jjohnson

Stroke Survivor - female
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Blog Entries posted by jjohnson

  1. jjohnson

    Believe

    By jjohnson,

    With Faith at the heart of our lives, we are truly blessed. As pure as a rushing stream.. as dazzling as sunshine..as solid as a mounain..our belief will guide us, no matter where life may lead. If we have faith we know God's miracles have touched our hearts in times of trouble. God's beauty in our lives is that our Faith is at the center of our life having him there.
     
    He is pure love "Believe all things are possible with God." In the worst moments in my life, I know friends will disappoint me but the one who never does is God. I know he gives me lessons in my life and a journey to travel. Along the way of my journey there are road blocks. But, it is in those times, that I seem to grow the most. Life would be rather boring if everything was perfect. I have learned so much these past five years since my Brain Stem Stroke. I am learning more about myself. I know one thing I can count on God 24/7/
    365 days a year. He is always there, He will never leave nor forsake me. Gosh, what a blessing that is, I have one person I can count on .... What a comforting thought. He never puts me on call waiting or have to leave a message on his answering machine, text him, etc. He is the real deal.
    I am one lucky gal. He loves me.......
  2. jjohnson
    Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, It empties today of its strength."
     
    What makes me weak? My fears.....
     
    What makes me whole? My God.
     
    What keeps me standing? My faith.
     
    What makes me compassionate? My selflessness..
     
    What makes me honest? My integrity.
     
    What sustains my mind? My quest for knowledge.
     
    What teaches me all lessons? My mistakes.
     
    What lift's my head high? My pride, not arrogance.
     
    What if I can't go on? Not an option.
     
    What makes me victorious? My courage to climb.
     
    What makes me competent? My confidence .
     
    What makes me sensual? My insatiable essence..
     
    What makes me beautiful? My everything.
     
    What makes me a woman? My heart .
     
    Who says I need love? I do.
     
    What empowers me? My God & Me.
     
    Who am I? I AM A PROUD STRONG WOMAN!
     
    I am Jan, a Brain Stem Stroke Survivor who Believes in Miracles and SOARS
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
  4. jjohnson

    Positive Thoughts

    By jjohnson,

    "A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear [that results] from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl."
     
     
     
     
     
    "Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."
     
     
     
     
    Thich Nhat Hanh
     
     
     
     
    Stephan Hoeller
     
     
     
     
     
    "Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keep friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment."
     
     
     
     
     
    Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."
     
     
     
     
    Helen Keller
     
  5. jjohnson
    :friends:
     
    What's In A Name?
     
    She was born Priscilla so she told me, however, to all
    of us here on StrokeNet she is known as Joy
    Her actions, her dealings with others
    besides showing her caring nature
    she spreads her "Joy" to one and all
    Her giving to others and the
    patients she has worked with
    as a Nurse are very blessed.
    God sure gave the world his best
    when he put Joy in our lives
    Now, it is her time for us to
    give back to her
    Saying a daily prayer is
    a good place to start
    She is being carried in God's
    loving arms
    and he loves her so very much
    I can never thank him enough
    for sending her our way
    right here on StrokeNet that day
    She is a friend, a mother, all
    mixed up in one
    and now she is a Host
    to help out in another way
    Joy, just take things slow
    and before you know it
    you will be just fine
    Prayers are being answered
    in His Timing not ours
     
    Written with Love,
    Jan
    4/20/09
  6. jjohnson

    Clay Balls

    By jjohnson,

    Clay Balls
     
    A man was exploring caves by the Seashore.
    In one of the caves he found a canvas bag with a bunch of hardened clay
    balls. It was like someone had rolled clay balls and left them out in the
    sun to bake. They didn't look like much, but they intrigued the man, so
    he took the bag out of the cave with him. As he strolled along the beach,
    he would throw the clay balls one at a time out into the ocean as far as
    he could.
    He thought little about it, until he
    dropped one of the clay balls and it cracked open on a rock . Inside was
    a beautiful, precious stone!
    Excited, the man started breaking open the
    remaining clay balls. Each contained a similar treasure. He found
    thousands of dollars worth of jewels in the 20 or so clay balls he had
    left.
     
    Then it struck him. He had been on the
    beach a long time. He had thrown maybe 50 or 60 of the clay balls with
    their hidden treasure into the ocean waves. Instead of thousands of
    dollars in treasure, he could have taken home tens of thousands, but he
    had just thrown it away!
    It's like that with people. We look at
    someone, maybe even ourselves, and we see the external clay vessel. It
    doesn't look like much from the outside. It isn't always beautiful or
    sparkling, so we discount it.
     
    We see that person as less important than
    someone more beautiful or stylish or well known or wealthy. But we have
    not taken the time to find the treasure hidden inside that person.
    There is a treasure in each and every one
    of us. If we take the time to get to know that person, and if we ask God
    to show us that person the way He sees them, then the clay begins to peel
    away and the brilliant gem begins to shine forth.
     
    May we not come to the end of our lives and
    find out that we have thrown away a fortune in friendships because the
    gems were hidden in bits of clay. May we see the people in our world as
    God sees them.
    I am so blessed by the gems of friendship I
    have with the friends I have found here at StrokeNet. Thank you for looking beyond my clay vessel.
     
    APPRECIATE EVERY SINGLE
     
    THING YOU HAVE, ESPECIALLY YOUR FRIENDS!
     
    LIFE IS TOO SHORT AND FRIENDS ARE TOO FEW!
     
    Do not ask the Lord to Guide your Footsteps
     
    if you are not willing to MOVE your Feet.
  7. jjohnson
    Received an SOS from Sammie, she needs our help, she needs us to Bust her loose from her Hospital Bed. The plan is set, Easter Bunnies we shall be and carry our baskets which will hold the necessary tools to do the task. Stu's Basket will carry the files, Gary's Basket will carry the Jelly Beans to throw at people if they get in our way, Brian's Basket will carry the Easter Peeps that people of all ages just love and he can keep them yaking and keep their minds off of what their duties are, cuz Brian has the gift of GAB, Sue and Asha will keep post at the doors to let us know if people are coming our way, Maria can keep the people off our our trail with her beauty in her Easter Bunny costume as she will be dressed as A Hugh Heffner Bunny, Lenny, MC, Tinker all know just what to do. Sammie, hold on dear friend, Just keep singing, Here comes Peter Cottontail, hopping down the bunny trail, hippity hippity hop here we come to bust you loose. You just call and we are there, a promise we will always keep. OK gang, our mission is clear and we are ready.
    We are on a mission for Sammie.
     
    We have Gary, Sue, Brian, Asha, Mary, Pam, Joy,
    Maria, Lenny, Mc, Stu Donna, Kimmie, Phil and Tinker along
    with Plan Master Jan all set in place
    Sammie knows what she is to do
    For this is a plan that is sure to work
    The Foot Loose Bustin Out Plan is to begin. :friends:
  8. jjohnson
    Bustin Sammie Out
     
    The StrokeNet Gang had their meeting scheduled for late last night
    and the plans are all set in motion
    We have Gary, Sue, Brian, Asha, Mary,
    Maria, Lenny, Mc, Stu and Tinker along
    with Plan Master Jan all set in place
    Sammie knows what she is to do
    For this is a plan that is sure to work
    The Foot Loose Bustin Out Plan is to begin
    Tuesday, April 7th, 2009
    and everyone's watches are all set in tune
    No One is to be late as they must all be in place
    For they know what they need to do
    They must be quiet as a Church Mouse and not a squeak
    can be heard or the plan will not be carried out
    and we can't leave Sammie in a lurch
    The feeling is mutual we have Sammie
    first and foremost in our minds
    She has her part memorized and down pat
    Everyone else was left on their own
    There will be great anticipation when we
    get started this morning
    We all have our common goal
    to lift Sammie's spirits and let her know
    we are here for her
    We mastered our plan last night
    we put her first and tried to get
    the surgery off of her mind
    We replaced it with love and kindness
    and understanding as we planned her welcome home party
    We need to get Denny on board
    as she requested good food and coffee
    and who is better for that task than
    our very own Chef Denny
    Games are planned
    and our judge will be Brian with his gavel
    Limbo, Break Dancing, Hula Dancing and so much more
    anything to bring smiles on her face
    The Master Of Ceremonies was none other than God
    He ended our meeting with a prayer
    for Sammie to feel him there
    He will be holding her through it all
    and before she knows it
    this will all be a distant memory
    except the part that she has
    new friends who were willing to
    bust her outta the hospital
    and organize a Welcome Home party
    all just for her.
     
