Robyn

I remember those "table dancing days" Maybe one day you can get yourself back up on those tables for old times sake! Jean...rum is very very dangerous...speaking from experience

I know this is hard but I'm happy to hear you are slowly able to focus in on what is causing the anxiety for you. As you are able to focus on it and face it you will slowly be able to conquer the fear. Pema Chodron, a Buddhist monk, tells us to walk TOWARDS our fears, not away from them. Walking towards them helps us to confront them and conquer them...it defuses the fear and makes it more manageable! Asha is a goddess and she is right...when you start believing in the power of goodness and tranquility, that will help as well!!! You are making great strides my friend! Believe it!! :hug:

YAHOO!! :Clap-Hands: Bravo...I'll be thinking of you on Friday...let me know how it goes...I can't WAIT to hear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dr. Sherri!!!!

I'm so happy for you! Not that you had the stroke, obvious, but that you've reached a place of comfort! This is wonderful and will truly help you move on and reach your fullest potential! :hug:

EXACTLY...only with non-alcoholic beer!!!

Here here, gang! I couldn't agree more! I am so unready to get involved with anyone else. I am THRILLED to be making friends with people and am really enjoying that. It is so important for me to be whole first because as long as I am still mourning an old relationship I can't give myself to a new one. It is not even a consideration right now. This only came up for me because I've met someone who seems to be strongly interested in something more and I'm SOOO not interested and had to make it very clear that would not happen. I was talking to my therapist about that and she thinks its great I am reaching out to make friends and agreed with me that anything else is WAY too premature!! LOL!!! I agree Sue...I've known too many people that dragged their old baggage with them from pillar to post...like my ex-partner in fact!! LOL! I don't want to be one of those people. I'm so glad I'm being supported by my therapist and coach...they take good care of me! Gracious, I haven't casually dated anyone really in about 17 years! I dated/was married to my ex-husband for 14 years and then was in a relationship with Jane for 3 years right after that. I need a little "Robyn time" right now. I am also glad to hear y'all say that this is a process...because that is what I've been feeling as well. Each day it is easier!

Yeah...he's a gem isn't he?!!! :wub2: If I liked men, you'd have to worry Asha...(just kidding!!) !! You are an incredibly lucky woman Asha...treasure that man!!!

Jean...I never thought of it that way. That helps. I suspect that's why I'm not ready QUITE for forgiveness yet. I'm sitting comfortably in the anger phase...licking my wounds and feeling aggrieved, know what I mean? I think I need to feel this way for awhile. But I know I'm not one to hold this sort of anger for long...I can't as I feel it is destructive so when I'm really ready...when the head and heart are in alignment, I'll forgive and move on. Sherri, I agree, I do think it is a gradual process and you don't really notice it in increments. Asha...I know forgiveness brings happiness which is why I know I am not ready to completely move on and begin a life anew with someone else. Until I can go to a place of forgiveness I know I won't be able to give myself to someone else in a loving manner. I agree with your hubby...and I know these things intellectually...just waiting for my heart to catch up!!!! Thanks all! XO

Yeah...been thinking a lot about forgiveness. Wondering when I'm going to be able to forgive Jane for how she has treated me. Part of me wants to...part of me is still angry and bitter and very very hurt. I felt like there were all sorts of promises made, not about things or events, but about commitment and love and devotion and loyalty. I can live with changes in events...but how can you say you love and are committed to someone one day and completely ignore that and not care the next? I mean, I really know the answer...it is about her problems and then is exacerbated by the stroke...I know that...I do. But what my mind knows and my heart feels isn't always in alignment. I want them to be in alignment though. I don't want to harbor resentment and bitterness towards her but its hard right now. The wounds are still really fresh. I know I'm getting better. I'm laughing more...there is joy in my life...I'm moving forward, meeting new people! The sadness sits in a little cocoon inside of me...every once in a while it invades my system and I find I'm deeply sad...last week a few times...last night a strong sense of loss and sadness...but eventually the cocoon hides away. Thankfully it isn't wandering as much any more. I'm acknowledging it when it happens...letting the sadness be and letting a few tiny tears fall in acknowledgement of its existence...honoring it...but otherwise I feel stronger and happier than I've felt in months. If nothing else, I've become wiser about the things I find negotiable and non-negotiable in a relationship. Things I overlooked with her, I won't do anymore. I won't get into it here...but I know what is meaningful to me and what is not and I won't go through this experience again, nor will I put my children through this again with someone who truly doesn't want to be in it 100%. Anyone that says "I am selfish and I've been in therapy non-stop for 15 years" I am running far far away from...far far far away...no matter how much they want to believe they are ready willing and able for a committed relationship. It just ain't gonna happen...not with me. Anyway...I am still in the "angry" phase and am hoping to move on towards forgiveness. Once I can soften that place inside of me, I'll know I'm ready for the next phase in my healing...ready to meet someone else and begin anew. But I don't know if there is something I can actively do or if this is really about time heals and I just have to wait until the appropriate amount of time passes. That is what I'll be chewing on for the next couple of days I guess...

You sound SOOOOO much better! I'm really glad the meds are working for you! I'm sorry about your claustrophobia...how awful, particularly how it manifested...

I think you can block BLOGS from guests seeing them but I don't think you can block the pictures...I think Jean is right. I can post pics of my kids and stuff but my sis freaks about stuff so I couldn't post pics of her and the new baby...

They had rain just about the whole way from St. Louis to Georgia...then it was clear down rt 95. They have no desire for rain right now!!

I'm glad you are thinking the therapist isn't helping...that was MY reaction reading your last blog entry. Your friend sounds wonderful...you need someone to be that hands-on with you so seek out WHATEVER will work for you!!!! I'm glad your friend made you feel better! :hug:

I used cymbalta with no side effects after the first two days...I was a bit nauseous at first but that disappeared by day 3. If your therapist feels she can't help you, try another therapist!

Sorry I've been AWOL...I haven't left...Only been SWAMPED visiting with my family and working! They left yesterday so things are returning to normal and I'll have time to come back and blog and comment on other's blogs! Missed you all!! Thanks for emailing Phyllis!!! XOXOXOXOXO

It was NOT terror related, sweetie! In fact, it was a NY Yankee of all the weird things. hang in there...you did great processing your experiences in your last entry!!! Keep it up sweetie...sometimes the only way to get over the experience is to walk right through the pain and emerge on the other side! :hug:

Vent away, my dear! My divorce is dragging too but FINALLY I got my ex's feedback on the amended custody agreement so once i look at it and pass it to my attorney we should be done!!! HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHOOO!!!! But I hear you!!!

I miss my parents and they live quite a ways away from me. Thankfully they are considering moving back to the midwest to be closer to us three children...my bro and I live in Illinois and my sister lives in Wisconsin. I can understand missing your family...I'm sorry. Don't give up hope for the future...!!! :hug:

I'm grinning from ear to ear This sounds AWESOME! You will knock 'em dead at the defense!! And the more determined you are the better you will get with the Step Aerobics!! YAHOO!!!!! GO GIRL!!! I love the positive attitude!!!! :hug:

Thanks Mel!!! :hug: I'm DEFINITELY feeling much better and more at peace. I'm going to blog about this stuff and what I'm feeling right now some time soon...I'm just swamped right now with other things, including cleaning my house before my parents arrive!!! ACKK!!!!! I know there are beautiful things ahead of me!

I'm really proud of you for putting your experiences out there!!

This is a positive step you've recognized happiness as it is offered to you!!! Maybe try to come up with a gratitude/happiness list each day. Even if it is only 1 thing that may help change your mindset!!