CagedBird

Thanks everyone. Fred, I visit my mom sometimes. I will write about our visit in my next blog. I will ask my psychiatrist about the pet. I have an appointment with him after my psychiatric evaluation later this month and I go talk to my property manager when I go for walks around the apartment complex so it just might work out.

Thanks for the link to your blog

omg thank you! I love making (vegetarian) burritos and searched youtube for the best way to wrap them but always ended up with a big mess using a fork. I had decided to just start eating it as a mix with tortillas but to keep my pack of tortillas from going to waste and since I have a few of those little clips, Im going to try your idea.

Thank you Sue

Thanks I just wanted to let you guys know I was not upset or anything that I haven't had a lot of comments lately. It's just if I make a lot of entries in a short amount of time, Im not sure who got a chance to read my last entry so I don't know whether to repeat some of the information I mentioned before or not. just trying to make sure you guys who do read can follow along when I write a new entry every other day. I used to only write a couple times a month if that when I was busy with life and my condition was pretty much the same. but lately my mind has been on overload and I feel the need to write about everything so I can remember.

i know exactly how you feel. I take all my meds including anxiety med at 9:00 and go to bed. I've been on it for a year now and I still wake up after a couple hours sometimes then it takes me a couple hours to fall back asleep. It's like my brain wakes me up because Im not sleepy anymore because I got enough sleep (sometimes 7 hours) so if I do fall back asleep, its out of boredom and in the meantime I have to lay here typically 2-6 am trying to keep my mind occupied so I wont think about attacks. Good luck at work. 

i completely understand. When I first started taking clonazepam, I knew it was only good for short term use but now I am afraid to switch to something different because it is not only anti-anxiety but anti-seizure and even though its not stopping the panic attacks anymore I dont know if it has helped with stopping the seizures. Sometimes I become aware that my heart is beating so fast, I become very hot and dizzy then cool down. its like an adrenaline rush. doesnt matter if im quietly reading a book or standing up singing along at a concert. I hope you find the med you need.

Wonderful news, very inspiring

Thank you Fred. yep I have had my own apartment for about 4 months now

yes. When I experienced having seizures my arm would start to rise up or I could feel it getting ready to jerk. Ever since then I have become very sensitive. It was kind of like a blessing and a curse. I became more aware of my arm and would start to touch it every time I got a weird feeling but I also became more paranoid that every feeling or tingle was going to turn into a seizure I am definitely more aware of my arm though and I feel things more after 12 years post stroke

I hope you get better and get out of the hospital soon.

aww Happy Anniversary Fred!

this is a great blog. Thanks for sharing the pics. Great motivation I am working on opening my hand and wearing my splint day and night

I have never been much for vanity. Always been a plain jane. It did get depressing sometimes in high school watching girls wear heels and skirts/dresses but knowing I couldn't without getting picked on because of my brace plus my brace wouldnt even fit in a high heeled shoe. Kids picked on me and told me I looked like an old woman when my hair started to grow back because I wore it short curled under my ears. Now that my hair is down my back I can look at those first post stroke years and be thankful how far I've come. If only the bruises from god knows what hitting me in the face during the seizures would go away. I feel like I have devil horns on my forehead because I already had a mark on one side from the surgery then I got a mark on the other side from a seizure and now I have a mark right above my lip. Its hard to say "oh dont let it bother you" when you look in the mirror everyday so I know how you feel but I think you will begin to see the beauty in it or figure out a way to make you smile instead of frown when you look in the mirror

wow Fred I learned a lot about you in this blog. I hope I find love like you did with your wife one day. It has been some crazy thunderstorms here and rain about every day but no major damage where I live. I heard of some tornadoes close by though

wow great blog. I think we do get complacent when we work at recovery but dont see results right away. i know i have sure got used to doing everything with 1 hand. gotta remember to use the other one so i can get it to moving again because i've learned that doing it the other way around (wait for it to move so i can use it again) doesnt work

I took drivers ed when I was 16. I did not get my license until I was 22. I got permanently denied multiple times, had to take the drivers test multiple times, and had to go to Raleigh and have a hearing just for them to give me a learners permit. My neurologist that does my medical review does not think Im having seizures since I always feel them coming so he has not told me to stop driving. I should be getting my medical review in the mail next month. I already know about the insurance and liability.

Its just frustrating because since I moved home I dont have access to public transportation like I did in Charlotte so its either take a chance driving or lay in bed waiting on the next seizure. Besides the 1 time it happened at the store and once at work, the only time I had seizures have been laying down in my bedroom, never driving or doing things that keep my mind occupied

Thank you all so much for your comments and concerns on both this entry and the entry before. I might have to look into getting life alert. I explained my situation to people I met at church that invited me back. Everyone that talked to me prayed for me and decreed and declared my healing. I dont want to get angry with God again if he doesnt choose to heal me in his time but Im at least trying to believe the seizures wont happen anymore so I can at least not trigger them (or panic attacks) with anxiety and unnecessary fear.

Welcome to StrokeNet I hope you enjoy blogging

Thanks everyone. To Maria, I did start looking for a job and income based apartment.

To Asha, I thought about that too. I am thankful that I have free time to relax and I dont have to take off work for appointments. I guess I just wish my life wasnt so all or nothing. Its like before I was working non-stop stressed out paying bills and now Im sitting at home doing nothing. Its not so much that I want to work. Its more that I want the option to work. I hate feeling defeated

thanks for reading. I go back to the neurologist Wednesday so am going to share this with him

miss you fred. I understand you need a break though. Im glad you have pastor and wife to help you through this

I got my toenail cut down because it was infected last year. Between wearing "flats" with no socks and the seizure I had that knocked me off my bed and hurt my foot, my toenail had turned black and was loose. I took some fungus pills for it but it took a very long time to grow out and I think it might still be a little bit there. I worry about my other toenails since they stay curled and I cannot move them. Dan is lucky to have you

Congrats Asha. You are so positive. Thank you for you're support here on the board. I hope you enjoy your day

Thanks nancy. I remember weening myself off the baclofen before I moved to Charlotte at the end of 2012. When trying to qualify for the bioness, I was recommended to get back on it so I did. It seems like these things started when I restarted the baclofen and stopped the zoloft since it wasnt helping my depression. Not saying the drugs are causing it but I do think you could have a valid point.

I also wanted to add that yesterday I did not do any strenuous exercise, I did not do electrical stimulation on my arm, and I was feeling really great, so I can't blame stress or burnout. I also had prunes and non fat sugar free yogurt for breakfast and a vegetarian sandwich with an orange for lunch. I had drank 2-3 bottles of water before the seizure thing happened so I cant blame my diet.