    Written with Love,
    Jan Johnson
    4/7/09 :hug:
  9. jjohnson
    A Prayer Warriors Thoughts for Steve from the heart
     
     
    There is a common thread here at StrokeNet that holds us together
    He is a strong, kind, gentle person whose love knows no end
    He had a dream to help others who were Stroke Survivors such as he
    He had a vision and with God's wisdom they worked together
    to start this wonderful group of individuals from all over the world
    You see, stroke knows no bounds
    It will strike anytime and anywhere
    With Steve's vision, his knowledge gives insight to family and friends
    That there is HOPE beyond your wildest dreams
    Where there is fear, there is Strength
    Where there is sadness, there is Joy
    Where there is confusion and doubt, it is replaced with
    the ability to meet others who are in the same boat
    There are tools to use to help you along your journey
    Message Boards, Chats,
    Steve Mallory had a vision for you and me
    That there is LIFE after stroke
    Now, Our Steve, is in the hospital and needs us
    We need to let him know how much we care about him
    Let us all shower the heaven's with prayers, positive thoughts and
    energy along with thanks and love
    for all he has given us
    Steve, please know how much you mean to each one of us
    Thanks seems like such a small word
    BUT
    It carries so much from each heart that you have helped heal
    For some of us, we never thought the light would appear in our lives again
    You shared your journey and held out your hand for us to join you
    God gave us the best when he gave us StrokeNet and your legacy began
     
    Written with Love just for you Steve,
    Jan Johnson
    3/29/09
     
    Believe In Miracles And SOAR
  10. jjohnson
    I wanted to share a poem I had written for Lisa a few years ago after she took me away for the weekend with her two special children, Abby and Colin. She does such special things for me .... now the table has turned and she is in a fight for herself, the Beast Cancer... she is scheduled for surgery and that will be when we will all know what will be... We are very positive and know the power of prayer. So, Prayer Warriors get that positive energy and thoughts going out to her. She means the world to me.
    I am making her a special necklace that I am puting on the new thing out there, the black cord and they are silver round discs that you just add to it and I am writing a poem to go with it. The words I picked out for the necklace are:
     
    Love, Happiness, Courage, Faith, Love, Inspire, Believe and Friend
     
    I just need to pray on it and ask God for the words to type.
     
    Hope everyone is doing well. I appreciate your friendship and most of all, just the prayers .... that is the best gift of all. Take care and love those who are in your life and take a moment or two and let them know how very special they are and how you appreciate them.
    God Bless, Believe In Miracles And SOAR
    Jan
     
    ***********************************************************************************************
     
    The Greatest Gift
     
    God has given me many gifts - the ability to love others and have a real desire to help others who are in great need - the capacity to make things happen and through God
  11. jjohnson
    :happydance: :yikes: Here I am with my Happy Jan Dance and when I looked in the mirror today .... guess what I saw......... A different person. I told Wayne, WAYNE, COME HERE QUICK, he ran in and saw I was OK and said don't ever do that again, you scared me .... didn't know what was wrong, OOPS...... I didn't mean to do that, I was just so surprised at what I saw that I had to share it with him. Guess, I was projecting too much COME HERE QUICK. I told him I was sorry and I would never do that again. When I took my shower and then I got ready this am, I looked in the mirror and I saw a different ME. I know, I know, there are skeptics out there, that's ok, it's just that I have been so down on myself for so long lately and feeling so badly for so long, that I have taken action and God has led me to what journey I am on now and for that I am so greatful. I was listening to my music, which is my safe haven, and the lyrics were: :serenade: I am feeling :peace: I am :whistling: a different tune to my days again :music_dj:
    I heard LOUD and CLEAR, there is hope out there, I'm reaching it.... just got to keep leaning on God and giving it to HIM. Can't do it on my own, I have seen what I have been doing wrong, trying to take it all on my own, It has gotten me no where.
     
    My motto has always been something very near and dear to me, it was part of the book I wrote, "Believe in Miracles And Soar" but .... I am adding the following lyrics from Third Day: I was listening to them all night and morning and I totally heard a different lesson to me, It's another "God Thing" a gift from God to me. Here are the awesome words: I adore this group and they are one of my favorites. I am going to write to them and thank them for the gift of their words. I want to send them a copy of my Book. It's ironic, in the middle of my book is a beautiful Eagle, Little did I know, that would be a big part of new journey. It's something how God plants those seeds isn't it?
     
    Here are some of the wonderful lyrics that have touched my soul so much since this new journey has started. Isn't it amazing how you listen to music over and over and over and then a new meaning approaches? It is awesome. Guess,I was just ready. God is sending me exactly what I need.
     
    Lyrics to Tunnel :
    I won
  12. jjohnson

    ONE SMALL STEP

    By jjohnson,

    Friday ended up being a day which I never imagined would or could happen. I had invited Mary, the friend that I have been mentoring since her stroke. Her Birthday was on the big snow blizzard day and we had to cancel our plans to celebrate so we had rescheduled for the next day that would be nice. I had planned all sorts of special surprises for Mary. The day was quite warm yesterday, 60 degrees. How can we go from blizzard to 60 in one week? Go Figure. Well, I took my shower and got dressed and decided I was going to sit on the front porch. It was beautiful outside. A day of endless possibilities. As I sat there thinking and talking to God, I decided ..... You know Jan you are doing good with your food plan, you've lost weight, now the only thing that would truly top everything is if you could take a walk. I do need to put exercise into my daily life .. Now, mind you, I was 100% paralyzed after my Brain Stem Stroke, told I would never walk again, etc. I can manage baby steps in my house, but for long term walking, etc. like going to the mall and such, I must use my wheelchair, The more I rocked in my rocking chair on the porch, the more I had the urge to go for a walk. I kept talking to God and saying well, you know God, what is the difference if I'm walking in my house vs the street, then it hit me.....
    When you fall in the house, you have the rug to fall on, if you fall on the street, it's harder .....
    Then I thought, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Besides, God is carrying me. So, I kept having a showdown in my mind and thoughts. Should I try walking down my ramp and enter the freedom of the free world, the street?
    I decided, I will try and if it gets to hard, I will just go back to the safety of my rocking chair on my front porch. I want to regain my Independance.
    There, I did it, I'm on the driveway...... My new neighbors came out for a smoke, I said hi to them and there I went. I went to the left of the street. I took my first two steps....ok, I'm off the driveway and I am actually standing on my street. I took a few more baby steps, then out of no where I hear:
     
    MISS JAN, MISS JAN, MISS JAN, MISS JAN, MISS JAN, MISS JAN, WOW, MISS JAN........ WHAT YA DOING?
     
    I said, Hi there Julianna, it was Debbie, my dear Bible Study Partners Granddaughter, I said I'm going for a lil walk, You want to join me, just then There was a Lady I have never seen before with a stroller and inside the stroller was Colton and Ethan, Julianna's brothers, Debbie's Grandsons. I said hi to them as well. Julianna asked her babysitter if she could go with me. She looked at me, I started to laugh and I said, oh believe me, I'm not doing a marathon or anything, This will be the first walk I've taken outside of the house in five years. She looked at me and I explained my situation. She said, sure Julianna, I'll just be taking the boys for a quick stroll.
    Off we went, I felt such freedom actually leaving my house, First things first however, I said to Julianna, if I should fall, or need help, please go and get Mr. Wayne OK? She said OK and that she knew which house was mine.
    All of a sudden, five little girls ran up to Julianna, guess they were her "possee" and said, hey what ya doin? She said going for a walk with my friend, Miss Jan. Can we go with ya? She looked at me and I said SURE, the more the merrier. As I started walking, ... I got in the position where I could see that Julianna was copying the way I walk and I said hey, what ya doing? She said walking like you so you won't feel funny. I guess I can be seen as different. I just started laughing and she said what is so funny Miss Jan. I said well, sweetie, I guess I do kinda walk like a lil baby learning to walk for the first time don't I. But, you know what, at least I am walking. That is such a gift from God.
    Julianna was my eyes, I didn't realize God had sent her to accompany me for my special walk, I would hear from time to time, Miss Jan, move to your right, there is a car coming, one time there was a UPS truck coming. She was such a big help. I may have only gone about to the end of the street and back, I DID IT..... WOW, you would have thought I had walked a thousand miles, What Joy, Excitement...... What gratitude I felt. What a gift was given to me...
    I was tired, really tired. But, it was a good tired.
     
