ksaul

1. I was born in the Midwest 2. I was raised in Colorado 3. I have one sister and one brother 4. my sister is my best friend 5. I am the first born child 6. my father is a Lutheran minister 7. I am not religious but consider myself a spiritual person 8. I respect what other people believe 9. My middle name is grace(ha ha) 10. I fell off a ladder when cleaning my house and broke my leg and knee 11. I have been married more than once 12. I have two step children I adore 13. I have one grandson who is a delight 14. I have two cats and a dog 15. I love the sound my dog makes when drinking from her water dish 16. my cats have me well trained 17. all my pets were rescued 18. I was in the navy for 4 years 19. my rank was petty officer 2nd class when I left 20. I was an aircraft mechanic in the navy on F14s 21. I got hit on the head while in the navy and knocked out with a propeller being repaired (1st head injury) 22. I was in the reserves for three years after my enlistment 23. I used the GI bill to go to college 24. I got my degree in social work 25. before college and the navy I worked as a house cleaner, waitress, made donuts and a bank teller 26. I was when I got my first job with A&W root beer as a carhop 27. my husband was a English teacher for 32 years at our local community college 28. I often wish I had been a teacher 29. I worked with children and families for 20 years in MA 30. I worked as a health inspector in Florida for three years 31. I was tying my shoes when I had my stroke 32. I like things tidy 33. I love lists 34. I do not feel comfortable around negative people 35. my sister and I talk every day on the phone 36. I do not like knick knacks 37. I do not like crowds 38. I have grown fond of TV since my stroke 39. I love detective shows 40. I shun medical drama 41. I love books 42. I just finished the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon 43. my favorite poet is Emily Dickinson 44. I have to read at night before I can fall asleep 45. I am pro-choice 46. I have an extensive collection of cool beach glass 47. I have socks for every event and holiday 48. I do not like to shop 49. my car is 13 years old and that is cool with me 50. I am a poor cook 51. I love the ocean and the variety of color in the water 52. I like to walk on the beach 53. I love sunsets when the evening air is soft 54. I am known for my goofy sense of humor 55. my favorite clothes are sneakers,T-shirts and jeans 56. I never take a bath

hi donna, that is so cool about the christmas tree - i am sure your holiday spirit is now in full swing! watch thoses furry girls of yours - they could replace your angel as tree toppers! i am glad kristi had a successful shop and feels good about having gifts for others. i hope you take lots of pictures so you can add them to your memory books of your first christmas back home. :santasmiley: cheers! kathy

fred, i hope you get some answers soon. sue is right - it may not be stroke related. a small thought - think back on how and when this started and write down everything you can think of and share the info with your docs - maybe some small detail will help. thinking of you - kathy

hi stu, ah, there is nothing quite as wonderful as happy news! it is so great when we see our children - and neices - succeed. congratulations! i hope you are feeling less bruised - people can be so inconsiderate at times. morons actually. i think you should take a sound machine with you when you go out - give them a great big HEE HAW!. kathy

thanks everyone - i really did loose it - but thanks to my friends here, i have found it again. it is a new day and my attitude has been readjusted! kathy

hi, i have been having a bit of a rough time the last week and i thought perhaps here was the best place to explain. i work hard to keep a positive outlook and nobody loves a good laugh more than me. lately however i am just tired, tired of the whole scene. am i whining? maybe - i know there are people who have had their lives altered in so many worse ways than me - so maybe i am. i know i am not stressed over the holidays because we celebrate in a very small way and all is in place. i have felt dizzy lately and very tired. i just had my cardio check up and my new valves, blood pressure are great. i do know that my "brain pain" is really getting worse and i am at a loss what to do - the neurontin i tried just made me real clumsy - which i sure don't need. my effexor is at the top level and seems to be working. i also thought my hip was finally getting better but as soon as i tried to exercise a bit it flared right up. this means back to the pain clinic. good days not so great days come in cycles and this cycle seems enternal. just when i think i have the knack of my post stroke life and am accepting the changes i feel frantic for the old me. i know there is no fix or answers and i debated this post. i guess i just needed to share a rough patch with the people i know will understand. sometimes it is just plain lonely. thanks kathy

bonnie, your blog and the info is really interesting - plus the idea of getting things checked with the next blood test. i am being a nosey parker - again - but has your doctor considered actonel or boniva for your bones? i was given actonel and have had a significant bone density impovement. just a thought. cheers! kathy

