AZ Leah

Thanks a lot, kimmie. We fellow Arizonians need to stick together. Sure are glad we don't have the snow to contend with. I have enough women friends who know my situation that I could call them for help if necessary. Our dinner last night was very nice and Jerry even enjoyed himself. Neither one of us are good with large groups and this was just one other couple around our age. The guys had a lot in common so that was good. the wife was my friend to start with so now with the guys getting along and we live close together, we are going to try to do this once in a while (3-6 months or so). Thanks for your comments and support kimmie; it means a lot. Fondly, Leah (I guess you are another person who burns the midnight oil!!

thanks Donna for the support. I think this is another opportunity for growth in my recovery. Leah

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Thanks for your comment Susan. I'm 65 and Jerry is 71. The TV is on any time that he is home (and not exactly tuned to what I would watch). I ignore it during the day and usually stay out of the family room. I must give him credit that when I'm eating breakfast he will mute it for me and go into the other room. Anyhoo, I have some hope for you....Jer and I had a great conversation last Sunday...like real communication. He and I both told each other things we had been keeping to ourselves (that without me crying!! ... I did that earlier in the day) and we haven't been to counseling! I want to grow emotionally to not take things so personal - maybe one day...it wasn't as bad before this stroke. See you around. Leah :friends:

Hi Bart: When I get in the dumps I try a gratitude list. and/or what I can do not what I cannot. You are blessed to have a smart and beautiful wife. and there is a lot you CAN do. Start with that and go forward. I know stroke stinks but as for me, I could be dead and not be able to look at the clouds or smell the roses. We are here for everyone, ugly, dump, old or smart, beautiful and young. None of us are perfect. All we need to do is try hard. Blessings for 2009, Leah

Hi Wesley: 2008 wasn't a good year for me neither, but not as bad as the first year of my stroke (I stroke May 2006 & then a big one 2 weeks later) Have you done rehab yet? Do as much as you can. I was paralyzed and all is working okay except for my left leg. I wish you an much improved 2009 and an improved you. Leah

thank you Asha and Kathy for lending me support (Fred too!). Love you girls and guys

LOL, Fred, that's easy to do.

Today, December 31, I feel inspired to write down some feelings for the last time this year. Considering my earlier hesitations, Christmas came together pretty well. The house was festive even without outside lights or a tree. The dinner was good even though my brother and sister-in-law were an hour late. I had thought we could have an hour before dinner to chat but that was not to be. Plans are meant to be changed

Kathy: Count me in with maria's idea about one hourse for all of us women stroke survivors - we could have FUN and not be concerned about what others would think, say or do. I could have written the paragraph you wrote about your new Y membership. That is SO me right now. I am going to try something new this year with a center in town called "FIT" and honors Silver Sneakers. I too often set myself up with trying to do too much. My advice to you and me is to take it slow and easy - try one day first, see how it works and then do another. I am about ready to post my last blog of 2008. Happy New Year; hope I make the NY chat room, Leah

Kimmie: What a wonderful Christmas present God has given you with baby Jake being healthy. Be careful if you go on your trip, remember to take care of YOU. Strokenet loves and needs you, so does God and so do I. Merry Christmas. Hugs, Leah

Hi Kathy: I am glad you survived your company. I'm sure the hardest thing for you was to not have your parents share in your current life. My mother died the year before my stroke. She had alzheimers and I know she wouldn't have understood at all. She would think I was just fine...forever her little girl. I am scaling down this holiday but thankfully I'm over my cold and am looking forward to doing some holiday things tomorrow on "my day off"!! I will mark my calendar for the Friday "bash". I have only been to one large chat so I think I'll "listen" . Hugs, Leah

When I last wrote it was the day before Thanksgiving and my life had started to turn back positive. Well, watch out for that curve in the road you don

You have overdone yourself!! Decorations up and all already and over the river and thru the woods to kathy and barry's house they all come! They know the way because kathy's hospitality is more than okay!! That's it for rhyming. Have a good time with your folks. It won't be easy if they are in their world and don't acknowledge yours. Just remember it's not about you. Keep your every-ready smile on your face and have some holiday cheers . Hugs, Leah

all I can say is WOW. As they say "you have come along way, baby" ...and my wish for you is that you can keep on going. I have a loooooong way to go to reach even 1/2 of what you have accomplished and I know that may not be God's plan for me. So besides exercises, I am working on acceptance, adjusting, attitude and one day @ a time. Leah

Hi All: Well my emotional roller coaster is coasting along a lot better right now. Most of what has changed is I found my positive attitude again. I still have my friggin' cold (it's not contagious any more) but I am "well" enough to drive with Jerry 50 min from home to take his 96 year old mom out to an old fashioned Thanksgiving buffet at her country club. I don't know if I want to live to be 96 but, if it happens, she is what I'd like to be like. She still lives in her own house, drives, does everything herself and doesn't call for help unless she needs to go to the dr. and have her eyes dilated! She dresses well, walks straight, takes no pills except vitamins and still can do cross word puzzles and give us sound advice!! I am alive and a lot better than I was 2-1/2 years ago and can honestly say I am thankful for a lot of things, one of which is the strokeboard. Thanks everyone for being here for me. Eat whatever you want as long as it doesn't create more medical problems! :Starvin: and HAPPY THANKSGIVING. Leah

I know what you mean, Bart. It's a good thing there is always a tomorrow. That's why I prefer to take it one day at a time and if I feel like sh....... today, I just put one foot in front of the other and do the next "right" thing until today is over. Then I get to have a new day. Leah

To all the survivor angels who responded to my blog, thank you. It helps to know that others have and are going down the same path. It is not easy, but it is possible. In the end, Ihope to be stronger because of it. Since I have a bad cold I can't overdo!! So today I am in total rest. And yes, Asha, one of the books I am reading today is I Won't Be Broken. Thanks to recommendations on this site I found it and now have it. Hugs to all, Leah :Angel:

Congratulations on completing your watercolor. That is an achievement to be honored, especially with a stroke. And if your husband gives you flack about hanging it...call me and I will come to your house and punch him out A lot of us deal with the blues on an almost daily basis. I also try to count my blessings and face reality. Not easy. Besides the serentiy prayer I have posted next to my computer, I read an old Buddist mantra recently ... "I can do it, I must do it, will do it. Now that doesn't mean doing something I physically cannot, do like running to the mailbox, but taken within boundaries, I think that is a good mantra. BTW, I finally wrote my blog - boy am I slow!! Thanks for all your help Kathy Leah :thankyou:

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Lots of good information, Donna. For me I was home from the hospital only a few months before Xmas. I would have cried just reading your suggestions! In fact, I cried Xmas day because everything was SO different for me and it was just me, my husband and my mother-in-law at our house. That was 2 years ago and I have learned a lot since then. Realistically looking at what I can do and letting others do everything else. We do not put up a tree which in itself was hard - the first xmas in 63 years without a tree and no gifts. I now keep things very simple and was able to put up a few decorations last year. We invited my brother and his family last year and everything was planned well in advance food-wise. I did some organizing but no cooking. Again no gift, no tree, but lots of love and no crying on my part. Like they say, you've come a long way baby! Leah

Thanks Asha - it appears that we think along the same paths. I have already ordered Jerry White's book and look forward to receiving it. I have read most of the books I've seen on this site - One More Year is a good one and has identified a lot of feelings I couldn't put a finger on. Another is Only The Eyes say Yes - an incredible book about a man with locked-in syndrome with excerpt written by his wife and how they were able to put a life back together. One of my favorite is "Strong at the Broken Places" by Richard M. Cohen about 5 people with chronic illness and how they have survived. Cohen was diagnosed with MS when young (20's) and is married to Meridith Vierda of The View. The book was written when he was early 60's; he's recently been on larry king live too. I always wished I had more time to read, which is a blessing in disguise of our survival. Later dear, Leah :giggle:

Hi All: This will be quick because I just wrote a blog update and somehow it got lost. Boy does that p.... me off :Tantrum: To make a long story short we got back from vacation and in the midst of my trying to get back to "normal" and on track , our computer crashed :throw: This has been a month from H...... but I am surviving and am on-line altho everything is not as I am used to. The new office program I had to install looks like greek--give me the OLD stuff for this Old girl. Anyway I will check in more later but right now I'm more than tired. (The blog that got lost , which I'm sure was my fault somehow, was pretty good I think!). It got lost when I tried to spell-check it and then had to download the spell checker ... and the rest is history. Hope I can work out my schedule between have-to's and naps to check in more often. Cherio and hugs to everyone, Leah :giggle:

This was the blog I was working on when my computer crashed. So instead of trying to edit it, I'm going to publish it as is. Stroke has taught me it doesn't help to try to be a perfectionist.. So here 'tis: written about October 1: It's been a couple weeks since we've been back from California. The trip was nice but I am now spending time un-tripping (LOL I know that isn't a word). What that is for me is resting from the travel day, unpacking, doing and sorting the mail, paying bills, checking email, phone messages, ya da ya da ya da. I have the job of the bills and Jerry now does most dinners. The better I am the more responsibility I take on which is partly my fault. Anyway, I sometimes wonder if going away is worth it. We've gone away 3 times this year; two too many although I enjoyed seeing our friends the last two times in California. I do prefer being home amongst my creature comforts and routine and it takes me a while to get back into feeling comfortable again. We just finished wash and I'm just about caught up with paperwork. I've been in the dumps a little lately...I don't think its depression altho' it could be a little of that too. I'm on an mild antidepressant and don't know if it helps but am not about ready to try without. I also think I am going through another level of acceptance of my physical, emotional condition since stroke, but lately I think it's more of adjustment and not acceptance. I do accept that this is what has happened...no denying that. But the adjustment of my life compared to my "old" life isn't coming all too easy. I try to focus on how much I have improved since I came home a little over 2 years ago and also thank God daily for saving me and for my recovery and for everything I am able to do which is a lot. I feel that I don't have any business feeling depressed but then again I know I am allowed to have my own feelings. I went to Tucson's stroke support group (they meet monthly) and it was good. I also started working out with my trainer again and did 1/2 hr of pool on Sunday. I'm grateful our weather is still good. I've started my "routine" Dr. appts. Went to a new urologist last week who changed my RX and next week I start a neurostimulation program. Its 30min 1x/wk for 12 wks at her office using a needle electrode. I sure hope this helps. One BIG advantage is that I am now on Medicare and have a medical supplement which covers this program. I also have rheumatoid arthritis and I see that Dr. this week, then in a couple weeks I have my neurologist and primary care. I went on Medicare Aug. 1 and it's been a pain changing my prescription to the new pharmacy. All but one are done and so far all but one are covered (not all free of course). I have neuropathy in my feel real bad. I can feel it especially when I'm lying down. I take gabapentin for it at night but I don't like to take it in the day because it causes me to be more tired than I am. Without the neuropathy and chronic fatigue I think I could deal with everyday things better. Of course, my lame left leg isn't fun either but with a cane and walker I manage (real) short distances I'm still optimistic about improving through the years. I think I miss gardening and shopping most. and and and!!! Well, that's it for now folks. I finally got this pretty well finished. Oh, I added a recipe to the recipe forum and look forward to doing more. Hugs to all and thank you everyone for being here for me, Leah :hiya: