rdittman

Stroke Survivor - male
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Blog Entries posted by rdittman

  1. rdittman

    I'm really back!

    By rdittman,

    It has been very long since I entered a blog, so now is the time.
     
    After 3+ years in a wheelchair or using a walker, I am now on my feet and operating fairly normally, if that is what you call it. My movement started coming back about 4 months ago, and though it was surprising, I feel it was truly from God. What a blessing. I still have a little bit of tendinitis from lack of use over the past several years, my CPS still flares up, a little spasticity in my affected hand and I have had a couple of weird seizures or TIA's since this movement has come back, but I'll really take that over the lack of movement. The most recent CT scans show no evidence of the previous stroke or anything abnormal.
     
    I am now able to walk for many miles, though running is out of the question at the moment. I don't think I want to run anyway. Hard on my already damaged knees. I go swimming at my complex pool. I've tried bowling too, though I wound up spraining my hand as the result of trying. The hand is almost OK now. Since I was right handed, and that was my affected side, I am able to write and do things with that hand again.
     
    With the new movement, I am able to get in a good exercise routine, along with getting physical therapy, and have been steadily losing weight. I am eating better as well, as a choice to get healthier. I have dropped almost 40 pounds in the past year, and 15 since I got my movement back. I really feel so much better with the extra weight off.
     
    I also have a new lady friend, and she has been a great coach and cheerleader, keeping me on track, as I do with her and her weight loss and exercise routine.
     
    To all my friends at StrokeNet, I just want to say to never give up. You never know if any deficits you have may be reversed at any time. Sometimes surprising things do happen.
     
    God bless you all,
     
    Bob
  2. rdittman

    General Ramblin'

    By rdittman,

    This last month has been a period of ups and downs. In general, I've been OK, but there seems to be a bit of lethargy creeping into my life. I'm tiring easier again, like right after my stroke. I have my days when I feel great though, and they are good days! Maybe my energy level will get better as summer approaches. I always like sunshine and warmer weather, as most of us do. I noticed last winter I went through the blahs too, so I'm pinning my hope on warmer weather.
     
    I'm still keeping busy. I helped out at church last week with a group of homeless people we invite in for a meal and a warm nights sleep in the auditorium. We also feed them breakfast. I was talking with several of the homeless. Some just want to be left alone, and some do not. Still, I made an effort to talk with some of the loners. It is obvious to me that some want to be out of their situation, and others don't really care. I talked to one young man. He was hoping to get into a group home in about a month and get some employment as a mechanic. It reminded me that some are really wanting out of their situation and contribute to society.
     
    Most of these people have abused their bodies with drugs and alcohol, though they must be clean and sober when we invite them in. It was a good experience. Knowing that a single wrong turn in life could put any one of us in their situation. They are people, and need to know that their life has value. Our goal is to help them along the way to independence and get them off the streets.
     
    I just finished audio files for Steve for a Powerpoint presentation he put together for Strokenet. It is about 20 minutes long and I'm glad he asked me to do it. I'm hoping he will make it available here for all of us to see, but it is really aimed at stroke survivors and caregivers finding supplemental and/or alternative means for support. I assume it will be aimed at hospitals and the medical profession, and to local support groups as well. All in all, it seems a very good overview of what this organization is about and the benefits of online stroke support.
     
    I'm still running the radio station. I put some effort over the winter to beef up the equipment here without going overboard. Money is tight you know. I'm happy with the changes. Everything is running smoother and I have better control of the music rotations and programming. Of course some of the upgrade was to help my voice talent business as well. The new equipment will help me sound better and hopefully draw more clients. I do like the idea that if I have a bad day, I can still blow off work and attend to it when I feel better. I want to do something by keeping busy, and working from home like this gives me a flexibility I couldn't if I had to go out into the workforce. If I had too many sick days, I'm sure I wouldn't be around long. I would like to busier with the business than I am though. Everything takes time, and I certainly only work when I'm feeling well enough to do so. I guess I should be content. Patience, Bob; patience!
     
    The weather here is getting warmer, but it is teasing me. 76 degrees one day and 55 the next. It might sprinkle here later today, but Sunday looks nice; in the upper 60's and sunny. We might get a little more rain next week too. I'm wanting those 70's back. I know that when they come in earnest, they won't be here that long. It will then be 80's, then 90's and a few 100's most of the summer. Still, I like it warmer than colder. I don't think I could live in the snow belt again.
     
     
     
     
  3. rdittman

    I'm baack!

    By rdittman,

    Wow, it has been a long time since I've blogged. Well, time flies when you're having fun!
     
    I've been busy with my radio station and my voice talent business. I've been adding new equipment as money allows and upgrading the software. The station is much more stable now, and for that I am very happy. I'm still trying to build clientele for the voice talent business. This is going to take some time, as all new businesses do. I am going to persevere though. When I'm feeling poorly, I can always put it on the back burner. This in contrast to an outside job, where I would not be my own boss, and would need to report to work regardless. I have too many bad days and I can't chance that, at least for the time being.
     
    I had a small stroke again a month back or so. It scared me a bit, but it left me with no more deficits. They weren't positive it was a stroke or TIA, but that was their best guess. CPS still get me down the most. I've had some terrible bouts with it this winter. I wish that it would go away, but I think that it is just going to be a lifelong ailment. Today isn't too bad though. Yea!
     
    I have been doing a little website building too. I re-designed both my radio and voice talent sites, and I took on a project for a Christian Music Festival. Faithfest is it's name, and it gets underway in early June in New Ulm, Minnesota. These folks at Faithfest are wonderful people, but this is just their second year, and they are learning a lot on the fly. I was happy to get their site up for them. There is still much to do on their site, but I am waiting on more information from them. In the meantime, the site is up. They have 10 artists/bands signed up, and it looks like it will be a fantastic event.
     
