GeorgeLesley

Stroke Survivor - male
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    437

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Blog Entries posted by GeorgeLesley

  1. GeorgeLesley
    As I try to type this, Tippy is laying beside me wanting some affection. She has already won our hearts. Our other dog Jasmine, a Bichon, is a bit jealous, but the two of them are starting to get along after a day together.I suspect in a few days they will be fine together. They had a great time playing outside together today.
     
    A few thoughts on the recovery process. Some will not agree with me. What I am going to say may apply only to me. I do not know if my experiences are typical. The severity of the stroke is different for all of us. Insurance coverage, energy levels, age, caregiver status, many other things affect recovery.
     
    None the less, I have come to believe for me at least, there are some truths. One is nothing comes easy. It is all hard work. Two: each provider or therapist you use has their bias and way of doing things they are used to. They can only take you so far. I have gone to some therapists who wanted me to do certain exercises I wound up not doing at that time for various reasons, such as didn't see need, hurt too much, couldn't do exercise effectively, too many exercises to do every day, etc. I now find myself doing some of those same exercises I wouldn't/couldn't do earlier for other therapists. Each therapist can only do for you what they are trained in. There is so much available now no one therapist can know it all. Examples: while in the rehab hospital, the Saeboflex was not offered to me nor was Graston Technique or myofacia release. Yet this is the same hospital I went to for each of these treatments. These treatments have mostly eliminated my muscle spasity, but the doctor that treated me in that hospital told me he had nothing more to offer me for muscle relief other than more pills. Just because they work under the same roof is no guarantee they all know what each one does or can do.
     
    Bottom line: This stroke rehab is a tough deal. It is up to you to manage your own rehab. You must do the research appropriate to your needs. You must be willing to try things not commonly known. Example: the active release I presently go to Canada twice a week for. What may not have worked for you in the past may work for you in the future. I have had such experiences recently. There is no one looking out for your total need except you and your caregiver. I just can't stress enough how true I believe this is. If you are expecting one doctor or therapist to make you better, good luck. It takes a team, and you are the coach.
     
    It is possible my experiences are atypical and my not apply to others. However, having talked to many stroke survivers lead me to believe otherwise.
     
    Well, I must give Tippy her nighttime run before bed now, so away I go.
  2. GeorgeLesley
    Well just an update on our life. The active release continues, more tomorrow and Thursday. My range of motion for the left arm has dramatically improved. Pain is way down, but the bad news is that arm strength is not what I want it to be. I can reach up high, but don't have the strength to lift much more than a coffee cup up high. I really want to work on that, but am afraid I will hurt the shoulder again if I try too hard. So now it is a waiting game, waiting for the shoulder to strengthen with the light exercises I now do until I can add more weight bearing exercises. Rather like which came first, the chicken or the egg. If I don't work the shoulder it won't get stronger, but if I work it too hard, it will get sore again. Sigh. The good news is that both legs have gotten much stronger. I can now walk quite a distance with a normal gait, and don't have to think about it too much anymore. The foot no longer turns inward, and doesn't drag unless I get tired or lazy.
     
    My friend "Mike" (a stroke survivor) has ridden his bike 7 miles non-stop. He signed up for a 25 mile tour in August. Lesley and I plan to go there and cheer him on. I picked up the canoe yesterday again, but am not happy with how I do it. Must work on my technique some more. Mike got after me and told me to get out there and practice more. I will. Fishing season opens in two weeks, I must get stronger. I will.
     
    A change on "Tippy" our new puppy. Lesley really wanted the tri-color female. I finally agreed, and we will pick her up in a week or so, she is ready now (two months old). Same name, it is a more female sounding name anyway. Dickons, you will still get a picture. We have been busy puppy proofing the house, cords, etc. Lesley already has a list of "must haves" at the pet store next time in Duluth. This will be one spoiled dog. We changed because we already have a female Bichon that has been fixed, and we were concerned that even "fixed" a male might still get interested. Also, due to the "plumbing", when a girl puppy has an "accident" at least it is confined to the area directly under it. When a boy has an "accident", it can be wherever they raise their leg, not always a good thing in the house. Anyway, the breeder was quite cooperative and helpful. Anyway, I also am excited to be getting Tippy and have a companion to go out with me into the woods when Lesley is not available and hopefully Tippy will eventually be canoe trained for fishing.
     
    I will feel a bit more secure walking alone in the woods with a good sized dog along. Black bears really don't like dogs and will stay away. Tippy will alert me to any other dangers out there, some of which are more concerning to me now. The wolves have been getting a bit more aggressive lately and a few cougars have been reported in the area. I do plan to carry "bear spray" from now on, it is a super can of high powered mace. Hopefully that and a dog will keep me safe, running is no longer an option. The threats really aren't that bad, but I am more aware of them than previously.
     
    Must start my exercises now, today is a full workout day.
  3. GeorgeLesley
    Hopefully attached are two pictures of Lesley holding Tippy at age two weeks. We made a long trip to see Tippy yesterday. It was a 250 mile trip one way, Lesley was so pumped up she drove all 500 miles of the trip in our new Honda. She is still grinning from ear to ear. She was in her glory with new puppies all around her. Tippy's mother and father were there and are beautiful, lovely dogs. Tippy comes from good stock. We are now busy "puppy proofing" the house. Hiding wires, shoes, etc. I told Lesley that in spite of our best efforts he will find something to chew up that will distress us. Expect it. Anyway, we will probably get him the first part of June. Dickons will get her picture then. A side story to the name Tippy. I grew up in Indiana and am well familiar with Tippicanoe and Tyler too. Thanks again Dickons for a great name that means more to us than you ever could have guessed.
     
    Away to Canada again tomorrow for another Active Release treatment. Shoulder continues to improve. I have been taking an anti-inflammatory med for shoulder inflammation. It is much better now, hopefully I can start more strengthening exercises soon. I did check the left leg against my good right leg a few days ago. The exercise I am doing with the left leg is up to 150 lbs, the right leg could hardly do it at all. Looks like the left leg has nearly completed it's comeback. I am now doing both legs to equally strengthen them.
     
    A beautiful day here, saw our first robin today. Lesley is away getting Jasmine our Bichon groomed, I must start my exercises.
  4. GeorgeLesley
    Just a bit more on the active release. Shoulder pain is way down. Stopped one muscle relaxer completely, cut other one by 1/3, plan to phase it out over next few weeks. Upper arm a bit tight in mornings, but stiffness goes away with a bit of exercise. Good reminder. Next treatment is Thursday. Talked to my OT in Duluth today, she is interested in learning Active Release. Don't know if a sublaxated shoulder would rule this treatment out Vi, I would ask an Active Release therapist.
     
    We are off to Bemidji, Minnesota today to see the new puppy. Can't bring him home, but Lesley just can't wait to see him.
     
    We have considered all the great names suggested here and the names of my previous dogs. All sound neat, but we are only getting one dog (for now anyway).
     
    And the winner of the "Name the puppy contest" is: ta ta!! Dickons! We both found the name "Tippy" catchy and cute, so "Tippy" he shall be.
     
    And your prize Dickons: ta ta!! A hearty Thank You!! And an autographed picture just for you when available.
  5. GeorgeLesley
    The Active Release therapist just left a few minutes ago. I got an in home session and will see him again next Thursday in Canada. The therapy is really focused on the problem areas of the shoulder. The range of motion has dramatically improved with this therapy. There is discomfort during the therapy but it stops immediately after the session is over. I can tell we are really working on the exact muscles that need the work. I can feel the muscles release and lengthen during the treatment. I had already done a full days exercise before he came, so am taking the rest of the day off. I would recommend this treatment to any with shoulder impingement, or frozen shoulder issues or muscle spacisity problems. It has given me enough range of motion so that I am actually using the arm again, and with what the Saeboflex has done for my hand, I can now force the arm to be a functional limb again. It is amazing how many bad and compensating habits I am having to unlearn. There is still shoulder pain, but considerably less than before. I have also been able to reduce the muscle relaxers I have been taking. Stopped one completely, gradually reducing the other.
     
    Not everything I have tried has worked, but this one is.
     
    We reserved the spaniel puppy today. As soon as it is old enough, we'll get it. About 7 weeks to go. It is a male, still deciding on a name. Any suggestions? It will be mostly black and some white when grown. I am thinking maybe Spot, but open to almost anything. We finally agreed on which one to get. We are getting the smaller one I wanted, mainly because it will be a smaller adult. I gave Lesley the choice, and she decided smaller was better. We would like to have some bed left for us.
  6. GeorgeLesley

    Mind Therapy

    By GeorgeLesley,

    Well, some great news from my friend "Mike" a survivor I met in rehab. Mike was an avid bike rider prior to his stroke. While in rehab I dreamed of carrying my canoe again, and "Mike" dreamed of riding his bike again. When I called yesterday, he was bursting to tell me he rode his bike. He rode it about a mile. Not as far or as fast as he wanted, but he rode it. I suspect the race he and I are planning down our driveway this summer might be tough for me to win. All in all a great week for both of us. I am still disappointed that the canoe carry was not as easy as I had hoped, but I know it will soon get better.
     
    Dickons has given us a great new topic to talk about. Stress. Anyone else out there ever feel any stress? Stress is a mind function we can ultimately control with practice. We know that physical issues require time, practice, patience. We are told that the brain is growing new pathways and neurons to reprogram itself after a stroke to replace that which was lost. We don't like it, but we accept it. The mind is part of the brain, right? It took however many years we have been around to arrive at the place where we are physically. It took the same number of years for us to arrive where we are mentally. All of the stories I have told here that affected my life took time and practice to implement. Some are still a work in progress.
     
    We were not born a worry wort. We had no stress when we were born. It is learned behavior. It took many years to develop these worry habits, it will take time to overcome and change them. It will take practice and effort. I think because it is a thought process we expect immediate results. Not going to happen. All of us know someone who has had a "conversion" experience of some sort or another. Such people often claim a miraculous change in their personality. The core of that person is still there. If they had anger management issues before, they likely still will. If they smoked, drank or anything else, it probably is not far from the surface.
     
    True complete instaneous mental changes are possible, but quite rare. Just as there is no magic pill to fix the physical maladies a stroke causes, there is no such pill or therapy for the mental stress living life can cause, even without a stroke. Earlier in my blog I stressed to please start at the beginning and not skip any steps to my mind cleaning plan. I repeat that request. You can't read the last chapter in the book and expect it to stand on it's own. You must follow each step in order, and not progress to the next step until you have mastered the one you are on. Some of the steps will come easy, some hard. Takes time and work. Some parts may never be completely mastered to perfection, we are human.
     
    Several years ago my late wife and two best male friends all told me within a few months of each other, all without the others knowing what they told me, that I had a tendency to be overbearing and intimidating. After the third person told me that, all of them important people in my life that I respected, I finally realized there must be something to it. First, that I was blessed to have three people in my life that would be that honest with me. Then I had to admit to something I really didn't want to face up to. Since that time I have worked very hard to soften the personality and talk less and listen more. It is still a work in progress and I work on it everyday. You will have to do the same on whatever mind adjustments you need to make. Start small, grow into it as you can, just like the PT & OT we all know so well. You will fail sometimes, and it will hurt sometimes. The result of a happier you will be worth the effort.
     
    About the dog(s). Well, since we already have one, our Bichon, I think two more would just be too much right now. One more is probably enough. Lesley disagrees. Oh well.
     
    The Active Release therapy continues Sunday. The therapist is coming to the house for an in home session. I will report next week on the results.
  7. GeorgeLesley
    We have decided to get a springer spaniel puppy. I grew up with a spaniel and would love to have one to walk with us in the woods. We found a breeder in MN we feel good about. He has two pups we are interested in. As always, Lesley prefers one and I prefer the other. We invited our neighbor lady over last night for a meal and movie. We showed her the pics and she naturally preferred the one Lesley likes. I then employed a man's favorite two words "yes dear". Either one will get us out of the house more and help us be more active, as spaniels require lots of exercise. Sorta sounds like me. Anyway probably have it in a month or so. Will try to post a pic when we get it.
     
    Want to pick up on a topic hostsue started on her blog about well meaning friends. We are facing a similar situation with mom in New Zealand. She is 84, in good health, but a widow. Lesley is an only child. Ultimately, her care if needed will be our responsibility. If we had to put her in a nursing home in New Zealand, that would be devastating for all concerned. Thus, we have started the process to get her over here in MN as a legal alien permanent resident. Homeland security has approved her as Lesley is an American citizen and can sponsor her. We are now in the final stages of the process. Mom would prefer to stay in NZ, and have the one son of Lesley with his two lovely daughters live with her until she dies. They have moved out, she didn't like it, but he has a life too. A new lady has entered his life and being on his own became important to him. Anyway, now that you know the story you will appreciate this part. The same people that caution us to not move her away from what she knows and likes, these are the same people that would criticize us if we had to put her in a nursing home in NZ alone. They would then tell us how terrible we are. We understand the point, but like the other possibilities less. Until a person has walked in your shoes and knows the entire story, I don't place much stock in what they say. We must bring her over once she passes her medical exam within six months. We must do all of this while she can still pass a medical exam. If we wait and her medical condition deteriorates, we will have no options left.
     
    Hostsue, do what is best for you and Ray.
     
    My coffee cup is empty again and Lesley just got up, so I must go.
  8. GeorgeLesley
    I have already started a topic on this, but this is important. Anything that helps us get better needs to be told. Today we went to Thunder Bay, Canada for my first Active Release therapy. It immediately increased my range of motion for my left arm. It is not without discomfort. The therapist told me because we had come so far (75 miles) and were paying ourselves and he noticed I am pretty pain tolerant, he would do more than usual on the first treatment. He actually gave me only two new exercises to do. He told me that most of my improvement would come from the time in his office. It is not OT or PT or myofacia release or anything like a message. Obviously I don't know if it works for anyone else, but it might just be worth a try. Go to www.activerelease.com to find a provider near you. My search continues, and I am more convinced than ever that each treatment has it's limits and when they are reached, time to move on. I shall continue to do so.
     
    Another treatment I have mentioned previously is the Graston technique. www.grastontechnique.com. The OT in Duluth did it on my hand and shoulder. It helped. I watched her do it on my hand, no reason I can't do it myself. I have started it. Probably not doing it as well as my OT, but it has helped already. I plan to do it every few days myself. It seems like a crazy simple treatment, but it helps. It costs me nothing to do myself at home. I know some of you are well adjusted to your situation, but some of this stuff I am finding really seems to work, is affordable, and I'll be happy to talk to any of you about any of this.
     
     
  9. GeorgeLesley

    Life's seasons

    By GeorgeLesley,

    Lesley now reports that the body parts she helped handle last night were those of an itinerant man known in the area and not seen for some time. It appears he went for a walk in the woods, probably last fall and died of unknown causes and wild animals ate his remains which were hidden by snow until recently. No signs of foul play. An amazing ER she works in. They never know what will come thru the door. Anything from fish hooks in hands to vehicle accidents, skiing accidents, baby deliveries, nursing home patients. They call it "womb to tomb" It is the same ER I went thru four months ago.
     