    Julianna felt so good as well, she rejoiced and said, Miss Jan, look you did it. I said, well, sweetie, God sent you to help me and it was fun talking to your friends. I invited her friends to stop by any time they see me on the front porch. I love children and it was fun speaking with them. Having my mind on things other than stroke, having some type of newness other than living stroke 24/7.
    Wayne didn't know I had or was doing this. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing. He had a tizzy when he found out. What the hell did you try something like that for? You should have told me. etc. etc. etc.
    He said, well how was it? I told him it was scary. But, I was in good hands.
    He said, well, once the weather gets nicer, maybe you, me and Harley could go for walks. He said he didn't think I could take Harley with me as he will throw me off balance. But, that is my goal, to take the leash and say "Harley, wanna go for a walk with Mommy".. I have often thought that. Well, Today is Harley's Birthday and I am taking him for a walk by summer.
    Who knows what else in store for me. There are always dreams to come true.
    Today is Harleys special day so we are going for a ride ...... and he will get an extra treat today.
     
    What challenges ..... Each new day is full of possibilities.
     
    Will write more later. Got to go and get my shower ... I want to sit outside, another beautiful day.
     
    Oh, I had called Debbie, when she answered, I said, hey, guess what I just did, she said SHE BEAT YOU TO IT..... YOU WENT FOR A WALK, hehehe She said Julianna already beat you to it and told me all about it. She was so happy for you and her lil friends adored you. Could not believe a lil child would take time from playing with her friends to call her Grandmother to tell her what she did, helping me .... That really touched my heart.
     
    Believe In Miracles And SOAR :happydance:
  13. jjohnson
    :friends:My Mom
     
    It's been thirty five years ago today since you went away
    How I wish I was there that day
    But I didn't know
    No one told me Mom
    Had I known, I would have done things so differently
     
    I didn't have the maturity that I have now
    I was just a young kid
    The thought of dying would have never entered my mind
    I have my own demons and fight with the Beast
    We both had Beasts but yours was Cancer and mine was Brain Stem Stroke
     
    The legacy of your Faith is what gets me by
    Every good thing I possess or do is because of you
    Your capacity to Love and Understand
    The meaning of being a good friend
    How I wish you were still here
    I need you so Mom
    My heart aches for you
    My heart aches for what could have been
    Your beast, Cancer, robbed me of so much
    Your love which I know is enduring forever
    But, I just miss your smile and hugs
    Your words of wisdom, your laughter
    and loving nature
    How you could take the pain I felt away
    Mom, I will never have all the answers
    I didn't get to have closure with you
    and this has left me wondering
    I need to let this go so I can live my life
    the life I know you want me to have
    I have asked God every year to
    mend my broken heart
    and set me free
    with assurance you are doing just fine
    Please know Mom you will always
    be a big part of my life
    and one day we will be together
    again for all eternity
    I love you Mom and I always will
    You were just fifty-one
    how so very young you truly were
    So much time was taken from the both of us
    Just know you will always be my Mom
    You have a permanent home in my heart
     
    Written in Memory of My Mom, Mary Cochenour
    with Love, Jan
    3/19/09 :hug:
  14. jjohnson
    :Clap-Hands: This is my Harley today..... He had a blast in the snow. It was a bit deep for him but he was a real Trooper. What an incredible lil guy. Gosh, I adore him, could you tell?
    Well, Gang, Round One ..... getting through the day. Had lost the power numerous times, Wayne's TV has completely died, good thing his new one is coming this week, if the snow cooperates. Our Washer and Dryer is coming the same day. Please snow stay away until a more convenient day for us. Pretty Please. I had gotten up this am and I went to open the front door as I wanted to get some pics of the snow, guess what, the dang door wouldn't open up. The snow was so high .... it was attacking us thinking it would take us hostage. Well, God had other plans. Wayne was still asleep and I started to think all these thoughts, Oh No I am stuck in this house, what if I needed to call 911, they would have to break down the door, etc. All these silly thoughts, I am half asleep mind you. I finally went in and Wayne was stirring so I let him know Harley needed to go out and I couldn't get any of the doors to open. So, he got up and tried to get at least one of the doors to open. After much prayer .... Finally, George came to our rescue. Bless his heart. George has shoveled us out for the past five years, He left our Church and we don't see him near as much... however, he realized this was like a blizzard type storm, The news was all about it, etc. There he was coming to our rescue. Let me introduce him to you. He was a Hero of the Pentagon on 9/11/ He was there that day and has gone on to give speeches about that day everywhere. He is a very dear friend. He is an Army Ranger. It took him about four hours to get the snow in manageable condition. He even started our vehicles up and got all the snow off of them. He won't let us pay him, nothing, he just does it cuz he said it's the right thing to do.
    Not many people of that quality on this planet. I finally gave him some lil things and he accepted them. A deck of cards with hearts all over them. I told him he could get all cozy tonight with Susan, his wife, and they could play cards and other things. He loved it and he told me you know you didn't have to give me anything. I just want to make sure you all are ok. Plus, he loves Harley. We did fellowship for a bit before he left. He lives in our neighborhood. I shared with him we need to get together more often ... I miss him and Susan. He gave me a big hug.
    We're suppose to be getting another storm in behind this one. After he got everything all cleaned up, guess what, it started snowing. He said, Jan, go figure. I teased him and said, Yep, the powers at be feel we need to visit with one another.
    Well, I'm going to get off of here cuz the power is acting funny, flashing in and out. It might be a chilly evening if we lose power again. Frustrating. But, I am learning the meaning of my journey. Harley brings the joy in everything.
    Snow, Sleet, Hail, Storm, long as I have my Harley Boy, everything's A-OK. He takes after his Mommy, he is a chip off the ole block, he is a little clown. He is my "mini me". :roflmao:
     
    I will add more later on, I need to get off of here,
    God Bless, Hugs, Jan
    Believe In Miracles And SOAR
  15. jjohnson
    I so wanted to go to Church yesterday morning, had the alarm set, had my ride all set, and then WHAM, had to call Debbie and let her know I wouldn't need to have her come and get me, why you wonder? It was a sheet of ice, it had snowed and had sleet mixed in and whatever else ... it was not a pretty picture. I was upset .... but, I knew there was no way I could get down the ramp. Safety first was needed to be my decision. God knew the desire of my heart. I don't need a building to pray to my God, I just love going to fellowship with my Church Family. I love the Praise Group and I enjoy singing and being part of the whole experience. I love hearing my Pastor's Sermon. I missed not getting Communion but I know Pastor Mike will bring me that when the weather clears up. Well, it started snowing Sunday am and it kept snowing all day and evening and it slowed down a bit but it started up and it's coming down like you would not believe. My poor lil Harley, he goes out and you can't tell where he is unless his lil face is looking up at me, then I can see his black nose and eyes. He is pure white. But, let me tell you what, he goes and does his "thing" and comes right back in.
    His Momma didn't raise no fool..... he knows where he is warmed up. We were suppose to get over 7 inches yesterday and I believe Wayne has said he thought we had about 5-6 as of yesterday. Today, they are saying the 7 again. Who knows, all I know is everything is closed according to the radio.
     