hi ann, i read your blog and i kept wishing i had a magic wand. i cannot imagine what being a caregiver 24/7 must be like each day. let's face it holiday decorating, baking, present shopping are activities that take planning, energy and effort. i was talking to my sister yesterday and we were discussing the fact that christmas trees are out before holloween and the buying frenzy is pushed not long after. what makes a holiday important anyway? the love of family and friends. if you have religious beliefs it is a time to share and reflect. i used to decorate bake, can and find the perfect ,thoughtful gift, do clever crafts....blah blah, blah.i do not have the energy or focus now and i realize that all the holiday glitter is just not important. my family still loves me and my friends understand my limits. a simple holiday can be relaxing and still meaningful. it really is okay to let it go. do a little holiday or more depending on how you feel and not because of the expectations of others. i think it is perfectly cool not to be in the holiday mood this year - as long as you are comfortable with your decisiion. i think listening to your heart and body does not makes you a scrooge. i think it just says that you have boundries and limits. perhaps this is the year to give yourself a gift....of caring for ann....for giving your needs a voice. as a survivor i know how hard it can be when rountine changes - even for a day. bill may feel anxious and fearful on the wednesdays that are set for respite. i wonder about the being sick part. you know bill is being cared for and you need your time. no human being, no matter how loving and committed can do what you do each day without down time. time to let your soul catch up with your body. now, i have blathered on and i just wanted to say i care :friends: kathy

donna, your blog put me in the holiday spirit! as i read on i could visualize the whole family shindig! you go girl with :happydance: dancing and :cocktail: drinking hurricanes. what will be reading when you get your chair? kristi will have to give you a curfew. i am pleased the move has been so positive for you both. kristi is at an age where such things can be tough. you have yourself a darling daughter and what sounds like a close family. i am so happy for you. :cheer: those kittys are a treat - lili is a cutie - glad they are getting used to one another. cheers! kathy

okay, shirley beat me to it but i still want to say oink oink oink - phylis i think you did that buffet justice! i never would have had much except for the desserts. i get so thrilled with an array of sweet goodies that regular food - or "real food" as my husband says does not call to me. well, at least you had some practice for the upcoming holiday weeks. cheers! kathy

donna, i just think three thanksgivings are so cool. next year you could just feast until christmas! i am glad the holiday was so great with all your family - after all that is really what it is all about. i love the memory book asignments - what a great keepsake for the future. have you been studying for your motorized chair license? that will just be awesome thing! zoom!zoom!zoom! kathy

[so sorry that you are feeling crappy. maybe it is the weather - maybe you are recovering from your stroke at your own pace - just like all of us. please don't create more stress for yourself by setting deadlines. do the best you can and i bet your kids will be fine with that. if you are feeling real crappy - which is a great descriptive word - and you are not comfortable with your docs diagnosis - go back again - see a different doc - whatever it takes to get the answers you feel comfortable with. please don't be too hard on yourself - just do your best - know one can expect more. i hope you feel better soon.kathy

kimmie, glad to hear you had a good and filling thanksgiving and got to visit with all your furry friends. it is sooooooo cool about matt - i would be shouting it from the roof tops - in a manner of speaking. it is just so wonderful when our children have successes - life is so tough at times and we want them to do well. i am thrilled to hear you are going to decorate for christmas - it always lifts my spirits. as far as the garage sale goes, i hope you make lots of money! my motto is: if i have not used it in a year i don't need it. cheers! kathy

bonnie, i am sorry to hear you have been having some rough,blue days. i do believe that the anniversary of a loss can make everyday events harder. i am sorry to learn of the loss of your son. it is wonderful that you have the love of other children but we know that each child is special to us. i love it that bill is into your cooking. for years my sister and i tried to make soup taste like our mother's. she had a real knack for soup making and we finally decided that the secret was in her fingers. hope your business worries cease soon and your shoulder pain eases. kathy

