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ann, a wonderful tribute to choe. you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. it is beautiful that your family could give the gift of life to others through organ donation and add even more to her lovely memory. kathy

katria, so glad to hear your fall was not serious. it is good if you can give yourself a break about grades. just do your best...which you are already doing....and you will keep a good gpa and your scholarship. school is about so much more than a grade...i hope you can come to enjoy the process of learning. ah, the colonoscopy...been there and done that one. the test is a breeze but the prep is the pits. take care and be kind and patient with yourself.. kathy

ken, what progress! thank you for sharing your triumph...keep up the great job. :Clap-Hands: cheers! kathy

hi marie, you did a super job as chat host...especially in herding me to the correct room. :Clap-Hands: i have no business hanging out in lobbies...lol i did try a chat theme on weight loss suppor tbut it never really took off. i think you should run your ideas past kimmie and maria....chat room are always open. i think it is so great to have you as a regular chat host and as our substitute. i look forward to chating with you again..... :yadayada: cheers! kathy

now i remember why we thought florida might be a good place to retire......it is quite chilly here! i just installed my heated birdbath for the winter months and added a new bird feeder to the others - kathy's spa is bird ready. i also hung up two rattan like pods that are hollow for the birds to have some protection beyond just trees and bushes as it grows colder. in a fit of recycling frenzy i picked up the dog hair from sasha's latest brushing and lined the bottom of the pods. should be, warm, soft and cozy. we are all ready for holloween here. connor will be a dinosoar this year...purple no less. i just spent the afternoon making 2 dozen mini cupcake spiders for his daycare party. they turned out great but icing and decorating one handed is a challenge. the spider legs - made of black licorice strands were a real humdinger to do! i only lost one cupcake...guess that spider went up drain spout...... i have always tried to make at least one of my holiday presents and this year i am sewing pillow cases. sport themes for guys, animal themes and frilly for others. they are turning out okay and i am feeling creative.......which leads me to the article on art therapy in the last newsletter. i signed up for a drawing and water color class at our local tech. my first project was a teapot. well, it did look like a tea pot but it was quite lopsided......gee! that was what my brain saw. the same side affected by my stroke on the drawing was off. that was a big eye opener for me....now i am really challenging the old grey matter. i drew an apple with colored pencils and am now working on a fall watercolor scene complete with barn and trees. i am really no good but i am having a blast AND it got me out into a new place...something i don't much like to do. i had a real sad rough spot during october but with some help from my cyber friends and especially kimmie, i was able to bounce back pretty well. i finally realized that when i get tired i just don't do well at all and go down hill from there. the issue is how to participate in life as fully as i can and still live to tell about it! lol. going to the library, a friend's party for an hour or an afternoon with the grandson just sucks every bit of life out of me. it is very hard to accept that if i want to play i will always have to pay. i am not sure there is a balance...if i do something all my energy is gone. i know that asha blames me for her week of single parenthood...well, she should know that since i did okay when barry went on his trip he is now planning 10 days in florida this january. i know i will be okay...i will just stock up on cereal and tell asha not to tell her hubby. happy holloween to all....may it be safe and scarey!

fred, it is great when we can keep the childlike enjoyment of the seasons into adulthood. what are you going to be this year? i am planning on wearing my Dame Edna outfit complete with boa. my grandson is a dinosoar this year....purple no less. hubby and i will be going to the kid's house and helping with the treats. like you, i feel the economic impact of the gift giving portion of the holidays.......i have been sewing up a storm and plan to bake in december. take care and BOO! kathy

hi louis, first, i am sending you a BIG hug! i, like everyone else here, really do understand what you are going through. please remember we are always here for you! try coming to chat sometime...it can be very helpful and fun! there is also a super caregivers chat on tuesday evenings. you know, i am three years post stroke and most of my family still does not really get it. the only member of my family that has been on this site is my sster and she is awesome! my husband and the rest just don't want to deal with the issues we face. i always had a "just put my mind to it and DO it" attitude about life pre-stroke. i am the one who stroked and it has been a hard l process for me to understand life post stroke! perhaps some therapy can help...it helped me with my emotions and issues.....find the right therapist and ask your wife to join you. above all, please never doubt yourself...if you have balance issues trust yourself and don't try to prove anything to your family. shame on them for thier lack of caring and respect. do what you need for yourself....and remember we are here for you.....kathy

