Robyn

Thanks Anna...your and others prayers were well answered as the good news is he may likely get discharged tomorrow and says he is feeling MUCH better! Shauna is relieved...!!

Thanks everyone!

Thanks everyone...I hope to hear more today.

Thanks Bill...much appreciated!

YUP...that's where I got the idea for the dog name...from the song... "la la la la LOLA!!!" My son loves her too...he needed a dog in his life!

OK...I'll keep looking for it. Maybe now with the spring thaw it will shine through!!! It's been almost a year since the house went on the market...I hope someone has an interest in it soon!

My new girlfriend has a dog named Lola...she's adorable...I love having a dog around again!

Scooterman...I didn't realize you were the same person!!! Thanks my friend...it was great to get the message!!! It certainly brought me back for a check-in. I will definitely comment on the final four and father of Nicole's kid!!!

Bill...how's Bud??? How are you??? My house STILL hasn't sold...did you send your mojo my way???!!

Boy do I miss you guys!!!! :hug:

Thanks Phyllis...YES, it was my birthday...March 16th. I turned 44! It was great and I was spoiled rotten by my girlfriend...I enjoyed EVERY minute of it!

So what happened...you can PM me or email me!! Fill me in!

Yes, my parents still live in the W sector! They hate it there and want to move back north in a few years...closer to the grandchildren! We'll see what happens. I had hoped to get down there for a conference in February but it didn't happen. I'm submitting something for an October conference in Ft. Lauderdale...maybe I'll get down there in the fall.

I'm not great musically either...love it but I'm not good at it. I'd rather just listen, you know?!! :roflmao:

It's all good...I'm enjoying life and I'm so glad to still be a part of this family!!!

Thanks Bonnie! And keep those emails coming! They really brighten my day!!!

Thanks Donna...I appreciate your kind words! Life is a wonderful journey...isn't it?!!

EXACTLY! I do try to look on the bright side and also look at the lesson to learn from each experience. I learned amazing things about myself and about what was important to me. I left my heart open, and my new friend Shauna walked in! I'm so blessed!! There is something of value in each and every experience we have...good or not so good...the trick is to have an open heart to find the lesson and allow it to enrich your life! That's not to say it won't hurt and be ugly at times...and it may look like there is no end in sight, HOWEVER, it is there...we just have to be patient.

I hope Jane heals and I hope she can return to the life she wants...I hope one day she understands what she threw away...

Thanks Asha...I miss you and your words of wisdom! I hope "kiddo" is doing well...sounds like he is and I have no DOUBTS he is because he has an AWESOME mom!

Yes...I think it is Jane's big loss too. But we all make choices...sometimes they are ill-informed...sometimes they are well-informed, but either way we have to live with those choices. I am sorry she had the stroke...she didn't deserve that, but her actions after that were totally her choice... I hope one days she remembers how much I loved her and would have stood by her until the end.

Thanks!!! I will definitely pop in!!! Love ya!

XO

:wub2: Thanks !!!

Thanks Jean...I know I'm always welcome here and I appreciate that. Thanks for understanding. It is hard to be shut out when you love someoen so much and so deeply.

Sue...I think that is what happened with Jane...she swung back into old comfortable behaviors and depended on people who she had avoided for years because of the dysfunction they brought to her life. And that was her choice and she AND I will have to live with that. I feel sad for her...

I don't miss the relationship...I'm just hurt how it ended...

I've known Stroke Survivors IRL, but not to the extent I was close to Jane, obviously. I had some idea how it would affect her but just as the survivor needs and adjustment period...so do the family, loved ones, care givers...and I was thrust out before I had the chance to adjust.

I do feel in some ways, it is all for the best. Not that I'm "GLAD" I don't have to be a caregiver because I would've done that gladly and willingly...I honor my commitments. But it has opened the door for me to learn many new things about myself and my life and allowed me to meet someone who is really special and so much more compatible with me than Jane ever was. I really am blessed...I just want to purge the last pains and hurts so I can offer a more whole and healed individual to her as our relationship continues and deepens!

Blessings to all...see ya later!

XO

hey guys...yeah...I know you are all right. And Jean, I really WANTED to get it but its hard to do that long distance. I wanted to...I REALLY WANTED TO...I wanted to be involved in every part of her recovery and learn what I could do for her...that's love...that's commitment. I wanted her in my house to care for her...gladly and willingly. She didn't let me in enough to try to get it. And everyone else put a shield around her so I wouldn't have a chance to get it. You are right...the odds were against us as soon as that happened...

Sherri...you were blessed...I was happy to do all the work but she didn't want it. No matter what the stroke brought her, I believe with my whole heart that her not wanting it IS a function of her past baggage. She has rejected other people too...friends who were close to her...EVERYONE...she's just shut down and walked away from everyone.

I know there is nothing I could've done because I didn't do anything. I wanted to help...wanted to be a part of her recovery and she didn't want it. That is hard to swallow when it is someone who said they loved you and vice versa. I wouldn't change a thing that I did. I sleep well every night resting in knowing I did everything I could.