    I need a shovel for clearing our ramp, etc. but I don't need a shovel to shovel food into my mouth. I would stress about all this bad weather and eat, eat, eat, but guess what, not this time. I am enjoying seeing the snow, it's beautiful. We did lose our electricty. But, it is back for now. Hope we don't lose it again But, hey, if we do, we will deal with it. Speaking of food..... I am still doing good with my NutriSystem. The food is really good, it's unbelievable. It's a "God Thing." Ok, I need to come clean with everyone, I had Wayne weigh me and guess what....
    Through God's grace, I released six, count em, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 SIX lbs. I am so excited. Wayne ever showed excitement. So, maybe it's not just another attempt of "diet" I don't like that word DIEt. I'm not sure what I call it, New way of eating? Food Plan? I don't want to say I lost ????? lbs. I am saying I released.... cus when you lose something you find it. I don't want to find those six lbs.
    So, I'm on my way. I have a Counselor with NutriSystem. We spoke, she feels I have a good attitude toward it and I told her I am blogging about it here. I have a great Support, GOD. He knows it is a true desire of my heart and I really feel I'm going to do it. Ok, Wes, this is my GOAL...... I want to be healthy, I want to Live, I feel getting this weight off of me I am going to feel so much better and maybe I will be able to do more things. One never knows. Well, each day I will get closer to my goal and I will find out how I feel.
    Just keep me in your prayers please. I need all the prayers I can get. I am happy. I can't wait to see how things go. Just one meal at a time.
    Today is going to be a day I am sure without our mail being delivered. There is no way she can deliver the mail in these kinds of condition. I think about the homeless and how freezing they must be.
    Have a great day today. Enjoy the day. Don't spend your time on yesterday or worrying about tomorrow, just stay in today and enjoy it. Make it the best you can.
    God Bless, Hugs, Jan
    Believe In Miracles And SOAR
     
    *********************************************************************************************
     
    Wanted to share this with you all. I rec'd it this am.
     
     
     
    PURSUING PEACE
     
    Dear Father, giver of brotherly love,
     
    How wonderful that your kingdom, your rule in people's lives, is
    not a matter of food and drink, but of righteousness and peace and
    joy in the Holy Spirit. May I, in serving Christ this way, be
    acceptable to you and approved by others.
     
    Let me and all the members of your family pursue what makes for
    peace and for mutual uplifting. Let none of us, for the sake of
    personal rights, destroy your work of grace in someone else. Help
    us to appreciate our rights, but help each of us understand that it
    is wrong to make others fall by insisting on them. Guide us to see
    that it is right not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that
    would make a brother or sister stumble.
     
    The faith that I have, let me keep between you and me. Let me find
    happiness in having no reason to judge myself for what I approve.
    May I never do anything from the basis of doubt, because not acting
    from conviction is sin.
     
    In the name of Jesus I pray all this, asking that you will give me
    love for my brothers and sisters. Amen.
  16. jjohnson
    :beer: Goodbye February :happydance: Dancing the Irish jig for you .... HELLO, it's March, "Kiss Me, I'm Irish"
    Green Beer, fun times. But, the most important thing is the new me coming round.
     
    :bookread: Ok, stay seated, News Flash,,,,News Flash,,,,News Flash,,,News Flash,,,News Flash,,,News Flash
     
    I have prayed and prayed about trying to get this weight off. I am in a position where it is hard to exercise. But, I am trying to figure out what I can try to do. I have a tape where I can sit in my wheelchair or lift chair and do a few things. Anyway, I started NutriSystems. It arrived on Ash Wednesday. That was a "God Thing" ..... I know Through Christ, All Things Are Possible. This is something I really want. I truly do. Since November or so, I have really been going through rough times and I am tired of them. I want to rise above it. Anyway, I thought, wow, Lent..... forty days, forty nights, what a perfect time to start this new way of life for me. Besides, I never got to Weight Watchers. But, God had other plans for me.
    I like the food so far. My new thinking is simple .... it's I LIVE TO EAT, NOT LOVE TO EAT. I need to nourish my body and this stress eating has to end. This emotional eating, eat when I am happy, eat when I am sad. no more.
    I am going to be a Warrior of my body. Getting healthy is on my list.
     
    I wasn't going to share this in my Blog, I have written numerous posts, but deleted all of them.
    Then after praying all day, I said this is crazy. I want to be accountable to others. My Bible Study Gals, Kathy and Debbie, are on the same page with me. How about you all? I have made a contract with myself, to be good to myself, to just take it one second at a time, as it didn't come on me over night, many years. I have had a problem with my weight since grade school. I am writing down what I am eating.
    The food truly isn't bad. This I am so greatful for. I had pizza tonight for dinner. Lawdy, one or two bites and it was gone. But, at least it was pizza, cheese pizza, it was flatbread pizza. So, it looks like things I like to eat are included.
    Who knows, maybe I will be in an informical with Marie Osmond. :roflmao:
    Anyway, I need to finish my contract to myself so I will get going.
    Take care and I invite you to travel my journey with you all.
     
    God Bless, Hugs, Believe In Miracles And SOAR
     
     
  17. jjohnson
    OK: I've been at the train depot all day..... Finally, I asked myself that big question:
     
    "It doesn't matter where the train is going, What matters is deciding to get on."
     
    Do I just want to look at life as it is going by OR Do I want to get back on that merry-go-round and join in...
     
    I truly have to ponder that thought for a bit. Things have just been very tough lately. I try really hard never to compare myself with others. Can't .... Strokes differ for everyone. I am an individual person, I have my own thoughts, opinions, likes and dislikes, etc. The common thread that holds together for this group is the fact we have all experienced the Beast. STROKE
    Don't get me wrong, I truly care about everyone here. We are all on a journey. Each day is truly our decision. Do we wanna play or not?
    I wanna take part in this game of Life, I really do. At times, I just don't feel I have the right piece to play in this game, you know how everyone gets a piece of the game to use as their lil thing to move around the board of whatever game you are playing together. Well, this isn't a game I am playing, this is a game of Survival. I've already played "Survivor" Joined that game without even sending in an application to be on the show. Reality Shows.....
    Yes, I guess by now you can gather the tone of this entry, I have been going through a lot right now. A lot of different feelings..... I long to be the "Ole Jan"..... I truly do. There are things my Hubby wants, big ticket items, a Big screen tv, his tv is on it's last leg ..... I don't want him not to get it, however, these sorts of things I feel one needs to start saving up for. I know he deserves it. His only enjoyment it seems is #1, Harley, #2, smoking his cigs, #3, watching his tv. I just get a lil nervous cuz of what is in our bank account. You remember the words your Mom would always say: You need to save up for a rainy day. Well, they ring so loud for us, as of 2003. I feel we never know what is coming around the bend. I want him to get his television, he deserves it. I feel like such a bad wife. I do.
     
    Well, I thought after all the above stuff, what could I do to pitch in and help out more.
    OH, our washing machine did die. So, Wayne has to go out and get another one. SEE, the rainy day stuff my Mom warned me about, there it is, gotta be prepared. Good thing I was a Girl Scout.
    Anyway, I wanted to get a shower. Wayne and I didn't have such a good day on Saturday. So, I said to myself:
    Jan: There's Nothing To It BUT TO Do It..... So I got myself into the shower and I got a shower. I was so amazed. I prayed the whole time, cuz I truly didn't want to fall and have to call 911 and let them see me in my Birthday Suit.
    Only problem with this trying to do more was: I can't dry myself totally off cuz I can't bend in those ways to reach all of them nor can I get my britches and shoes and socks on. BUT, I did get myself in and out of the shower. So, there was a lil growth. But, I had to humble myself and ask him if he would be able to help me and I even apologized and told him how much I appreciate all he does and has done for me. I have always been the type of person who says they are sorry and even "YES, I was wrong." And that is no BS, that is truthful from my heart. I know how hard this has been for me, My goodness, look at him? I feel so bad for him. I feel as though I have ruined his life. He doesn't deserve all of this. His golden years.
    Anyway, I don't know about all of you, but when I get into this type of "space" that I found myself in.. I like to listen to music. This one song came on and it hit home to me BIG TIME. I wanted to share the words with you and give you the take I got on them when I listened to them.
    Just bear with me on these, I bet a lot of you think: Heck NO. but, plse read the words and my take on them. OK?If you want to share your take, plse feel free to do that, maybe they would be words of wisdom for me.
     
     
    Lyrics to Not Ready To Make Nice
     
     
    Forgive, sounds good
    Forget, I
  18. jjohnson
    What a week this has been, WOW, so many emotions I have felt and had to live through.
    Yesterday I broke my tooth. I went to the Dentist today to get it fixed. I hate to go to the Dentist. I hate hearing the buzzing of the drills, etc. I got into his chair, and he let the games begin. I try to be brave, unfortunately being at the Dentist he doesn't give you a lollipop if you are a good patient. (never any goodies.... heck he would get more business you would think, errrrr cavities?) You should get a new tooth brush and dental floss or even a lil tube of toothpaste that he is pushing these days. But, this Dentist doesn't do any of that. All my other Dentist's I have been to did that kind of thing. You know they get these freebies from the reps. Must be getting tough in that even with the way the economy. BUT, the one thing I got was from my own self as a gift to me. I am so excited I just had to share it with the world. So world, get a good seat and a cold drink and read on.
     