as usual the days fly by....i noted my third stroke anniversary on september 16th......looking back over these past years i see how far i have come. i have always been of the mindset, work hard enough and reach the goal. hard work is the answer to post stroke recovery up to a point and then a change of view and compassion for oneself is required. the actual day passed quietly......my sister and mom were visiting from colorado and we did girl stuff like lunch and facials. i guess time and attitude adjustments all help make life better for us, for our friends and family. i can mark the point when life began to improve for me post stroke...it was the day i found this site and realized that i was not alone :blah_blah: and there were people who really did understand my loss, fears and grief. thank-you! on another note, barry is back from his travels and yep, i managed pretty well while he was gone. i did eat quite a bit of cereal for dinner but i am a poor cook at the best of times. not to mention i shy away from stoves and other potentially harmful objects. when barry got home i did spend some serious down time cause i was pooped beyond belief. :tired: the hard part about being alone is being bone tired and then still having to do tasks. for some odd reason, when i was alone, i felt i needed to get my hair cut but i was unable to drive. now, often i get an idea in my head these days and i am totally focused on it. so i decided to trim my hair myself......warning, DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT HOME...especially when youv'e only one hand and less than perfect eye sight. i am happy to report it was repairable when my friend took me to the hair salon...but it is a bit shorter than usual. it is raining for the third day straight as i write this....rather oppressive......i am looking forward to the fall months and the upcoming holidays. :party: it will be good to be back with family during these occasions. not much else going on.......cheers! kathy

hi sue, oh how i wish i had a magic wand....as far as common sense goes...some rules are meant to be broken. really! you have enough to deal with. i am, as always, amazed by your strength. i am sending hugs to both you and ray and thank you for sharing your life and insights with us here. kathy

stu....great article..well done! kathy

hi katrina, i am sending you a big hug! you know, as the anniversary of our stroke approaches feelings can get intense. add to that starting a new semester and feeling depressed can all add up to being overwhelmed. hey, stroke sucks and life is hard but you have come so far. talk to your doc about how you are feeling. do your best in class and with your studies and take things a day at a time. we are all behind you...keep up the hard work and be kind to yourself! kathy

hi fred, looking back at my visits pre-stroke to new orleans i don't think it was very disabled friendly even before the hurricane. we hit new orleans about once a year for the blues and never really gave steps and cobblestones a thought. like so many of us i am now educated and aware of such things. new orleans is a great place, wonderful food and music...i hope you were able to enjoy some of these. cheers! kathy

sue, well, it seems if bonnie, donna and i could pop in you would have three extra hands! wouldn't that be a hot sketch! that it could be so. you know what you want and have some idea on how to get ray home and make it work......i believe we are all just very concerned for you and your needs and health. i agree with ann that you need to enlist your son's help a bit more. he is young and let him lug those clothes around. one thing i have learned as a survivor is to ask for help.......it was/is a very difficult lesson. sending you a big hug! kathy

hi sue, it really is incredable that ray is going to be sent home and there are no answers to what is going on. is it possible to say no to the hospital discharging ray on monday? ......state you are still weak from your virus and unable to take on the extra care that ray will require? tell them you must meet with the social worker and know how much more will be required for ray's care before he returns. it is too bad that people are out with illness and the hospital is short staffed but why should you and ray have to bear the brunt of the management issues? i just feel and sense from your latest posts that you are at the end of your rope and do not have much left to give right now. you are human and people have limits. if something happens to you then what happens to ray? i believe you really need to put yourself and your needs first for a bit. you are a natural giver, but even givers must have respite. i hope i have not offended you....i don't know all the details of the situation....but i care deeply for what is happening. kathy

:Hi: well, summer is almost offically over. here on cape cod that means a flood of holiday makers hitting the road to celebrate labor day. :yikes: both bridges have up to 8 miles of traffic back up and it is only thursday. barry and i have already implemented our standard method of surviving.....lay in supplies and stay off the roads! :Munch: :bookread: soon the traffic will l thin and my favorite month of october will arrive. i love the cooler weather and the fall colors along 6A are lovely....not to mention most vacationers are gone. my tomotaoe harvest continues and i have been sharing with my neighbors. i have started planting mums along the border of our front lawn patch of land. planting and weeding is like a meditation....as i plant my focus is in the moment,on what i am doing and my mind clears. i can only do a bit at a time and planting one handed can be challenging but i love the time i spend with the plants. sasha, my furry companion, sits by and soaks up the sun and for a few minutes i find all is right with the world. i met my new cardiologist yesterday and feel we will get on just fine....i have to do all the tests to make sure my ticker is ticking as it should......and so far my new parts appear to be working well. when i asked about having to replace my current valve replacement my doc said they can last between 7 to 10 years. yipee! :big_grin: i can put that out of my mind for a bit. i also followed up this week with my primary doc and we got all the paperwork started for all those yearly exams that are required. i am searching in my local area for a painting class. i have always wanted to give it a try. i have taken drawing and sculpture (none of which i do well ...but have given me joy) : :artist: found an easel at a yard sale and just got inspired......will see were this leads. hubby will be leaving in 9 days for a 2 week trip in england. my sister will visit for 6 days and then i will hang out on my own. like donna, i have been training for his time away.....not only myself, but the furry children, who can be very demanding. that is about it in my neck of the world. having some good days...some not so good days and doing the best i can cheers! kathy

donna, what a great blog! kristi is lovely! i am sooo happy that the birthday celebration went so well. it is these times that make the hard work of recovery worth it. keep training. cheers! kathy

hi sue, as i read your blog i thought, if only i could give this special woman a hug. i believe that true friends are hard to come by. i think we go through our lives with many aquaintances and, if we are lucky, a handful of real friends. aquaintances come and go according to our stage in life and what we are doing. often, our aquaintances change as we move on with our lives. our true friends are always with us....time and circumstances may keep us apart or from regular communication......but the the thread of true friendship is always there and ready to be picked up. you have given and continue to give so much and i know you have touched people's lives in ways you will never know.......please don't concern yourself with who you have let down. i think it must be difficult when you see your contemporaries doing the things and living the life you and ray had planned and expected. it may be hard for many of the people you and ray know to contact you....they may feel uncomfortable with what has happened in your life and rays and there is that human part of us that knows...there but for the grace of god goes me. often people just don't know what to do or say and so they do nothing and time passes. reach out to the people you care for and let them know they are an important part of your life....that you want and need them in your life now. i have rambled.......next time i am hanging out at 2 in the morning i will be thinking strong and healing thoughts for you and ray. kathy