    Life's seasons. I submit that there are seasons in life and when that season ends, that opportunity is likely over. When I was a teenager (many years ago!), myself and two buddies planned a bicycle trip after high school graduation around the western USA from our homes in Indiana to the west coast and back. Crazy, but that is what teenagers think about. We trained hard, got the equipment we needed, but the older of us got drafted (Vietnam), and dropped out of the trip. 10 days before departure, my other buddy decided he was in love with this hot girl and had to stay home and court her. I was left alone. I talked to my dad and asked him what to do. Dad and I didn't often agree in those years (remember I was a teenager about to graduate) but he said a very profound thing to me that has always stuck with me. he suggested I take a short trip of a few weeks and circle Lake Michigan alone. He told me that if I didn't do it now, I never would. He was right. I didn't do it then and I never did. That season in my life passed, never to come again.
     
    I am sure we can all think of seasons in our life that have come and gone. People have asked me since my stroke what I think of life now. I tell them don't let your dreams get too far ahead of you, you may not be able to catch them later. Think of the seasons in your own life. Child raising years, college years, good job years, golden retirement years, etc. Many of us (like me) are in what is likely the final season. All of the afore mentioned seasons are behind me. Lesley and I moved up here two years ago the culmination of a life long dream of mine. To have all summer to fish and walk in the woods here wherever I wanted to. One evening last summer I was alone in my canoe on a glass smooth lake with beavers and moose swimming around me, a few nice walleyes on a stringer no one else on the lake, the sun slowly and beautifully setting in the west. I thought to myself "I have to keep this going, this is as good as it gets". Little did I know of the challenges a few short months would bring. I expected to have maybe 20 such years to live my dream. I got one. Our first year we were building the house, fishing was a secondary priority. Last summer was my dream come true. Then December 8, 2006 changed my life. My final life season nearly got cut short. Why am I working so hard to recover? To finish living out my dream for the length of time I expected to! If I have anything to say about it, a stroke will not stop my dream! It interupped it, but if I can help it I will not allow it to end the dream I know will not pass my way again. I am not fighting just to live, I am fighting to live out my final dream! Living is one thing, over six billion people manage that on this planet at the moment. Living your dream, that is a privilege few enjoy for long, if at all. Now you know mine, what's your dream?
     
    Share it here so we will all know.
  10. GeorgeLesley
    Phyllis gave us a great insight yesterday with her comment that it takes 34 reps to learn something if we are healthy, unknown how many if we are not healthy. Lets count a days reps as once. That means a healthy person could do whatever in a bit over a month. An unhealthy person like many of us will take longer so lets say thrice as long. That works out to a little over three months. I think some providers want to make it a lifetime. There may indeed be cases where that is necessary, but I don't plan to be one of them.
     
    I think Phyllis' numbers are about correct based on my own experience recently. In two months of work on my Bowflex, my good (right) arm strength has doubled. The Left arm has gone from zero to about where the right arm started. I am only holding it back out of fear of hurting my shoulder again. I am on track to make my goal of being able to go fishing on opening day (May 11). I have found this same number of days works well in calculating other expected improvements. I have only been doing standing toe raises for about two weeks. When I started I could not support myself at all on the left foot only. Today I did ten reps supporting my body weight on the left foot raised only.
     
    Just about when I think I am at a standstill, my body gives me a wonderful surprise, and rewards the work. I have been stuck at about 45 degrees of left arm lift out to the side while standing. Since the Myofacia release and Graston, It has crept up to 90 deg or parallel to the ground. Today It shot up to nearly vertical, probably 160 deg or so, almost as good as the right arm! Still too much pain, and not smooth as it should be, but improving. I do the exercises my OT gave me every day. Still use the Saeboflex as well, have graduated to some new exercises with it she gave me. I report these things to you to let you know what is working for me and what is not. I realize these treatments may not work or even be possible for some of you, but possibly some of you have wondered about some of this stuff, and my reports will help you make your own decision. I hope so.
     
    I deeply realize my experiences may not be typical, and may well not work for all, but appears to be working for me. My friend "Mike" I occasionally speak of is not doing a full exercise routine anymore, and from what he tells me his progress has nearly stopped. When we both came out of rehab nearly at the same time, he was well ahead of me as far as what he could do. We are much closer now.
     
    All I know is that when I try something new it seems to usually trigger more rapid progress than I was having. Part of it is I can now target very specific things to improve, not everything.
     
    I am also deeply aware of what Donna said about finances and insurance. My Military retired Tricare has made much of this possible. Thank you Tricare. I am now entering the areas where insurance will not pay. Thus, I am being very selective and letting the providers know I expect results. Most of the websites for these therapies promise quick results. I am simply holding them to their promises. No results, and I won't be back. I also have picked up on the fact that some long term survivors are well adjusted to their situation and have had hopes built up in the past, only to be dashed by reality. Some of those are not willing to risk another disappointment, or some of these therapies may simply be too late for them.
     
    A neighbor of ours has a husband in the local nursing home from a stroke five years ago. It breaks my heart to see him with a claw hand and in a wheel chair. I told Lesley were he 10 years younger, I would go there, kick his butt, get him a Saeboflex even if we had to pay for it, and get him home again. The only reason he went to a nursing home is that she is 78 and became unable to care for him at home. With what is now available, he could be at home with proper treatments. Unfortunately, he is 86 and his time for all of this has past, and his motivation to even try new things isn't there. I did give him a hand atrengthener I had, and his loving wife goes to the nursing home and works with him using it everyday. The system we live under talks a good game, but has failed this man and many others like him. I don't know the answer to all of this, but having him spend his last days in a nursing home when he could be in his home with available treatments isn't it.
     
    I have not walked in their shoes and will certainly not judge anyone. We each must do what we feel is best for us and play the cards we have been dealt as best we can. I may well lose my motivation in years to come and plateau. If I do, I want that plateau to be as high as possible. Thus, I'm doing all I can while I can do it.
     
    I do hope that nothing I have said here has offended or given false hope to anyone. It certainly has not ever been intended to do so. What works for me may not work for another. I don't completely understand complacency and comfort zones, but that doesn't mean they are not real to those that have them. I didn't understand depression until I was in the hospital, now I take happy pills and have a much better understanding of it. There are many things I don't understand, but that doesn't make them any less real. Please reread this last paragraph. It is important. I am just reporting my results for all to see and hopefully help some others along the way.
     
    Well, Lesley has just come home and reports seeing a large Grey wolf at the end of our road. Last night a body was brought into the ER where she works in pieces and partially decomposed, apparantly eaten by wolves. Whether they killed the man or just ate the remains will have to wait for the med examiner to determine. Lesley is now running the dog and as always using a leash. Anyway, a beautiful sunrise today, and breakfast awaits
  11. GeorgeLesley
    I want to build upon my recent entries and go into territory that some will likely not agree with, and may not be suitable for them. A some risk of being criticized on a controversial subject, here goes. One of the comments on this blog recently was not to believe everything the medical community tells me. How true! Remember, you only see a doctor a few minutes every few months. He lives with your condition for just that few minutes. You live with it all day and night every day. He (or she) knows the technical side of it, but they don't have all the answers or you wouldn't have stroked in the first place, or at least you would be "cured" by now. Am I criticizing doctors? Absolutely not! I am just saying they don't have all the answers, especially in today's internet age.
     
    Years ago I read about a large church that had a unique policy. To keep their job, every department head was required to have at least two failed projects a year. Two failures. How strange is that? But notice I said it was a LARGE church. It got large because it was not afraid to try new things. The policy of allowing failure gave leaders the courage to try new untried things. Did every effort succeed? Obviously not, but some did. Enough that it became one of the largest churches in in land.
     
