I know how you feel. I too @ times feel like I will never again be the wife and mother I was before. But you have to take the good with the bad. You and I and all the survivors here are lucky to be alive. Look at it as another chance. Advocate for yourself, push yourself, enjoy your good days and remember them. TAke joy in different things. Your husband is lucky to still have you. This site is very theraputic for me. I've found that I can be totally honest here. Use this site to vent....it's a super tool.