WOW! IT HAS BEEN MONTHS ...LITERALLY......SINCE I BLOGGED. I MANAGED TO GET A YEAR OLDER.....I HAD A NICE BIRTHDAY IN JUNE. I SPENT MOST OF JULY SICK WHICH INCLUDED TWO TRIPS TO THE ER AND I AM HAPPY TO SAY ALL THAT IS BEHIND ME NOW. IT HAS BEEN A QUIET SUMMER AT OUR HOUSE. WE PLANTED SOME VEGGIES IN BIG BUCKETS ON OUR PATIO AND HAVE BEEN ENJOYING TOMATOES, CUKES AND SQUASH. IT IS SO GREAT TO HAVE A TOMATOE THAT TASTES LIKE IT SHOULD AND NOT CARDBOARD. OUR BIRDS HAVE BEEN A REAL SOURCE OF PLEASURE FOR ME WITH HUMMERS, CARDINALS, TITMICE, FINCHES AND SUCH. OUR DOG SASHA HAS MADE IT HER LIFE'S PURPOSE TO KEEP SQUIRRELS AWAY FROM THE FEEDERS. SHE TAKES HER JOB DESCRIPTION SERIOUSLY AND IS DOING A GREAT JOB. :Clap-Hands: i DID MY FIRST BIT OF FLOWER GARDENING SINCE I STROKED AND HAVE ENJOYED CARING FOR WHAT THE PREVIOUS OWNER PLANTED. WE HAVE TO KEEP OUR EYES OPEN BECAUSE A FAMILY OF DEER LIVE IN THE WOODS AND FIND EVERTHING PLANTED AROUND THE CONDOS TASTY DELIGHTS. :licklips: AS MANY OF YOU KNOW, MY SISTER GOT HER RN THIS MONTH....AT AGE 53. :thumbup: :doctor: I AM SO TOTALLY PROUD OF HER! SHE WAS BY MY SIDE FOR THE FIRST THREE MONTHS AFTER MY STROKE AND BECAUSE SHE WAS A LPN I GOT SPRUNG FROM REHAB EARLIER THAN EXPECTED. SHE DID ALL THE MAINTENANCE AND CHANGING OF MY PIK LINE. SO ANYHOW, SHE IS COMING OUT FOR A WEEK IN SEPTEMBER AND BRINGING MY MOM...WHO JUST TURNED 8O. THE PLAN IS TO DO GIRL STUFF LIKE FACIALS AND NAILS AND SHOP A BIT AND, MORE THAN LIKELY DRINK A FEW MARGARITAS! :cocktail: :cocktail: :cocktail: ( I WILL ONLY NEED TO SMELL ONE AND I WILL BE GIDDY. THE OTHER BIG EVENT IS MY HUSBAND HAS A 2 WEEK TRIP PLANNED LATER IN SEPTEMBER AND I WILL BE ON MY OWN. I AM A BIT NERVOUS BUT I KNOW I CAN DO THIS....I JUST NEED TO PACE MYSELF AND ASK FOR HELP IF I NEED IT. I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED I WOULD BE SO SANGUINE ABOUT STAYING BY MYSELF. :Nodding: THAT IS ABOUT IT FOR ME. SEPTEMBER 16TH WILL MARK MY THIRD STROKE ANNIVERSARY. I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE TOLD ME TIME WOULD HELP.....AND THEY WERE RIGHT. STROKE WAS NOT ON MY LIFE'S AGENDA AND YEP, IT SUCKS BIG TIME........I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE MY OLD LIFE BACK BUT I REALIZE THAT IS NOT IN THE CARDS, SO FOR THE MOST PART I FIND I AM CONTENT. AND THAT IS IT........WISHING EVERYONE THE BEST. KATHY

hi sue, i was very sorry to read about ray's increasing problems and health issues. i think it is pretty normal to wonder at times what we did to create the situation we are in. if only there was a reason....but fate is indifferent to our human desires......what happens , in my opinion, happens...no special reason. i think it is perfectly okay to complain and whine sometimes....you have a over flowing plate. mourning the loss of what was or could/should be is something we all do at times....after all we are just human.. i hope you can find some additional help and in some small way find a way to care for your own needs. sending hugs....kathy

Well, hubby sat me down last night to have a serious chat. He is concered cause I have not been hanging out with my old friends since moving back to MA. He, on the other hand, is out with old buddies, his son, son in law etc. Playing tennis, out to dinner, the local pub. I have always been a siciable person and have kept track of friends throughout the different stages of life. I guess he right but I am quite comfortable at home these days. The first few years after the stroke I mourned being out and about with friends. This year I let friends'' birthdays pass by without sending cards and I am not always following up on emails and such. I am not depressed! I just feel okay by myself doing the things I enjoy. I still get out to the library and see the kids and grandson - I just don't have the strength it takes to hang out with people. Hubby wants to visit the Boston MFA ....one of my favorite museums. I cringe at the thought of the trip up to Boston and all the stimulation - I know it will do me in for days. Has anyone else reached this point? Is it acceptance of what I can comfortably do or do I need to challenge myself more? thanks! kathy