    Let me personalize it to us stroke victims. So far in four months I have had at least two failures. I tried to lift too much weight too soon and hurt my shoulder, setting myself back a week. I learned from that failure to go slower when I should, listen to my PT a bit more. In the long run even that failure has helped me. I now recognize the warning signs earlier and stay within my limits better. My attempt to use the Neuromove also failed. Do I regret trying? Absolutely not. It is a fine device that I am sure does work for some, and should be tried by many others. Properly fitted I am sure it will work well.
     
    Now let's talk about some successes. My favorite topic. Saeboflex. Had I not tried it, my hand would likely still be a claw. It breaks my heart to go to the local nursing home and see people there that probably would not have a claw for a hand at the end of a curled up arm if it had only been available to them when they needed it.
     
    Living in a small community with very limited resources could be seen as a drawback. I don't see it that way. When I was in the rehab hospital in Duluth I was not even offered the Saeboflex, yet that is where I went for my fitting and therapy for it!! Being in a large metro area is no guarantee you will be offered what may be best for you. Living where we do, I have no choice but to seek out treatments and evaluate them carefully on a cost, travel, insurance basis very carefully.
     
    I have changed OT and Pt's along the way. They each seem to have their areas of expertise and once their limit is reached, they can do no more for you, just keep doing the exercises they give you, that's all they know to do. It's all they know. The first Ot's I went to knew nothing about Myofacia Release and Graston therapies. Had I stayed with them I would still have severe muscle tone in my left arm and shoulder. Now I don't. The Myofacia and Graston worked. They have now taken me as far as they can so I am going to Thunder Bay, Canada next week to try Active Release for a max of four initial treatments. More only if I determine that they will likely result in real, additional benefit. I set the rules, not my therapist. I then expect to try acupuncture for a max of ten treatments for pain relief I expect I'll need. I do not plan anymore traditional OT/PT at the moment. I will of course, continue the exercises they all have given me, I can tell they help. I have talked to the Active Release therapist and the acupuncture trerapist and they both understand I expect results and do not intend to become part of their retirement plan with weekly visits forever. Before I met Lesley I dated a lady for a few weeks until I found out she had been going to a shrink every week for five years. We didn't date again.
     
    After I left rehab, I got all the usual surveys. Was the food good, etc. Were the doctors nice. Were the therapists good. Were the living conditions good. Were the nurses nice. Each survey was focused on their specific area of interest, and were not interested in answers beyond their questions. I finally told one interviewer that no one was interested in the miserable toilet paper that was unusable by a one handed person, or that the bathroom had no hooks to hang your robe on while showering. Or the fact that none of the three remotes in my room operated the TV. Dr's, OT/PT's etc, God Bless them, can be the same. They think inside the box they know best. Last week my Dr. offered me more pills to improve my range of motion. I declined. He offered what he had to offer. Bless his heart, he is very open to other therapies, and whole heartedly supports my search and efforts.
     
    My point of all of this is settling for small gains can be a self fulfilling prophecy. If that is all the therapist can offer you, they may be at the limit of their knowledge. It doesn't have to be the limit of your efforts. Please read this entry carefully. My examples are true and factual. Your results may vary, but you won't know until you try. Thomas Edison was asked how it felt to have failed over 4,000 times to invent the light bulb. He replied "I haven't failed 4,000 times, I have just found 4,000 ways that don't work". We all know what happened soon after that. I have found two things that didn't work for me, but I have found several more that have. These things didn't come to me, I had to seek them out and go to them.
     
    One last musing for the day. I think the divorce rate would be much lower if newlyweds were forced to move at least 100 miles from families. They would then have to learn to work it out instead of running home. My first wife joined me in Italy, 6,000 miles from her home. The first year she would have gone home if she could have, and I would have sent her if we could have afforded it. 28 year of happy, successful marriage later, she died. We had worked it out because we had to. You are the same. No one will work this out for you but you. Please read this entry very slowly and carefully. All the stories here fit together and tell a compelling story when taken in totality. Don't pick and choose which parts you like or dislike. Don't give up, failure is an option but not trying isn't!!
     
     
  12. GeorgeLesley
    Another long day to Duluth yesterday. Caused me to ponder on my future direction of treatments. We all here of things that will supposedly make us better, even promise to make us what we were again. Now that I have passed the four month timeline, I wonder. Am I starting to plateau or not. The "experts" say so. But is it a self fulfilling prophecy? We hear it from people smarter than ourselves. Also after four months it is easy for motivation to wane, so does it happen because we think it will? I have found that if I exercise less the results are predictable. If I continue to work hard I am not sure what results will be, but I do know what the alternative results in.
     
    I continue to research other therapies. Trigenics (spoke to a provider last night), Active release (spoke to a provider a week ago), Acupuncture (will talk to a provider in the next few days), Ability Camp (Hyperbaric oxygen treatment and Conductive Education, sounds neat but my personal unscientific feeling is it would be more benefical right after a stroke), Neuromove (my unfortunate results have already been reported here), Saeboflex (great results), Walkaide (worked well but pricey). Graston (helpful, we can do much of it at home now we know how). Some others I have only looked at websites Like Dr. Cole in Ohio, Dr Feldenkrais, Bodyvibe, just found them yesterday, interesting but quite pricy (they start you low, then the cost of the unit you need is guess what-much higher. As a former salesman I am suspicious of their sales techiques, but still find it interesting) no other information or experience to relate.
     
    I have tried to evaluate each of these on a cost/benefit basis. I am willing to spend the necessary $$$ but have to have some assurance of success. I have a personal limit of four treatments for something to show progress. If it does, I'll do what I have to to continue it. If little or no progress after four tries, good by. I am now planning to reduce to trips to Duluth. The Myofacia release and Graston therapies I get there have been effective, the shoulder and upper arm muscle tone is greatly reduced. Unfortunately it has not resulted in much more arm range of motion so far. Lesley and I think we can to both reasonably well here at home.
     
    The bottom line of all of this is I have found that OT/PT's are great at what they do, but I have reached a point with all of them where they seem to be satisfied with very small improvements, and justify them as a reason to continue treatments with them. I am not satisfied with such, especially when I can do much of it at home without twice a week travel to Duluth (250 miles round trip). I keep researching, will keep working and reporting results here. I listen very carefully to what my providers say. Yesterday I asked the OT now that the Myofacia release has greatly reduced my muscle tone, why has the range of motion not greatly increased? The answer was there has probably been some muscle shortening due to lack of use. The only thing that will fix that is guess what, more exercise. I doubt that any of these things that promise a quick miracle cure will overcome that. Only long days of exercise will. Muscles grow slowly.
     
    I am really not trying to be negative here, just factual, honest, and realistic. If any of you have info on something I have missed or has been effective for you, let us all know please.
     
    A new day is beginning, I feel good, the sun is shining, I think I'll make it a good day.
  13. GeorgeLesley
    Another entry, will probably be too long, but here goes. Thanks to all of you I am inspired to write on. Thanks so much for the kind words of encouragement. LK I never answered your question "is the Neuromove a gizmo or gadget?" It is a gizmo because it is a fairly complicated device. Gadgets are simple things, like a shoehorn, etc. Remember, my blog, my definitions. I promise, more gizmo's and gadgets coming, but first more musings. Sue, you are absolutely right, some days the goal is to survive the day. Great goal. Sometimes we spend the day or days just trying to get back where we started the week. Great insight, thanks for the input.
     
    Time for another story. When I was in insurance sales training, I was told about two golfers. The first year Jack Nicholas made one million dollars and was the number one golfer in to world, the 50th rated golfer on tour made less than $100,000. Think of that. Number 50 was the 50th best golfer in the world out of over five billion, and yet barely made a living. Achieving your goals takes hard effort and is not for the faint of heart.
     