    I think I'll go check out the boards. I haven't spent much time on the site recently, just doing my chat host duties. I feel like I've neglected Strokenet, but I'm here today. Off and runnin', so to speak.
     
     
  4. rdittman
    Well, this is the month I get my first SSDI check. Yea! It has been a long and painful process, but I am starting to breathe easier knowing I'll have some income coming in soon. I have been living on the generosity of my church and friends for several months now, and I'm feeling like I'm a bit of a burden to them. I will be eternally grateful to all that have helped me during this time.
     
    I went to the doctor a few weeks back because my blood pressure was shooting up and I got concerned. I think the stress of living like I have had to do is paying a toll on my BP. I'm on medication now to lower it, though it seems to not be working just yet.
     
    I love my primary doctor. He is a great guy and I never mind waiting at his office until he is able to see me. I can expect a simple visit to be roughly 2 hours at his office, but in my mind I never regret the time spent waiting, because he always takes the time to explain everything and readily answers questions. I just picked him randomly from my old job's insurance book when I needed to change my primary doctor after moving to Sacramento from the San Francisco Bay Area several years ago. Boy, did I get lucky. My last three visits he has not even charged me, knowing I'm without insurance and little resources to pay.
     
    I'm still able to keep the Internet radio station I operate afloat. I am very happy about that, as I came close to shutting it down several times over the past three months. I put a lot of effort into the website and the programming and hated the thought of taking it down. I've had just enough money to keep it going, and the threat now has passed with income rolling in. This hobby has kept me busy and I have been truly blessed by being able to learn new skills and putting them to use.
     
    The weather here is a bit back and forth now that fall is here. When the weather changes, my CPS kicks in and I wind up with more down days than during the summer months. We had a front push through last night and I am feeling it today, though the burning is not as bad as the last time weather rolled through. I have been unable to find any medication that gives relief, have tried many, so I learn to live with it.
     
    I have the need to take care of a couple of things before hosting chat today, so I'm wrapping this up now. As always, keep looking up!
     
     
  5. rdittman

    My goings on

    By rdittman,

    My how time flies when you're having fun!
     
    I actually have been fighting with various state and federal agencies for some time now trying to acquire benefits that are due me. I guess if that's supposed to be fun, well then that's what's been occupying my time.
     
    I am now approved to receive SSDI benefits. It only took 10 months. I think at times they like to drag their feet to see if you give up on the process. I have prevailed though. Yea! I had to go to a couple of exams they required; a general lookover and a mental acuity exam. I guess that was what pushed it through, as I was approved in less than a month after the exams. I know I did poorly on the short term memory part of the exam. I haven't had the best memory since my stroke. I can remember things from long ago, but cant remember why I was headed to the kitchen for something while on my way there. I have learned to laugh at myself about those moments now, but at times they can still be frustrating.
     
    I have produced a few Public Service Announcements for the StrokeNetwork for radio stations. Currently they are airing on Internet radio stations only, but it is exposure for the site. The spots are positive and upbeat and do ask to visit the site and ask for financial support of the organization. It was fun putting them together. I'll probably put a couple more together in a month or so to give the stations running the PSA's a new and fresh sound then.
     
    I'm still running my own Internet station and having fun with it. I'm always looking for ways to improve it and my website, and I learn new things almost daily. This has been my most time consuming project generally, but a joyful one, unlike the persistence I've had in getting my claims for benefits approved, which wasn't that much fun. Anyway, the station has been gaining listenership and for that I'm appreciative.
     
    I need to clean the bathroom today. I take one area of my apartment one day a week and do a general cleanup. That way I don't get too overwhelmed and it makes life easier. So now I'm off to do my list of chores for the day.
  6. rdittman

    It's Well Past Time

    By rdittman,

    My goodness. I haven't updated my blog since the end of May! Time flies when you're having fun, so they say.
     
    I've had my share of up's and down's since my last posting. I'm still struggling with the government over SSDI. It seems the medical portion of my claim is holding things up. I went to a supposed neurological exam this week. It turns out it was really with a rehabilitation specialist who didn't seem too familar with stroke patients. I knew more of the medical terminology than he did. He will pass the information on to the state. I'm not sure what his thoughts were so I have no idea if its a favorable recommendation or not. I have a psych eval this week. I already know I'm crazy, so this should be interesting. :big_grin:
     
    I have started a new business doing voice over work for Radio, TV, Commercials and Narration. My background in radio played a big part in my decision to do so, along with the encouragement of some of my Internet Radio buddies. I have a website up and have registered with an online agency. I have a long way to go in really getting up and running, but I have to start somewhere. This will be a business of constantly promoting myself. The good thing is that I can work from home. If I'm having a bad health day, I can work at my own pace, unlike most professions where you go into work and have to be there regardless.
     
    The Internet radio station I'm operating is still up and running. I've had a load of fun with this project. The station seems to be gaining listenership, mainly during office hours when workers can tune it in at the office. I just did a total remake of the station website and it is much brighter and inviting. At least that's what I think. I did have a bit of help from a friend on the layout and design and I give him credit for it on the site.
     
    I get additional duties doing the blog recap this week and next sitting in for Asha while she is on vacation. Asha was one of the first to welcome me to the site when I first joined, and I have treasured her friendship since. I am glad to be able to cover for her and hope to do an adequate job in her absence.
     
    All in all, I am truly blessed. I have a great support group from my church and friends who care for me and watch out for my well being. Though my life is far from perfect, my support group makes life so much easier for me. This place has been a blessing as well. I'm not sure what I would do without the support of all here on StrokeNet.
     
    Keep looking up!
  7. rdittman

    Welcome Back Bob

    By rdittman,

    It's only been a gazillion years since I blogged last, but here I am today, feeling pretty good after a bowl of Chili-Chicken Soup. Very tasty, indeed.
     