    As I stated, I hate going to the Dentist. But, I had no choice, my tooth broke. I said a few prayers. They always help... I had to take those four pills an hour before I get there. Due to the fact, I had quad bypass surgery. So, I was all set. Wayne brings me inside, me in my wheelchair, I wanted to do a wheelie and split. No way, I had to get this tooth fixed. Dr. Katz was waiting for me. I got in his chair. I felt like he was going to stap me in as he knows how this isn't my favorite place to be. The Shopping Mall is right down the street, that's where I would rather be.
    So he gets the party started. :cheer: He checks out my broken tooth. :yikes: He explains what he is going to do and he gets started. He kept saying to me, Jan, you doing okay? Why do they always do that? They have their hands and instruments in your mouth but yet they ask you questions and you are not suppose to shake your head yes or no, nor talk with all that in your mouth. This always cracks me up, can't even laugh. :yawn: All of a sudden, things were getting intense and this thought came into my mind, I am a Brain Stem Stroke Survivor, A Quad Bypass Survivor, TIA Survivor, the key word here is SURVIVOR, if Through God's help I could survive all of that, then certainly I can be a Survivor of a Broken Tooth. Once that empowerment entered my thinking pattern, I was fine, I was at peace, I just tthought about a lot of things and before you knew it , I was all done and I was able to just wheel on out of there. In fact, Dr. Katz wheeled me out, not even a Good Girl sticker he had. But, better than all the lollipop, sticker, floss, toothpaste, I had the winning ticket, A Good Dentist who is kind and truly cares about his patients. He is a kind person and for that I am truly greatful. So, thanks to you Dr. Katz for fixing my broken tooth.
     
    Positive thinking is the best way to go. So, after five years, something good came out of all this, when I have a hard task ahead of me, Just knowing I am a Survivor will be part of my thinking for the rest of my life.
     
    Now on to other exciting events of the week. My Dr's visit this week regarding my feet, wasn't so good. My Plantar Fasciitis is worse. He has decided to hold off with the surgery. He gave me Cortisone shots after doing the ultrasound to see how things were looking. I ended up getting four shots. WOW, what fun, I had seen him last in October and got the shots then .... they did a lot better then. This time I feel no improvement. He ordered me special shoes that are made for patients with Plantar Fasciitis and some special gel heel pads. I am doing the exercises like I am suppose to. But, I am in pain all the time with it.
    He was late getting to work that day, I was there at four pm. I didn't see him until around five. When he gets in, I was in for a shock.... He had a splint on ... I asked him if his girlfriend wrang his neck, we laughed and he explained he had surgery for a rotator cuff problem. Great, I have a Dr with his right shoulder in a sling, he is right handed. Oh. goodness, get the prayers going fast. I asked him if he was ok to work on me. We both laughed. Dr. Palmer and I are close, I have been his patient for over 20 years, In fact, when I was in rehab after my stroke and all, I had problems with my feet and he came out to the rehab three different times to take care of me and he didn't even charge me. He is a real sweetheart. It was neat watching the ultrasound. Only thing we needed was some popcorn.
    He was behind schedule because he was late getting there. So he was in a hurry. He numbed my feet first and after he gave me a lil time to make sure I was numb, he gave me the cortisone shot. Man, that did hurt. Let me tell you. He had put a little mark on both feet, however, he lost the mark and I don't think he got it in the right place. I have not gotten any relief. Miss Patience needs to work on that .... Patience... I went on Tuesday to see him and today is Friday. I think I will give him a call to let him know. He said to let him know.
    But, like I realized today at the Dentist I AM A SURVIVOR..... This too will pass. If it doesn't, I will just find a Dr. who could unscrew my belly botton and let my legs fall off and I will get the 2009 model. Feet that are feeling fine. You know before my surgery I never had any problem with my legs, feet. Once I got out of the coma, I always asked people to untie my feet, They always feel like they are bound. Tied together. It sure bugs the heck out of me.
    Oh well, enough about my feet.
     
    Our Washing Machine died. Wayne has to go out tomorrow and get a new one. It gave us a good life of wash, spin, , kept us looking good in our clean clothes. Goodbye Gabby, we will miss you. You are going to the place of cleaniness, Washing Machines of Heaven. :cloud9: You were special to us as you became part of our family right after we got married.
    Today Wayne had to go to his Dr because his Fibro is acting up. He had to get a cortisone shot for the inflamation in his Bursac Sack in his hip.
    I tell you, we could have a shingle hanging from our front door, We have so many things going on that we could share with the community. Save them money and talk to us and we can share our experience, strength and hope with them.
    Wayne has Fibro and RA. I feel bad for him because he is my Caregiver. I pray for him to feel better soon.
    Tell you what, wish we could add all our Dr's on our Income Taxes and deduct them as our children. hehehe
    Let's see, the highlight of my days is always our adorable Harley Boy. He gets his favorite toy and will shake his head back and forth and let it throw up in the air and catches it and throws it again. it's like his entertainment hour for us. We just sit there and he does his performance nightly for us, we just sit and laugh our butts off. He is so funny. He has his birthday coming up on March 7th. He is so precious, I still can't believe he was in a shelter and had four families before we ended up with him. It was a God thing when we were blessed with him. Our love just grows and grows more and more each minute of the day.
    Well, I guess that is it in a nutshell of our week.
    Life happens, some days are good, some days are so so, some days have lessons to be learned. But, above all, these are days we have in our lives, I for one, Appreciate each and every one. I fought long and hard to still be here and I will cherish each one. I think taking on challenges sorta guides me with my growth in life. "There's Nothing to it but to do it."
     
    Please keep in prayer: Lindy and her upcoming Liver Transplant, For a friend whose son died in a car accident, what is sad is he just got back from duty in Iraq. Sad, very sad. Pray for his Mom, Lynn. Pray that Allan will be back with us soon. Keep all are StrokeNet family in prayers.
     
    OH, BIG NEWS FLASH, NEWS FLASH...TO BE SHARED REGARDING OUR SECOND OLDEST GRANDSON, RYAN
     
    From a Proud Mom Mom sharing the following note from our oldest Daughter, Shelly, Rec'd this on Tuesday.
     
    Good morning! This evening Ryan and I have a meeting because he was chosen for a talent search by Johns Hopkins University. They picked kids who are academically gifted and are offering them additional education classes. We are very excited about it and after I get more details we will make our decision as to if he will attend
  20. jjohnson

    Valentine's Day

    By jjohnson,

    Wow, yesterday was a day of love, surprise, and a special phone call.
     
    I had gotten up and placed Wayne's Valentine's gifts on the table which is his routine every morning. He sits there and reads the paper while drinking his coffee. He likes to play the lottery and I had found some really special lottery tickets which said love, love, love on them and you would think they were real. They looked identical to a real lottery ticket. He said, wow, where did you get these? I told him when I was out the other day I saw them and had to get you some as you enjoy playing the lottery. He got a coin to scratch them off...... They said if you get three "lips" three of this and that then it said what you won. One thing was kisses forever, one said a massage, and so on. He said how do I redeem these? and we busted out laughing. I told him I'm sorry he didn't win the lottery and he said But I did, I have you.... that was the sweetest thing. It really touched my heart.
     
    He liked his gifts from Harley and me.
     
