.
     
    My life is lonely now. I try to stay happy and upbeat. I fight daily with the Beast, Stroke Deficits. I try to win that battle and go on with my life. I have a few good friends
    pre stroke and a few I have made since my stroke who understand what I am dealing with. Problem is they live out of state. I can take constructive criticism... because I know there is unconditional caring and love behind it. Infact, I welcome it as it does help me become a better person. My memory problem seems to be a problem for some individuals I know. Well, sorry, I didn't ask for the Brain Stem Stroke. Not everyone knows what I live with on a daily basis. I don't compare my life with anyone else's. I take it for face value and it is what it is. I used to have so many friends and was always on the go .... now it is a blessing I get to sit out on my front porch. I enjoy the simple things in life. I do, to be honest, sometimes long for the Jan I once was. But, I don't stay in the "past" for long as it doesn't do me any good. I am just grateful I had such a good life and didn't stroke until later in life. I do stay in a Grateful lane of the highway of life. I wish I had family but that doesn't guarantee they would be here either. So I change my lane of the highway and get out of the Wish lane and be grateful for what I do have. I do have a sister but she hasn't been here at all. She only lives about four hours from me but she doesn't visit or call. I actually refer to her as my "Biological" sister. Her children, my two nieces and one nephew, don't contact me either. I have great nephews as well. This does make me sad. But, again, I stay out of the Sad lane of the highway.
     
    What I do have is ME, MYSELF and I. I won't check out on me. I kinda like her and have stuck around throughout the Brain Stem Stroke and Muscular Dystrophy. They have fought hard with God's guidance on how to get through all that I have gotten through. It was and still is a hard daily battle.
    I need to follow the person in front of me, the God Mobile. I won't ever go wrong just as long as I keep on following him. He loves me unconditionally and accepts me at face value. I am on FAITH BLVD.
     
     
     
     
    I would like to end my Blog with the following:
     
    Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
    Watch your words, for they become actions.
    Watch your actions, for they become habits.
    Watch your habits, for they become character.
    Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
    - Anonymous
     
    I will continue my journey and keep Believing in Miracles and continue to SOAR... After all, Me, Myself and I equals "A Stroke Survivor."
  8. jjohnson

    Miracles

    By jjohnson,

    Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love.
    The real miracle is the love that inspires them.
    In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle.
    - Marianne Williamson
     
    Each of us dwells in a cathedral of our own BEing that is created vast enough to encompass Unity with all creation.
    - Jonathan Lockwood Huie
     
    Love, real love, powers everything good. Let your life be an expression of your love of God, your love of all people around the world, and your love of all God's other creations.
     
    Believe in Miracles and SOAR
  9. jjohnson

    Just Stay

    By jjohnson,

    ..... Just Stay
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside.
     
     
     
    "Your son is here," she said to the old man.
     
     
     
    She had to repeat the words several times before the patient's eyes opened.
     
     
     
    Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man's limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.
     
     
     
    The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed.All through the night the young Marine sat there in the poorly lighted ward, holding the old man's hand and offering him words of love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital - the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.
     
     
     
    Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.
     
     
     
    Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited.
     
     
     
    Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.
     
     
     
    "Who was that man?" he asked.
     
     
     
     
    The nurse was startled, "He was your father," she answered.
     
     
     
     
    "No, he wasn't," the Marine replied. "I never saw him before in my life."
     
     
     
    "Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?"
     
     
     
    "I knew right away there had been a mistake,
     
     
     
     
    but I also knew he needed his son, and his
     
    son just wasn't here.
     
     
     
     
    When I realized that he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed."
     
     
     
     
    I came here tonight to
     
    find a Mr. William Grey.
     
    His Son was Killed in Iraq
     
    today, and I was sent to
     
    inform him. What was this
     
    Gentleman's Name?
     
     
     
     
    The Nurse with Tears in
     
    Her Eyes Answered,
     
    Mr. William Grey.............
     
     
     
     
    The next time someone needs you .... just be there. Stay.
     
     
     
     
    **************
     
     
     
     
    WE ARE NOT HUMAN BEINGS GOING THROUGH A
     
    TEMPORARY SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE.
     
     
     
    WE ARE SPIRITUAL BEINGS GOING THROUGH A TEMPORARY HUMAN EXPERIENCE.
     
     
     
     
     
    PLEASE PASS THIS ONE ON AND GOD WILL BLESS YOU!
     
    THIS IS WHAT WE ARE PUT ON THIS EARTH TO DO ANYWAY. RIGHT ?
     
     
     
     
    HAVE A GREAT DAY AND BLESS SOMEONE ELSE IN SOME LITTLE WAY TODAY!
     
    GOD IS SO GOOD.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
  10. jjohnson
    .
     
     
     
     
    Who is your little Susie in life?
     
    WET
    PANTS
     
     
    Come with me
    to a third grade classroom..... There is a
    nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of
    a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and
    the front of his pants are wet. He thinks his
    heart is going to stop because he cannot
    possibly imagine how this has happened.. It's
    never happened before, and he knows that when
    the boys find out he will never hear the end of
    it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak
    to him again as long as he
    lives.
     
     
     
     
     
    The boy
    believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his
    head down and prays this prayer, 'Dear God, this
    is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes
    from now I'm dead
    meat.'
     
     
     
     
     
    He looks up
    from his prayer and here comes the teacher with
    a look in her eyes that says he has been
    discovered.
     
     
     
     
     
    As the
    teacher is walking toward him, a class mate
    named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is
    filled with water. Susie trips in front of the
    teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water
    in the boy's
    lap.
     
     
     
     
     
    The boy
    pretends to be angry, but all the while is
    saying to himself, 'Thank you, Lord! Thank you,
    Lord!'
     