well, it was a disappointing week as far as my efforts to generate additional income. only 4 pennies ALL week. i am sure however that each one is a lucky one! my husband dragged me ( almost literally) to walmart on tuesday to check out some object he wanted. i can't even remember what it was as i felt like a deer caught in the headlights after a few minutes in the store. my idea of shopping is the internet and my idea of a venture away from my safe little home is my local library. oops - i got side tracked about my extra income activities -so, as i hobbled in the parking lot i was scanning furtively for a big find - my husband knew right away what i was doing and told me to knock it off and pay attention to where i was going. i was quite annoyed until i missed the curb with my cane and went lurching madly towards the salvation army bell ringer. hubby caught me by my belt loops before i crashed. it was a close call but i intend to continue the search for easy money but with a bit more finesse. on a fun note, i got a flat stanley in the mail this week from a little girl i knew up north. stanley is a book character about a little boy who got flattened by a board. even though he is flat he wanted to visit california so his parents put him in an envelope and mailed him off for his visit. now, kids at schools send him out to unsuspecting adults for a visit and we are to show stanley a good time while he learns about the place we live in. we then send stanley back with a discriptions, information etc about the visit. well, of course i focused all my energy for two days on stanley's visit. i shrunk him down and took off his long pants, shirt and tie and dressed him in shorts ,ballcap and summer shirt cause i live in florida and it is still stinking hot! anyhow, we visted sea world, disney world, went surfing,fishing and such. i put it all in a small picture book and sent it off. i was always a bit of an over achiever and i wanted an A for this project! i have been enjoying my visits to the chat rooms and am grooving on getting to know people better. i have to say that while i know serious issues are often talked about in chat i look forward to the silly and funny stuff. each day is such a challenge between the brain issues, pain and mobility that i thank the gods and goddesses for the gift humor. when i venture out into the world i am amazed at how many grumpy people are out there. i have been very tired lately - more so than usual. i started some new anti seizure meds and that combined with all this house hullabaloo has me exhausted! then i went to the cardio doc - they found all in good order (yeah) but i have put on the pounds! after he read me the riot act i thought okay and pulled out the weight watchers material. what a drag - but my underwear is getting snug so i best knuckle down! the holidays are a bit hard for me cause since my stroke my parents and brother don't contact me much. maybe they just feel uncortable but it still hurts. i am so grateful for my sister's love and the support of my friends and of my cyber family here at strokenet. i will have to groove on these positive thoughts as the holiday season begins! cheers! kathy

[b]well, thanksgiving is over and it was a very good day. i feel like i should be providing juicy details but honestly it was just a lovely day - not even any family dramas! i do need to report that this weeks's search and rescue actvity of loose change on the ground was not nearly as productive as the previous week. i did, however, add 11 cents to my income. i highly recommend doing this as you can experience a tidbit of joy when finding these lost coins. my big activity this past week was doctor's office visits - hence my titillating blog title. this week i was able to experience the thrill of two blood tests, five botox injections(i am sad to report they were all on my shoulder,arm and hand and NONE for my face), my weekly visit to the pain clinic got me two injections in my hip and the dentist gave me one for a filling. i am happy to say i was a very brave girl as i experienced my medical travels. i am sure that if i can ever get my medical issues under control i could save a fortune on my co-pays and, along with my change rescue activity, i would really be in the money! haha!!! one another note, we believe we finally have our house ready for the market. it is amazing how much stuff two people can accumulate - and we are not "thing" people or knick knack lovers. our realtor is stopping by tomorrow and i would say i am on pins and "needles" (but i won't) and we will see where we stand. the kids want us back in MA and we want to go. not only to be closer to them but to see our our adorable grandson who is 18 months old. things have a way of working out and so i am not gonna get my knickers in a twist over the whole issue. but honestly i hope it all works out for us to go back home. i continue to groove on my chat hours and try to get to other chats as well. now that the house is ready i hope to have more energy for the things i enjoy like, strokenet chats, reading other member's blogs, reading my favorite books and water exercise. i still am not sure how i made through my first year post stroke without strokenet for support. i guess things happen when we are ready. i will say that there is not a day that goes by that i do not feel stronger in knowing that i am not alone in the journey of recovery. i am lucky to have found this site. i guess there are all sorts of "luck" out there in our big universe - personally, i could go with some lottery luck - now would that not be cool? well, i am off to take a nap - i wish everyone a happy week full of peace, health and joy. cheers! kathy

hi bonnie! glad to hear your supplements are helping to improve your bones! keep up the good work. bill sounds like a pro in the making - i would mention the patriots recruiting him but do not want to cause donna anymoe football grief! (the pats did win on sunday) ooops, could not help myself...........have fun baking and enjoy turkey day...gobble, gobble. cheers, kathy

donna, that is soooocool about the new kitty. i love kittens - with their little tails up in the air - so cute! great name - lily - and crystal will get her wiskers untwisted soon. even cooler are the grades kristi came home with. do you like need safety pins on your buttons to keep them from popping off with pride? also, best of luck at the doctor's visit and have a great gobble,gobble day!cheers! kathy

