ksaul

it is the day after thanksgiving and i guess now the shopping season has offically begun. i am done with my holiday gifts, but still have a bit of baking to do. i watched with amazement on tv this morning as people lined up at 4 a.m. to shop. i have never done that, although i remember driving to boston when andy was a little boy for some lego set he had his heart set on. i made turkey sugar cookies for connor's daycare last week...using candy corns around the cookie top for the tail....they turned out cute.....tasty too! bad me. thanksgiving day went well - everyone was either getting a cold or getting over a cold and all that hugging and kissing....i hope i don't catch anything!.i made pies for the dinner and they were yummy. i do love to bake. it is strange how the things stroke took from me creep up and smack me when least expected.......peeling and dicing apples and mixing a thick pie filling was impossible so i had to get a helper. now that my hand and arm are so painful i am asking for help with more household chores. i plan to call the doc on monday cause my arm is practically numb......trying not to panic....i have signed up for a 6 week drawing class and a one day water color workshop so i gotta get this paw working right!!!! i watched the best movie last night called the peaceful warrior. it is based on a true story about a young athlete who thought he would find happiness when he won the olympics. of course life conspired against him and he learned that happiness is now and within us in the moment. it was good show and not sappy, but a reminder to stay focused and not let our minds get ahead of ourselves. holidays are such a mixed bad...the good, the bad and the ugly........i know we all have some sort of challege during"this most wonderful time of the year" so i am wishing everyone the best...peace.kathy

hi leah, happy thanksgiving! your mom in law sounds like a pretty great gal. i am so glad to learn you are getting over the cold...even if it is still hanging on a bit. it is real easy to get down in the dumps when feeling sick from colds or flu. it is rather like adding insult to our daily living challenges. i know what a relief it can be when that roller coaster starts heading upwards! i still get the up and down post stroke ride, but i think, i really believe, that during the 6 months before i hit my 3 year mark the ride became a bit less bumpy. have a great turkey day leah and i will be joining you in eating as i wish and what i want for today. :cheer: kathy

katrina, it is good that you spoke to your folks about your grades. do you realize most people do not make it through school with a 4.0? there are many smart and successful men and women in the world who got Bs and Cs and even Ds in school. do your best.....academic probation does not occur because you got a few Cs. as others have said, your worth as a person is not defined by a grade, tassle or cord. your worth, strength and goodness come from within. after school, in the work world, there are deadlines, bosses, evaluations and promotions to deal with. if you continue to only expect perfection in your performance at school you are setting yourself up for more difficulty and unhappiness in the work world. try to use your school years to learn the material you are taught and, even as important, learn to be kind to yourself. i wish you you and your family a happy thanksgiving....enjoy. kathy

hi diane, just joining the crowd here to say i understand. i still have that pre-stroke tape in my head telling me how and what i should do. it is hard and like everyone has said, you are not alone. keep on trying....after all, if we are not kind to ourselves what can we expect from others. kathy

hi stu, it is so strange to read your blog knowing i do the same thing. i dream about my years (20) working in the human services field....i have deep conversations with past employees and with many family members i worked with. i do this about twice a week. i understand not having a focus (like a job) to help define our days and ourselves. being useful and contributing is important and if you can volunteer at your local rehab i say go for it! you will get the benefit of doing something useful and needed....plus just think what a role model of hope and recovery you would be for those rehab clients. i think it is a wonderful gift...to give your time. keep us posted. cheers! kathy[/b]

hi fred, that was a great blog!. marie claire is right...you have a book there in the making. we actually have much in common...though i have not lived in germany....i spent seven years in the military, got my college degree that way, had a few of those marriage bumps etc. i like to think some of life's experiences have helped me to be less judgmental and more caring to others.....at least i hope. it is good you are settled and have the right companion to share with. and can look back on a life that has been truely lived to the hilt!.....have a great thanksgiving! kathy[/b]

hi sue, i have written my blog and too often it gets lost. sometimes it can be a good thing ( when i am in a whinny mood) and other time a real pain. happy to hear you enjoyed your 3 days of respite and good to know ray will be able to return in spite of his new problems. i know what you mean with holidays being pegged as the perfect family time. if only our family...and we....were perfect. i too tend to love all the pre holiday hoopla and then comes the big day and it is a let down. i guess much of the joy in life comes from the anticipation of something and that is why learning to enjoy the process of living each day is so important. and with that thought, i hope you have a great holiday season. kathy

hey doug, glad you and teddy did not get swept away in the flood. i am happy to hear you are both back in you own bed and getting settled. hope you have a great thanksgiving! kathy

hi katrina, i am sorry you are having a bad time. i do want to suggest you ask those strangers in line for help......most people are happy to help and want to help but not sure what you need. just as you like to help others .....others like to help. it can be hard on our EGO to accept the help but it is a good lesson and a way to perhaps make a new friend. you are in a lot of pain regarding your school performance and i am afraid that until you relax and change your expectations of yourself and others you are going to continue to hurt. i have known teachers that don't grade with an A.......so what? learning is NOT all or nothing or the grade you get. strive to be your best, learn the material and move on. Katrina the person is not a grade. you are not a reflection your brothers either. you are a very strong young woman who is dealing and living each day with issues and pain many people could not deal with. please, please, please start to be kind to yourself and enjoy the process of school. only you can decide to love yourself and you are a terrific young woman. :friends: kathy