     
     
     
     
    Now all of a
    sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule,
    the boy is the object of sympathy. The teacher
    rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts
    to put on while his pants dry out. All the other
    children are on their hands and knees cleaning
    up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful.
    But as life would have it, the ridicule that
    should have been his has been transferred to
    someone else -
    Susie.
     
     
     
     
     
    She tries to
    help, but they tell her to get out. You've done
    enough, you
    klutz!'
     
     
     
     
     
    Finally, at
    the end of the day, as they are waiting for the
    bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers,
    'You did that on purpose, didn't you?' Susie
    whispers back, 'I wet my pants once
    too.'
     
     
     
     
     
    May God help
    us see the opportunities that are always around
    us to do
    good..
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

  11. jjohnson

    She Had Me At HALO

    By jjohnson,

    She had me at Halo :Angel:
     
    On Wednesday, February 24th, 2010, at 5:45pm,
    God sent you your precious baby girl.
    Lillian Rose, was her chosen name
    Mom, Crista, and Proud Dad, Justin,
    couldn't have been more thrilled.
    She entered their arms weighing 7 pounds, 7ounces
    of pure love of the two of them combined.
    The length of their little bundle of joy was twenty inches.
    How blessed they felt when their eyes met,
    It was an instant connection of love.
    God surely blessed Crista and Justin as
    Their lives as a family of five has just begun.
    God will carry them through this journey
    for he has given them his very best ~
    A child they can call their own
    to bring them hours, minutes and seconds
    of unconditional love.
    The future is full of hope, joy, happiness
    and so much more...
    Yes, an Angel came down from Heaven above
    but first her Heavenly Grandpop, Jerry, inspected her
    and held her and told her so many
    stories of the loving family she will
    be joining, He counted her ten little fingers, ten little toes,
    gave her butterfly kisses on her soft cheeks,
    and kissed so tenderly her little tulip lips
    he promised her he would be her Guardian Angel
    and watch her from up above
    and then God said it was time
    to become the newest baby girl
    in the Carrol County home of the Speigle's family.
    Her Big Brother, Jacob, and Big Sister Taylor
    are waiting for her.
    Her GrandMa Rose can't wait to hold her
    namesake along with Aunts, Uncles , Cousins,
    Nana and Pop Pop too...
     
    Welcome to the world Lillian Rose
    so many stories to share and so much
    love to give you
    You just wait and see!
    You are the best "Hole in one of 2010"
     
    Written with love,
    Jan Johnson
    2/26/10
     
    *Jerry was my dear friend who passed away from Cancer last month. I wrote this for his wife, Rose, and her family.
  12. jjohnson

    New Leash On Life

    By jjohnson,

    Once again, I found myself trying to get through the adversity that was bigger than life. I truly didn't think just because I got through a Brain Stem Stroke my life was going to be a bed of roses, however, I never thought I would have to go through the heartbreak of losing my Harley Boy. Harley was bigger than life to me and he had my heart one hundred per cent. I always thought Birthdays were suppose to be a day of celebration, fun happy moments, December 26th was the worst day as far as Birthdays go in my book. That was the day Harley took a turn for the worst. I sat up with him all Sunday evening and literally watched him go into a coma. After all he had done for me with my stroke recovery it was my turn to be there by his side. Monday morning he left me at 8:30am and my life changed ....
    I have had such a hard time getting through this loss. Those out there who don't understand the love of a pet find this hard to understand. I truly feel bad for those individuals who have never known true unconditional love. All I have been able to do is cry, the tears just came one after another. I knew I had to pull myself up by my boot straps but the pain was huge. I tried to remember the good times, the wonderful times. Yet, the tears just kept flowing. My wonderful Dr. Banfer would call me and check up on me and suggest maybe getting another dog would be just the medicine that the Dr. would order. NO NO NO I couldn't do that to Harley. I have been busy organizing his "Celebration of Life" service. Things are all set for Sunday, March 7th, which happens to be HIS Birthday. I have been busy working with a dear friend, Amie, who is in Korea working and she has been so gracious putting together a beautiful slide show for his special day. I had the task of picking out which pictures I wanted her to use and which songs would go to each one. She has done an awesome job. I feel there will be "Closure" after this day.... Wayne is on the same page with me on all of this. I realize this isn't only my "Pain but OUR Pain"... He loved Harley and he is going through his own hurt and grieving. It's something how a bundle of fur could touch "humans" so much. They are just blessings from God.
    I have prayed and asked God if he would just let me feel him as I need him more now than ever. I have never asked him WHY after my open heart surgery or after I got out of the coma and on life support, I never asked him WHY when I was one hundred per cent paralyzed. Who am I to ask him WHY? But, I did the worst thing after Harley died....I asked him WHY..... I just needed to know why....
    I have always had such a deep rooted faith ....I never compromise my faith for anyone or anything.... I remembered after I got out of the coma and realized I couldn't move I just laid flat in the hospital bed staring up at the ceiling and just cried out to God and he said to me "He would never leave nor forsake me".... He never has and then I realized he wouldn't now. It was he who put Harley into my life..... It was just Harley's time to go over the Rainbow Bridge. There had been such a big void in our lives, the joy was missing. We knew there were people praying for us and those who felt our pain.... We received some beautiful cards and little things that were sent to us. We appreciated the kindness that people showed us but still the fact remained our days were long and truly missing something.
     
    I was on my Facebook one evening and I saw an ad about shelters and it said Pet Finders. I had never looked at Pet Finders but for some reason, that evening I did.
    It was then that I found "Bolt"......He was a real cutie. His little face just caught my eye and his story truly broke my heart....
     
    "Hi everyone! My names Bolt and Im a very sweet 1 yr. old 18 lb. Westie/American Eskimo dog (best guess!) mix. I am very outgoing, active, and playful and I love other dogs and cats too! I was rescued from a shelter in OH where I was chained outside in the cold! I really hope that my luck will change in the new year!"
     
