twistoffate

Your heartfelt writing is a direct hit. Those of us unfortunate enough to know first hand can literally feel every word you convey. So what do we do about what we know to be so true. 1st order, the nagging, always present pain. I've never known the pain a stroke and it's residual brings. Sometimes sharp and only when you move. Other times dull and constant. I have often thought I would trade a year of my sweet life, for a day of feeling "normal". In my heart I know that come time to repay that sweet day with the promised year.....I would "renig" on the deal. Pain or no, I love the life I narrowly "escaped" with, and will go to my grave kickin' for another day. You have to get on top of the pain issue. It takes very sharp and compassionate minds to arrive at the right "ammo" for this battle. My particular medicinal regiment is truly a fine tuned "balancing act". Too much, or too little can mean all the difference in the world. You simply have to have it right. I am very faithful to my personal medical needs. I learned this the hard way. Among the many meds I take, one in particular, Neurontin, is still being juggled :juggle: . I know many of you are familiar with it. Too much by even a few milligrams. and to little by even a few, make all the difference. Most of you know me, and my story. I am more than a "survivor". I am a "warrior". I am so proud to be among you. I will eagerly pass on all I know, and be a "sponge" to all I don't. Get your meds right. Then a routine to gently work your body is imperative. I work out very lightly, and then move my workout to my jacuzzi. My feelings on the benefits of this is well documented. I listen to my body. It says rest, I rest. Stretch out, turn on some soothing music and open a book. Get your mind off the aggravation your body goes through. I create music, I garden, I sit in silence, with my face to the sun. How wonderful the warmth feels. Let your mind travel. Far away from pain. I'm very blessed to be in the country, away from noise. Find your "sweet spot" and go there. I'm entering my 3rd summer, post stroke. I'm still learning. But I'm also seasoned. What you say is right-on. Now do all you can to negate it. The occurrance of a stroke is a "blip" on the screen of life. How are you gonna handle the rest of the sweet life you've been given?? May I say your writing/poem is most eloquent and it should be "required" reading for all concerned. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. Sincerely, Fate....again :party:

DEAR BONNIE - - - - BOY HOWDY!!!!!!!!!! AMEN TO YOUR POSTING!!!!!!! MORE SOULFUL AND UPLIFTING WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN SPOKEN.....YOU ARE RIGHT ON TIME FOR MOMPAULI - MYSELF - AND ANYONE ELSE READING!!!! WHAT A TREAT AND A WONDERFUL WAY TO CAP OFF A GLORIUS AND BLESSED MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND ---HALLELUAJH TO A PROFOUND HEART. COME ON Y'ALL - WE CAN ALL DO THIS!! AND TO LARRYMM - - I BELIEVE A START IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION WOULD BE TO NOT BE SO OVERLY CONSUMED WITH WHAT OTHERS THINK OR MAY NOT THINK - BUT TO FOCUS ON SMALL AND OBTAINABLE GOALS IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION IN THE PURSUIT OF YOUR VERY OWN HAPPINESS. I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR OTHER THOUGHTS ON THIS MATTER FROM YOU AND OTHERS. WHAT IS AN EXAMPLE OF YOUR AVERAGE DAY?? PERHAPS KNOWING MORE HOW YOU SPECIFICALLY SPEND YOUR TIME AND YOUR FEELINGS SPECIFICALLY ABOUT YOUR DAILY ACTIVITIES, FAMILY/FRIEND SUPPORT SYSTEM, ETC. WOULD HELP US TO BETTER HELP YOU. IN ALL SINCERITY - - FATE

HEY MOMPAULI - - VERY, VERY HEARTFELT GREETINGS TO YOU. PLEASE LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF. MY NAME IS FATE HOPKINS. I AM NEW TO THE SITE ALSO, BUT AM KNOWN AS "TWIST OF FATE" HERE. YOU CAN LEARN MORE ABOUT ME BY GOING TO MY PROFILE, PICS, AND READING WHAT I'VE ALREADY WRITTEN HERE AT OTHER TIMES. I HAVE BEEN MONITORING YOUR POSTINGS A COUPLE OF DAYS NOW AND I'M NOT BASHFUL OR SHY ABOUT JUMPING RIGHT IN. I JUST WANT TO KIND OF GET A FEEL OF WHERE YOU'RE COMING FROM FIRST. I AM A 50 YEAR OLD STROKE VICTIM AND SURVIVOR. A LITTLE OVER ONE YEAR AGO, OUT OF NOWHERE, I WAS HIT AND I SUFFERED A BLEED RESULTING FROM A VERY LOW PLATELET COUNT DUE TO LIVER PROBLEMS. I BLEW MY NOSE TOO HARD AND WA-LA, MY LIFE CHANGED FOREVER. I MANAGED TO WALK UP THE STEPS TO MY CABIN AND CALL FOR HELP BEFORE I LOST COMPLETE CONTROL OF MY RIGHT SIDE. AS THE PARAMEDICS CAME TO MY RESCUE, IT ALL SEEMED LIKE SLOW MOTION. BUT IN FACT THERE WAS A LOT OF ACTIVITY GOING ON AROUND ME. MY 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WITNESSED IT AND MY MOTHER WAS WHO I HAD MANAGED TO CALL AND WAS THEREFORE FIRST ON THE SCENE. SHE CALLED 911 FOR ME. I INSTINCTIVELY KNEW MY LIFE HAD CHANGED AND WOULD NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN AS THEY CARRIED ME DOWN THE STEPS TO THE AMBULANCE. MOMPAULI, I WON'T GO INTO ALL THE DETAIL, BUT MY RIGHT SIDE BECAME INSTANTLY IMPAIRED FROM THE STROKE. I TRIED TO TALK, BUT WORDS JUST JUMBLED OUT OF MY MOUTH, MAKING NO SENSE TO ANYONE. I TRIED TO GET OUT OF MY HOSPITAL BED AND CRASHED HEAD-FIRST ONTO THE CONCRETE FLOOR, MAKING A HUGE GOOSE-EGG JUST ABOVE MY RIGHT EYE. I WAS IN MUCH MORE TROUBLE THAN I COULD EVEN IMAGINE. A COUPLE OF DAYS INTO THE STROKE, THE DOCTORS MANAGED TO EVEN THINGS OUT AS FAR AS THE BLEED WAS CONCERNED. AT FIRST THERE WAS TALK OF PERHAPS HAVING TO "GO IN" TO RELIEVE PRESSURE, BUT THAT WAS SOON RULED OUT DUE TO THE STILL LOW PLATELET COUNT. SO THEN I STEADIED FROM THE STROKE AND WAS PUT ON OBSERVATION, SUBJECT TO CHANGE ANYTIME. CLOSE TO TWO WEEKS INTO THE STROKE/REHAB, I CONTRACTED A VERY, VERY NASTY STAPH INFECTION, WHICH WAS DOUBLY HARD ON ME DUE TO A CHRONICALLY DEPLETED IMMUNE SYSTEM (AGAIN, FROM THE LIVER DAMAGE). INDEED NOW I WAS IN FOR THE FIGHT OF MY LIFE. I QUICKLY WENT FROM A 205 POUND ATHLETIC MAN TO A 140 POUND SHADOW OF MY FORMER SELF. THE STAPH WAS EATING ME ALIVE AND THE DOCTORS COULD NOT FIND ITS ORIGIN AND THEREFORE COULD NOT STOP IT RAVAGING ME. AT ONE POINT MY MAIN DR. CAME INTO THE ROOM AND TOLD MY FIANCE ON A THURSDAY THAT THEY SHOULD GET MY AFFAIRS IN ORDER BECAUSE THEY DID NOT EXPECT ME TO SURIVE THE WEEKEND!! EVERYONE WAS SO SCARED, BUT I SWEAR I WAS SO DETERMINED AND I WANTED TO LIVE SO MUCH --REGARDLESS OF THE STROKE OR ANYTHING ELSE. TO PLAY WITH MY DAUGHTER, TO PLAY GUITAR, TO MAKE MUSIC, TO HEAR AND SEE THE PEOPLE I LOVE LAUGHING AND HUGGING ME, AND TO FEEL THE SUN ON MY FACE ONCE AGAIN. I WAS SO DETERMINED TO DREDGE UP EVER OUNCE OF FORTITUDE I'D BEEN BLESSED WITH AND FIGHT HARD---LIKE A CRAZY MAN! AND IN THE MIDST OF IT ALL, WHEN THINGS COULD HAVE BEEN THEIR BLEAKEST, WITHOUT A DOUBT, A LIGHT THAT I'D ALWAYS HEARD ABOUT ALL MY LIFE, BUT PAID VERY LITTLE ATTENTION TO, NOW SHOWN BRIGHT AND DIRECTLY INTO MY HEART. NOW, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS TO BE A BELIEVER AND TO BE SPIRITUAL AND TO REALIZE MY GOD. BUT MOMPAULI, AS SURE AS I AM WRITING THIS TO YOU, I WAS TOUCHED AND I WAS SAVED FROM ANY MORE DAMAGE, MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, AND