    I feel I have been neglecting my duties here on StrokeNet the past month. Honestly, I have been very busy with a myriad of things, but I promised myself today that I would make a better effort to be on the boards more, sharing my vast expanse of knowledge. :big_grin:
     
    My radio station has been the most time intensive project recently. I did a major overhaul of my website and I think I am too proud of myself for the work. Being a Christian, I haven't given God enough thanks for the talent He has given me to accomplish this endeavor. Nevertheless, I do believe it looks tons better and I hope others do too.
     
    Funny. When I started getting this going months ago, I thought it would be a hobby that I could leave alone a bit once I got it running. It has been a process of toil and sweat nearly every day. Something is always demanding my attention with this station, not that I really mind. I do enjoy it, though it has its frustrations at times. The major thing right now is funds. I found a few ways to cut costs, but it is taking up a bit more revenue than I originally thought.
     
    On to other matters. My health has been up and down. I still fight CPS and that is probably the most annoying thing. Today is a good day, with just a little burning in various areas of my body. I had a four day stretch recently, when I thought I was not going to handle it. I am glad that passed for now. Not much anybody can do about it. I've tried several different medications and none work. I have paradoxical reactions to many drugs. I know; I'm weird.
     
    I haven't gone back to work yet. I'm trying to let Social Security get their act together, and either approve or disapprove my disability claim. Either way, I'll probably work some. It's time to get back into the big wide world of the working class.
     
    It's starting to get toasty here again. We had a few 90+ degree days in the past month, but it is fast approaching the norm. It will be pushing 90 much of the rest of the week. I'm sure 100 degrees is not that far off. What's nice though, is that it makes the evenings very nice after the mosquitos leave for the day. So, the late evenings are very pleasant to be outside.
     
    Well, I'm off to get a cup of joe and on to the message boards.
  8. rdittman
    It's been a year since I was admitted to the hospital with a stroke. It now seems so long ago. Time flies when you are having fun, or so they say. It has been a difficult year, no doubt, but one with new challenges to conquer and opportunities to grow. That is what made this last year special. You might say to yourself; special? Yes. In many ways this last year has been special.
     
    First of all, though the stroke is not something I would wish on anyone, it afforded me time to stop and smell the roses. What is important to me now is much different than what it was a year ago.
     
    Training my mind to face my fear of the future was a daunting task at first, as I'm sure it is with most survivors. My faith in God was tested, and the victory won. I certainly would have not made it through without Him. In part, it was to get my focus off myself and my woes, and place my trust in Him. In doing so, I see the future much brighter today than a year ago. Faith in the future made me realize there is much more than the here and now.
     
    Developing my left side for the things I used to do with my once dominant right side, was/is a little trickier, and I am still learning how to tackle some things. I have learned to write left handed, and certainly my left side muscles have gotten stronger. Learning little tricks to make life easier using just one side has been a joy and a struggle, but overall, I can accomplish much what a two handed person can do with one hand. There are many great gadgets out there for the hemiplegic person. I have used those resources to help me. One is the left footed accelerator for my car. Though I drive very little, I can get to places if needed. I have a large two door sedan. It wasn't my first choice of vehicles, but I am glad I have it now. It has large doors, and that makes it easier to get in and out of.
     
    This last year brought me several new friends; friends I would not have made had life gone on as normal. Some of these people I cherish so much today, as they have become my closest of friends. I can't imagine living life without them now. A little twist of fate, and presto, a kindred spirit comes into my life.
     
    Last summer I was feeling well enough to travel a bit. I made several trips to Lake Tahoe. It is such a beautiful place. I really enjoy the mountains and the rustic scenery. Around the lake, there are enough things to do and places to eat. It is a bit of a tourist trap, but if you know where to go, you can find some good deals. I also made two trips to Minnesota to visit friends. I hadn't been there since I was a kid, and thoroughly enjoyed all the lakes and farm country. We had a chance to go "Up North" as it is called there, to Lake Superior, where the trees were just starting to change into their fall colors. Of course, it was nice to reminisce with my Minnesota friends about the past and what is currently going on in our lives.
     
    While home, I found ways to keep occupied. I started an on line Internet radio station, gaining new skills in several computer languages while doing so. I have made new acquaintances through this particular venture, and have had much fun in getting this going. I love music, and was an announcer for several years in my early 20's living in Montana. I have found that I missed that part of my life a lot, so returning to it now, in the digital age of today, has helped me recapture the joy of it again.
     
    Certainly, not to be left out, was the find of a lifetime. Getting the answers to some tough questions about stroke, was hard to drag out of my doctors. StrokeNet filled that void. I learned more in one day on the boards, than all my hospital stays and doctor and therapy visits combined. The information here was practical, which is what I needed. The support of caregivers and survivors was a godsend. I have made some fabulous friends on StrokeNet. Then, being asked to go on staff here was so unexpected, but I couldn't wait to jump at the chance to volunteer. Giving back to this community is what it's all about now. To help others is a wonderful feeling.
     
    This past year has been special, and I know that now. It makes me wonder what the next year will bring.
     
     
     
     
  9. rdittman

    The Month Of March

    By rdittman,

    The month of March was particularly difficult for me. I'm not sure why now, but I guess it's all a part of "The Plan."
     
    CPS was the major factor for most of the month. I am finding that flareups occur with changing weather, and there is usually much of that in the spring. Though it kept me aware that I have this issue, I didn't slow down too much from my normal post-stroke life.
     
    Then I started feeling poorly a little over a week ago. I was at church when I realized something happened. It was in the middle of the worship music when I found trouble singing. I have had no real speech deficits with my stroke; only when I'm tired. This episode occurred when well rested and feeling fairly good. When my friends came to get me from the disabled area after service, they noticed something wrong. We bolted fast and they got me out of there.
     
