Dickons

Hi J,

Tears are running down my face reading your post. My Dad passed last October at the age of 91 and like your Dad rallied to have one last visit. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Since Dad passed I have realized that he is with me every day as he taught me how to live my life and everything I do reminds me of him. I find it very calming to know I know what to do because he taught me how to take care of myself.

Take care,

Dickons

Hi Sue,

I too would find the trip very disappointing. I hope you plan on providing the groups planner with some input on how difficult it was.

Having fractured both his pelvis and hip joint Ray's physical recovery will take longer. Patience is not the word you want to hear but that is probably what you will have to find, one more time. Mom took care of Dad and worried about the apathy, grumpiness, and lack of alertness after he broke his leg but once the body mended, Dad's spirit did too. That is my wish for you, that Ray's spirit will be better as his body heals and his self confidence improves.

My Dad was very worried trying to walk again because he had proof what could happen. I think that is the case with many people when they have fallen - there confidence in their own abilities has dimished so its hard on them.

Your blogs show the level of stress you are under, and I hope you can find a way to have free time when you do not need to worry about Ray. My Mom sounds a lot like you, she cared for both my grannies, and with Dad tried to tough it out and it cost her dearly, eventually she got nurses aids / nurses in to help which very good for her and Dad.

Reach out to the people in your church. I know that at least once, after church Mom had people come over for a Potluck Lunch (everyone brings a dish), and Dad really got his spirits up seeing everyone from church.

Kind regards,

Dickons

What a wonderful blog, love the story of the robins and the condo. I am also very pleased that you have found out more about the calified aneurysm and that it has put to rest a big concern.

Kind regards,

Dickons

Hi George,

Tippy is so sweet. This is making my week - so very very cute - just starting to see the world. Puppys are so wonderful.

Cheers!

Dickons

Hi George,

Wow! this is so cool - kind of like being part of getting a new puppy. I can't wait so see pictures.

I love dogs so much. I had angina in the night and my little Gem was right there with me, keeping me company while the nitro kicked in. I feel very strongly that pets give far more to us than we give them, they are so very special.

Cheers!

Dickons

Blogs are great as the ventee gets to vent and the readers get to say - you are not alone - in fact your thoughts probably mirror many of us on this board and because you vented you have made others feel okay too. I know you have put words to many of my feelings too.

Just remember we still have the smarts - we just have to find them and sometimes it takes longer but we are still smart...

Kind regards,

Dickons

Good Morning George,

Little black and white puppy...Tippy for "Tippy Canoe and Tyler Too" comes to mind when I was thinking of names that may work as you write about your canoe.

I found a chiropractor that does Active Release Therapy in my area but I need to know if the therapy does manipulations as my neurologist said no to chiropractic manipulations. I know there is a lot more that is part of the total picture of chiropractic services but need to know the spine is not manipulated in the therapy.

Have a great day!

Dickons

Hi George,

I agree and somewhat disagree with you on stress. I believe that personalities and traits are genetically encoded, and I have seen it as I am adopted and have real data to work with.

Having said that, I agree that allowing yourself to worry is something that we choose to do. Something that we have continued to chose to do over and over again, and that we need to retrain our brain to distract and conquer the worrying.

The deep breathing helps, at least right now it relaxes me.

Thanks for the interesting thoughts.

Kind regards,

Dickons

Congrats on the new puppy, makes me want to adopt again, thankfully we have a 2 dog by-law or...

Have you considered getting both? Mom and Dad decided to get a puppy and in the end got two (brother and sister). It was more work training but in the long run it turned out to be the best decision for them. When Dad got sick the two dogs had each other for company when they were alone which was quite often at that time. Mom can leave them outside and they play with each other and don't get bored. Now that Dad has passed away Mom has two buddies that keep her company. Just an idea to consider.

Kind regards,

Dickons

Lucy,

I agree with Lin and Asha comments.

Calcified means it has been there a long time and is made of calcium much like an egg shell. If that is what your Doctor meant then there is probably a very good chance that it will never bother you. The calcification may be what is protecting you - but I am NOT a Doctor.

You should trust your Doctor and as you are very worried, make an appointment to go back next week or have him call you. Stress is the worst thing you can do to your body, and if it can be resolved with a ten minute talk to the Doctor then do it. If you do not trust your Doctor then get a new one or go to the emergency room to get a second opinion.

Kind regards,

Dickons

Thanks Donna, Carol and George,

Donna and Carol - it's nice to know I am not the only worrier.

George - I believe you are onto something, I will have to check it out. I did the deep breathing that I learned for labor when I had my heart attack and it helped. I think I will try the breathing each morning and evening. I will also research on-line.

Thanks,

Dickons

Dave,

Amazingly beautiful pictures your words have given me, I feel I was right there with you. You have a gift.

Thank you.

Kind regards,

Dickons

Hi,

Excellent cause, keep it up. I cannot wait to meet you two.

Take care,

Dickons

Carol,

I agree totally - we live in a zone that normal people will never understand. Its our reality, but it is literally incomprehensible to the normal.

When people say - that's happens to me too, I want to ask them when they had their stroke - sometimes I truly have to bite my tongue.

By the time I was released from the hospital I was ready to scream at the next medical person who said "you are to young for this to happen to you". If I was too young, then why was I there? Was it just a bad dream and I would wake up and be okay? Another "what not to say" to someone who has just lived through a major event.

I think I finally figured out what it was that I had to accept. I needed to accept that my expectations of what I could do needed to be adjusted to my new reality, with new goals to look forward to. Now, I just have to figure out how to do that...

At the two year point I caved in and started writing to-do lists - I am trying to be realistic about my memory (or lack thereof), yet I am trying to still make it work by doing brain excercises. I just got really tired of beating myself up over forgetting things. On a positive side note to lack of memory - just about every show I watch on tv is new to me - while normal people are watching re-runs on the same channel.

Your entry helped me today, thank you.

Kind regards,

Dickons

Hi Kristin,

I read your first blog entry which was good and from that and this entry you sound very level headed and on the right track.

Your topic "I have never had a challenge I haven't been able to overcome" shows that you are a survivor, and will find the best in any situation.

The friend who blames you sounds like she looks for the worst in everything, if that is true perhaps that is why you are being driven mad, it's an attitude you wouldn't choose.

Keep writing and being you.

Kind regards,

Dickons

What a wonderful birthday present. Having a buddy is one of the best things in life, enjoy!

Kind regards,

Dickons

Yin,

I read your blog totally agreeing with you the entire time and amazed at how it is mirroring my life right now. Yes, it is completely possible to forget something for 3 months and have no clue how it was missed. Being organized is the only way to be. I have been trying to do this and am starting to be successful and getting more organized each week.

I had many false starts at organizing where I would go to where "it" was before I organized "it" and end up trying to remember where the organized "it" may be. But it is getting better, and if I remember to use common sense both in organizing "it" as well as trying to remember where it is "it" is, it does work. (Talk about run on sentences...)

Then George brings up their mythical helpers and it brought me back to pre-stroke when we would blame the "dish gnome" or the "tidy up gnome" for not showing up, being on vacation or sick. Now that George has tripped this memory, I can use the gnome excuse - before it was mainly the other half of me, that used it when he had allowed the day to slip by.

Lin and Asha, you two sound so organized and you are very correct about schedules being absolutely necessary now that my "schedule gnome" has left the building.

All of you have made my day just a little bit brighter - cheers!

Dickons

Hi Al,

Your love of nature may well be the key to letting the anger go you wrote of last time. I know when I am outside puttering, that all the bad stuff melts away. I come in feeling total peace, contentment, yet excited at the same time about what it looks like now, and will look like as it matures.

You certainly have ambition, I need a coffee break just thinking of the amount of work you have planned for one summer. Almond trees do sound wonderful and I would like to see pictures sometime. Almonds taste good, are very good for you, smell wonderful in a hand cream or candles plus lots of other uses I would think.

Kind regards,

Dickons

Every blog of yours I have read I enjoyed and it made me think. Please keep blogging, you are clearly a man of wisdom and peace.

Kind regards,

Dickons

Hi,

I think the new you includes being a writer, you words create pictures, and I think that is what being a good writer means.

Kind regards,

Dickons

I think everyone on this board can relate in some way to the anger you are feeling. I am sorry that you have to go through it, but this group is a really good place to be at, as you have a lot of people here to support you. Writing is a great first start.

I have found that I have a choice in how I feel, and I choose to find the lesson that always comes out of a tragic happening. It has taken me many years to learn how to shut the anger down before it takes over, because anger is not worth the stress it causes.

Anger will consume you or you can find ways to let it go, every person will have to find their own way through the anger. Letting the anger go will allow you to be more empathetic to other peoples life struggles, allow you to treasure the life you have, with the people who love you and are supporting you through this new phase of your life.

There is no magic cure, just keep trying to find the right way for you, if you falter, get back up and try again. Don't waste lifes wonderful moments because of anger or you will find you don't have any wonderful moments to enjoy.

If I could send you my peace I would, I wish you the best in your quest.

Kind regards,

Dickons

George,

I am so sorry for your loss and my thoughts will be with you.

Kind regards,

Dickons

Hi Sherry,

I have not gone through having my spouse leave, but I have worried about it since my events. I would suspect that what you are going through is far more common that any of us would suspect.

The role of a caregiver is not for everyone. Some people are stronger than others and if they cannot find an outlet for their frustrations then it makes it worse. BUT it is THEIR LOSS! I believe we have more to share and give than people who have just gone through life without struggles.

You are in my thoughts and I wish I could help.

Kind regards,

Dickons

Hi Kristen,

You are lucky to have Tom's pearls of wisdom. My Dad was the same era and they understood what really mattered in life and how to not worry about the things that could not be changed.

Ask Tom what was the invention or discovery in his lifetime that made the biggest difference in his life. For my Dad being a GP it was the Polio Vaccine.

Thanks for the story.

Kind regards,

Dickons

Sherry,

I am sorry for your pain and wish I could make it better.

Being the caregiver sometimes is just too much for some individuals no matter how hard they try. It is just so unfair to the survivor to see their world upside down again, and nothing they can do to make it better.

You are in my thoughts,

Dickons