    That story changed my life. The year I was told the story was my first year in insurance sales. I made $40,000 that year. This was in the mid 1980's. The next year I set the goal of making $100,000. I broke that down into weeks. That meant I would have to make $2,000 a week. I charted each sale every week, subtracted those which did not issue or accept the policy, etc. After 26 weeks I was averaging $2,200 net dollars a week in income. Two weeks of the 26 I made less than $2,000. Some weeks I made over $4,000. My mentor in the business said he had never seen anyone like it. Saturdays when he was watching fishing shows on TV, I was out selling insurance if I had not reached my goal that week. I was determined to be the best I could be.
     
    That is the good news. The bad news is that then I got complacent and lazy. I finished that year only making $82,000. It was several years before I was able to make that kind of money again. I thought I could just turn it on again and make more money the next year. Life was good. Then the first wife developed cancer, and I hardly worked at all. Caring for her became my work. We had to refinance the house just to survive. The moral of the story is: make hay while the sun is shining, you never know when the rain will come. If you think it may get worse, it just might. You must make the best you can of your present situation.
     
    Actually, I now realize that the tough part of my rehab is just beginning. The easy part was the first four months which I just completed. According to the experts, Most of what I am going to get back came in the first four months. It was easy to stay motivated when every few days or weeks I was seeing improvements. I have picked the easy low hanging fruit, so to speak. Now the hill gets steeper. The improvements are fewer and farther between. The work to get the next improvement is greater, and the improvement smaller. Now the real challenge is upon me. Lets see what I am made of. Today we are all facing the rest of our life. What will we do with it?
     
    None of this is meant to demean the battles many of you face everyday. Some of you face battles I couldn't begin to imagine, let alone handle. The many heart wrenching stories I read here make me realize how lucky I have been. I am just a few neurons away from not being able to write this blog, no matter how great my motivation. Having said that however, remember the bit about playing the hand we are dealt? Just play it! Do the very best you can with what you've got. Like Sue so aptly said, some days the goal is just to survive. That's OK. We all have such days. But we all have better days as well. When you are having a better day, make the most of it. Enjoy the moment! Relish the good days, survive the bad ones. Live each day to the fullest. Remember the bit about hope. Don't lose it. We must have it, even if it is just that tomorrow may be a somewhat better day.
     
    Anyway, gone on long enough for today, this is April and we have had some of the coldest weather of the winter this past week. Hard to believe the ice should be off the lakes in a few weeks, but it should. It does look like the snow storm that was predicted has passed us to the south. See, the "experts" are not always right! Don't give up. Play out your hand. Hopefully in a few weeks I'll be able to post a picture of me carrying my canoe.
  14. GeorgeLesley

    Setting goals

    By GeorgeLesley,

    Been a few very busy days. Twice to Duluth for OT, checking out other possible treatments. Sent the Neuromove back. Still working with the Saeboflex. love it. It brought my hand back to some functionality. Still a work in progress, but getting better. Have been checking out Trigenics, sounds good, but hard to find a provider near me. Same with Active Release. That one sounds really good, may pursue it in the future. The main issue is still range of motion problems in the left shoulder. My OT has been doing myofacia release on the shoulder along with my exercising it has helped.
     
    Goal setting. Next step now that we have the mind cleansed, lets continue to fill it with useful things.
     
    First goal: to set goals. Don't procrastinate, just do it!
    Secondly, goals must be realistic and achievable, local within your control, not global and out of your control.
    What is a realistic goal? One you can actually achieve in a reasonable length of time.
    Some examples of goals we can all relate to are: When I was in rehab I was asked what my goals were. First goal was to drive again. Did that one week after coming home. Limited it to local area, daytime only, five mile max. Dr. agreed to that, and that was all I could do at that time. Now can drive to Duluth one way. I have worked up to it in reasonable steps. Recognize when you have taken on too much. Don't bite off more than you can chew.
     
    Other goals achieved recently or in progress are: walking 800' to mailbox. Took a few weeks, but gradually worked up to it in bits. Snow blow the driveway. Too ambitious when I did it, took two days to recover. Lifted canoe, still too much ice on water to paddle it. Time will tell.
     
    Lesley and I have decided to rethink our camping plans. The reality is we neither can carry what we used to. We are now planning to get smaller backpacks and make more trips across the portages than we did. We have to get realistic in our plans. You must as well.
     
    Part of the goal setting is to be willing to do that which is necessary to achieve your goals. Daily exercise is my new reality to do what I want to do. I don't like it, but must do it. Your goals will be different and suited to your specific situation. They might be to walk again, do more daily ADL's, dress yourself, etc. Some of my goals were quite simple. Example: open a zip lock bag. Done. Another goal: carry cup of coffee with left hand. Still working on that, don't know when that will get better, just keep trying.
     
    We are still cold here, had a foot of snow last week. Yesterday the overnight low was 0. Now ready for spring to spring. Lesley will blog again next week after her night shifts end tonight and she sleeps Monday.
     
     
     
  15. GeorgeLesley

    Neuromove

    By GeorgeLesley,

    I am very disappointed to report that I am sending my Neuromove back tomorrow. I have tried it out several times to improve my dorsiflexion of my ankle, without success. I even tried my hand and wrist even though I don't need stimulation there anymore, just so I could render a complete report to you. No success at all. The theory of the machine is great, and I am sure in the hands of a trained OT/PT that could find the proper trigger points for the electrodes it will work wonderfully. I moved the electrodes all over my leg, called the company rep for guidance, all without result. I now conclude that most stroke victims would have a difficult time placing the electrodes at home without professional instruction. The printed instructions and DVD that come with it are poor to say the least, in my opinion. The telephone support is first rate, however, it conflicts with the enclosed instructions. In the end, you can only do so much over the phone.
     
    My bottom line: I would only recommend using the Neuromove or similar device if you have a trained OT/PT available to show you the proper electrode placement the first time. There is no doubt estim works well when properly placed. I tried the Walkaide and was very impressed. The problem is not my muscles. They work. Just can't find the proper electrode placement.
     
    Sorry folks to give such a poor report, but that is what happened. The good news is that I really don't need it anymore anyway. When I ordered it I had a claw for a hand but no longer thanks to Saeboflex. The Walkaide trial seems to have triggered my dorsiflexion to about 75% normal, it has never left me since that day. No longer wear my AFO or use a cane.
     
    I hope this report does not discourage anyone, just makes you cautious. As of tomorrow I am moving the Neuromove to the 93%. (See last post for explanation).
  16. GeorgeLesley
    I haven't forgotten what the name of this blog is, more gizmo's. gadgets, coming as soon as I get around to taking pictures of them.
     
    Hostmel, come up here we'll fish together!
     
    No, I don't make most of these gadgets, not smart enough to, but silly enough to buy them all.
     
    What to worry about, what not to, how do we decide? Many years ago I heard one of those life changing stories we all sometimes hear. I heard of a study done by a major university on what we worry about and why. The results changed my life. I don't recall the exact percentages, but they were approximately what I will relate here. About 30% is in the past and beyond our control and cannot be changed. Examples: child doing something we wish they wouldn't have done, car accident yesterday, WWII, had a stroke, etc. We can learn from each of these, but cannot change any of them. Don't waste time worrying about that you cannot change.
     
    About 30% is in the future and not in our control. Examples: boss at work may do something we don't like, child may get hurt, WWIII may start, an asteroid may hit earth, etc. Beyond my control all of these. There are people that get paid and make it their live's work to worry about these things, let them.
     
