Dickons

I think everyone on this board can relate in some way to the anger you are feeling. I am sorry that you have to go through it, but this group is a really good place to be at, as you have a lot of people here to support you. Writing is a great first start. I have found that I have a choice in how I feel, and I choose to find the lesson that always comes out of a tragic happening. It has taken me many years to learn how to shut the anger down before it takes over, because anger is not worth the stress it causes. Anger will consume you or you can find ways to let it go, every person will have to find their own way through the anger. Letting the anger go will allow you to be more empathetic to other peoples life struggles, allow you to treasure the life you have, with the people who love you and are supporting you through this new phase of your life. There is no magic cure, just keep trying to find the right way for you, if you falter, get back up and try again. Don't waste lifes wonderful moments because of anger or you will find you don't have any wonderful moments to enjoy. If I could send you my peace I would, I wish you the best in your quest. Kind regards, Dickons

George, I am so sorry for your loss and my thoughts will be with you. Kind regards, Dickons

Aphasia between friends... I had lunch Friday with my best friend, and afterwards driving home I had to laugh at how I pantomime and gesture to assist my lack of words. I was telling her about my purchase of garden plants and of course I could not remember the names of the plants. I began by telling her about this double, almost black, fragile flower that I had ordered, and trying to remember the name I started moving my hands to describe delicate and getting out the word "exotic" which it isn't, but looks like it is. Then I tried cupping my hand and pointing my fingers down to try and describe what the flower looked like. Absolutely nothing that would cue her to say "Columbine" but of course being my friend for 30 years, she got it on the first try, guaranteed no one else would have. The instinctive knowledge of what I was trying to say or describe is proof of an intricate bond that has developed over thirty years of friendship. We went through our teenage years, heartaches, failed marriages, living in different areas of North America, grief, happiness, joy, laughter and tears, and now my mind and body issues. After my stroke I had my boyfriend call her, and of course she got to the hospital as fast as she could. With the few words I had, I asked her to tell Mom and Dad what had happened to me in person when she got home. She agreed it would be the best way to tell them and went the next morning. She and Mom sat down in the living room by Dad's chair and she told the story of my heart attack and then 6 days later the stroke, that I could not talk much and what the cardiologist had told her at the hospital. After she was through with the story, Mom looked at her and said, "Now tell it again louder so her Dad can hear". I think this was the hardest thing she had ever done, telling my parents that their daughter was in the Cardiac ICU, and to have to repeat the story, just about did her in. But yet she did and would do it again in a heartbeat, because she is my friend. Friends make life worth while. Here's to the best friend I have. Dickons

Hi Sherry, I have not gone through having my spouse leave, but I have worried about it since my events. I would suspect that what you are going through is far more common that any of us would suspect. The role of a caregiver is not for everyone. Some people are stronger than others and if they cannot find an outlet for their frustrations then it makes it worse. BUT it is THEIR LOSS! I believe we have more to share and give than people who have just gone through life without struggles. You are in my thoughts and I wish I could help. Kind regards, Dickons

Hi Kristen, You are lucky to have Tom's pearls of wisdom. My Dad was the same era and they understood what really mattered in life and how to not worry about the things that could not be changed. Ask Tom what was the invention or discovery in his lifetime that made the biggest difference in his life. For my Dad being a GP it was the Polio Vaccine. Thanks for the story. Kind regards, Dickons

Sherry, I am sorry for your pain and wish I could make it better. Being the caregiver sometimes is just too much for some individuals no matter how hard they try. It is just so unfair to the survivor to see their world upside down again, and nothing they can do to make it better. You are in my thoughts, Dickons

Hi Bonnie, After posting the above message I got up from the computer to get a second coffee and ... IT'S SNOWING!!!...AND STICKING!!! I should know better simply because I was born on Ground Hogs Day! Kind regards, Dickons

Hi Bonnie, We did not get any snow yesterday north of the 49th...in the 'frozen north'. This winter has been exceedingly strange. Dickons

Fred, A great reminder that we are in charge of how we handle life. Thank you, Dickons

Bill What a great sense of freedom this will bring you, I am so pleased for you and Bud. Dickons

Kimmie, I have tears streaming down my face as that unselfish act is probably the hardest thing to do. You are in my thoughts and heart. Take care and I am so sorry for your loss. Dickons

I love everyones comments, dogs truly bring out the best in people. I credit my two for keeping my spirits up through the ups and downs that go with being a survivor. Bill - your Bud sounds like he is well named and doubly loved. Bonnie - wow your days must be filled with pure joy watching them. I had a Blue Heeler X and if that is the Aussie mix they are totally amazing dogs in just about every way. Kalkring - you will get your dog when the right one is waiting for you to adopt - I truly believe that happens. Cheers, Dickons