I have been struggling lately with disentangling how much of this is the Jane I knew that made the decision to break up, and how much of it was the stroke. And I know I won't ever know that answer. So I'm just struggling to now let go of that need to know...that final bit of info. This is my baggage...my control issues...my need for information. I have to learn to let go of that and I acknowledge that. I WANT to let go of that...that's why I'm here blogging...working the last bit of crap out of my system. I'm almost there. I know in my heart of hearts once I can just say..."WHATEVER...it doesn't matter"...I'll be good.

And I don't want to bring baggage to my new relationship. That's what I've been very mindful of...I want to trust again and open my heart to myself and to Shauna. I know this is the last piece of the puzzle for me.

Bonnie...I agree...YES, I want a joint account but I also know how tough it is to disentangle...been there done that so I will be sure to protect myself. Shauna's been married too so she understands.

Yeah...its hard coming here...it does bring up all that stuff for me but it's been there in me regardless. I figured coming here to process will really help me lift the last layers, as I said. I haven't actively dealt with these issues since I send her the stuff in October so I'm trying to take a few steps back in order to find a way to move forward. I want to just let go...but I have to find a way to do that...

So I will continue to talk out loud and process out loud and figure it all out. That's what this week of renewal is for me! I can make no promises I'll be able to return here after that. It may be, despite how much I care for everyone here, that I'll have to truly let go of this place to let go of her. Something came up in the session I had tonight... "I'm not saying NO to you, I'm saying YES to me"...so maybe this is what I need to do for me, to finally let Jane go...

www.kripalu.org They are located in Lenox Massachusetts. Yes, it is Indian in name and history. They have seminars regularly...over 600 per year. I think you'd love it here!

I agree, a couple in a partnership should have joint accounts, etc. It is how it should be. That is a partnership...

Thanks all!! I typically don't talk with anyone during the month of December because I'm busy wrapping up my semester. Usually lots of grading to do and assigning grades and the craziness of getting ready for the holidays. I knew it would be crazy and I had a ton of research and grading to do. Now that I can slow down a bit, I can recommit myself to blogging more...not every day once the semester starts but at least here and there to keep myself sane! I'm glad everyone had a great holiday!

Oh boy, Bill...I could REALLY use the MOJO!!! After the 8th, I'll retrieve it! :hug:

I missed you Asha...I love sharing eastern philosophy with you! The universe provides us with all we need and doesn't give us more than we can handle. I was just thinking the other day that because I have truly tried to live a life of integrity and honesty, even though I've had some tough times, I kept my integrity through it all and now I am reaping the rewards!!! I'm smiling!

Ann...I say the same thing about you! You ALWAYS make me smile...thanks!!!

Bonnie...thanks for thinking of me!!! I realized I hadn't been here in a while and needed to update everyone and get back into the swing of blogging. I've missed it!

Yeah...I'm good! Life is good...still crazy, but isn't it usually crazy anyway!!!! Kids are enjoying violin and swimming and in the spring will do soccer.

Two more weeks though...then the semester ends! YAHOO!!!!

AWWW Thanks! nice to be missed!! Bill...I hope you and Bud are doing well. Has the house sold yet?

Sherri...how does it feel to be Dr. Sherri?? I love academia...there are some crunch times, but then I have ALL SUMMER FREE!!! YIPPEE and I can work at my leisure! It is very rewarding and I wouldn't want it ANY OTHER WAY! It's just crazy until you get through finals! BLECH! What are you planning on doing with your PHD now???

Thanks Jean...as I've said before, I'm not going anywhere. This time of year I hardly speak to ANYONE, virtually or not! You guys are my friends and I love being a part of here! It brings me a lot of joy!

Yes, there is a life after a crisis. As I told my friend, you have to want it, be willing to look for it, and be open to whatever opportunities come your way! I think responding to her email last night about her feelings about Jane really helped me out, too. It really IS Jane's crap...

Anyway, back to writing final exams...UGH!!

Congrats on the race! What is the connection between the race and the stroke...did the race precipitate the stroke or was it simply a coincidence! Either way, I'm glad you finished...what a victory!!!

Glad you were wearing your helmet too...WHEW!!!

It is cool that you are just embracing jumping back into life!! BRAVO!!

The world does go on...I knew it in the midst of it all, I just was unhappy about the changes. But yes, I am happy...joyful...full of life again! This place has been invaluable!!! I love y'all!!

This is the real me...I HAVE RETURNED!!! BWAAAHAAAHAAAAAAA!!!!! It's all good. Sending her box of crap back to her finally pushed me to the final healing place I think. It helps, as I've said before, that we had a long distance relationship...nothing to disentangle...

Sam is doing great as is Margaret...YIPPEE!! And they will be with their dad this weekend as I have fun and get some work done!!!

Welcome back Ann!!! Missed ya!

Oh sweetie...never regret making yourself vulnerable for love!!! The pain means that you are feeling and that what you had was incredible!!! I hope you can see him in January. But, no matter what, I hope you get help for yourself...find a counselor that can help you get through this...I found it invaluable as Jane and I broke up...