justsurviving

You would think the perspective given her background would be really interesting. You would think...

Mema - done!

jriva - although she didn't 'record it as it happened', she definitely made it out to be a better experience than reality.

WWB,

Welcome. I'm sorry that we have to meet under these circumstances. I stroked at 34 at the best physical shape of my life (I had just began running, non smoker, low BP, good weight).

I experienced similar 'grateful' feelings that you are experiencing right now. Be aware that you may experience an array of emotions down the road. I am 2 1/5 years post stroke and have gone through gratefulness, anger, bitterness, etc. Know that you need to work through them all.

Good luck to you!

Asha,

My way and your way are not mutually exclusive.

My point of this blog entry is that this is *one* way to help with the forgiveness and moving on.

Living in different states has never been about money.

It doesn't mean that we love each other any less - maybe it's because we love each other so much that we can do this.

I couldn't possibly ask Bob to leave his job to move here and he wouldn't think about asking me to move back - I didn't spend that much money, time, effort, blood, sweat, and tears getting a degree that I won't use. It just wouldn't make sense.

You are absolutely right - I may need to discover it isn't for me. I think that in order to do that, I need to separate my loneliness from the job (hence the 6 month rule).

I do like Law & Order - I can identify which one she is watching from the voices from her TV alone! If I'm bored, I will mute my TV & flip through the channels to find the show she is watching. It is amusing!

I am so sorry to hear about your situation - I stroked at 34 but thankfully have no children as I don't know how I would have been able to deal with all of that in addition to recovery. If you are a reader - I really enjoyed Stephen King's latest book - Duma Key about a man with brain injury. It isn't the same as stroking, but I found enough similarities that it gave me ideas on how to handle the rage monster inside.

You have more distance from your stroke than I do (I am only 2 years out), but I found anger to be (for lack of a better term) an easier emotion to access than any other. It is hard work, but have you thought about any way to address the anger?

You say that you are still married but your relationship has ended - is your husband still living in your home? Does he help with the kids? Does he try to understand your situation?

I wish you peace.

Welcome! I am no longer a 'regular' here but enjoy logging on every now and then. As I read back through my blog entries, I notice trends over time; how I improved, my moods changed (the angry phase was difficult but normal, I think), and how my thinking and attitude about my stroke.

I wish you the best,

- justsurviving

The anger is tough but important to work through. I am barely on the other side of it myself.

Best wishes to you.

Glad you could relate, Carol.

It seems that no matter how many times I try to convince Bob that I'm not all together in my head, he decides to argue with me - how can that work? It's my head!

I hope it makes you feel better that we all lose intelligence after age 25 or so, the loss may not be due strictly to stroke, it may also be aging.

Gosh I can really relate to you!

I have two sets of two worlds. My first set is like yours - I have trouble walking and people reply "oh, me too". Really? So it is just normal and not just because my left leg doesn't know what to do? bah!

My second is that 'normals' can't relate to me and 'strokers' can't either - I don't feel welcome in either world. I am too broken for the normal world and too normal for the stroke world. bah!

Although our situations are not identical, I can relate to you. I had pain in my neck and weakness on one side of my body. The doctor reading the CT scan claimed all was well. I stroked 2 days later at 34 years of age - top of my health. I am still bitter 16 months later and I need to figure out a way to work through this or get over it because it isn't healthy for either one of us.

As someone who does not have children, I find your post interesting. Good way to think - who can I not live without...my dear husband is the only person who comes to mind. I will miss others but I cannot imagine my life without Bob.

I appreciate the information and support that this community has offered but as I return to more of my 'old self' the more I find that I don't fit here. I agree with the 'payback' sentiment, Phyllis, for those that can provide that payback. I have known for most of my life that once I learn from a situation, I find it difficult if not impossible to relate to those in the same situation that I was once in. I 'fix' myself and move on. I am deeply grateful for those that know how and are able to payback as I realize that I have healed with help from their knowledge.

Thank you!

It's not that I think you didn't *try* to understand Jane's perspective, not at all. It just simply isn't possible for someone to empathize when they haven't been in the other person's shoes. Neither Jean nor Sue could possibly understand what it is like to have a stroke (& I don't wish it on them or anyone) even though they are caregivers. It can hardly be explained by the stroker even if we have the cognitive and speaking abilities. Any attempt at explanation cheapens (for lack of better word) the real experience of it. You can observe and talk but you just can't possibly know - what a difficult thing to grasp, acknowledge, and let go. I can't imagine your pain, I really can't. Although I will miss you, I wish healing for you.

Jean is right to an extent. Strokes are too much to deal with on their own much less attempt to keep up with a relationship (and a long distance one at that). My husband had to take on all of the work for our marriage for quite a while and I am sad to admit that he probably still is doing a majority of it. For the first five years of our marriage, we lived in different states (me in NY for 2 years and FL for 3, he in PA for all 5) and I don't know how our marriage could possibly survived after my stroke had he not lived here with me to do everything that he did. Thankfully he is patient, compassionate, and hardworking - even with all of those traits, had we still been living apart, all bets would have been off.

I do think that the hardest thing for you seems to be to let it go and just know that there was nothing you could have done. Whatever happened in that 48 hours doesn't matter. It happened. Somehow you need to accept it and let it go. I hesitate writing these past few sentences because I enjoy your 'company' and I can only imagine what you must be reminded of each time you visit this site.

Take care.

I had similar symptoms while coming off Effexor - it lasted almost a month for me & it just got better or at least more tolerable over time.

Good luck & keep us updated.

I recognize that but refuse to limit "living my life" I really enjoy rollercoasters and if the MRI & MRA are fine, I may reconsider the never riding again rule. I find it difficult to take the neurologist seriously considering the strong reaction he had when I could skip again. In truth, I plan to skydive sometime. That is me & I don't want to give me up yet. I may curb me later but I feel too young to do it yet.

But I believe that on rare occasions the comparisons/tough love approach can be very useful to snap a person with a mild stroke out of their self-pity mode. Until they do that, they can't move forward with their recovery process and to make changes in life style that can prevent another one.

The only part that I disagree with is that I don't believe it is anyone else's responsibility to determine when it is time to take someone out of "their self-pity mode". Who gets to decide the worthiness (severity) of a stroke and time in self-pity mode? The 'pity pot' is useful in some ways - it allows for introspection and reflection. While I agree that too much of it is no good, it is not up to me nor you to determine how much is too much.

Mmmm - pass some potato soup my way - CONGRATS!

I do the same thing. I moved my the computer mouse to the left side and continue to use it that way (switching the clicking functions as well) & I always brush my teeth with my left hand now.

Woo hoo!! :cheer:

Thank you - I'm glad that rather than frustrate or offend, you understood the message as intended: "there is no way to form a scale to compare and if there were, what is the point?"

Well put.

I did - I really did!

Welcome back - so is the life of an academic, no? One of the many reasons that I don't want the ivory tower to live in...

Good to "see" you :big_grin:

A-HA!!

Very cute & funny!

Thank you for sharing, it all makes sense now :big_grin:

Well, Juicer or is it Juicette? You've got a lot of frustranger (I just made up the word for the combo of both feelings) but you have a heck of a good sense of humor and fight under it which is a great base to work from.

I look forward to your future posts as well as comments in general.