    I had recovered some in the car, and requested to go home. That was probably a mistake in hindsight, but I didn't remember them asking me whether I wanted to get to the hospital. I told them no. Since then, my friends have been instructed by a lucid me, to ignore what I say and get me medical help, if this should happen again in the future.
     
    The diagnosis of what occurred is vague (I eventually went to the doctor), but it was believed to be a TIA. I am back on thinners again for the time being. Though I hate them, I would rather be safe. I took Lovenox shots for a few days until the Coumadin did it's magic. I was pretty sure my PFO was the main culprit in my stroke, so I was surprised when they said a TIA may have been the issue. I get more blood test results in a few days to see if there any other factors that have just popped up. In the meantime, I am home, my speech has almost returned to normal, and I feel pretty well.
     
    Life throws you curves at times, and though this put a bit of a fright in me originally, I seem to be taking this in stride. That surprised me too. My spirits are up and I am determined to keep going; within limits of course.
     
    I added some new music to my Internet Radio Station. Azrabbit (Ellen) from the boards here, sent me a CD of music from her niece's boyfriend, and I was able to add a few selections from it. I have picked up some new music from the Internet and bought a few new CD's. I have some music coming from a company, once a month, that cull new releases from artists, and sends them out to radio stations for free. My library is getting larger all the time. This has been a fun project; one that I wouldn't have even thought of if I was working full time.
     
    I need to take a break here, and get back in a bit to host chat. It was good to spend some time in here today; much more than I have in some time.
  10. rdittman

    Been too long

    By rdittman,

    I haven't blogged in a while, and since we are in the middle of a thunderstorm, and I am stupid enough to have my computer up in the middle of this, I thought it appropriate to blog here right now, being as the lightning bolt is a symbol we use for stroke.
     
    My latest blog was about my Internet radio station, which has been running since the beginning of March. I had so much fun putting it together, but once it has been running, I have put much less time into it. This is what I needed to do though. I needed a hobby, where if I could set it aside for a bit, would be just fine on its own. Being a stroke survivor, I have my good and bad days, and there are times where I rest all day. This turned out to be a great hobby for me.
     
    There is a danger though, that all small Internet radio stations could be shut down, due to a decision by the Copyright Royalty Board to increase royalties paid to record companies. This would be way too much to bear for monetary reasons, so we would be forced to shut down. We have banded together to fight this, but have a way to go. There are a couple of websites that are set up to petition Congress to step in to reverse this decision. We have high hopes.
     
    I have had a several days of health issues. Makes you think, as a survivor, about having another stroke. My doctor may schedule me for another MRI to see if anything has changed. We are giving it a little more time, as the symptoms seem to be just dizziness and balance along with headaches and it isn't constant. I am better today and hoping it stays that way.
     
    The rain is really coming down now. If I can hear it from inside and I have the radio on, then it is really pouring. This place is fairly well insulated. Think I'll back away from the electronics now until this passes.
  11. rdittman

    Full Court Press

    By rdittman,

    Well, I was pushing to get my Internet radio station up and running before March 1st, and I did it. What a project this has been.
     
    I didn't know that I would have to learn so much. I couldn't spend the money for professional web design, so I learned to code web pages. Then getting it to work with the station was a chore in itself, with too many late nights figuring it out. Since I have previous broadcasting experience, setting up the music within the system wasn't too hard, but the software was new to me, so it took a bit to figure the little quirks it has. Then there was the networking with others for information; forums and phone calls to gleen information. Then setting up the streams and getting licensing to play the music. Three months later, It is running, but there is more to do. Bugs to fix, music to add and getting exposure to get better listings.
     
    The station is formatted with Contemporary Christian music. I tend to run it a bit on the rockier side. I suppose I should play the music I like to some extent, but I have been looking at the music charts to see what's popular within the Christian community.
     
    I also have a few Public Service Announcements on stroke and music education; causes dear to my heart. I wonder if there is a way to give StrokeNet some exposure. I guess I should ask the powers that be to see whether it's feasable or even wanted.
     
    If anybody is interested in the website information to check it out and/or listen in, feel free to PM me. I'll send you the link.
     
    Don't forget to come by chat on Wednesday nights here on StrokeNet too. I am thoroughly enjoying my new job as chat host. March 14 will be topical; on Central Pain Syndrome. Hope you'll be there.
  12. rdittman

    Been a while

    By rdittman,

    It's been a couple of weeks since I have blogged. It has been a very busy couple of weeks.
     
    First, I was asked to become a chat host here on StrokeNet, which I have accepted. I host chat now on Wednesday nights (USA time) and am looking forward to the opportunity. Bonnie has been very helpful in getting me acclimated to the process, and though still a bit rusty at this, I am sure all the particulars will come in time. Also, thanks to all the others who got this up and running so quickly; Steve, Pat and Brice. If I missed others I'm sorry. I may not know everybody involved. For those who read this, I hope you will drop in on Wednesdays to chat and get to know one another.
     
    I am still working hard on getting this Internet Radio Station up and running. I put in as much time as I can, barring my tiredness or bad days that occur as a part of stroke rehab. My web pages are complete, but just as I think I'm ready to get online, I find another wrinkle or two that need attention. I am now going back through all my music again to make sure it all fits together correctly, music fades and such. I am also trying to automate the process as much as possible, which is requiring me to learn a new coding language. I am also looking into news sources. This is tricky, as I need to download it, and then program it to automatically play at the top of the hour. This has been a fun project, but a tiring one. I'm one of those people who work hard at getting things up and running well to start, so I don't want to start without having a quality product. I know there is no such thing as perfection. My motto is excellence, not perfection. I sometimes have to remind myself of that. So, I'll continue tweaking until I feel comfortable with it.
     
    Health has been an issue lately. The last few days has turned around a bit, but I have been struggling with sleep and the lack of it. CPS has kicked in big time on a few days and has been a bummer. Not much I can do about it, but grin and bear it. So I try to do my best to persevere. My little vent for this blog is over now.
     
    I have to eat something. A little pasta with my homemade tomato sauce and some garlic bread sounds tasty. Heading out now to the kitchen so I can get back here to host chat in an hour.
  13. rdittman

    A New Adventure

    By rdittman,

    I haven't posted in over a week, so thought I would see what's going on here tonight.
     
    I decided that I need to have something else to keep my mind busy, so I started loading music onto my hard drive and cataloging it, as I did old pictures and slides a few weeks back. While doing so, I wandered the web and stumbled onto something that I thought might be entertaining for a ministry. I have begun making plans to get an Internet webcast going. I was an announcer/DJ for several years; my first real job out of school. Spun real records too. No digital music in those days.
     
    I have tons of Christian music that I accumulated over the years. I spent the better part of a week getting most of it loaded onto my computer, and then using a software program to edit for cues, rotation schedules, etc. I am continuing to work on the music, as I found another 12 CD's of music late yesterday. I will have the process of loading and editing them yet.
     
    There is a long way to go in getting this project up and running. I have to get a website and the site developed. I have to get streamhosting and licensing for the music (I need to keep this above board, you know). Then there will be the usual glitches in getting something new started; test runs and such before a real launch.
     
    With my days of feeling up and down, I have been able to work on this when I have the energy, which is good. Once the station is up and running, I can even turn it over to the streamhost for automation when I don't want, or can't be attending to it manually. So, when I'm tired, or especially for the overnights, I will have automation take over.
     
    I am looking forward to getting this started. It's been much work, and a daily learning process. Everyday I find new aspects of webcasting that I want to employ as part of this station. What started out as a relatively cheap project, however, is now starting to require a little more capital than I had originally intended for it. I will keep pressing on anyway. I'm having too much fun not to!
  14. rdittman

    A Painful Weekend

    By rdittman,

    Since Friday, I've been going through severe bouts of burning pain from my CPS. Rest has been fleeting, and the pain much worse than what has been usual. Today it is somewhat better, however, it never goes away. I find that keeping my mind active on reading, or here on the computer, seems to help some, so here I am.
     
    The standard fare from friends always seems to be that I look good. I usually say to them; "Thank you. I think I look pretty good too." Looking good and feeling good are two different things. I just about had a meltdown after church yesterday. My friend Kathleen noticed it, and almost took me to the hospital. I told her I was OK to go home, which is where she and her husband Phil took me. Kathleen has Fibromyalgia, so she understands a bit about unexplained pain. Kathleen and Phil are two friends that know the difference between looking good and feeling good.
     
    Sometimes I feel the need to put on my happy face for people. I don't know whether that's good or not. I guess it is me trying to fight; being as close to what we call normal in this world. I can be genuine with those really close to me, but for the rest, I think I pretend that I am just fine. If they only knew what my body felt like, they would have an appreciation of what I go through daily. Of course, I would never really wish that on anybody. I suppose "walking a mile in my shoes" applies to everybody though.
     
    So what about today; what is today going to bring my way? Well, the pain is still here, but I am going to fight through it as best as possible, just like every other day. If I need to rest, I will. If I feel the need for companionship, I will go to a Life Group meeting later, where people from church in my area get together for study and fellowship. In the meantime, I will listen to music, do a little computer tweaking, and try to keep my mind off this annoying pain.
     
     
  15. rdittman

    Three in a row!

    By rdittman,

    I hit a personal best for me this week; three good days in a row. From Sunday through Tuesday, I felt pretty good, with energy and zest for life. I decided to get started cleaning up old junk that was taking up space in my apartment. Good that the dumpster is just across the drive; very close for me to navigate to. I was cleaning in the kitchen as well, realizing that my white cabinets really were white, under the dirt and grease that has accumulated on them in the past 9 months.
     
    Wednesday, I hit the wall. A real down day. I could tell I had overdone it. I was so sore and tired, but too sore to sleep. Ever been there? I so wanted to check out the inside of my eyelids, but my body wouldn't let me. My friend Phil came over Wednesday too, so I knew I needed to be awake while he was here, I think? :big_grin:
     
    Phil is a man with a servants heart. He has been off work for 2 weeks now due to a sprained knee, and here he was yesterday, cleaning up my small yard, pulling weeds, mowing grass and ridding my patio of junk I had out there. I am so grateful for this man. I called him this morning, just to make sure his knee was fine, and that his work here yesterday didn't do him any harm. He assured me that he was fine and no worse for wear.
     
    As for today, it is an acceptable day. I am not so sore that I can't rest, but still have some reminders of earlier in the week; leftovers if you will, just not the appetizing kind.
     
    And now, with the mention of food, I realize I'm hungry. Off to the kitchen I go!
  16. rdittman

    Old Pictures

    By rdittman,

    I am sitting here, checking out the latest posts, chiming in on some, listening to talk radio and having a cup of coffee. I guess you might call it multi-tasking, but on a fun level.
     
    I find that listening to streaming audio on the web is enjoyable. You get to hear about what is happening in other areas of the country or the world. I am currently listening to radio out of Minneapolis. Living in a somewhat progressive state, California, the program that I am now listening to and the host, are somewhat "redneck" in nature. Being a closet "redneck" myself, I find that this host is trying to start an argument, just for the sake of the argument, and that I am becoming opposed to his point, just because he is being jerk. I keep listening anyway. Glutton for punishment, maybe? Without going into detail, the host has a point. It is all about how he is going about it.
     