Jean, Thank you so much! Dickons

Hi Gary, Just had to say WOW your analogy is perfect, please write more. Kind regards, Dickons

I cannot imagine life without a canine buddy. They seem to know what is up before you do. They snuggle and stay by your side, they live to be adored by you and will offer their life to protect yours. They are there for you when everything else is wrong. Their only wish is to have your unconditional love - the same as they give you. I feel sorry for anyone who has not experienced the unconditional love of a canine buddy. We have two, one is a 85 pound baby and the other a 25 pound little toughie. Gem the little one is mine and will prance around Punk trying to get him motivated to play with her, and when they do it is so funny. This huge dog being wrestled by Gem, laying on his back allowing her to nip and nibble. When it is his turn he will open his big jaw wide and engulfs her head inside his mouth (yes, I panicked the first time I watched this), but he only licks and nuzzles her head. They play tug of war and race around playing tag. Sometimes when they play a squeak will come out of Gem and Punk will jump up panicked that he has hurt her, when in reality he may have just rolled onto her foot but the look on his face is total concern for his little playmate. Gem has become Punks messenger, if he wants something she will pace back and forth in front of us until she has our attention and then race to Punk - its very cute. Gem came into my life a month before I got sick. Every weekend I searched SPCA websites in BC for a small dog who was big enough and tough enough to be a buddy to Punk, but small enough to snuggle next to me in my chair. It took well over six months but one day there she was. I talked to the shelter people and asked if they thought she would mix well with Punk, and they reassured me she would, as she was outside playing with the rotties and shepards. I still had some concerns as I could not meet her, as she was in a shelter in Northern BC and would have to be flown down. I thought about it carefully and decided to take a chance on a dog I had not met. I filled out all the paperwork, paid the fee and waited eargerly until the day she was to arrive at the Vancouver Airport. The day arrived and I went to the airport anxiously awaiting her flight to arrive and when it did there was no Gem. The airline attendent called and confirmed she was on the flight, then called the airport where the plane had made a stop, sure enough Gem was there, apparently a new ground crew had taken her off and forgot to put her back on the plane. One of the attendents took her home that night and brought her back the next day to continue her journey to her new home. Can you imagine what was going through the mind of this little dog, after spending time in the shelter, being put on board an airplane, being taken home by a nice lady and then being put on yet another plane? Gem arrived the next day and as we drove home I fell in love with her, so patient, so calm, so accepting. We got home and the plan was to introduce the dogs in the backyard. Well, Gem spotted one of Punks Kongs and ran to it - Punk saw this and was not impressed, not a great first meeting. We spent the next couple of weeks keeping them apart unless we were all together, and even then we would only let them be in the same room, hoping Gem would go over to meet Punk. After awhile Punk had had enough and came over to my chair, gave Gem a big sloppy kiss and they were in love and have been best friends ever since. It never ceases to amaze me how two dogs can be so different yet so good together. Punk the big baby who is afraid of storms, does not like the rain, who must be covered up with a blanket to sleep so he does not get cold, and Gem the little one who will lay outside in the rain as happy as can be, doesn't blink an eye at a storm and will sleep anywhere on anything as long as I am near. One has always had everything and one has been through a hard time and is happy to just have love. The saying that 'A Dog is a Mans Best Friend' is certainly true for me.

Bonnie. Congrats on completing the closet. It always makes me feel really good when something gets organized. I am trying to do the same thing with my home. Keep it up and I will be motivated to follow your lead. My memory is lacking so I really need to get organized. Dickons

A beautiful song for your Grandma. Dickons

Hi Bill, I would not have survived without my cardiac rehab group, somehow people of all walks seem to be able to provide unconscious support when faced with the same challenges. I am glad to see it works for you too. Have you asked/suggested you bring Bud? Your Bud sounds like he would enhance your group and create a stronger bond. Ask them if you can bring him to one class and then they can decide... Dickons

Hi Zain, What an incredible journey and the progress Fahraan is making is amazing. I to would be optimistic based on progress and because he is so young. The brain can find ways to cope/fix what it can and young people believe wholeheartedly that anything is possible, (and they don't usually have the baggage adults carry around). I sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your son. Take care, Dickons

Hi Bonnie, We have squirrels too but not doves. I can be entertained each time I go to the window with the antics the small wonderful creatires get up to. Do you have the Steller Jays? They arrive each day, and start sqawking until I bring out peanuts. Kind regards, Dickons

Hi Jean, I'm close to Vancouver British Columbia Canada. These birds are found from Mexico to Vancouver on the West Coast. Google the name BushTit (but add a space between the two words - I couldn't on the blog). The free encyclopedia Wiki... has a great picture of them on a suet feeder. Birds are amazing to me in how they survive at all. I get lots of birds - but not the pretty yellow finches, I get wrens, chickadees, towhees, both Downy and Norther Flickers from the woodpecker family, etc etc etc. I am now taking the time to learn how to identify the types. Thanks for commenting. Kind regards, Dickons

The will to survive in such a small package - the BushTit! For many years I have admired this small species of the bird family (Psaltriparus minimus). They are only 4 inches long from the very tip of their beak to the end of their long tail feathers, weighing in at 5.3 grams. Take a moment right now and think about how much 5.3 grams actually weighs, especially when you consider that there are 28 grams (5 BushTits) in 1 ounce. They are incredibly tiny, gray coloured birds and you seldom see them in the summer months, as they are busy bringing up their families in the most amazing nests you could ever imagine. Small suspended nests made from lichen (moss) woven together with spider silk, hanging from tree branches. Little socks of intricately woven material that blends into the leaves on the branches and seems surreal. Can you imagine collecting spider silk to create a home? Each winter I get the chance to revel in just how such a miracle exists. I stand at my kitchen sink looking out the window, motionless, totally fascinated by dozens of these small creatures covering my suet feeders, flitting back and forth, talking to each other constantly with their little chirps. They arrive and leave the feeders together, a kindred force that defies natures challenge. Alone, they would freeze to death from our winters, but they gather together each fall and throughout the winter, huddle together for warmth in the bushes to survive. Each spring they flit off to build their nests or repair last years nest, and start new families. Each time I see them my spirit is refreshed, my faith in life renewed, my determination rejeuvenated, and a smile on my face that just does not go away.

I live on the West Coast of British Columbia Canada in a suburb of Vancouver called Surrey. Approximately 100 miles north of Seattle, Washington.

There was a man born in 1915, the first and only son, the second child of four. His father was a logger up and down the west coast, both in Canada and the United States, a time when you could easily move back and forth between the two countries. As more children came along the father turned to farming in Washington to raise his family. As a boy. the man grew up on the farm and when he as around 7 or 8, his first job to get up at the crack of dawn and hitch the old horse to the wagon. He would fill the wagon with bottles of fresh milk, jump in and the horse would head off into town. The old horse knew which houses along the way to stop at, and the boy would jump down and leave milk on the doorstep. Once back at the farm he would get ready and go to school. Fast forward past high school to college, if he wanted to go he would have to get there and pay for it. The college was in California and I believe he had to hitch hike from Washington. His older sister was also going to this college to be a teacher. To pay for his tution he spilt a cord of wood each morning to stoke the boiler at the college. Up every morning where, with cross-cut saws, they would cut the trees into fireword lengths, and then chop into firewood; all before putting in a full day at school. Like his sister he went into teaching at a private church school, it only lasted one year as he did not deal very well with busy bodies who meddled into everything. Looking at other options for the future he chose Medical School. I believe this is when the man bought an old Model T frame, motor and running gear. He could not afford to fix it up so he strapped a wooden box to the frame to sit on, and headed off from Washington to California where the Medical School was at. In 1948 he graduated and became a Doctor, married, served in the Korean War, and then had a home built for he and his wife in Washington. While their home was being built they lived next door with his Mother. Their home had been built to also serve as his Doctors office on the first floor and the home on the second floor. Those first few years they worked hard to get the home finished and the grounds landscaped. After long days starting his practice the man worked hard outside in the yard, putting in fruit trees, a large vegetable garden, and all types of berry bushes. The wife learned to grind the wheat into flour and make bread, cook vegetarian meals and put up vegetables and fruit for the winter months. During these years, he and his wife waited for children to come along and when they didn't, they adopted a baby boy and then a baby girl to raise as there own. Life was good, the mans practice was growing, they had home grown food to eat, their children were well cared for and there faith was strong. Fast forward several years to 1961. The social worker that had dealt with the adoptions of their children knocked on the door. The wife and two children answered the door and talked to the social worker. She wanted to know if they would adopt just one more baby, a baby girl less than two months old. They were having trouble placing the baby due to the criteria the birth mother had requested and this couple met all the criteria. The wife said no, she had enough to do with taking care of two toddlers, the housework, plus canning and freezing the food the man grew for them to eat. Some time later the social worker again showed up at their door, this time with the baby girl. The couples son ran down the stairs to the office, interupted the man seeing a patient and brought the man up to the door. The man listened to the social worker, looked at the baby girl, and said "we'll take her". At that moment I had a Dad! Last October, Dad passed away at the age of 91. The best Dad in the World.