    About 30% is in the present but we cannot control it. Examples: Todays weather, gas prices, terrorist attacks, if we'll have a stroke, etc.
     
    Only 7% of what we worry about is actually in our control and worth worrying about!!
     
    Since that time, I have tried to shift what is beyond my control into the 93% And focus my energy on the 7% I can actually do something about. Around our house we have the saying "move that into the 93%" when something comes up that is beyond our control. Lesley comes home and tells me of the other nurses fussing about most everything at work, we just laugh and move most of it into the 93%.
     
    By doing this we conserve our mental energy for those things that are really important and within our control. If you find yourself worrying about something decide if is within your control to affect it. If not, move it into the 93% pronto! If it is within your control get busy and do whatever it is you can to affect the outcome to your liking. Lesley has a saying I love " just get stuck in and do it". I always try to do the most unpleasant thing first, then the easier. I'll eat the veggies first, then the meat which I enjoy more, then the dessert which I really enjoy. Same with exercise. I do the ones I like the least first, then the others. If there is a call to an insurance company you really don't want to make, just do it! You will probably just get a voice mail anyway.
     
    The previous entries were designed to clean the mind, they are essential steps for this to work. Now we can fill it with what is important and focus our energies.
     
    Lesley is sleeping after her night shift, will probably not blog until next week, then she will have some news I am sure. Good Luck!
  17. GeorgeLesley

    Back again

    By GeorgeLesley,

    Been a very busy few days, back to back round trips to Duluth. Finally decided I have to go where I get the best possible treatment so off we go twice a week. The OT is mainly working on the shoulder tightness now. Each session helps. Inbetween many new exercises each day of course. I can really tell the days I miss or get lazy. The next day I pay the price. PT is working on my walking gait. No longer use an AFO or cane, but gait leaves a bit to be desired. Guess what? More daily exercises to fix it. Seems like everything PT/OT find requires exercises. No majic pill to fix all. That's OK we are really fine tuning now and targeting specific things that need improvement, not as general as it was.
     
    More mind cleaning. I have saved to most difficult "mind cleaning" for last. Difficult to write, even more difficult to do. Forgive and forget. Our mind does not come with a delete key. If we are treated wrongly or even if we just percieve that we were, we can and often do let that eat at our mind. Spending time thinking about how we will really "tell them what we think" or "I'll really give them a piece of our mind" is self destructive behavior. That is time we would better spend thinking about doing positive things we can control. Giving "them" a piece of our mind wastes time, energy, and gives away something we have all already lost some of. Many of us can't afford to lose anymore. (like me). The more time we spend dwelling on the "event" that has us upset, the more our perception of the facts will become what we wish or wanted them to be and the farther from the actual truth we will get. Our "reality" will become a fantasy, bearing little semblance to what actually happened. Don't believe me? Every culture in the world is now busy trying to rewrite history to cast it in a more favorable light. Cultures would like to hide the wrongs their ancestors did and say it never happened that way. If they say it loud and often enough, we'll eventually start believing it. The facts of what really happened didn't change, just our perception of it. Corporations change their logo to make them more favorable in our eyes. Ever wonder why Coke is called Coke? Don't hear much about that now do you?
     
    I am not proposing we all get lovey dovey and kiss and make up with those we have issue with. Do that if you can, but that is usually not realistic. Better to just move on and forget them and the event. Learn from it so as to not repeat the situation that caused the problem. Forgiveness is often not possible becuase even if you are willing, it takes two. Forgetting, at least on your part will help you. Remember the part about hanging around positive people? Doing so will lessen the likelyhood of unpleasant situations occurring in the first place. Remember: an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
     
    Am I suggesting we all become wimps? Cut and run at any signs of trouble? Hardly. I spent 20 years in the military. Fighting is sometimes ineviable. But one thing we all learned in the military: only fight the battles you can win. Fighting a battle you cannot win is self destructive and a total waste of your time and energy.
     
    Now that the mind is cleansed, next time we'll start talk about what we should put in it and what we should and shouldn't worry about. Please make sure your mind cleaning as discussed earlier is complete. It is the foundation we will build the rest on. It is not easy (what is) but it is essential.
     
    Today is an easier day, no travel just three hours of exercise. Yippee! Actually. it's more like 2 1/2 yours. I'd like to do three but just can't muster the energy for it. The rain coming today should about end the snow for now, the flowers and grass won't be far behind. Meanwhile, Lesley just got served coffee in bed, and my cup is empty. You know what that means.
  18. GeorgeLesley

    New pics finally

    By GeorgeLesley,

    Finally got up the courage and time to try and post pics here. Soooooo attached are two pics. Hostmel told me to limit it to two pics or the world would end, so only two for now as I feel my way thru this. I have written about both of these items previously, but now you can see them. More will follow hopefully.
     
    Still trying the Neuromove, not a lot of success yet. Electrode placement seems to be difficult at best. I will call them tomorrow and see if I am doing something wrong. Will post more info as I get it.
     
    The bad news: foggy today. The Good news: that means spring is on the way soon!
  19. GeorgeLesley
    Those of you have followed this blog know how important it is to me to be able to carry my canoe on my shoulders. Well, we have had a mini heat wave here, over 50 last few days, the ice and snow mostly melted from around the canoe, and today I tried to lift it up. Success! Not as easy or smoothly as I used to, but I got it up without pain. I don't yet have the shoulder carrier on it, so I was unable to really try to actually walk with it, but I will soon! The OT and I set that for a goal during the next 12 weeks. Done! Yet to be proven is how well and far I will actually be able to carry it. Don't know how well I'll be able to get in and out or paddle yet, but I can see myself doing it when the season opens and ice goes out. Getting it up on the vehicle will also be challenging, may use a trailer, unfortunately some of the places I go a trailer cannot be used. Oh well, one thing at a time. I already successfully held and operated my fishing rod, I have my fish grabber I spoke of here earlier, I will be ready by season opener in mid May. Yes! Ain't life great! :Clap-Hands:
     
    Working with the Saeboflex and Bowflex now take on a whole new meaning and urgency. I must develop more endurance so I can do what I want to do. Yes I know, don't over do and hurt myself. I won't. But I am not going to be sitting around either. I have a goal, I have reached part of it, I will get the rest of the way. As soon as I can I'll put the carrier on and try to take hostmel's advice and post a picture here for all to see of me carrying my canoe. I also got the tinker toys out today, plan to play with them until I can build with my beloved Erector Sets again. One goal at a time.
     
    Wasn't going to blog today but just had to pass on the good news. Lesley won't have to add anymore bruises to my butt now.
  20. GeorgeLesley
    We went to Duluth yesterday for my first Saeboflex evaluation. The results were very encouraging. When I was fitted three weeks ago, I could not grip let alone squeeze the grip strength meter. Those results were listed as "not tested". Yesterday I gripped the meter without difficulty and grip tested 20 lbs! The thumb/index finger pinch test went from "not tested" three weeks ago to 7 lbs. I'm not sure who smiled the most. Me, the OT, or Lesley. We then set new goals for 4, 8. and 12 weeks. Yea Saeboflex!!
     
    The Bowflex has gone from lifting zero resistance on the left side to two sets of ten reps of 20 lbs. This in about one month.
     