    Anyway, on to what I had intended to write about. I spent many hours this week going through my father's old slides. I scanned a slew full into the computer. I had shots of my parents at their wedding, honeymoon and the early years of their marriage. There were baby pictures of my sister and lots of pictures of our camping trips as a family. I had forgotten about so much of those trips, and it was fun reminiscing. We had trips to Yosemite, Lassen, Kings Canyon and Sequoia National Parks. He had taken shots of the old firefall they used to have at Yosemite. What a spectacular sight that was. They stopped doing it in the late 1960's, probably for fire and environmental concerns. It sure was a neat thing to see.
     
    My sister wanted to see the pictures, so loading them into the computer gave me a chance to send them along to her. I have more scanning to do, and hopefully will complete the task soon. It is too bad many of the slides were of poor quality, due to the taker or to years of degradation. Nevertheless, there is history there, and it is pleasurable to go through.
     
    One of my favorite shots, is of my mom rowing a rowboat. It must have been taken while on their honeymoon. She was a looker, and my dad definitely married up; no offense to my dad intended. He loved my mom very much, and would do anything for her. For her part, my dad was her world also.
     
    There were Easter shots of my sister and me over several years while we were young. To see the progression in age and looks over time was too much. There was this one shot of me in this little red sport coat. Oh my...
     
    I have to keep looking around for more slides and pictures. I know there are more around here somewhere. I have to get these organized, so I can pass them along to my kids. I am sure they will enjoy them as much as I do.
  17. rdittman

    My Friend Linda

    By rdittman,

    I have to remember my family and friends care about me, and when they can't reach me, they get worried. I have a friend, Linda, who lives in Minnesota, that got concerned this week when I didn't respond quickly enough to a phone message and an email she sent. Being that I live in California, she just couldn't pop over.
     
    As I mentioned in my previous blog, I kind of took a two day nap after Christmas. My body needed the rest, and so I wasn't online and I turned off my phone. Everybody reaches me by my cell phone. My home phone is for online purposes only, and there is no phone with an active ringer attached. (I got fed up with telemarketers. No more problems).
     
    Linda was trying to call my friends out here to see if I was doing OK, and had some wrong phone numbers of the same. She was getting ready to attempt to call the hospitals here, when I woke up from my nap and left her a message. Needless to say, when we did talk, I was in trouble. She is such a sweet lady, and I felt very bad about her not being able to reach me. I did tease her a bit and was addressing her as "Mommy," but I appreciated her concern for me. She now has all the important phone numbers of my friends here, and of my sister in Virginia.
     
    Living alone has its advantages, but its drawbacks too. If something should happen, there is nobody around immediately for help. I live in an apartment complex, and everybody keeps to themselves. My friends check in with me throughout the week; a phone call or email usually, but not everyday.
     
    I am fairly healthy. I have pain from my stroke and CPS, and of course my right sided paralysis, a little fatigue at times too, but no HBP, diabetes, cholesterol issues or anything else. My biggest fear is probably falling and hitting my head. I've had a few falls, as I am sure most stroke survivors have, but nothing serious to this point in time.
     
    I now know I need to keep myself available to my family and friends. I would not like to make any of them concerned for me when it is needless. The phone stays on, and I'll be sure to respond to messages much more quickly now. As for Linda, I got my scolding :bop: , and will be sure to keep in constant touch.
  18. rdittman

    After Christmas Letdown

    By rdittman,

    I have a genuine affinity for the Holiday Season. I enjoy the spending of time with friends, the good food and conversation around the table, and the activity and gyrations of children playing with all their new stuff. It is, for me, a truly precious time of year.
     
    This year's festivities were a bit different; my first Christmas post-stroke. I spent part of Christmas day with good friends, had the conversation and tasty food, kids running around like chickens with their heads cut off, and all the usual hilarity of that, but I was ready to call it a day much sooner than I used to do.
     
    Those who know me well (and even some who don't) realize I can be fairly chatty. It is sometimes hard for me to let others get a word in edgewise (a bad trait of mine that I am working on). I held my own on Christmas, but found I was drifting off several times into my own private space in my head. This concerned me a bit, so I felt the need to leave early.
     
    I guess I was tired; my body telling me it was shutting down, and I didn't quite recognize it. I have just come off a two day nap. I am still a bit lethargic, and most likely be in bed again in a while.
     
    It's interesting how the body takes over at times. I may feel I have all the gumption in the world, but somehow the body decides that it has had enough. I am sure our medical community has a special name for it, but I will just attribute it to my stroke. Post-Stroke Fatigue maybe? I wonder if there is a special medical code number for it! LOL! :big_grin:
     
    I think I'll lay low for New Years. I'll probably join the party right here in StrokeNet, and enjoy the camaraderie of everybody online.
     
     
  19. rdittman
    I think I will start with the frustrations first, because if I don't, it will ruin the end of this blog entry. Maybe I should have split this off into two entries; oh well...
     
    I spent most of yesterday trying to figure out why my main email program wasn't working properly. I can connect to my ISP, but accessing my email and my account information generally causes a page display problem, or with Firefox, a timed out error. There is self help from the ISP online, which didn't work, and free email help from the tech support department, which is disabled on my machine, so I called at $1.95 per minute to see if there was something I was doing wrong.
     
    The support lady was polite, especially as my level of frustration was running high, but a tad under trained. What a waste of time. I managed to get an email to billing to complain about being charged for a call that was worthless, IMHO, and received a reply that they appreciate my feedback, but will not reverse the charge. In that email, there was another address for tech support, not their online version. One would think that it would be wise to make that web address known, just in case one might have other email access to the information superhighway. So, I just fired off an email to that address to complain again. I guess I'll see what happens. In the meantime, my belief is that their system is overloaded, a conclusion I came across in my mind last night, and they just don't want people to know they need to upgrade their servers to handle the load.
     