    Harley was my Therapy Dog and helped me with my Stroke Recovery so when I read his name was "Bolt" I immediately thought.... the sign for stroke is a Lightening Bolt...
    Then I read the Shelter/Rescue place that had him was called "Rainbow Tails" .... a Rainbow is a sign of God's Promise and Harley went to the Rainbow Bridge, then his id was 319 and that is the day my Mom died from Pancreatic Cancer, March 19th... I felt like all these were signs that this was the dog being sent to me. My Harley was up in Heaven right by God watching over me.
    I just kept looking at his picture and praying and wondering about it.
    When Wayne woke up, I asked him if we could talk that I had something to share with him. He asked if we could do it when he got back from his Dr's appt. He wanted to know what it was about, I told him a Dog named Bolt.
    Wayne got back from his Dr's appt and our "Talk" started. I showed him Bolt's picture and let him read his story. Wayne had said maybe in the Summer we would think about getting another dog, however, I shared how I truly felt I needed one now due to the stress I was going through and I was concerned I would stroke... etc.
    He did agree that the joy was missing since we lost Harley. Before I had the "talk" with him, I did send an e-mail asking if Bolt was even still available. He was.
    We went through the "Adoption" process and I just left everything up to God.
    We both were having feelings that we were betraying Harley...Then finally I shared with Wayne, this is the greatest tribute to him and his memory. We LOVED him SOOOOOO much that we want to give love and share it with another Shelter/Rescue dog. Bolt would never be Harley, heck no one ever would... we weren't looking for that. We were looking for a lil one who could join our family and have a better life .... Harley was nothing but a bundle of joy and pure LOVE.....
    On Sunday, February 14th, Valentine's Day, Bolt was delivered to us and the moment he walked through our front door our "New Leash On Life" began.
    Changes made where his new post on his Pet Finder Site:
     
    "I was adopted today, February 14, 2010! I now live in Churchton, MD with my AMAZING new mommy and daddy! They say they are very lucky to have me but I sure am lucky to have found them-I am going to be one spoiled and very happy boy! I couldn't have found a more perfect home!"
     
    Harley was there that is for sure. My Birthday was a bust, however, Valentine's Day was a happy day. Wayne and I truly feel Harley was looking out for us. We feel he is at peace now and just running and playing over that Rainbow Bridge.
     
    We also changed his name from Bolt to Beau. When I said Bolt it just reminded me of the adversity I went through with my Brain Stem Stroke and how Harley came into our lives. I want to move past that. Plus I want Beau to have his own unique name...
    Our lives have truly been busy. We started Obedience Training this past week and Beau is doing pretty good. Wayne and I have homework to do daily .... It is very interesting to learn the history about Wolves and their "Pack" theory. We are working through an awesome group, "Bark Busters"... they use the Dog Whisperer theory.
    Beau realizes I am different from Wayne, so he brings me his toys to play with him.
    When I am in my lift chair, He jumps up on me and puts his lil arms around my neck and just gives me hugs and kisses. My sadness is turning to joy.
    Harley put his loving paw prints on my heart and they will stay there forever more. We have so many beautiful memories of him and he will always be in our hearts.
    We now have started a new journey.... Beau has joined our family tree and has his own branch. He has given us a New Leash on Life and for that we are greatful.
    Dr. Banfer called to see how I was doing and he was overjoyed to learn we were getting Beau.
    Where was God throughout all of this? He was "behind the scenes all along"....
    My grief had gotten the best of me. He didn't leave me in 2003 and he didn't leave me in 2010. He was hurting because I was hurting. I truly feel, in my heart, he appeared to me in the form of Beau. Whether it was Harley or Beau it was God. When you spell God backwards it spells DOG..... DOG = Depend On God.
    What a reminder for me, I need to ALWAYS Depend on God in all things....
    He wants to be there for me .... no matter what the cause. He is there in Adversity.... In good times and bad... no matter what, he IS THERE.... All I have to do is realize this.
     
    Throughout all of this journey I have grown. I have a better understanding through the lessons I have learned.
     
    Faith, Hope and Love... the greatest is LOVE..... this is one Valentine's Day I will never forget. I have remembered my "mantra" Believe in Miracles and SOAR
    Well, Beau is making sure of that.... we are soaring.... one day at a time.
    Yes, there is joy again, even laughter. Life is good.
  13. jjohnson

    ONE MONTH TODAY

    By jjohnson,

    ONE MONTH TODAY
     
    It's been a month today since you went away
    I miss you being by my side
    I miss everything about you
    The way you would tilt your lil head to let me know
    you always seemed to know exactly what I was saying
    I miss your unconditional love and understanding
    I could type and type and NEVER be able to cover
    how very special you were to me
    I never could have children, Harley, but God gave you to me
    and you were the best "Son" I could ever had been blessed with
    The tears just won't stop
    The sadness just won't go away
    I am trying to be strong
    I try to be grateful for the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years we did have together
    I thank God daily, all through the day, for the happiness and memories we made together and I cling to those to get me through the rough spots.
    I just wanted more
    I guess it just wasn't in God's plan
    I hurt Harley
    I know you will always be in my heart, mind and soul
    I just loved you so
    but, I know you knew that
    You brought so much joy, laughter, healing and love into my life
    I thank you for that.
    Thank you my precious lil boy for loving me. Your memories will live on forever.... If it hadn't been for my Brain Stem Stroke and the "RX" from my Cardiologist, Dr. "C" .... you would never have been part of our family.
    You were such a faithful blessing to me and I thank God for YOU. Enjoy Heaven and know one day we will be together again. You are whole again and running and enjoying yourself and out of pain. God is watching over you and I know you are in good hands.
     