    My friend, kathy, stopped by and brought me beautiful roses. she knows I love flowers. She brought some adorable
    Valentine Cupcakes. Then the highlight of my day was calling her Brother, George, at the hospital and spoke with him.
    He has been in the hospital for quite a while and then in rehab. He is back in the hospital with congestive heart failure. What was so awesome about all of this is I was able to speak with him about keeping HOPE in his heart and about his feeding tube and swallow studies, I have been down the road he is down now and I got him to laugh and open up. I had the phone on speaker phone so Kathy could speak with him as well. I had sent some gifts up with Kathy as she was going to see him later on in the day. I asked him if he would like me to call him again and he said yes, he would like that every day because I know what he is going through. Kathy said that is the first time he has opened up like that with anyone. I felt the meaning of the day "LOVE" ..... to share with others. I was so happy because volunteer work is such a big part of my existence. I thanked God so very much. It is so much better to give than to receive.
    My neighbors two children stopped by to visit and I had a blast with them. I love children so much.
    My Grandson, Christopher, didn't get his girlfriend, Megan,all of 19 days a ring. His Mom told him it was way to soon. He is 15 and she will be 17. He got her a stuffed FROG as she loves FROGS.... ummmmmmmm. maybe after their first "kiss" dare I say that or even think of that????? she finally got her PRINCE????
    She is cute but I just can't believe the pictures. Shelly, Chris' Mom, had taken like 14 pictures of them and we finally got them. I just sat in my chair and was seeing a totally different Grandson, it wasn't my lil Chris anymore.
    Here he is in this picture with a girl hugging him and he her. He never liked that sort of thing. NEVER, how times have changed. They are holding hands in one picture, She has both her arms wrapped around his neck, Wayne and I kept saying He never liked stuff like that. We both agreed he's not our baby anymore. I just hope he doesn't get hurt.
    But hurt is part of life. All emotions are part of our journey in life. He will learn and take away many thoughts and memories I know . But, if he does get hurt or upset and needs to talk things out, he always comes to his Mom Mom and Grandpop. We have a good relationship.
    The most thoughtful gift I received last evening was when my Harley Boy came to me and was dancing all around me, I asked him if he had to go out..... but it wasn't that, I asked him if he was hungry, not that, I asked him if he just wanted to play, no, that wasn't it either. I finally managed to get up and follow him to see what he wanted, You will not believe this ...... but, it is the honest to goodness truth...... He went to the side door, I opened it and let him out. He would not go down the steps to do his business. He just stayed on the porch, and looked up in the dark sky. I followed his lead and looked up at it as well. Then, all of a sudden I saw the most beautiful full moon I have ever seen. It was like a bright orange/yellowish It was so breathtaking. I felt Harley had ordered that just for me. It was something I will never ever forget. My precious Harley Boy. I just adore him and love him so much. Then, after my gazing was done, he went down the steps and did his little business. He wouldn't even go in the house without me. He just sat by me as I did my Moon gazing. It was so special. He is my lil snuggle bug. He checks on me like clockwork. He just comes in to my room as I am watching television and will back himself up so I can pet him and he then lays on my feet and keep me company.
    You know if I hadn't had this Brain Stem Stroke, there would never had been a Harley. So my biggest blessing is Harley. I traded having a Brain Stem Stroke for my Harley. I think I won out the best. If it wasn't for the stroke, I wouldn't have my NetWork friends. So in the bigger scheme of things, I won out. It's all how you look at it.
    Well, Valentine's Day has come and gone, but I keep LOVE in my heart at all times, Do you? Would you like to join me? Let's start a new revolution here and now, Let there peace on earth and let it begin with us. Let Love take place of hate, Let Love gives us all that we need. Let's all get by with a little help from our friends. Let us not hate ourselves for what the Beast, Stroke, tries to do to us. Take our happiness, our well being. Let the Love of friends and family in and let the peace, joy return to our lives.
    Well, that sums it up for today.
    Thank you for stopping by. Have a blessed week.
    God Bless,
    Hugs, n Love,
    Jan
    Believe In Miracles And SOAR
    :hug:
     
     
     
     
  21. jjohnson

    Grandparents thoughts

    By jjohnson,

    Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. ~Author Unknown
     
     
    What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change,
    and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure. ~Gene Perret
     
     
    Grandmothers are just 'antique' little girls ~Author Unknown
     
     
    Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild.
    ~Welsh Proverb
     
    A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead
    of the television. ~Author Unknown
     
     
    Never have children, only grandchildren. ~Gore Vidal
     
     
    Becoming a grandmother is wonderful. One moment you're just
    a mother. The next you are all-wise and prehistoric. ~Pam Brown
     
     
     
    Grandchilden don't stay young forever, which is good because
    Grandfathers have only so many horsey rides in them. ~Gene Perret
     
     
    When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.
    ~ Ogden Nash
     
     
    Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just
    you all day and now the day was complete. ~ Marcy DeMaree
     
    Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies. ~Author unknown
     
     
    Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our
    hearts forever. ~Author Unknown
     
     
    If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren,
    I'd have had them first. ~Lois Wyse
     
     
    My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world. And after
    two or three hours with them, I believe it, too. ~Gene Perret
     
     
    If becoming a grandmother was only a matter of choice, I should
    advise every one of you straight away to become one. There is
    no fun for old people like it! ~Hannah Whithall Smith
     
     
    It's such a grand thing to be a mother of a mother - that's why the
    world calls her grandmother. ~Author Unknown
     
    Grandchildren are God's way of compensating us for growing
    old. ~Mary H. Waldrip
     
     
    You do not really understand something unless you can explain
    it to your grandmother. ~Proverb
     
     
    An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again.
    Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly. ~Gene Perret
    <FONT< SPAN>
    The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby's grandparents. You
    feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long
    periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida . ~Dave Barry
     
     
    I wish I had the energy that my grandchildren have - if only for
    self-defense.. ~Gene Perret
     
     
    Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas
    are short on criticism and long on love. ~Author Unknown
     
     
    Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do.
    Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of
    little children. ~Alex Haley
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Grandmother - a wonderful mother with lots of
    practice. ~Author Unknown
     
     
    A grandparent is old on the outside but young on
    the inside. ~Author Unknown
     
     
    One of the most powerful handclasps is that of a new
    grandbaby around the finger of a grandfather. ~Joy Hargrove
     
     
    It's amazing how grandparents seem so young once you
    become one. ~Author Unknown
     
    If your baby is 'beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses,
    sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the
    time,' you're the grandma. ~Teresa Bloomingdale
     
     
    Grandparents are similar to a piece of string - handy to have
    around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their
    grandchildren. ~Author Unknown
     
    What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I'd like to say
    that grandparents are God's gifts to children. And if they can
    but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they
    can mature at a fast rate. ~Bill Cosby
     
     
    Grandchildren don't make a man feel old; it's the knowledge
    that he's married to a grandmother. ~G. Norman Collie
     
    My name is: MomMom Nothing would brighten my world more than being called by my precious, Christopher, Ryan, , Trenton, RJ and hopefully Ryleigh will talk soon. I can't rush it as her first Birthday will be in May.
     
    I will never forget the first time each lil one was placed in my arms for the first time and when our eyes locked into each others. What a gift from GOD. It's his way of saying "Life goes on".
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
  22. jjohnson
    :friends:
     
     
    One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming
    that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd
    gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was
    not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most
    beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud
    and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.
     
     
     
    Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said,
    "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and
    the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly,
    but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and
    other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were
    several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges
    where whole pieces were missing. The people stared -- how can he
    say his heart is more beautiful, they thought?
     
     
     
    The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and
    laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with
    mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears."
     
     
     
    "Yes," said the old man, "yours is perfect looking but I would never
    trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have
    given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and
    often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place
    in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough
    edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared.
     
     
     
    Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person
    hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges
    -- giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they
    stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and
    I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting.
    So now do you see what true beauty is?"
     
     
     
    The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He
    walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful
    heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with
    trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart
    and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the
    wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were
    some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect
    anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's
    heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side.
     
     
    Give A Piece of Your Heart Away This Valentine's Day!
     
     
    You've Touched My Heart
    You've given me a reason
    For smiling once again,
    You've filled my life with peaceful dreams
    and you've become my closest friend.
     
    You've shared your heartfelt secrets
    And your trust you've given me,
    You showed me how to feel again
    To laugh, and love, and see.
     
    If life should end tomorrow
    And from this world I should part,
    I shall be forever young
    For you have touched my heart
     
    ***************************************************************************************************************************
     
     
    We meet very few people in this lifetime
    Who touch us as deeply as those who...
    Listen to us without judgment
    unconditionally encourage us
    Support our hopes and
    believe in our dreams
    Fill our lives with so much joy
     
     
    And when I hear others
    speak so excitedly
    about such friends...
     
    I immediately think of you!
     
    So I want you to enjoy
    this special Valentine bouquet
     
    Because I cherish our friendship
    each and every day.
     
    Happy Valentine's Day!
     