    Switching gears. I am a man of simple means, especially now, being on SDI, but I got to thinking yesterday. Even though I had this stroke and am right side deficient and CPS, my general health is good. I have a small two bedroom apartment with modest furnishings. I have a decent running car, paid for thankfully. I have a good church family and some friends that mean the world to me. My kids, bless them, don't associate themselves with me (another story-ex has tainted their impression of me :bop: ), but I know they are not on drugs or hanging out with the wrong people. It is a blessing just to have children, and my three girls are special to me, even in these weird circumstances. I have two computers, a laptop and desktop, a PDA and 3 TV's, an old stereo system that works fine, tons of music to listen to, a cell phone, and a boatload of books. All these things can keep my mind occupied while home. I have a sufficient amount of clothes; maybe not the most stylish, but they work for me. I have food in the apartment, and clean running water.
     
    I am a man of modest means, even sub par, by this country's standards, but I am so wealthy when compared to the homeless, to those who live in parts of the world, struggling to have food to eat or clean water. I think of those wrongly imprisoned around the world or persecuted for their beliefs. And what about those young men and women engaged in war, placing their lives on the line everyday?
     
    I am rich. In this season, where honestly there is so much wrapped up in the commercialism of it all, I think about what is important in life, and how I may give back this upcoming year. A new year's resolution, of sorts. What can I give of myself to help others? How can I spread my wealth of blessings, my time and energy, to make a difference in this world to those who really need it? I have several ideas running around my noggin' and will soon solicit some advice from those close to me. In the meantime, I count myself very lucky to be where I am at. Thank you God for Your bountiful blessings!
     
    Thankfulness and frustration. What a combo! Today I will try to stay focused on the thankfulness. It is much better for the psyche. :big_grin:
  20. rdittman

    My week in a nutshell!

    By rdittman,

    It was a beautiful day here, a little crispness to the air, but lots of sunshine. Days like this, during the winter, always lift my spirits. So today, I was out and about more than I have been in months. I may regret it tomorrow, but I'm living for today at the moment.
     
    I had nothing but computer problems all week. :throw: This was good and bad. I hate having to deal with the frustration of it all, but it kept my mind active, which is a good thing, and to what was wrong with it, and ways to fix it. I am glad there was crummy weather all week. I didn't want to go out because of the weather. Anyway, I seem to have figured out my computer glitches. IE7 was my main problem, so I changed over to Firefox as my browser. I like it. It has some very neat extensions and add-ons.
     
    I also figured out that I needed a boatload of Windows updates. Since I went back to dial-up, these took a great deal of time. So, while I waited around for them to download and install, I decided to organize my reading library in my spare bedroom/office. I figured it would help me to straighten my books out, so I can easily find books of the same ilk. I did not go to the extent of employing a card catalog with the Dewey Decimal System, but it now makes more sense to me. :big_grin:
     
    I do like to read, so again, while things were slowly going on with the computer, I decided to pick up a book I haven't looked at in some time. Most of my books consist of Christian topics, being a former Worship Pastor, so I started in on a book on preaching. It's a fairly deep book, and not one that most Christians would read, let alone the general populace. I find it intriguing how different authors/pastors feel how church services should be executed, so I started reading this again, getting little nuggets of information that I found applicable to me and the church I attend. I have only read a few chapters, and will attempt to get through a few more this week.
     
    Now, back to today. I got up to church on my own, my first time since my stroke occurred. I even managed to get the wheelchair into my car's trunk with just my one good side. I felt this was a fairly good accomplishment. I attended my Sunday School class, and then to the church service. This has been a struggle lately, because all the commotion has been playing havoc with my brain and aggravating my CPS. I had no problems today though.
     
    After church, I drove home, got a little lunch, and went to my old workplace to distribute a few Christmas cards to some of my former work associates. People were happy to see me, which made me feel good. I had some nice conversations with many of my former work chums, and offered a few unsolicited work related words of advice, unpaid of course. I miss the people there, but not so much the work. It is crazy being a manager in retail, especially this time of the year.
     
    So here it is; my week in a nutshell. I wonder what surprises and wonders this week will bring?
     
     
  21. rdittman

    Social Security

    By rdittman,

    I was kind of dreading today. I had to go to the Social Security office to drop off some paperwork for SSDI. I would have never thought a year ago that I would be doing such a thing, but here I am filing for permanent disability.
     
    I have been on my state disability plan since April this year. It is only good for one year though. I thought that during this time, I would get enough ability back to get back to work. In some ways, I have progressed, but in ways I have regressed too. My doctor started suggesting to file for SSDI several months back, but I have put it off until now, hoping that I could forgo this. Filing for SSDI saddens me a bit, but I know now that I have a way to go.
     
    At least the trip to the Social Security office was painless. I had to wait only 15 minutes to see someone. From the sounds of the people waiting there when I arrived, some had been waiting over an hour to see somebody. I felt very fortunate in that regard. I dropped off the forms they needed, they made a copy of my birth certificate and W-2's from last year, and I was gone.
     
    I came home and decided to veg a bit and watch a movie. One of my favorite movies is A River Runs Through It. If you are unfamilar with this movie, it is set in Montana in the 1920's. It has its lighthearted moments, and yet is sad in the end. I guess I like it because I used to live in Montana years ago, and remember it fondly as some of the happiest times of my life.
     
    I made some chocolate drop cookies after the movie ended to help me pick up my spirits. I think I have eaten half of them already. Better lay off them now and stretch them out bit. They are very tasty and certainly no good for me, but what the hey...
  22. rdittman

    Friday Ramblin'

    By rdittman,

    Well, today started off strange. I decided to change ISP's due to a bit of a conflict. The main problem was I cancelled my service, before getting the other up and running. So, while it wasn't impossible to change this way, it made things harder. So I got on my desktop to take care of the switch, as it is a bit faster than my laptop.
     
