Robyn

Getting it out is the first step to healing from the experience! :friends: Every time I repeat my story it gets easier and easier...never EASY, but easier. I've learned to live with the pain...its just a bit dulled now. BUT YOU DID IT!!!!! CELEBRATE!!!!! The first beautiful steps to healing!!!!!!!!!! :hug: You were WAY closer than me. To this day when I hear major booms like that I still think its 9/11 all over again for a moment...Then rationality kicks in and I realize that moment has passed and I am safe and OK. Thanks for sharing, Mel...Love ya sweetie!!! :wub2:

I'm SOOO PSYCHED that you are feeling ready and crisp and excited about this process!!! That is so WONDERFUL!!! I'm THRILLED for you! As for getting committees together...sigh...its like herding cats! Hang in there! Loving and wanting the attention is only natural. There is SOME advantage though to being treated "normal"...just like one of the crowd again, you know?!! But keep coming here...we'll treat ya special! :wub2:

I'm THRILLED :Clap-Hands: to hear of Farhaan's progress!! I'm so very very happy for you. All things happen in time!

I can't speak from a stroke survivor's point of view but I know for me, particularly from this past experience with my breakup with Jane that when I was in the midst of my pain and trying to figure out what was going on and why, I felt like I'd never feel any joy or happiness again. NEVER...it seemed so far away. But as I did the emotional/mental/spiritual/physical work to come to acceptance of the situation, the joy returned. It may take a while, but I think it can/will return if you want it to. But that means one has to work on acceptance of what you have in front of you, realizing you are powerless to change the circumstances you've been dealt and now you have to create happiness within the new context. If that means therapy or anti-depression drugs or WHATEVER works, strive to find a way to come to that place to bring joy back in your life. I know this is REALLY REALLY easy for me to say, not having been in a stroke situation, but from what I've read from other survivors who are in a positive place, they work hard to recover from their deficits, accept there is a new "normal" and have worked to bring joy back into their lives. This all takes time...give yourself that time to mourn what WAS and accept what is NOW! I'm SURE the joy and happiness will come back into your life!!! :hug: :wub2:

Holy COW!!! :furious: :Tantrum: I'm SOOO sorry she is such a creep... :hug:

Had lunch there in fact!!! It is INCREDIBLY beautiful up there. But I understand the need for the winter underwear now!!! I could be VERY happy living in Alaska! I think you need to do whatever it takes to give you peace of mind regarding your clothes. It is worth exploring all options to see what helps best! :hug:

All fingers, toes and available appendages are being crossed for you!!!!

I echo what everyone has said. Your daughter is going through her own issues as a young woman...she loves you! Always keep the dialogue open...bringing her to therapy will definitely help and will help you too. Keep pushing to find methods that will help you deal with your depression. Therapy, drugs, non-traditional sources...whatever will work my dear! If you are willing to share, I'd love to hear your experiences with 9/11. I outlined mine in my blog from that day. I have always found talking about it helps me to deal with my issues from that day!!! :hug: :friends:

:hug: :wub2: I'm always here for you! XO R

I'll be back to post more tomorrow. Just wanted to say "I HEAR YOU" and I love ya! :hug:

My sis and the baby are both beautiful and healthy...all is good!!! The baby is absolutely adorable. I'd post pictures but this is a public board and my sis is really skittish about that stuff...

YIPPEE...I don't know if I mentioned here but my sister (age 40) had her first baby about 2 weeks ago. I'm an aunt for the first time! :Clap-Hands: I'm heading up to Milwaukee to cuddle my new niece...Marina Patrice! First I have to pay the bills this morning...then drive about 5-ish hours north. No biggie...its therapeutic! I'll be back home Saturday early evening. Kids are with dad again this weekend so I have a bit of a break. GOing out for dinner with friends Saturday night and then Sunday I'll work at home all day...grading, class prep, etc. Monday is Columbus Day but unfortunately I still have to teach although the kids have the day off...sigh...doesn't anyone think about the struggles of single working mom's??? :Tantrum: GRRRRR! I went to work out this morning and forgot my sneakers...oh well...the intent was there. I did Pilates 3x this week so I feel good about that. Off to pay bills...chat later!!

Continue with the meditation! It DOES help. Find a method that works for you. Do you meditate to music? I find meditating to Deva Premal helps. Anything that can help you focus is worth trying. Some people can do walking meditation or meditation in silence or meditation with a mantra. Music works for me! Eckhart Tolle's book is wonderful but sometimes is difficult! I recommend "The Wisdom of Yoga" by Stephen Cope...its a wonderful, accessible read! Good luck and I'm sorry that your employer is such an A**!!! :furious:

I love Alaska...you must be somewhat near Palmer, right? I was there in August and remember wearing my bulky sweater as I wandered through Denali Park! Can you put the hamper in a separate room that he doesn't frequent?

Thanks Shayle...I have appreciated your advice and support. I agree with your assessment...this is really about her issues and problems, not really stroke related... I feel lied to though for three years...that's what REALLY hurts...

Jean to the rescue! Great idea! What is the weather like in Anchorage these days??

Congrats Auntie!!!! :Clap-Hands:

Here here Jean...I just missed that generation. But I know many women, older friends of mine, who have broken free of that vision of their lives! You CAN do anything if you put your mind to it, you know?!! As soon as I hear from her I'll get the info and get back to ya...I'll PM you.

My coach has taken a course and gotten "certified". I'll ask her and get the info to you about it. I think you'd be GREAT Jean...you have the right sensibilities to do that well AND you can do it over the phone...you don't have to be face to face!!! She charges me $100/month for 1-30 minute phone call and unlimited emails during the month. Her normal fees are $200/month, 3-30 minute phone calls and unlimited email. I just can't swing the extra hundred right now until I have a better sense of my budget and ease up on the therapy which is also costly!

My life coach has been invaluable to me. Coaching, for those of you who don't know, is a tool one can use to get guidance and advice about how to manage your day to day life. It is most common in business situations...senior executives use "executive coaches" to help them learn the ropes of what it means to be an executive and help them learn balance in their lives. So I spoke with my coach today whom I've known for almost a year. She was remarking how much has changed for me in a short period of time...less than 3 months...and how much I have managed getting through this process in a healthy way. I was at a retreat seminar with her in July when I first heard about Jane. She had said I walked in buoyant and joyful the first evening of the retreat and by Sunday (the day after Jane's stroke) things had totally changed 180 degrees. And in the 2 1/2 months since then they've only gotten worse in some ways... But what she said that really touched me is that she said it was an honor to watch me and help me move through this process of healing over the last couple of months. That she was pleased and proud I had worked hard to get into such a good space, considering how I had been treated by Jane through all of this. With her, I am trying to work on balancing my spiritual, intellectual, and physical well being, taking into account all of the emotional issues I've had to deal with. My therapist helps me with my emotional state most directly but my emotional state affects all the other issues so that has to be considered when working with the coach. We don't deal with the emotional issues but talk about how those issues affect my ability to balance the other things in my life. It is great that I can speak with her once a month and then email her all I need during that month. It definitely keeps me focused on the things I find important...my well being, my job, my kids, my spiritual practice... We always leave each session with an action plan so I am accountable for that plan. So far it has been working and if it hadn't been for her I might never have made it through the last two months. Now we are moving away from issues about Jane and are focusing on how to take the lessons I learned during these two months and integrate them into my daily life. Only time will tell if I am able to keep this mometum. At least I am mindful of what I need to do.

The colonoscopy procedures scares me MUCH more than the mammogram...go figure. Why does the mammo scare you? BTW...colon cancer runs in my family, not breast cancer so I'm wondering if that has something to do with it. Plus the notion of medical procedures in my posterior is far more invasive than pictures of my breasts...I dunno!!

Isak Dinesen said salt water cures everything, whether it is tears, sweat or the ocean! She was right...I'm sitting right beside you on the beach, Sue, doing nothing but healing and resting! I'm glad you are feeling like you can plan ahead a bit...that is good.

Fred...I do the same thing with drivers and they irritate me as well!! I hope you get the OT you need approved! Keep blogging, my friend!

Quite likely...I think psychologists would argue that when we dream about ourselves it is based on the way we view ourselves. At one point when my brother was living in Italy, he was so immersed in the culture he dreamed in Italian. How does that make you feel???

Nothing like taking joy in the little things in life!! :wub2: Good luck getting the well contractor!! BTW...thanks for your email...I'll email you back! :hug: