AZ Leah

My last blog entry was Dec 23 and I thought I had it SO together for Christmas Day dinner etc. I rested while Jerry picked up mother-in-law Dec 24; the house was clean and things were about as ready as they could be. We had a very nice dinner out that night and we all settled down for a "long winter's nap" while vision of sugarplums danced in our heads !!! Well Christmas Day didn't turn out as I predicted...I should know better to predict. I forgot that with my stroke I cannot multi-task and I get flustered and stressed with too many people around and too much noise. And..this was the first time I was supposed to be in charge. Of course, Jerry couldn't figure out what was the big deal, etc. etc. I had to end up taking 2 naps I was so fatigued (the stroke kind of fatigue, not the kind "normal" people have). My brother, and his family came about 3:45 and we ate at 4:30. Jerry had finished my green bean casserole for me after I wrote out instructions; I did it in the crock-pot and it worked great. Anyhoo, Dinner was very good and we all pigged out on dessert. There were only 7 of us but for me this year it was hard. I've had holiday dinners before for 12 or more with no trouble. My mother-in-law (remember..age 95!) helped put out relishes and set the table and my niece and her cousin did all clean up. I had to take a short nap after dinner, then got up so we could finish our family celebration. After all, it's not all about me and if I would have had to stay in bed, so be it. In retrospect, I may have done too much. I crashed yesterday and slept til noon. Today I had pool therapy, tomorrow work with a trainer and Sat. get a manicure and hair done to get ready for NY Eve dinner with friends. I will continue to take it a day at a time and next year will take care of itself, as long as I do the footwork. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL :happy new yea: and the best of health to everyone. I have learned that is the most important thing after God because I must always remember that without Him, I would not be an earthly being. :cloud9: Leah

Merry Christmas to me ! My present to myself is my progress. When I look back at last year I can see many improvements so it is obvious that my rehab is paying off. Last year we only had my mother-in-law for dinner and my husband cooked the whole dinner; my 94 year old mother-in-law cleaned up! I didn't invite my brother and his family because I knew I couldn't handle it. I remember sitting in the family room when dinner was being made and crying. I took a lorazapam and went to lay down so I could calm down. My emotions are SO much better...I seldom cry unless there is a real reason. This year, we didn't have a tree but I was able to decorate the house so it looks Christmasy..the poinsettias really help. My mother-in-law is coming as usual (she is now 95) and I asked my brother and his wife, adult daughter and her cousin. Cards and gifts were kept to a minimum. I even was able to make banana bread and brownies (last week and then refrigerated them) and arranged an easy menu. I made a raspberry jello holiday salad today, I'll make a green bean casserole tomorrow and then things will be easy for Christmas Day. My husband picked up a honeybaked ham (our favorite), croissants from our bakery plus fruit tarts as a special dessert. Since I can stand in the kitchen for quite a while now, I did some other prep work so tomorrow when my mother-in-law comes I can be rested; we are going out for dinner, so I won't have a mess to content with.I can stand in the kitchen for quite a while now. We even have the leafs in the table and the tablecloth on. Jerry has been a godsend. I can tell nowadays he gets a little tired of waiting on me so I need to do what I can for myself and give him a big break. I have learned to pace myself. I will do a chore, rest a while and then do another one. God has helped me with it. I know He saved me and is helping and strengthening me daily. My faith has gotten so much stronger since my stoke - I know I am not alone ever...between this site and my God, I am indeed grateful this holiday season. Just writing this is helpful for me to know how far I have come and how much I have learned. I am reading Kate Adamson's second book "Paralyzed but now Powerless". It is really good. We have plans for New Years Eve with 6 other couples we've joined in past years. I have already found a pair of black slacks that fit (all the other are too small - the have stroke/gain weight syndrome) and I had them shortened because I can't wear heals "yet" - maybe never but the jury is still out on that. One day at a time. I repeat that over and over along with the serenity prayer. Merry Christmas - I hope to blog again shortly after 2008 ring in. :giggle:

I love your Flat Stanley activity; I wonder if he would like to visit the desert? And, yes, this weight loss is the pits. Yesterday we had to go to a memorial for a neighbor's mother who passed. I pulled out 4 pair of black slacks, all of which either are too long (I can't wear heals any more due to my bad gait) or were too small. I ended up with a dark brown pair and had to pin the waist shut because they were too small (or I am too big!). It sounds like we could really dialog if we lived closer together. Where are you in Florida. We are flying in for a few days next April and then will fly to St. Lucia for 10 days. Another brave adventure for this survivor