    Lets look at what has helped my recovery so far. Was it:
    1. My body just recovered on it's own
    2. Effort on my part and that of others (translation: hard work)
    3. The thoughts and prayers of many
    4. Positive attitude
    5. Good luck
    6. All of the above
    7. None of the above
     
    I submit to you that #6, all of the above is the correct answer. Parts of each of the first six answers are correct, I believe. We must take ownership of the problem. Our condition is not ultimately the Dr's, OT, PT, caregivers problem. Right or wrong, fair or not, it is ours to deal with. Years ago I sold Life Insurance I was meeting with a diabetic lady. Seeings how I had a diabetic wife, I was particularly interested. I asked her how much insulin she took. She told me. I asked her if she adjusted that dosage based upon her daily blood test results. She said "oh no, I just take what the Dr. tells me to take". Wrong answer. In her mind, her diabetes was not her problem, but the Dr's. I made no sale that day. She didn't get the insurance.
     
    I am going to ease off the musings for a few days, just like the physical therapy we get takes time, so to does mental cleaning and therapy. I hope that the writings here help produce positive results mentally and physically for some of you. The mere writing of it has at least helped me, if no one else. I will write more soon, but please try to digest and apply where needed what I have written so far. This mental part is like building a wall, you must start with the foundation. In days to come we will talk about how to specifically focus our thoughts and energies on useful things, not on things out of our control.
     
    For those that may occasionally read parts of this blog, please do not take my musings out of context, or in parts that please you or support your point of view, but rather look at the entire program I am proposing here. The daily entries do not necessarily stand on their own, but are part of a complete philosophy. Just as you build a house starting with the foundation before putting on the roof, so it is with what I am trying to do here.
     
    As to writing a book, well in an earlier time I considered it, but living life got in the way. Never got past the title (what you should have learned in school but didn't) and the table of contents. Many thanks for the very kind words of inspiration to me. You all inspire me to keep on keepin' on. Speaking of which, not a pretty sunrise today, Lesley is still sleeping, snow is melting, (not pretty now). These are small negatives, but the good news is that I haven't had a stroke this year!
  21. GeorgeLesley
    Thank you one and all for the kind comments to yesterday's longwinded entry. The trip around Lake Superior is truly one all that can should make. If you do, the door is always open.
     
    I have gone back to using the Saeboflex every day. I realized that I will build finger strength faster if I use it because of the springs on it resisting my finger movement. I have gone to a stronger spring. Alway do what your OT says, not what I say. The experiences I share with you apply only to me.
     
    How do we clean the mind? First, we must like ourselves as we are. Every one of us no doubt wishes something about us was different. We all wish we were better looking, taller, skinnier, younger, smarter, healthier, or something else. Read my earlier blog about playing the hand we have been dealt. We must first forgive and like ourselves if we expect anyone else to. Failing to do that basic thing can quickly lead to life is not worth living consequences. Not good, don't go or stay there. During my first days in the hospital, I pondered on these things. The love of Lesley helped me like myself again, for a few days I didn't. Fortunately for me, her love for me for whatever reason, never stopped even when I could not move the left side at all. It is critical that we get to this point. That is why I am so opposed to useless negative thinking. It creates road blocks to our recovery. An important part of that is to resume whatever level of "normal" activity we can. That is why I still call my friend "Mike" (a stroke survivor) everyday. He lives alone, and has no one to show him love. If I miss a day, he lets me know it. It appears that for whatever reason, the calls are important to him. Physically, I think his recovery may be ahead of mine, but mentally I have concerns about "Mike".
     
    Which brings me to the next step: hope. We all must have hope in something. If our own situation appears hopeless for now, transfer that hope to someone or something else. Example: follow the life of a grandchild, etc and help them define the hope and dreams for their future. Keep your hopes local and personal, something you have an actual input to. Hoping for peace in the world is noble, but not likely to be realized in our lifetime. In the hosp a Dr. told me it would get worse before it got better. It did. Those were indeed dark days, but lo and behold, it has gotten some better. That Dr. comment and Lesley's love gave me the courage to face an uncertain future, knowing it would likely get worse, but will eventually get better. Keep that hope. That is why we eat dessert last. We all prefer it to veggies, but the hope is that if we eat our veggies first, we'll get the reward of a yummy dessert later. (especially if Lesley makes it). We came into this world being held in our mothers arms. At that time she had hopes and dreams for us. Most of us probably have not fulfilled all of them. None the less, we were born into this world with hope. We are creatures of hope. Keep it real and local, but make sure you have it.
     
    BTW, you survivors will appreciate this. Yesterday as Lesley struggled to register on this board with her own name and blog, I hovered over her trying to help. Her computer skills are even more limited than mine. It was music to my ears when she said "let me do it!' My sentiments exactly.
     
    I promised myself that I would make it shorter today so I'll quit now. The large hole in the top of my coffee cup has done it's job again.
  22. GeorgeLesley
    Long day yesterday going to Duluth. The results were good. The OT agreed the Saeboflex has done it first job of giving me a grip again and straightening out my fingers. She says we will be doing more with it later. I still do the daily exercise of moving balls with the left hand, but don't use the Saeboflex much. I sort of feel bad that I only needed it for such a short time, but it is results that count, not how long it takes. Without it, I would still have a claw for a hand. Thanks Saeboflex. CAUTION: your results may vary! My results may not be typical! The hand is still a work in progress, she did the Grafston therapy again, it really helps finger dexterity. I'll talk more about it another time.
     
    Positive thoughts, what does that mean, what are the benefits, and risks? What is it, what is it not? Let's explore that. I will never be a professional basketball player. All the positive thought in the world will never make that happen. So first, positive thoughts need to be realistic to be helpful. Me wishing to be a basketball player is not positive thought. It is fantasy. In fact, it is a negative thought because it would consume time and mental energy better spent on realistic goals. Remember in rehab how they talked about energy conservation, same applies to mental energy. The resource is limited, use it wisely. Positive thoughts also need to be for us survivors anyway, closer to home, not global in nature. I can't change the world, that was for a younger time, but I do have something to say about how this day will be for me. The risk is don't get caught up in too much, or something beyond your control. Be careful of fantasy. Hoping to win the lotto is an OK fantasy as long as you don't spend all your money buying tickets.
     
    Negative thoughts and achieving balance in life. I submit to you that life is negative enough without me actively seeking out more negativity. In the past 6 years I have buried a wife of 28 years (cancer), buried my mother (also cancer), buried an aunt (accident), my father just had a foot amputated (diabetes), and I had a stroke. Many of you have had a worse time of it. During that same 6 years, millions died in war, genocide, accidents, at the hand of other people, disease, tsunamis, earthquakes, etc, etc. If that is not enough negativity for me I can just turn on the TV news and listen to the politicians apologize for their misbehavior, and explain why the world is not like they promised they would make it. I can go the the store and hear the cashier griping that they haven't gotten a raise in too long or had a break in several hours. We live in a negative world. My little efforts at being positive hopefully offset a tiny bit of that. Hanging around negative people is the last thing I need. Did I get angry, have pity parties, etc, during these hard times? You bet I did. But when it is time to move on, move on. Did having these negative thoughts help me? Nope. In fact I usually felt worse, slept poorly, etc. Grieving has its place, but even it must eventually end.
     
    I was trying to have a bad day a few days ago. The dog needed to go out and make yellow snow. Lesley was busy in the kitchen, I tried to act tired (not hard to do since I was). She kicked my butt (verbally, not physically) and said "run the dog, don't hide behind your disability". I wanted to get upset, but my own words came back to haunt me. I ran the dog. That incident is in perfect keeping with what I have told her. Which is: assume I can do everything I used to do prior to my stroke, and if I can't or need help, I'll let you know. The flip side of that philsosopy is assume I can do nothing, I'll let you know if I can. Each of us must choose which philosophy we will follow. Do nothing, and we have made our choice, and life will make sure we live with the consequences.
     