SPIRITUALLY. AND I HAD AN INCREDIBLY OVERBEARING FEELING THAT ALL I HAD TO DO WAS TO ANSWER THE BELL EVERY DAY AND I WAS GONNA MAKE IT. AND I WAS GONNA GET BETTER, AND I WAS GONNA PROSPER. FIVE MONTHS LATER, I WALKED OUT OF THE HOSPITAL ON A WALKER, WEAK AS A KITTEN. I HAD NO BUTT.. ..MY LEGS WERE LIKE BROOMSTICKS AND MY ARMS TOO. AND I HAD ALWAYS BEEN A WELL-PUT-TOGETHER ATHLETIC OUTDOORSY LEADER OF THE PACK. BUT NOW I FELT SO BLESSED TO JUST FEEL THE SUNSHINE, FEEL THE BREEZE, AND TO SEE LIFE GOING ON ALL AROUND ME. I KNEW I HAD A MOUNTAIN TO CLIMB AND I ALSO KNEW I HAD PLENTY OF HELP. A DEAR, DEAR FIANCE, WHO STAYED WITH ME PRACTICALLY NONSTOP AND SLEPT IN CHAIRS IN MY ROOM. AND USED HER PARAMEDIC KNOWLEDGE AND SKILLS TO MAKE SURE THAT ALL TOO OFTEN INEPT NURSING STAFF DIDN'T DO ANY MORE DAMAGE TO ME. I MUST RIGHT HERE MENTION THAT I WAS INCREDIBLY BLESSED BY A TEAM OF DOCTORS AND ONE IN PARTICULAR, AND INFECTIOUS DISEASE DOCTOR, WHO WOULD NOT STOP NO MATTER WHAT THE COST OR THE TIME SPENT. HE WAS DETERMINED TO FIND THE STAPH INFECTION SITE THAT WAS KILLING ME AND STOP IT....AND STOP IT HE DID. OTHERS HAD ALREADY GIVEN UP ON ME. I OWE MY LIFE TO THIS MAN AND TO GOD AND KNOW THAT I HAVE A HERO FOR LIFE. HE'S EVEN AGREED TO BE MY BEST MAN AT MY AUGUST 11TH WEDDING COMING UP. I'M BACK IN A NEW HOME NOW, ONE WITH NO STAIRS TO CLIMB, OUT IN THE COUNTRY WHERE IT'S SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL AND I OPERATE WITH THIS THOUGHT TO LIVE BY........A BAD DAY IS A GIFT....AND A GOOD DAY IS A TREASURE ..!! MOMPAULI, I WILL NOT EVEN TRY TO PRETEND IT'S NOT A STRUGGLE. THIS PAST WINTER WAS PARTICULARLY HARD ON ME. THERE ARE DAYS THE WHOLE RIGHT SIDE OF MY BODY FEELS LIKE A DEAD PIECE OF WOOD. YET, MY ARM OR MY LEG FEEL LIKE THEY'RE IN A HORNET'S NEST. I WALK WITH A CANE, IF I FEEL LIKE IT. I FIND IT COMES IN QUITE HANDY SOMETIMES. I EVEN USE MY WALKER OCCASIONALLY IF I'M FEELING PARTICULARLY WEAK AND UNSTEADY. I'M ON A DAILY REGIMAN OF MEDICATION THAT I PROBABLY WILL BE ON THE REST OF MY LIFE. THERE ARE DAYS WHEN I CAN'T THINK CLEARLY AND I CAN'T SPEAK CLEARLY, THERE ARE DAYS I'M WAY EMOTIONAL AND THERE ARE DAYS WHEN I THINK I WOULD GLADLY TRADE A YEAR OF LIFE TO FEEL "NORMAL" FOR EVEN 5 MINUTES. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? EVERYONE AROUND ME TELLS ME TO LISTEN TO MY OWN SELF----MY OWN HEARTBEAT, MY OWN THOUGHT PROCESS, MY OWN BODY. AND I DO!!!! AND I ALWAYS WILL. ALL THE THERAPISTS, DOCTORS, NURSES, WELL MEANING FRIENDS AND FAMILY THAT HAVE TRIED TO PUSH ME ONE WAY OR THE OTHER....TO DO MORE.... OR TO DO LESS..... OR TO JUST DO DIFFERENT.....HAVE BEEN LEFT IN THE DUST. I AM ALREADY AHEAD OF THEIR GAME BY FOLLOWING GOOD ADVICE TO NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SETTLE, AND ALWAYS DO EXACTLY WHAT MY OWN BODY KNOWS IT'S READY FOR!!!! NEVER, EVER SELL YOUR FORTITUDE SHORT AND NEVER, EVER DOUBT THE POWER OF PRAYER!! DEAREST MOMPAULI - I HAVE READ OF YOUR ANGUISH IN YOUR POSTINGS AND I GOT TO TELL YOU, IT DON'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY. PROVE TO YOURSELF YOU HAVE DRIVE, YOU HAVE FORTITUDE, YOU HAVE A HEART, AND YOU HAVE A DESIRE, AND YES WE WERE DEALT THE UNEXPECTED, AND SURE, IT'S UNFAIR. BUT I GUARANTEE YOU IT DOES GET BETTER AND ANY DOOR THAT SHUTS ON YOU, WILL LEAD TO THE OPENING OF ANOTHER. A WAY UNEXPECTED ONE PERHAPS, BUT ALWAYS A NEW AND BETTER ONE. YOU KNOW WHO I AM. I AM A FRIEND, AND A GOOD MAN. FEEL FREE TO CALL ON ME AND MY GUARDIAN ANGEL, CATHY (MY FIANCE). WE CARE. LET YOUR NEW LIFE BEGIN. SINCERELY, FATE