katrina, you are going to school to LEARN. if you already knew it all you could skip the education part. i know you have to keep your grades up for your scholarship, but who said you had to do it perfectly?? like donna said, give yourself a break! getting so upset will only make learning the information that much harder.think about what you would say to someone who felt she had to to do the 4.0 thing all the time....wouldn't you counsel her to relax and be kind to herself. it seems to me, and i hope you understand this, that you are going in a few too many directions. no one can tell you what to do or change...we can only offer our advice and prays.....it is wonderful to strive to be the best you can...but then let it go or you will create exhaustion, disappointment and pain for yourself... huggs,kathy

bart, you are NOT alone in your feelings! you had your stroke very recently and your life and your emotions are in an uproar. it will, and it does get better with time. i am now 3 years post stroke and life is okay. i continue to work on improving each day....that is not to say i don't have my sad, bad and blue times. if possible don't look ahead , but rather try and stay in the moment. you CAN DO THIS FOR YOURSELF a minute, an, hour and a day at a time. blog, post, chat and KNOW that we are here for you and all here understand your pain. be patient with yourself...your brain is just starting to heal. big hugs to you...kathy

congratulations! i hope everything continues to go well for you. keep us posted. cheers! kathy

hi bart, yep, life post stroke can be a challenge. i think you did well not to throw the chicken across the table. may i suggest getting a rocker knife...you can cut well with one hand using it. i got mine online....very inexpensive. as you recover you will find many ways to adapt and get things done. it can be a real pain, but at times you will amaze yourself with how clever you are. it will get easier...be patient with yourself. kathy

hi leah, great blog....glad you kept going. sometimes it is just what we need...to vent and say life is hard after stroke. i am sorry to hear of your fall. i have realized that when i am feeling emotional i tend to bang into things or trip or fall. i just hit my 3 year mark post stroke and i feel, well at least for me, it was right around the 2.5 mark that i came face to face with need to adjust my expectations or to continue to feel bad. accepting our strokes does not mean everything goes smoothly from then on, but i think it is the point when we begin to change our approach to life. we still have up and down days but they don't control us. i too always had to do things perfectly and perhaps we feel the need to be the perfect stroke survivor. i have gained weight with my stroke and i recently saw a pic of myself during our pumpkin picking trip of me, my grandson and hubby. here was this lopsided, cane carrying pudgy woman.. i was appalled at how i looked and angry and sad. then i remembered what a super day it was and i had to get over myself cause it just did not matter. i still schedule too much and pay the price but i am begining to do it less often. like you i needed to do things and accomplish things to be worthwhile person. we need to quite beating ourselves up and be kind to ourselves and cut ourselves a break. iand yep, stroke suck, life is hard after stroke and thankfully we are still here in life. take care ....hugs! kathy/b]

two weeks from today is thanksgiving......hard to beleive. the heat is on in the house so i know winter has arrived. spent the last two days trying to kick some dark feelings....as maria always says, i was trying to snap out of it. well, i didn't snap, but i kept plodding on and it got better. i am begining to think that the black depression cloud will come and hover regularly in my life. i am getting to know it and understand it better and that, in turn, helps me from getting overwhelmed. i finished my eight week art class and plan to frame my first water color...now the question will be if my husband will let me hang it up! taking the class was a huge challenge and i was totally scared to go. looking back i am very please i pushed myself...not because of my completed masterpiece...lol.....but it did challenge my brain and helped me to see things better, follow instructions and try something totally new. i plan to sign up for the new session in january and am looking forward to improving. as i said before, i really don't have much talent but i am enjoying the creative process! the holloween spider cupcakes for connor's daycare were a big hit and so i am planning to make the cutest turkey cookies using candy corn for the tail feathers. that reminds me...when i was working at our local nutrition office years ago i once asked a 4 year boy what his favorite veggie was and his answer was candy corn! lol planning to spend thanksgiving dinner with our daughter amy. lots of hubby's family coming including hubby's former wife....the kid's real mom. technically i am a stepmom but have been in their lives for 29 years. now that we are back in new england i know the holidays will always be this way. we get along okay but there are times i feel like i am on a movie set in california. oh well, life is short and our main focus is the children.....i just hope my hair looks okay that day :hairy: . so, with these thoughts i sign off and wish everyone a good turkey day. kathy

hi sue, sounds like you, babs and eddie had a great, if short, visit. i would love to see australia and new zealand.....i don't know about kangaroo steaks. hummmmm. i am glad you had some fun. hope you get your computer fixed soon...amazing how much we rely on them. cheers! kathy

hi vi, congratulations on figuring out so many ways to continue being independent and also learning the very hard job of asking for help. by the way, i have a rocker knife that makes cutting one handed possible....i always take it with me when i go out to eat...check it out. you are so right; sometimes it is easier to deal with life's big stuff than the everyday trial and tribulations. hang in there and remember you are not alone. kathy

hi katrina, so glad your test turned out okay....that is nobody's idea of a good time and now you can put it behind you! i think your dad has a good idea in having you stay home and rest one more day. i wish you the best at school.....just remember you don't have to do it all. you have nothing to prove to anyone...you are a fantastic and strong woman just as you are. be kind to yourself.....hugs! kathy

kimmie, i am so thrilled for you! boy or girl...as long as there are 10 fingers and 10 toes and everyone is healthy. i hope you get to visit soon. kathy

hi stu, well, it raining here too but our temp is in the 40s so i can't complain. maybe you and cathy need to plan another cruise. now that we are back in new england those warm vacations are sounding appealing! yes, isn't this site the best and words could never express how grateful i too am for steve making his dream come true. stay dry and warm..cheers! kathy

donna, that is a wonderful, terrific, great.......post. i am printing it out and keeping it by my bedside. i remember my first thanksgiving post stroke...i actually felt like some of my family that came to dinner considered me contagious. lol......thanks again! kathy