     
    God Bless,
    Love n Hugs,
    Jan
     
    Believe in Miracles and SOAR
     
     
    The Greatest Love I have in my life is that from GOD
     
    Remembering Valentine's Day, by Steve Brumfield
     
     
    Okay, guys, stay with me here. I understand and am well aware that
    nobody wants advice, but would like to offer up some thoughts about my
    favorite holiday ... Valentines Day. I know, this is dangerous
    territory for guys, since many consider Valentine's Day to be a holiday
    created for women and by women. But my experience is a little
    different, but it really is my favorite holiday.
     
    For a number of years, I would get my wife candy and flowers. Sue liked
    the candy. However, she did not like the cut roses. After all, they
    were cut -- they were just dead flowers to her, plus they charge twice
    as much for the "dead ones" as they do for live ones. So about ten
    years prior to her death, I started doing silly things ... small
    things.
     
    For about ten years, I had gotten Sue a stuffed singing something --
    most of these were simple stuffed animals that "sang" a classic song of
    some kind. One year it was a mouse dressed up in an evening gown with a
    little wig and microphone singing "Fever." Another year it was a
    Gorilla that sang "WILD THING." And on and on I had selected a new
    stuffed animal for each. It was challenging to come up with a new one
    each year, but fun at the same time. (Hint: I got most of these from
    Walgreen's.)
     
    I don't know what more I would have done.
     
    Sue liked some better than others; however, we saved them all. In
    February of 2007, I went to a Michael's crafts store in Cool Springs
    and got a bunch of stuff to decorate our mantle. I got all the singing
    stuffed things out from previous years and put them on the mantle -- I
    was sneaking around the house to do this at 2 or 3 in the morning.
    Then, I put the latest addition, a dog that sang "I Can't Stop Loving
    You" beside the coffee pot and a note telling her to go in and play cut
    six on the CD, a John Denver song, "For You." I also got a white shoe
    polish pencil so I could write things on the mirror in the bathroom and
    over the window above the kitchen sink.
     
    Perhaps you have a routine, perhaps not. My experience suggests that
    women appreciate thoughtfulness more than big gifts ... at least this
    was true in my case. So on Valentine's Day of 2008, I thought back with
    fondness on my precious wife and our life together, realizing that if I
    had known Valentine's Day 2007 would have been our last one, I don't
    know what more I would have done.
     
    Guys, let's not take for granted the preciousness of the ones we love
    and remember them in simple ways that say, "I love you!"
     
    ---------
     
    The above reminded me how we need to take life a second at a time, we never know when we will be called home, take each day to let those in your life know how much you appreciate and love them. I read this and it reminded me of my journey of 2003. I have tried since that journey to let everyone know how much I love them. Faith, Hope and Love, and the greatest of these is LOVE.
     
    Enjoy today. Love n Hugs, Jan
  23. jjohnson

    Comedy of Errors

    By jjohnson,

    It was the first time I was able to get out of the house, WOW, actually getting out ... Yeah, I was so
    excited. Finally. Hadn't been out since my Birthday, 12/26. So, at around 12ish, Debbie called
    and said she was on her way over, she was going to have to walk up as her Son had her car,
    I asked her to wait to see if Wayne could go over and pick her up as she is only a few streets over
    which he did. I was up and ready to go. Got my shower, hair done and even did my makeup... look out
    world. I was on the loose I had gotten my purse, etc. and when Debbie walked in, I asked where was Wayne. He had taken Harley for a walk. So, I said, ok, well let's get going, I had
    things to do and people to see. As I was going out the front door, I thought, since Wayne wasn't here
    I would lock it, then a thought entered my mind, he does have his keys as he had just driven over
    to pick up Debbie. Then, it happened, that ole Brain Stem Stroke Cloud entered, did he tell me to lock it
    or not? I asked Debbie, do you know which way he went for his walk with Harley, maybe you could drive there
    and ask him .... to lock or not to lock, she said, Jan, you know he never leaves the door unlocked.
    Which is true, I thought after great thought. She said, let's get going. I had a lot on the agenda for the
    day. I wasn't sure ... should I or shouldn' I. I didn't know what to do. Oh well, I went ahead and just shut the bottom lock and pulled the door and said ok Debbie, let's book it. Just then, she turned and said to me, Jan, Wayne just yelled to me,
    "I hope she didn't lock that door." Debbie poked her head to me, and said, Oh My Gosh, Jan, Wayne just said, hope she didn't lock the door. .........................................
     
    I got so upset. he said, I told her not to lock the door. I promise you,
     
    He never said that. I don't remember him ... I shared with him, I have tried over and over again, to
     
    explain to him the damage from my Brain Stem Stroke, he doesn't buy it. I have asked him, suggested
    to him, please look at the messages from other Brain Stem Stroke Survivors, Wayne, things I am
    going through, what you go through as my Caregiver are all listed there.
    He won't look. It sure would make my life easier if he would just give it a shot.
    I have printed out things from time to to time.
     
    Then, we stopped at the Bank to make my deposit, then we headed off to the Circuit City as they
    are going out of business and I needed to get new batteries for my camera and I wanted to look at
    the tvs as Wayne's is on the way out and I wanted to do something nice for him. I always try to do
    something nice for him.... plus, The guy was not helpful at all,
    He wouldn't look straight at me and kept going side to side, etc. I finally asked if he would please try
    to accommodate me like I had asked him to, I had shared the reason why I can't see properly, the blindness due from the Brain Stem Stroke and that I need him to stand in one spot and look at me
     
    directly.... nope couldn't do that. All he wanted to do was make the sale and move on.
    He got me so disgusted with him, I just said to Debbie, let's just roll.... He said aren't we going to seal the deal, I polietly basically just let him know ... nope, no seal of your deal. You wouldn't give me the time of day and try to accommdate me, therefore, I am moving on ....
     
    I am glad I had the courage to do that. Maybe, for the next person in a wheelchair and Brain Stem Stroke or disability of any kind, will get better service, we deserve that. He was just a jerk. He would go to other able bodied people and help them while he was suppose to be helping me. Not considerate at all. I didn't need to take that from him. I deserve better.
     
    Next stop was getting my nails done. No major upset there. Except I started dozing off while they were
    under the dryer and all of a sudden out of no where, there was banging on the window.... I didn't know
    what was going on, people were yelling, why were these people banging on the windows
    All the employees there are from VietNam, very nice people, however, very quiet. So different
    from us. It ended up being my friend, Debbie's son, Eric, and he saw my car (hard to miss, has a big lift on the back, and he wanted to stop by and say hello and let me meet his new girlfriend. He is a real
    cutup anyway, but the owner, Jimmy, wasn't real happy about him banging on the windows.
    He was doing Debbie's nails and he asked her who that was. She told him her son and that he just loves
    Jan, etc. It was a nice visit and I like his girlfriend. It was nice meeting her.
    Next stop, lunch. Had a nice lunch. Then it was time for my haircut. Karen did a great job, like always,
    but I had to hear Debbie complaining, I don't know why you just don't go and get a ten dollar haircut like
    where I go. I explain to her like I always do, Debbie, I have been going to Karen for over twenty years,
    I love the way she cuts my hair, When I was in rehab, and when I am too bad not being able to get in
     
    she will come to my house to cut my hair. She came to my house the morning of my wedding and did my hair. She is a very Good friend and like a family member. Those type of people are special and we are
    blessed to have them in our lives. Then I have to listen to Debbie's "she doesn't cut that much off, thing is, they sweep it all up as she is doing it. So, it's not all in one spot, I know how much she takes off, even
    Wayne said wow, she took a lot off. Thing is with Debbie she is negative. That is the one thing I don't care for. But, if she doesn't take me, then I don't get out.
    On the way home, I asked her, do you think we could go around the Bay, it's only a half mile from my home, NO, she said. I was a little upset by that, Well, I was shocked cuz when I got home, I sat outside for a bit and just enjoyed being out. I got up to get in the house and wayne said what are you doing and I said, going in. he said don't you want to see the Bay? He said I was coming out to take you .... so we went. He had asked me if Debbie took me there and I said no.
    Harley,Wayne and I all went for a quick drive to the bay and back.
    Guess that was my Valentine's Day gift. hehehe
    I think maybe while I was gone he reflected on what happened and how he went off the handle at me.
    Debbie said he was quite upset and even used the "F" word and she has never heard him say that.
    It was a real mess, Praise God, he found a screw driver in my trunk of my car and used that to try to get the door open, it opened and then Isaid: Wow, guess our house isn't that burglar proof is it if you can
    get the door open quick like that. He said well you only locked the bottom lock not the double bolt, etc.
    we have three locks on the front door. Thank goodness, I only did the bottom one.
     