     
     
     
    Love, Your Mommy xoxo
  14. jjohnson
    Lord, I just want to say THANK YOU, because..... This morning I woke up and knew where my Grandchildren were. This morning my home was still standing. This morning I am not crying because my husband, my child, my brother or sister needs to be buried after being pulled out from underneath a pile of concrete. This morning I was able to drink a glass of clean water. This morning I was able to turn on the light. This morning I was able to take a shower... I had food to eat. I was not planning a funeral, but most of all I thank you this morning because I still have life and a voice to cry out for the people of Haiti .
     
    Lord I cry out to you, the one who makes the impossible possible, the one who turns darkness into light, I cry out that you give those mothers strength, give them peace that surpasses all understanding, that you may open the streets so help can come. May you provide doctors, nurses, food, water, and all they need without hesitation! For all who have lost family members, give them peace, give them hope, and give them courage to continue! Protect the children and shield them with your power. I pray all this.
     
    Friday evening I watched the special Haiti Fundraiser and it was amazing the outpouring of love. People coming together for a common goal. It makes me think of the many blessings that I have in my life. I picked up my phone and made a pledge. Those dear people..... The best I can give is my prayers daily.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  16. jjohnson

    My lil "Harley Boy"

    By jjohnson,

    I wanted to give tribute to my Harley Boy. Tomorrow the Vet will come to our home and assist that he will be free from all of his pain. My heart is so broken but I know we are doing the best for Harley Boy.
    He has been the center of our "universe" since I came home from Rehab in 2004.
    He has been going down for a while and my Birthday, December 26th, it all came to a head. Gosh, what a Birthday. But, maybe it is Harley's "Birth" to a pain free life. The Vet Assistant came over today to check the situation out and she said it is the best thing to do. She knows Harley very well and loves him and it broke her heart as well. She agreed that ever since his surgery he has gone down hill. Believe me, if love could save him, he'd be here forever.
     
    I have done my share of crying and I just have wanted to be by him the whole weekend. My life is going to be so empty without him. But, I have so many wonderful memories of our life together.
    I wanted to share the entry that I had written about him and shared in our SN creative writing issue a few years ago. It was truly written from my heart.
     
    I thank GOD for the gift of Harley. I have learned so much from him and I thank him for all he has done for me and my stroke recovery. He won't be gone for he lives in my heart and soul. I have a special Guardian Angel watching over me.
     
    These pics were taken about a year or so ago. He looks so good in them. This is how I want to remember him looking. He was a cutie pie that is for sure.
     
     
     
     
     
     
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
     
     
    Paw Prints
     
    By Jan Johnson
     
     
     
    In life you meet lots of different people
     
    Some are trustworthy, Some are kind and sincere
     
    Some have no hidden agenda
     
    While others may have different plans
     
    I have found in my life there is one Four legged fellow
     
    who is so special from all the rest
     
    All he has to do is look into my eyes
     
    and there I find it
     
     
     
    Unconditional love, forever love and devotion
     
    The way he tilts his head and moves his ears
     
    to listen to every word I share with him
     
    He looks into my eyes and can see
     
    down to my soul
     
    It is times like that I feel additional
     
    Harley Paw Prints being put on my heart
     
    These Paw Prints will last a lifetime
     
     
     
    With each one given to me, our bond
     
    just gets stronger and stronger
     
    He is there when I shed tears
     
    He is there when I share laughter with him
     
    He is there just because he wants to be
     
    He knows I am different from the rest
     
    He sees me in my wheelchair and with
     
    my walker or cane
     
     
     
    He knows I must sit in my Lift Chair
     
    None of this matters to him, he could care less
     
    that I am a Brain Stem Stroke Survivor
     
    All he cares about is the love I share with him
     
    There is no greater love than that
     
    Harley is my blessing from Heaven
     
    For you see God sent him to me
     
    Backwards is the word DOG
     
     
     
    This is the message sent to me
     
    He was sent from GOD for if I hadn't gone through
     
    this journey, there would be no Harley.[/font]
  17. jjohnson

    Lie Still And Trust

    By jjohnson,

    "FAINT NOT!"
     
    How great is the temptation at this point! How the soul sinks, the heart grows sick, and the faith staggers under the keen trials and testings which come into our lives in times of special bereavement and suffering.
     
    "I cannot bear up any longer, I am fainting under this providence. What shall I do? God tells me not to faint. But what can one do when he is fainting?"
     
    What do you do when you are about to faint physically? You cannot do anything. You cease from your own doings. In your faintness, you fall upon the shoulder of some strong loved one. You lean hard. You rest. You lie still and trust.
     
    It is so when we are tempted to faint under affliction. God's message to us is not, "Be strong and of good courage," for He knows our strength and courage have fled away. But it is that sweet word, "Be still, and know that I am God."
     
    Hudson Taylor was so feeble in the closing months of his life that he wrote a dear friend: "I am so weak I cannot write; I cannot read my Bible; I cannot even pray. I can only lie still in God's arms like a little child, and trust."
     
    This wondrous man of God with all his spiritual power came to a place of physical suffering and weakness where he could only lie still and trust.
     
    And that is all God asks of you, His dear child, when you grow faint in the fierce fires of affliction. Do not try to be strong. Just be still and know that He is God, and will sustain you, and bring you through.
     
    "God keeps His choicest cordials for our deepest faintings."
     
    "Stay firm and let thine heart take courage" (Psa. 27:14, --After Osterwald).
     
    Stay firm, He has not failed thee
    In all the past,
    And will He go and leave thee
    To sink at last?
    Nay, He said He will hide thee
    Beneath His wing;
    And sweetly there in safety
    Thou mayest sing.
     
     
    *Streams of the Desert

  18. jjohnson
    Since October, my two friends who join me for my Monday Bible Study, Kathy and Debbie, have been praying for Holli.
    I rec'd this e-mail from Debbie tonight letting me know Holli earned her Angel Wings. Would you please pray for her family .... I pray for her Husband and two children. God Bless them.
    ***********************************************************************************
    Hello,
     
    I have a prayer request
  19. jjohnson

    Loving Each Day

    By jjohnson,

    -----------------
    LOVING EACH DAY
    -----------------
     
    A very effective means to focus the mind and open to your loving is chanting. Since the beginning of time, religious and spiritual groups have made a practice of intoning sacred words, sounds, prayers, and songs. Chanting builds up a powerful field of spiritual energy that can change your consciousness. The key is your intention -- bringing an attitude of reverence and love to whatever you are chanting.
     
    Mantras are specific sounds or syllables that invoke a spiritual essence. It is said that as you chant, you bring that essence, or vibration, into your own being. I recommend the HU chant. HU (pronounced like the man's name, HUGH) is a name of God found in Pali and Sanskrit, ancient sacred languages of southern Asia.
     
    Chanting HU silently or aloud, alone or in a group, helps create attunement and bring you into spiritual alignment.
     
    - John-Roger with Paul Kaye
  21. jjohnson

    God lives under the bed

    By jjohnson,

    I wanted to share this in my Blog as I rec'd it in my e-mail last year and again today, therefore, I feel it needs to be shared with others. So, here it is.
     
     
     
    GOD LIVES UNDER THE BED
     
     
    I envy Kevin. My brother, Kevin, thinks God lives under his bed. At least that's what I heard him say one night.
     
     
    He was praying out loud in his dark bedroom, and I stopped to listen, 'Are you there, God?' he said. 'Where are you? Oh, I see. Under the bed....'
     
     
    I giggled softly and tiptoed off to my own room.. Kevin's unique perspectives are often a source of amusement. But that night something else lingered long after the humor. I realized for the first time the very different world Kevin lives in.
     
     
    He was born 30 years ago, mentally disabled as a result of difficulties during labor. Apart from his size (he's 6-foot-2), there are few ways in which he is an adult.
     
     
    He reasons and communicates with the capabilities of a 7-year-old, and he always will. He will probably always believe that God lives under his bed, that Santa Claus is the one who fills the space under our tree every Christmas and that airplanes stay up in the sky because angels carry them.
     
     
    I remember wondering if Kevin realizes he is different. Is he ever dissatisfied with his monotonous life?
     
     
    Up before dawn each day, off to work at a workshop for the disabled, home to walk our cocker spaniel, return to eat his favorite macaroni-and-cheese for dinner, and later to bed.
     
     
    The only variation in the entire scheme is laundry, when he hovers excitedly over the washing machine like a mother with her newborn child.
     
     
    He does not seem dissatisfied.
     
     
    He lopes out to the bus every morning at 7:05, eager for a day of simple work.
     
     
    He wrings his hands excitedly while the water boils on the stove before dinner, and he stays up late twice a week to gather our dirty laundry for his next day's laundry chores.
     
     
    And Saturdays - oh, the bliss of Saturdays! That's the day my Dad takes Kevin to the airport to have a soft drink, watch the planes land, and speculate loudly on the destination of each passenger inside. 'That one's goin' to Chi-car-go! ' Kevin shouts as he claps his hands.
     
     
    His anticipation is so great he can hardly sleep on Friday nights.
     
     
    And so goes his world of daily rituals and weekend field trips.
     
     
    He doesn't know what it means to be discontent.
     
     
    His life is simple.
     
     
    He will never know the entanglements of wealth or power, and he does not care what brand of clothing he wears or what kind of food he eats. His needs have always been met, and he never worries that one day they may not be.
     
     
    His hands are diligent. Kevin is never so happy as when he is working. When he unloads the dishwasher or vacuums the carpet, his heart is completely in it.
     
     
    He does not shrink from a job when it is begun, and he does not leave a job until it is finished. But when his tasks are done, Kevin knows how to relax.
     
     
    He is not obsessed with his work or the work of others. His heart is pure.
     
     
    He still believes everyone tells the truth, promises must be kept, and when you are wrong, you apologize instead of argue.
     
     
    Free from pride and unconcerned with appearances, Kevin is not afraid to cry when he is hurt, angry or sorry. He is always transparent, always sincere. And he trusts God.
     
     
    Not confined by intellectual reasoning, when he comes to Christ, he comes as a child. Kevin seems to know God - to really be friends with Him in a way that is difficult for an 'educated' person to grasp. God seems like his closest companion.
     
     
    In my moments of doubt and frustrations with my Christianity, I envy the security Kevin has in his simple faith.
     
     
    It is then that I am most willing to admit that he has some divine knowledge that rises above my mortal questions.
     
     
    It is then I realize that perhaps he is not the one with the handicap. I am. My obligations, my fear, my pride, my circumstances - they all become disabilities when I do not trust them to God's care.
     
     
    Who knows if Kevin comprehends things I can never learn? After all, he has spent his whole life in that kind of innocence, praying after dark and soaking up the goodness and love of God.
     
     
    And one day, when the mysteries of heaven are opened, and we are all amazed at how close God really is to our hearts, I'll realize that God heard the simple prayers of a boy who believed that God lived under his bed.
     
     
    Kevin won't be surprised at all!
     
     
    Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive. There is no cost, but a lot of rewards.
     
     
    FRIENDS ARE ANGELS WHO LIFT US TO OUR FEET WHEN OUR WINGS HAVE TROUBLE REMEMBERING HOW TO FLY.
     
     
  22. jjohnson
    The Value of a Day..... Embrace it and let those close to you know you love them.
     
