Robyn

You will find the right place for you...I have no doubt!! GOod luck...Q sounds like a jerk.

June...boy do I ever agree with you...every day is give and take in a relationship. I learned that after being married for 9 years before my relationship with Jane. I deposited...he withdrew and I never got anything back in return. No doubt that is what is causing some of my angst and anxiety right now...memories of past relationship failures... When I began my relationship with Jane the deposit/withdrawal system was something we actively nurtured and I am hoping will sustain us through this period of estrangement.

Sharon...thank you. I fervently hope so too...she means the world to me! Just gonna take it one day at a time!

BRAVO!!! Congrats!! One moment at a time!

Enjoy your time away! It is well deserved!

I'm so sorry about your sister and her fiance...I don't blame her for leaving if he hit her...NEVER acceptable...but to be hurt like that is awful for him. Brain trauma, no matter the source is difficult.

DO NOT blame yourself for her optimism. Optimism is GOOD but she needs realism too...when you know she can "listen" to what you have to say, let her know YOU were lucky and recovered fairly quickly but that's not always the case for all brain trauma victims. Especially if had been drinking...ugh... You do not have to own that but you are in a wonderfully unique place to be able to help her get through this...let her know how you felt struggling and recovering!

Congrats on your bros b-day and new child to be...congrats Auntie!!

Even without a stroke...OY!!! I hear ya!!! Good luck...it is hard when two people are trying to blend their tastes on rooms. Perhaps you can choose a room and then he can choose a room and leave it that way rather than trying to blend both opinions in ONE room...does that make sense!!!

Thanks June...I'm definitely doing that (giving her the space to heal and grieve)...and happily!! I think I finally confronted and beat down the demons that were bothering me and causing me so much pain. Once I identified them, and called them out, I was able to defuse them! I still have personal work to do to manage my own issues but I feel like the processing I did this week has enabled me to really start to think about this as her issue...not my issue, no matter how I am affected. I really feel good...

That's a good point, Jean. Intellectually I understand what has happened but I'm trying to really feel it and understand it emotionally too, as I wrote above. I think that would be a good tool to help me get out of myself and into her head since I can't be close to her and the mechanisms we have used in the past...TALKING EVERYTHING OUT...is just not available to me, due to her condition and the distance between us.

I'll try working on that tonight...THANKS! :hug:

:friends: :hug: No problem. When I'm feeling the anxieties I'm writing them out here so I can just figure out what I am feeling and why. To do that...I need to write out exactly what I'm feeling, and then I examine and question it and analyze it...does that make sense? I really do know that this is about what she is feeling and experiencing. I just wish I had first hand knowledge...sigh...I can only guess right now.

Kids are an incredible blessing! Enjoy yours! I know I adore mine as well!

Thanks June!!! I appreciate that!!!

I am learning patience, although it isn't easy, and I'm learning how to let the sadness and ache of missing her and the pain of being forcibly separated from her just be there and not allow myself to panic. I'm resting on the truths I know...you don't just give up on 3 years of a great relationship overnight...that our relationship, before this, was strong...and that as she gets more healthy emotionally she will return to me -- perhaps not permanently, but we will TRY, and I'm willing to try!!

Staying calm...breathing...meditating...praying!!! :wub2:

:hahaha: No...not waiting patiently as I'm not patient by nature but I'm doing it! It helps me...part of my learning, and helps her...!!

But I miss her terribly Bonnie...I ache how much I miss her. But I'm working on accepting it.

It's important to find a therapist that you really like...my first one was OK, but this one and my last one were AWESOME!!!! I know my last therapist truly saved my life.

Thanks...I'm hanging!!!...Robyn

Thanks Mel...I feel SOOO much better...getting the help I need, too!!

I have never loved someone as I love her...It is all so dang scary!!!! I'm bound to make mistakes... But I'm trying and willing to learn!

Thanks Bill...I just had to realize my OWN demons were making me worry more than I should and perhaps CLING in an unhealthy way more than I should!!! I think it will all be good in time...I have faith!

Thanks!!! :hug:

I'm good...:hug: :friends: !!

Congratulations...2 years is quite an accomplishment! May you have peace and joy all the days of your life!!!! :hug:

I appreciate what you are saying but this blog is MINE and doesn't reflect any conversations I intend to have with her...only it is a replacement for what we don't have right now This is MY coping mechanism and I have no intentions of sharing this with her. It is my place to process and to cope. I'm sorry you disagree but I don't believe, nor do my therapist or my life coach believe, that blogging to help myself process is a violation of what she has asked of me... Sorry...I respectfully disagree with you...

Bravo from one DOCTOR to another!!! Got my phd in 2001 albeit without having had a stroke so I can't imagine how this is for you nor can I even imagine the JOY you will feel finishing. I know how I felt and I'm sure that will pale in comparison!

You can do it...feel free to PM me for support if you need it!!!

You DO have a lot to get out of life Bill. And HECK...normal is only a setting on a washing machine...it is really relative. Normal is what YOU make it to be!!!

It is here for you...!!! My pleasure!!!

Peace and Namaste, Asha!!

You are a survivor Mel...BRAVO!!! :friends: You are my hero!

I am smiling today...I will blog about that later. I just feel better.

She is already getting the psychological help she needs and I trust in the person IMMENSELY!! She is also my friend and knows how much I love Jane even though I crossed a bit of a line a while ago crying on her shoulder thinking I could lean on HER for support. I know she will bring Jane back to the healthy person she was emotionally before all of this...I know that in my heart!!!

Thanks for sharing that Bill...I hope things can remain good and strong between you and your wife despite the separation.

I can agree with you in so many ways Bonnie but I'm sure as you were going through it, it didn't feel that way. And I know it doesn't feel that way for Jane either...at least not right now... I'm just trying to be mindful of that for her right now...

I agree stroke happens to the family, this is why the rejection from her bio family feels so miserable...they forgot I'm part of that family unit too and am also affected...

Good point Bill...thanks...Yes, I am healing too, but in a different way. Perhaps I should say..."She is the one with the stroke."

Taking it one day at a time though, nonetheless...