it has been a busy and scarey week for me. we are working hard to get our house ready to go on the market so we can leave the warm paradise of florida and move back to the frozen north.this requires somes hard work(painting, re-mulching,super cleaning/) and i feel angry and sad that i can't do the work i used to do. these feelings come and go and i try not to dwell on them, but at times i would like to pitch a fit. i don't - i just try to stay focused and in the moment. of course i worry about the housing market and our timing, but we are moving cause we want to be back with our kids and grandchild so there is not the pressure of "we must" move. if it takes a year that's okay. plus i have good friends here and my doctors are quite excellent. i had a real scare this week when my hubby,barry, came in from walking the dog and said he was having light flashes in his eyes. he did not feel sick and said he was just tired and wanted to go to bed. i, on the other hand,was on high alert. that night after he went to sleep, i went into all the "what ifs "should something happen to him. he is older than me but has always been so healthy!!!! well, so was i until i stroked out of the blue. i get so scared sometimes at how i would live if he was not here with me. before my stroke i was so independent and made good money - i was planning for my retirement so i would always be secure. poof - all that went up in smoke in 2005. anyhow, after getting myself quite a upset i tried my breathing exercises and remembered that there really is not anything i can do other than hope for the best. the next morning the light flashes and arcs were still there so barry took himself off to the eye doctor - after two hours of tests he was told he was having ocular migraines and that he was fine. sometimes they are stressed induced but never life threatening. thank the god and goddessess for that! i asked barry if he was more stressed than usual - and he just said there is too much going on. he left it at that. knowing how he is about this kind of stuff i backed off. i will try to keep an eye on him while he is keeping an eye on me! now that should be interesting! on another note, i have found a way to increase my income , i have noticed that when i go somewhere with my cane i spend time looking down(so i won't fall). on my few adventures out i have found alot of change on the ground. today i went to the drugstore on my own and found 43 cents! i came home and told barry and we had a good laugh. on friday i saw the doctor and got my botox shots. i have to go back in 6 weeks so he can do my shoulder and scapula. i am anxious for the stuff to kick in as my arm and hand are in dire need. i always laugh after these procedures thinking my arm and hand have now been cosmetically enhanced. they are so lovely! lol that is about it for my week. the weather here in florida has turneed cold(haha) and it is 47 degrees out. my neighbor is walking her dogs in a ski parka,gloves and earmuffs. goes to show you how people respond differenly to situations. my hubby is still in shorts! well, the coffee calls.......kathy

that is so neat that you were choosen to participate in the study - sounds like a really cool one too. i will be watching to hear how things go. cheers! kathy

[bonnie, i am so glad to hear that your daughter tracy came through her surgery with flying colors! now it is time for you to take a break. enjoy a good night's sleep and try to pace yourself for a few days. cheers! kathy

i will keep tonya in my thoughts - i know people who had the gall bladder surgery and felt 100% BETTER - NEVER MISSED THE THING - oops hit the caps button. you steeler fans - i refuse to convert - i am a die hard patriot fan. glad you got to see your furry family - don't know what i would do without mine. glad things are going well. cheers1 kathy

]hi dj, welcome to the site - so glad you found us. as i read your post i could truely feel your despair. as everyone has said depression is like a partner to stroke - our brains are hurt and need time to recover. i had my stroke - over two years ago due to a undiagnosed heart infection which caused a bleed in my brain. my left side does not really work now although i can walk with a cane. i agree with beth so much to the importance of talk therapy. we go through stages of grief as we have lost our old selves and - at least for me - therapy has been crucial. the hardest part of stroke - for me - is not be able to do and go as i once did. i never thought i would have a full life again without work, the gym etc. like asha and kimmie and others i am carving a new life and while it is different than what i had planned it is good. check out some meds with your docs, see about therapy to talk about your loss and please remember you are not alone. be patient and gentle with yourself. kathy

cindy, best of luck with the doctor appointment. just a quick thought - write down all your concerns before you go and take the list with you so you won't forget anything important. a friend suggested i do that cause i always get a bit sidetracked or forget to mention something important during the visit. please keep us posted on the outcome. kathy

hi cindy, just wanted to add my bit here - i agree with the idea of seeing a different doctor. my sister is a nurse and she told me that most primary care doc tend to give anti-depressants they are familar with or that the drug rep has just dropped samples off. she told me to see a psychiatist who speciality is brain issues. it took me several tries and dosage adjusments but it was worth the effort. each od us are so different. i hope whatever you decide you stand firm in your decision that a change is needed. docs only see us for a few minutes and you know what each day is like. take care = kathy