    Guess the ole brain led me to the bottom one. Maybe I still have some smarts after all. hehehe
     
     
     
    When we were at Circuit City, she got out to get my wheelchair, and the wind was very strong yesterday.
    Very powerful, and it blew and the door shut and Debbie was leaning over the seat and yelled Jan, why
    didn't you catch the door, I tried but it was a little too late. She made a big deal that her foot was hurt
     
    from the force of the wind. I felt bad but I really thought it was a little big to say how hurt she was.
    I told her I was sorry. She shouldn't have been leaning over like she was. She could have walked to the
    side of the car and opened the door and gotten what she needed.
     
    Oh, well, I am greatful I got out. A mixed day of events.
     
    Once again, the stores we went to, nothing but boxes all stuck in the middle of the aisles and we couldnt'
    get through and she was yelling so loud, people just stared. Like saying LOOK have a disabled
    lady in the wheelchair who got get around... you know? I was embarrassed and asked her
    Debbie, why not just go to the counter and ask for them to move the boxes. NO, it isn't right and they should be aware that people in wheelchairs do come there to shop. We may be disabled but we still
    can shop til we drop. I've told the assistants before, yep, that's how I ended up in my wheelchair
     
    I've shopped until I've dropped.
    I wish Debbie would be happy and more positive.
    The one thing she and Wayne don't realize or won't realize should I say is: They will NOT come to my side
    of the car and help me out. My Brain Stem Stroke affected my right side and I need help getting my right leg
    in and out of the car. They always tell me, it's been five years now, come on and get out. DUD, I need help. and then I think, while they are complaining, you know I was 100% paralyzed, it is a blessing I can
    do what I can do. So, you think you can help me out here?
    I don't know, I try to focus on the positive, I got out. and for that, I am so greatful for that.
     
    Thanks for letting me get all of this off my chest.
    Hugs,
    Jan
    Believe In Miracles and SOAR
     
    I won't let people or events steal my joy in life.
     
     
  24. jjohnson
    :bookread: Hi, Thanks for stopping by.
     
    In 2003, I was asked to be part of this article for MDA to be featured in their 2003 QUEST Magazine.
    I found it and reread it this morning. It was done in 2003. I wanted to share it here in my Blog as I know there are a few here that have Myasthenia Gravis and if I could help them in any way, I wanted to do so. It was a real shock to me to look at the dates of this interview and realize I stroked
    not long after the interview. It was something to read my hubby's responses.... a lot to reflect on. Here is the interview.
    ***********************************************************************************
    QUEST Vol 10 No 3 MAY/JUNE 2003
     
     
    To Stand Together or Fall Apart
    How a Marriage Weathers a Neuromuscular Disease
     
    by Tara Wood
     
     
    Jan and Wayne Johnson
    Photos by Stuart Zolotorow
     
     
    A marriage is like a building. The structure can be weakened by lack of maintenance, or improved with attention and work.
     
    Add a serious health problem, and the building must weather a heavy storm. If the foundation isnt strong, the underlying imperfections might grow and spread from the force of the storm, ultimately rendering the structure so fragile it falls apart. Or, the partners can use resources like love, support and determination as the cement to hold the structure together, and maybe even to build a better building.
     
    Here are stories of how five men and women served by MDA handled the marital issues and challenges that arose when one partner was found to have a neuromuscular disease after being married.
     
    While each relationship is unique, these spouses have learned lessons that can translate into valuable advice for any couple.
     
    "We Had to Reinvent Our Life"
     
    For Jan Johnson, receiving a diagnosis of myasthenia gravis in 1998 marked a major turning point in a frustrating, multiyear odyssey of perplexing and debilitating health problems, medical tests, treatments and misdiagnoses.
     
    But while the definitive diagnosis answered many questions about symptoms shed experienced since the 1970s, it wasnt the magic bullet shed been praying for.
     
    The bubbly 52-year-old from Churchton, Md., hasnt been able to bounce back fully to an active life filled with volunteering, a career and a marriage to husband Wayne.
     
    Johnson, Marylands MDA Personal Achievement Award recipient for 2002, said the ultimate diagnosis came about a year and a half after "the Lord put a wonderful man in my life" and she remarried in 1996.
     
    It was the second marriage for both: Wayne had been divorced for 16 years, and Jans first husband had died suddenly in 1992. But during a time that should have been filled with newlywed bliss, Johnson was plagued by extreme fatigue, droopy eyelids and slurred speech, and was so weak at one point she couldnt even brush her hair.
     
    "My life as I knew it wasnt there," she said, and her frustrations were compounded by guilt that she was dragging Wayne through difficulties he didnt deserve.
     
    "This was supposed to be a happy time for him," she said. "When I was so sick I would tell him, I dont want you to feel trapped. If you want out, please go. I didnt want him to have a miserable life."
     
    Wayne chose instead to remember his marriage vows. "When you get married, it says for better or for worse. You just have to deal with it, and it gets hard at times," he said.
     
    Johnson has dramatically cut back on her volunteer work for children and families affected by cancer, including hospital visits and running a family camp retreat. She was also forced to discontinue performing as Sunrise the Clown, give up a job that she loved doing security for Raytheon Missile Systems, and take disability income.
     
    "The only thing that really helps me is rest, and I cant be around people who are sick" because her immune system is compromised by the drugs she takes for MG, she said. Johnson also underwent a thymectomy to treat her disease.
     
    Wayne, a central office technician for Verizon, sometimes has to do more than an equal share of housework when Jan isnt feeling well. He also took a cut in pay when he transferred to a Verizon office closer to their home.
     
    "Its caused a lot of stress in our marriage because my husband has to be the chief bottle washer and cook and everything," she said. Wayne says Jan "does what she can" when she's able to.
     
    An ongoing challenge is not being able to plan things, such as trips or outings, because of the unpredictability of Jans disease.
     
    "We'll plan to do something, so he'll take off of work. Then that morning comes and I cant even get out of bed," she said.
     
    LESSONS LEARNED
     
    The eternally positive Johnson strives to focus on what she still can do. When her health allows, her volunteer efforts now include extensive activity with MDA (she was designated Maryland's 2002 MDA Adult Goodwill Ambassador) and creating awareness about myasthenia gravis. She hosts educational sessions about the disease for paramedics and other health care workers.
     
    The couple relies on their love and open communication to get through times in which they sometimes verbally take their frustrations out on each other, Wayne said.
     
    "We get upset at each other about things, but we talk it out and get it straightened out," he said.
     
    Jan still grapples with not "overdoing it" when she feels well and, as she puts it, with having the disease, not letting the disease have her. She also gathers strength from her religious faith, benefits from monthly counseling sessions, and spending time with her two stepdaughters and four grandsons.
     
    Having myasthenia gravis "has changed my life greatly, but we just have to reinvent the life," she said.
     
    **********************************************************************************
    Four months after this was written, I ended up with my Brain Stem Stroke. Who would ever have thought it.... not Wayne and I. With life, we just never know....what the next second, minute, hour, will bring do we?
     
     
    "It doesn't matter where the train is going, What matters is deciding to get on."
     
    This statement is one I think of almost every morning. I want to get on the "train" .... I want to join the "human race" for this day.
     
    Not sure what stops the train will make today, but, I am willing to get on and find out. I hope we go straight through the town of Sadness and confusion, Negativity(let it be replaced by Joy, Happiness and lots of Positive Energy) HOPE, FAITH, LOVE, FRIENDSHIP. God is my conductor and he likes to take the Train to nice journeys.
     
    Believe In Miracles And SOAR
  25. jjohnson

    You Have No Idea

    By jjohnson,

    Please don't judge me
    You have no idea
    Please don't stare and give me those looks
    You have no idea
    You speak to others and say look at her
    and point your finger with your eyes and tone
    You just have no idea
    Look inside my soul
    If you only knew what I've been through
    Maybe then you would understand
    But, You have no idea
    I pray for you
    that maybe you would have a clue
    If others aren't just like you
    Take time and understand
    One day it could happen to you
    One day you might say or think
    "You have no idea"
     
     
    Written by
    Jan Johnson
    2/8/09