    I haven't used my desktop in a while, so it required a few updates to software and some Windows updates, which all took time. So while updates and downloads were going on, I cleaned up a bit in the spare bedroom where my desktop resides. The room doubles as my office, when I don't use it as a dumping ground. I managed to find my Passport in the mess I created, which doesn't really mean much, as I won't be leaving the country anytime soon.
     
    My main bedroom has a bed called a Somma. It is somewhat like a waterbed, but has multiple water chambers and a pillowtop that sits on top. It's pretty comfortable, but a little soft. The bed in the spare room is a Select Comfort Air Bed that is adjustable. Tonight, I'll be sleeping on it. My back is a bit sore, so it will be better to sleep on the firmer mattress.
     
    I've been off Cymbalta for a couple of days now, and feel better. It made me so sick. I tried it to help with my CPS, but it was just too much. I have been able to handle the pain so far, and haven't had to take any Vicodin yet.
     
    It's raining here tonight. It has been a bit dry in California so far this season, so rain is a good thing. I managed to get outside earlier in the day before the rain started. I had to go to the bank and pay a bill. The bills never end, do they?
     
    The weekend is here. I'll make tomorrow an easy day.
     
     
  23. rdittman

    Rumplestiltskin

    By rdittman,

    Well, I did it again. I overdid it on Sunday, and it took two days to recover.
     
    I never have been one to sleep much, but a two day nap was definately not something I had ever expected. Sunday was a church day for me. I struggled to get going, but managed to get it together. Getting ready, going, getting lunch afterward, and then home was about an 8 hour time frame. I felt pretty good late Sunday, so I thought it would all be fine.
     
    Was I wrong. I was up and down all night that night, because of pain, both my CPS and just regular stuff. I managed to get some sleep in about Monday 10am until Monday night at 11pm. I got up, had just a small bite to eat, and back to sleep again.
     
    I must have dozed off about midnight, and then woke up when the gardeners came yesterday morning, making all their customary noise. That would have been about 8am. I got up again for a bit, checked in here, checked my email, and back to sleep.
     
    About 10pm last night, I awoke for an hour or so, and went back to bed again. I slept until 8am this morning. I can't remember when I ever slept so much. Even in the hospital, I rested quite a bit, but was pricked by the staff every four hours, so I never slept in stretches like that.
     
    Although lazy today, I have been up since 8am and have not napped. I guess fatigue really set in and my body shut down for the past two days. I must remember to pace myself or I might become Rumplestiltskin.
  24. rdittman

    Life is an adventure

    By rdittman,

    Life is an adventure, an adventure to be lived. I have used that line to bring me out of my doldrums many times, both pre and post stroke.
     
    I had to use it today as I really didn't feel the energy to get to church. I thought about not going several times, until I remembered that my greatest adventure in life, is my relationship with my God. So I gathered up as much energy as I could muster, and made my way to church.
     
    My good friends Phil and Kathleen are wonderful people, and they came to pick me up. Kathleen has Fibromyalgia, and I have CPS, so we like to swap "war stories" on how to fight the pain we have. Phil is usually quiet when Kathleen and I talk, and while he is driving, I really prefer it that way. Phil likes to talk with his hands, and I would rather he keep his hands on the steering wheel. I let Phil do some talking at lunch after church, when it was a bit safer to do so. We went for BBQ, so Phil had a lot of ribs in mouth, therefore, his conversation was somewhat limited, and a bit messy.
     
    I digress. The sermon was good and got me thinking. I am here for a reason, but where am I going? I don't know if I have solved the question, but I did figure out, that most likely, I need to start thinking outside the box, to get out of my comfort zone. Cole Porter wrote the song,"Don't Fence Me In." People and things don't fence me in, as was the premise of that song. I am the only one responsible for that. Sounds a bit like the "Great American Dream;" the hope of having it all. I am not trying to be that simplistic or unrealistic. I am beginning to see that I can make more of my life, if I get out of my comfort zone; not recklessly, but purposefully.
     
    So I go back to my original premise of life being an adventure, an adventure to be lived. I am going to tweak that phrase a bit now, after being challenged by the church sermon. Life is an adventure, an adventure to be lived, but it's up to me to make it purposeful and exciting and full of worth. To figure out the question as to where I am going, will take some soul searching. Frederick Buechner said, "The place where God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." So I feel the need to connect those two thoughts to figure it out. I am looking forward to the adventure in store for me.
  25. rdittman

    Sleeping on the couch

    By rdittman,

    Last night I fell asleep on the couch. I find the couch comfortable enough to rest on for short periods of time, but not for extended periods. I am a little too long for my short couch, and that makes it hard to sleep on. My CPS was really flaring up last night, so I was surprised I fell asleep on the couch. I figure I got 6 hours in, my longest stretch of sleep in a long time. How I slept so long on such an uncomfortable piece of furniture is beyond me. I would try it more often if I knew I wouldn't wake up so sore. (No, I really wouldn't).
     
    The TV was on as well while sleeping. I seem to be able to sleep through noise, but the 4am infomercials must have annoyed my brain enough to wake me up. I wandered to the bathroom, and then thought I would try to rest some more. No deal though. My affected arm and shoulder was too sore to sleep any longer. I figure it was dangling off the couch while sleeping. Well, I turned the TV back on and watched the morning news, got a cup of coffee (decided to get really awake) and checked out the email and then to this site looking at the new posts.
     
    The shoulder was killing me, so I took some meds to help me out. I don't like taking anything unless really necessary, and today is one of those days. I'm thinking the caffiene and pain reliever will cancel each other out as it pertains to sleep, so I am still fairly awake. I'm betting by afternoon, I'll be sleeping again, but not on the couch. Think I'll try the recliner. It's a more comfortable sleeping appliance. And I can also fall asleep to football on TV. Tonight, the bed will be the method of choice.