Kim: I don't "know" you but all of us on this website are connected. I am also sorry for your loss. We never know what God's will is for us and all we can do is deal with what comes our way the best we can. It sounds like both you and Chris did that. I am a stroke survivor (June 2006) but was also a caregiver for my mother who had alzheimer's and died the year before my stroke. It is never easy and as much as we prepare, we are not prepared. I picture my mom to be completely free from all cares, pain and earthly problems floating in the clouds. It helped me to have a corner of my home office as a memorial for he with a picture as I knew her and a candle I often light when in my office. The first year I also had a fresh rose every week for her. Healing takes a while, as you know. I learned that there is no right way to grieve and nobody can tell me how to feel. I grieved in bits and pieces. Since Chris was your husband it will be no easy task. My thoughts are with you. Leah

I told myself I was going to blog before Thanksgiving which now it is the 4th day after turkey day and here I am just doing it now. I never liked to journal which may be one of my hang-ups or blocks about this new blogging phenomena. Anyhoo, things have been same-o-same-o with very small improvements. I only know this because other people notice it when I don't - YEH for the other people. My husband and I took my 95 year old mother-in-law out for turkey day dinner. She lives about an hour away. She can run rings around me. There is nothing medically wrong with her except some eye problems she is getting treatment for. She drives, does her own grocery shopping, cleans her own house which she has lived in for over 30 years and has a memory as sharp as a tack! She was swimming every day (when the temp reached 65 which is most of the time here in Arizona) until 2 years ago. She dresses well and usually has an answer for everything and usually is right (except for my stroke). She told me she thought it would be good for me to march to improve my left leg. Well, dammit I am!! :Tantrum: And get tired of it but do it because I want to get better more than they want me to. Except maybe my husband so I can do as much as I used to . On thanksgiving we were gone from the house for 6 hours and I was exhausted when we got home. Of course, I had to get ready before we left, so that's anothe 1-1/2 hr.; I had showered the night before. People just don't get it - this stroke fatigue thing we have. I am glad there are all of you here who understand. I know I am not alone and I know I am doing the best I can do...well maybe not every day but I need a few breaks now and then too...As my husband sits and watches football or AMC movies in between folding the wash I started. I don't want you to think I'm on a pity pot; I feel my attitude is pretty good, but I know I am still dealing with acceptance of the loss of the old me. Today my husband showed me an article written about Xmas decorations in NY City which is something I said I had always wanted to see. I looked at him and asked if he would be willing to take me some day in a wheelchair. He said he would. WOW that was BIG. :cloud9: Of course, I hope I get better enough in the future so that wouldn't be necessary but by then we might be too old (I'm 64; he's 70). He is in great shape and works out 5 days a week. I have learned never to complain if he is gone too long. It used to be the other way around; I'd be gone and he'd be home. Well, enough of my blabbering :yadayada: I want to add a few things I am thankful for which is really what I wanted to blog about to begin with (I can't get used to the word "blog"...who came up with that word anyway. :uhm: First and foremost, I am thankful to be alive, and I am thankful I believe in a God who I feel saved me to continue to live and get better. I am thankful for the progress I have made and for everyone who has helped me and stood by me from family to the nurses, doctors, techs, therapists, friends and most of all my husband Jerry. I owe so much to my physical trainer who is also a friend. When I was cut off from PT, I was not afraid because I knew she was there to help me. I am thankful I can drive and that I have a car all my own. I am thankful I have a one-story houses to live in and flowers to look at. I am thankful that my hands and fingers work now (after my stroke I was almost completely paralyzed). I can work on the computer and even knit and cross-stitch. I am happy to be able to eat and swallow as I still remember the feeding tube. I am grateful I can talk, as I still remember the trachea. And I can walk slowly from room to room in the house and can get up and down by myself. I can even roll over in bed. I am grateful for this website to give me a forum to express myself and occasionally chat and help others. One goal of mine is to somehow free up some time to visit the website more often so I can help others more. I could go on and on because there is so much more. I am thankful for my faith and the hope I have that I am going to get better. Faith and hope keep me from being depressed. Thank you everyone for being here for me; I will try to be here for you more often. Hugs to all, Leah from sunny Arizona :hug: :giggle:

It's been over a month since I started this blog and I am WAY overdue for an update. It helps me to know if I am growing forward or backward and right now I feel like I'm going backward. But this too shall change. Our trip to Carlsbad, California, was bittersweet for me. I had to adjust once again to life after stroke and go through another level of acceptance that I could not walk down the steps to the beach or walk to dinner and stroll through the village in the evening. We rented a wheelchair (a first for me) so Jerry pushed me to dinners so we didn't have to take the car all the time. I didn't venture out with it on my own. We also visited with old friends which was wonderful and that is what really counts when all is said and done. The place we stayed had a pool with a railing so Jerry helped me get in the first time so I could do some pool therapy (just walking and marching- good exercise) .I found I was able to then get in and out by myself. Unfortunately I only used it twice as there were too many kids around. The trip tired me out more than I thought it would (we drove from Tucson- 4 hours a day) We had been home for a week and I was still recuperating when my sisters flew in from Michigan and Kentucky and stayed with us for a week. It was wonderful to see them and they were so happy to see the progress I have made (They were last here in June 2006 and I was in a medically-induced coma; I didn't remember anything about that month). With my brother here in Tucson we alll drove up the Catalina Mts. about 20 min. from our house to about 5,000 feet and scattered our mother's ashes. She had died in 2005 and this was the first time we were all together. I'm going to put a picture of us "kids" in my gallery. We also had a nice lunch with two of my angels - Sandra and Jane who have been by my side since this life changing expterience, called a stroke. As of last week I am back to pool therapy and Wed. started again with my trainer. I feel like I have slid backwards since not exercising. My left leg is weaker again and I still am so tired. Thank God I can live life a day at a time because right now that is what I am doing. I had a good experience last week in pool therapy and met a woman who had a stroke 3 years ago. She and I have a lot in common and it is nice to share with someone who really understands. It also gives me another incentive to go to pool even if I don't want to. Today is Friday...I started this on Tues. and I am taking a day to relax and recharge. I'm going to sign off now; will do more at a later date and hopefully learn how to add a couple pictures to my alubum.

Thank you everyone for your support. I will take your wishes with me on our trip. We have gone every year for the last 22 but missed last year due to my stroke (we also missed an important wedding). Now we get to visit the bride and groom in their first house! the ocean is always calming for me so I know this will be heavenly. See ya all later. Leah

Well, here goes nothing! I am just starting my blog today and I'm not sure what all a blog is for but I get the general drift! I stroked on May 24, 2006. and was in the hospital in rehab when 2 weeks later I had a large (aren't they all large?) brainstem stroke on June 7, 2006. "They were losing me" so I was put in a medically-induced coma and tubed. To make a long story short, it was pretty apparent I was going to make it after all, after hundreds of prayers from family, friends and people I didn't know, and so I was given a trachea and feeding tube and on July 7 taken off the ventilator. I did intensive rehab and then went home August 15, 2006, followed by intensive therapy, PT, OT, and speech. As they say, I've come a long way, baby. My biggest problems are walking (my left leg is bad, use a cane and limp; can hobble but not go far) and fatigue among other things. I didn't know where else to put this, but my husband and I are taking our first driving vacation this Thursday from Tucson, Arizona, to Carlsbad, California. We rented a one bedroom with kitchen on the bottom floor with it's own small patio. My husband can watch the beach and I can be independent during the day. I took a deep breath and admitted I needed more help, so we are renting a wheelchair so we can go places in town without getting in the car. Six months ago I would have broken down and cried all week if I thought I was going to need a wheelchair. I need to add that my husband has been my #1 angel and caregiver through all of this. Anyway, I do not have a laptop so will be away from the stroke board and I will definitely miss it. It may be a reason in the future to get a laptop. We are both retired and my stroke has put a dent in our traveling plans (I am grateful to be here, though, and not on the "other side"). So I shall end this first Leah blog and will check on all the posts when we return Sept 4. Keep up the spirits...I will. I am going to take my God with me - I know all will be good :giggle:

Dear Ladi: Your poem is beautiful and puts into words my feelings. Only survivors like us can share and feel your words. Thank you so much. Every day I try to do some good for myself and for someone else. Today I cried but then it stopped. So I am grateful to read your beautiful words. Leah