    Every little girl, through time, has always played dress up and had dreams of getting married one day. I know I have envisioned my wedding with Mr. Right with my girlfriends. There was that phase when I wanted to have a Rainbow Wedding as I love rainbows and I wanted everyone to wear a different color dress to reflect the color of the rainbow, oh, yes, then back in 1968 when I was "going steady" with my Surfer Dude, Rod. We had talked about getting married and having a "Beach Wedding" and he would have his "Surfer Dude" Buds hold their Surfboards as we would walk under then as they were the Aisle on the Beach. Those were the days. Oh, yes, and all those slummer parties where your girlfriend and you would discuss that "White Picket Fence, and hubby and children and pet"...
    I had been invited to a wedding of a friend's Son which was to take place in New Jersey. I had RSVP'd that due to my situation, I wouldn't be able to attend. Ended up the Bride's Father suffered a major heart attack and ended up in ICU a few days before the actual wedding was to take place. Everyone decided to go ahead and have the wedding any way they could. So, with the help of their friends, hospital staff, etc. they held the wedding in the Chapel, the Bride had always envisioned her Dad walking her down the aisle, so the Nurses, Dr's wheeled her Dad down the small aisle while holding her hand. The pictures were so beautiful, the love shining in their eyes while gazing at one another. She was stunning, not the wedding she had planned, however, it was a wedding she will always remember. In fact, I bet it meant more to her than the big one she had planned. Her Dad was there with her. The reception with the wedding cake, finger food was held in the ICU Waiting Room.
    This was such a touching letter from my dear friend. He said her Dad is holding his own but still not out of the woods. They put their Honeymoon on hold.
    This was such a touching story of true love.....
     
    Then during the week I found out one of the cancer families I had helped years ago had a tragedy again. Chad was eleven when he was diagnosed and needed a Bone Marrow Transplant in order to live, his little sister had donated her Bone Marrow and Chad got into remission. He had relapsed years later and his Sister, once again, donated her Bone Marrow. He had a few years but then he passed. The Love that his Sister had for her Brother. I was told that she died in a car accident .... she was 19.
     
    These two examples show the value of unconditional love for one another. One never knows if today is your last. Have no regrets, tell those you care about how much they mean to you. Once the person is gone, it is too late.
     
    The biggest thing that is going on in our lives is our dear friends, Randy and Phyllis. Wayne, Phyllis and Randy were roommates years ago. Randy and Phyllis got married and have been married for 25 years. They had gone on a cruise in June to celebrate. They are Wayne's best friends. Randy is like a Brother to Wayne. On July 28th we were notified that Randy had been diagnosed with Stage Four Liver Cancer and he also had Hep C. We were notified Thursday evening that he wasn't going to make it through the night. The family had been called in and his Daughter was coming in from Korea. His Mom, Aunt and Brothers were on their way there as well. Randy is 46. The greatest guy you would ever want to meet. Again, one never knows what tomorrow will bring. This has brought memories back when I went through losing my Paul. He was 39 and we were married eleven and a half years. He was only in ICU from Monday to Monday. My heart goes out to Phyllis. Also, he was only sick for two and a half months, the same time frame as my Mom. It has brought back memories of that as well.
    Sometimes we go through journeys, life's experiences and we stop and wonder "Why am I going through this?" We learn through everything we go through and everyone we meet. We store these experiences because you never know how your experience might help another person in life. I know losing Paul and my Mom in such a short period of time has helped me help Phyllis. I can feel her pain and truly be there for her. Same thing as being a Brain Stem Stroke Survivor, I can share my experience, strength and hope with others who are just starting out. Giving of one's self is so important.
    Not to make this Blog all sad in tone but it is something I felt important to share.
    God is in the midst of everything.
    Today we are to meet our two daughters and grandchildren half way for lunch.
    This will be the first time I will be "walking in" without being in my wheelchair. I can't wait to see them and see the shock on their faces. This will be a "Hallmark Moment" for sure. My Rollaider is such a Blessing in my life. I call it my "Rolls Royce" and I call her Ms. Freedom. I have Freedom .... when I get tired, I just put the seat down and "sit a spell" then get up and move on. I went last Friday and got checked out and measured for my new scooter... I can't wait to get it. I will be able to go down to the Bay all the time now. I sure had to go through the hoops ..... This time I went through Medicare.... MDA will pay so much toward it as part of my benefits because I have a form of Muscular Dystrophy and then Medicare picks up the bulk of the cost. The representative from the agency who came to measure me shared that they have had Medicare really clamping down on things because some individuals had a "scam" going on. I find that so sad. There are so many "honest" individuals who truly need the help. She said there was a rising cost due to the damage they had done.
    I am so greatful I was approved. I ordered a really pretty blue one. My old scooter I am giving to the Loan Closet of MDA, they will get it taken care of and hopefully someone who needs one can use mine. I appreciate the fact that ten years ago they were able to help me get one. I feel it is so important to give back and pay it forward. I was given a kindness, therefore, let me pass it on if I can.
    Thursday am I turned on my Christian Station that I always listen to and I was getting on my computer to check out my E-mails, when I heard: Is there a Thomas in your life and he is special, if so, play the name game and call blah blah blah.... I tried to get the number down pat as I dialed it, no dice, it was the wrong number. So I put the radio station name in as a search and it showed up and there was the number right there. So, I dialed it and the voice on the phone said, welcome to the name game, do you have a Thomas who is special in your life? I said,yes I sure do and he is my Caregiver. He then asked me why is he so special to you. I shared all that Wayne does for me unconditionally. He then asked my about my recovery, etc. Then he said, well, Jan, you are the winner, I pick you from all the other calls I have rec'd. I was so excited. I said you are? Thanks. I was just happy to share about Wayne. He then asked me for my address as he was going to send me the prize coupons. I said "Prize".... I didn't know you won something. I felt I already had won.... having Wayne in my life. I had won a dinner for four. Perfect timing..... Wayne's Birthday is coming up along with our 13th Anniversary. We got married on the 19th and his Birthday is on the 20th. I rec'd the envelope from them yesterday. It was such a surprise. It all happened so quickly, and then and there after it was all over... I sat and said thank you to God and then I realized how far I have come in my recovery. I had to move quick....I fumbled with the phone number... but, like I have shared, it happened within the blink of an eye. I had the insight to search their site and the number just popped up, which I know was a gift from God.
    It is nice to see progress in my journey. I was so happy I am able to do something for Wayne. He goes by Wayne, however, his real name is Thomas.
     
    God is a miracle maker and only HE can take care of the problems that are too big for us to handle. It is the Beast, Stroke, that wants to rob us of our joy, steal our love, and wreck havoc in our lives and homes. But we know that Positive Thinking and keeping the HOPE alive keep that Beast a thing of the past.
     
    I try to keep this passage below near my heart at all times I so admire Helen Keller and the journey she had to go through.
     
    "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."
    Helen Keller
    Her thought says a lot to me. More so, since I had my Brain Stem Stroke and I can apply it to others who are part of my daily living. I feel my soul has been strengthened, how could it not be? My ambition to continue getting stronger and learning to do more things for myself, that in itself is enough to inspire me to keep going forward. Success, awh, that is coming as well.
    I just have to stay in the here and now and not project but stay in the moment of today.
    I love to start each day with my "Attitude of Gratitude" List and give Praise and Glory to GOD for all he does for me.
    This November will be my six year anniversary since this journey started. I celebrate all my progress, and it is my "Birthday" of my new life.
    I have arranged for one of Wayne's buddies to be here for his special birthday dinner I am going to cook for him. He doesn't know he is coming. I want to surprise him.
    My Friendly Visitor that comes weekly is going to cut up all the things I need to have cut up. And she is going to help me. I shared with her I wanted to try to do what I can first and then she can pitch hit with me. She finally agreed.
    When I look around I see those Earthly Angels there to lift me when I fall, to be with me and love me unconditionally.
    Life is good and I accept me as I am today.
    I am Jan, a greatful BrainStem Stroke Survivor
    My mission is to share my experience, strength and hope with others.
    I will continue to believe in Miracles and Soar
  23. jjohnson

    Learning to wait.....

    By jjohnson,

    -----------------
    LOVING EACH DAY
    -----------------
     
    There is value in learning to wait upon the Lord.
     
    Waiting can help you prepare for when the opportunity actually becomes available for your choosing. As you endure, steer clear of judging your process, which can distract and waste an opportunity.
     
    Trust your process, knowing it is bringing you experiences and blessings that are important in the timing that is best for you.
     
    - John Morton
  24. jjohnson
    Life is not about what was lost, but about what I've still got....
     
    Breaking it down I feel Life is not about what the Beast, Brain Stem Stroke, took from me.....
    It IS about my journey since that fateful day in 2003 and what God has carried me through and what has come back to me and the ability to continue my journey.
     
    I haven't blogged with what has been going on in my life lately so I feel I want to share that in this post.
    Last week was a bit stressful for me as there were three people who died all on Sunday. My friend that stroked a year and a half ago that I mentor and spend time with, her husband (they had separated) died, his landlord found him dead on the floor, he died from a heart attack. She wanted to spend the day with me on Tuesday so I had her over. She is doing really well. I just ask God to carry her through. She is such a blessing. My other (used to be really good friend) hubby died the same day and she found him on the floor, it looks as though he might have taken his life, I was going to go to his service but I didn't have a ride, well, I had gotten one and then they changed their mind. I think it was a sign for me to stay home and take care of Jan. Can't be all things to all people. I was going for the children's sake, they are 13 and 10. I know what an impact it left me when my Dad died and no one came to his service. It truly hurt me to think he went through his whole life and no one cared enough to pay their respects to him. He was alcoholic.... It was then and there I vowed I would make a difference in my life and touch others. I spoke to Cindy yesterday and explained why I wasn't there. There are a few things I am going to do to help her. We used to be the best of buds, however, since my stroke that all changed. Plus, she has two daughters and she got involved with Girl Scouts, etc. the interests of the girls and she made friends with those people. I have to realize that was the past and this is the here and now. I want to lend her my help as I lost my hubby when he was 39, her hubby was 42.
    I was around her age when Paul died so I want to share my experience, strength and hope with her.
    If I can help ease her pain and help her along the way, then I want to.
    I went to see my Cardiologist last Thursday and she has some concerns, so this Thursday I am going for a few tests so if you could keep me in your prayers I would truly appreciate it. I love my Cardiologist and I trust her and feel very comfortable with her. She is the one that did my pre-op work up when I had my surgery last August. While leaving her office heading home, I saw the most awesome sign. It read, Life is about creativity and that is just what I am doing, Making the most out of each day.
    I sat outside for four days straight a week ago, when the weather was so beautiful, however, the pollen truly got me and messed me up. I so enjoyed sitting out and a few people came up to talk with me and a new neighbor came up and introduced herself to me and said she would like to get together with me and get to know me. WOW, someone wants to get to know me..... I was truly blessed. Then we have hit a rainy patch, so I haven't been able to sit out.
    Saturday, my dear friend Lisa came up from Virginia to spend the day with me along with her two children. She totally takes such good care of me and puts me first and calls them "Jan's Day" whatever I want to do we do. I tell her it should be about her children but she says they agree .... It's let's go spend the day with Jan. Everything they do is for me. I just feel so loved and well taken care of. She is the one who is taking me to the Ocean next month. We had a wonderful time. I haven't laughed that much in quite a while. The kids just go along with the plan and we all have such fun together. I thank God for the blessing of her. We met while working at Hughes Aircraft. She helped make my shower better accessible for me and finally, at long last, I have shower bars up. YEAH, now I won't be afaid of falling. I would hate to have to call 911 cuz I fell. I don't think that would be a good experience. It's bad enough when I fall as it is.
    The one thing I got to do yesterday was make my Ryleigh Olivia a bear for her upcoming birthday. She is pink and adorable as can be. I taped a little something special and they put it in the paw and when she finds it, it will say: Hi Ryleigh, Happy First Birthday, We love you, Mom Mom and Grandpop and Harley
    Wayne was very happy to see the bear and said that was really a special idea. I got a little T-Shirt that I put on her that says Happy Birthday and I picked out a little Birthday Cupcake with one candle on top that you put on the bears hands. All in all, it is so adorable. I tell you what, whoever ame up with that idea of Build A Bear was a genius. They have ten dollar bears but the cost comes in when the kids see all the little outfits and shoes and so on and so on. The clothes are very costly. But, I wanted to make Ryleigh a little bear because it is her first birthday and this way she will have it as a special gift from Mom Mom and Grandpop.
    I so enjoyed watching all the children making their bears. It is so cute, you pick out what you want to build, get in a line and they stuff it, but first you have to pick out a satin heart and give it a kiss and make a wish, then they put it in, then if u want to record a lil saying, etc. then after it is sewed together, then you take it to the wash and dry section, there, you wash your bear and then dry it off, then it is ready to dress, etc. the very last stop is the adoption section. you get a birth certificate and all, it is really a very saavy adventure.
    They had a birthday party going on and the kids were all going wild.
    My lil Harley lost his favorite toy his Baby, I am thinking Sandy, she comes to help us out during the week, might have picked it up to throw out. I pray not, we have told her before to just leave it as that is his security blanket. Sure, it is yucky, sure Harley has chewed Babies tail off, his ears are gone, and his head is mostly off, but still that is his fav thing. He is walking around all sad looking, we have looked everywhere. I had gotten him a new one last year but he won't give it the time of day. Tonight, Wayne got it and threw it and he did run after it and picked it up and took a few steps then dropped it and looked at us as if he was thinking and trying to say to us: No way Jose, I'm not gonna fall for that go get fake baby thing. I am smarter than that. We have looked everywhere, it is no where in site.
    My power wheelchair is coming Monday. I am so excited. Only problem is Monday it is suppose to be rainy. I hope it will not start until I take my first ride and see how it is while the people are still here. It is my ticket to freedom ....whoooo hoooooooooooooooooo I plan on going down to the bay daily. Wayne is having a problem with that. He isn't comfortable with me going by myself. I explained to him I will bring my cell phone, a bottled water, etc. It is only a half a mile from my front door. I, personally, need to leave the nest of Brain Stem Stroke House arrest. I need to spread my wings and go down to the bay and enjoy my days. I told him I appreciate all the special care he has given me since I came home from rehab, however, I need to do this for myself and that GOD with me carrying me. Look at the awesome job he has done. I have a feeling, he will let me get down there and then he and Harley will be spying on me. I hope he understands my feelings .... I want to feel as though I can make strides in my recovery.
    The other day I was in the store and I saw the words Independent on a really cute little pillow that you put on a door knob, it is pink and green and has little bells on it. When I saw it I thought WOW I really want that because of the word on it and yes, I am trying to get Independent. So I looked at the price of it and it was only three dollars, so I have it right here beside my computer. I look at the word every day thoughout the day and I focus on that word. The Beast, Brain Stem Stroke may have taken my perf vision and I can no longer drive, BUT, I can progress in my recovery. I am trying with everything in me to become Independent. I think Wayne is having a hard time with it. I truly understand. But, I need to try.
    It was really neat being with Lisa because since she doesn't see me regularly, she has an honest view as to how she thinks I am doing. She said, Jan, you have really improved since the last time we were together and she went and explained in what ways. I said, really, you could tell all of that? She said YES.... She made my day. I think because Wayne sees me on a daily basis, he doesn't see it. So, thank God for little miracles. It has given me the boost I needed. So, world, up and onward I shall go. She also shared with Wayne the ways she feels I have improved.
    We will be leaving in a few weeks for the Ocean. I'm so excited about our trip and it will give Wayne time for himself. He needs that. But, I know if he is this concerned about me going a half mile to the Bay, goodness, maybe I shouldn't tell him I might go surfing and shoot the curl and hang ten. What do you all think?
    :roflmao: All in all, I am truly blessed I have a Caregiver who truly cares. My Cardiologist told me she feels he has Caregiver Burnout. I totally agreed. I wish he would go to the Caregiver chat and read the posts about it. I have printed out some info for him.
    I have two ladies who come weekly, so that is helping out. They are a blessing.
    Well, gang, I need to try to get some sleep. It's like Christmas Eve and I'm getting my wheelchair today. But, I need to get some rest. I hope the weather holds out until I get my first ride in so the person bringing it can fix things if it is needed.
    Thanks for reading my thoughts. I hope things are going well for you.
     
    Please keep my friends in your prayers, Fate's wife, Cat, Amy's Mom, Nancy, A Liver can be found for Lindy's transplant, For Mary and Cindy on the loss of their hubby's, for my tests on Thursday. For Harley that we can find his Baby. For Wayne to start feeling better and for his Drs appt this week and his possible upcoming surgery. For peace in the world. For our Leader, Steve Mallory, for continued good health.
    For all our members. Thanks for stopping by. Y'all come again,ya hear? :sleazy:
     
    Believe In Miracles and SOAR
  25. jjohnson
    God is no stranger in faraway places,
    He's as close as the wind that blows on our faces.
    It's true we can't see the wind as it blows,
    But we feel it around us and our heart surely knows,
    That God's mighty hand can be felt every minute.
     
     
     
     
    There is nothing on earth, that God is not in.
    The sky and the stars, the waves and even the sea,
    The dew on the grass, the leaves on a tree,
    Are constant reminders of God and His nearness,
    Proclaiming His presence with crystal-like clearness
     
     
     
     
    So how can we think God was far, far away,
    When we feel Him beside us every hour of the day?
     
     
     
     
    We have plenty of reasons to know God's our friend
    And this is one friendship that time cannot end!
     
     
    Believe In Miracles And SOAR