    In days to come I plan to give more specific examples of how to clear out some of the bad in our lives and hopefully replace it with good. Meanwhile, I am enjoying looking at a gentle snowfall in progress, my coffee cup is empty again (seems to have something to do with the large hole in the top of it causing it to be empty). Lesley is still sleeping, no sunrise to see today. Our Northwoods home is in the Arrowhead of Minnesota. Find Duluth at the west end of Lake Superior, go 125 miles up the north shore of Lake Superior, and you will find our town of Grand Marais. We live about 5 miles north of town on 5 acres of mostly pine forest on the Devil Track river. No offense, but please don't all come here to live. We have almost 5,000 living in the county now which is the size of the state of Rhode Island, some are already moving out because it is becoming too crowded. Gone on way too long, more later.
  23. GeorgeLesley
    Got a new gadget in yesterday. Yes, UPS knows our driveway well. This one would be useful to anyone that does detailed crafts and occasionally needs more working hands than you have. It is a magnifying glass held on a sturdy base. It also has two alligator clips that can be moved and clamped in any direction. Perfect for soldering two wires, perhaps even threading a needle. For about three bucks I just had to have it, even if I never use it. Hostmel has given me some good instructions on how to post pictures here, I'll give it a go in a few days. Today is an exercise day and tomorrow is Duluth again for more OT with the Saeboflex. The Saebo continues to help.The grip is getting quite strong. I can now carry 1/2 carton of milk with the left hand. I was able to add 5lbs of resistance to the left arm with the Bowflex yesterday. Have not gotten to the Neuromove yet, will try later today. My days are quite full at the moment.
     
    In the next few days I want to talk about setting goals, motivation, etc. We become physically what we eat and how we live. Eat bad things and do bad things to your body, and likely bad things will result. Eat good things and do good things for your body, and ususally anyway, (not always) mostly good things will result. I believe the mind is the same. If we dwell on bad things, hang around negative people, we will become negative in our feelings about life. If we dwell on positive things, set positive realistic goals, associate with positive people, the mind will adjust and become more positive in all things. I am convinced that just as we are all trying to reteach our brains to do physical things, we must also teach, or reteach it positive thoughts. The words self fulfilling prophecy come to mind. Example: if you constantly think woe is me, poor me, why me, etc, guess what! Woe is you, poor you.
     
    I no longer give the wife a morning update on my physical condition unless something is substantially different, good or bad. She knows that until I tell her differently the ears still ring, the foot is still sometimes cold, the hand and arm are still spastic, etc, etc. I could go on, but you all know what I mean. Why keep repeating it? When it changes for the better or gets substantially worse, I'll let her know. I do the same around anyone else that asks "how are you today?" I really don't want to be just a medical reporter on my condition, so I say "fine". That is what they want to hear anyway, and it allows the conversation to move onto other non-medical issues.
     
    Speaking of the wife, poor thing, I just had to wake her up to watch what was obviously going to be a beautiful sunrise. My pause control does't work on such things, so I had to get her up. She is now sleeping in her recliner, coffee getting cold. Speaking of which, my cup is empty, time for a refill.
  24. GeorgeLesley
    Thought it was time for you to meet Lesley and hear her side of the story. She has awakened, reheated her coffee and is ready to write.
     
    I did enjoy the sun rise this morn.There is something to be said for living in the north woods area.I work night shift as an RN at our local rural hospital and it takes me a day to catch up on sleep when I come off
    and have some days off. I guess my biorythems get screwed up.My story. Dec 8th 2006 our whole life got turned 360 degrees.My George had his ischemic stroke with an extension 8 hrs later. Due to our rural area he was driven to Duluth 2 1/2 hrs away,from Grand Marais.I followed the ambulance in our car and this started a month of adaption,new terms,new people,Drs,PT,OT, Shrinks,Pastoral,watching,listening and on it goes.I was the care giver not the Nurse.I was the one being educated.I was very thankful that I was proactive and at my husbands side during his stay at the Hosp and Rehab.Christmas '06 was one to remember.
     
    George and I met on the internet.I was in New Zealand he in the U.S.A and I came here to marry him. We had both lost our previous spouses to Cancer and found each other. Married 5 yrs then this bump in the road happened.You can imagine the anger,frustration and why us questions that we asked.Not only did they give him a happy pill but I to went on it and we both continue on it.We do not feel shame on this as I know in my heart that I could not function very well with out it,to this date.
    I am back full time at work and our household is starting to get back to semi normal.Only through our love and being glued at the hip have we got through to now.Also George's determination to do the things he used to do has carried us through also. He is and example for all of us and. I watch his daily progress. Go get him George.
     
    As a caregiver it is very hard to sit back and not help him do all the daily activities and as a RN this is what I am suppose to do, Help people.34yrs as a Nurse has tought me this.But I have learnt to sit back and if he asked for my help then I give it other wise I just go about my daily chores.I still however call him from work before he sleeps to remind him to take his pills and check on him,but I do not worry the same at work as I know he is sleeping the good majority of time I am away from the house. This is why nights works for us.
     
    Today the sun is shining and we are expecting snow tonight 3-6in.This spring we are looking forward to the bulbs popping through and the Lupins showing.Also I get my outside brick bread oven completed.Can't wait
    to get it operational and eat that wholemeal/wheat bread.We have a Sat morn market in town and they may even see Lesley's bread on a table down there.
     
    Well this is the 1st of many add on's to George's info.Enjoy the moment, and take one day at a time,We Do.
    Regards Lesley.
    smilie
  25. GeorgeLesley
    We have a tradition of pancakes and bacon on Saturdays. We have substituted Canadian bacon for regular bacon a few years ago, trying to eat right you know. Seems we missed something along the way. We are now enjoying looking at the frost on the leafless trees. Absolutely beautiful. Many people have a hard time understanding why we live in this cold climate. Well the simple reason is that we love it. The wife said yesterday she actually prefers the winter over summer. Not sure I would go that far, fishing is better in summer you know, and paddling a canoe on ice is hard to do, but I agree winter here is a beautiful thing. A few years ago I did break ice with the canoe and nearly got stuck. Never did that again, a canoe makes a poor icebreaker. Before settling here a few years ago we traveled border to border, coast to coast in our motor home for three years. We have seen most of this country along with over other 30 countries, this is where we want to be. No offense to anywhere else, there are many beautiful places out there, The Tetons in Wyoming, the Swiss alps, Eastern Tennessee in the springtime. all awesome, but for us, this is it. Finding contentment in whatever state you are in is one of the keys to happiness, I think. In my 20 years in the USAF I never had a bad assignment. Even the year in Vietnam where I tried to extend my tour, turned out to be OK in the end.
     
    Got the Neuromove in yesterday afternoon. Spent the evening reading the book and watching the DVD. Will give it it's first go today. Will give first report on it tomorrow. Must confess, only did one session with the Saeboflex yesterday (don't tell my OT). After the AM Saebo session, we walked about 1 mile, then did the daily Bowflex and bike sessions, and I was pooped out. Hey, I'm 61 and had a stroke, that's enough for one day.
     
    Just got a call from the mail carrier, she wondered if we were going to be home since she had a package for us a did not want to leave it out if we were off to Duluth again. If we had been gone, she would have driven down the drive and put it inside the backdoor. The wife is reading the local gossip in the weekly paper. Turns out, one of the big contractors in town is delinquent in his taxes by $33.00. Ah, the beauty of a small town, no secrets. Yes, everyone knows I had a stroke, and pats me, smiles at me when they see me. My goal is for them not to notice me again.
     
    Some more gadgets to talk about soon, but now an observation for the day. The wife is getting the dog ready to go outside, putting on the booties, coat, harness, etc. About 0 out today. The dog is getting ready to make yellow snow. Survival tip: Don't eat yellow snow.