amie_1

because it felt like everytime I opened my mouth it was whining or something negative. I keep remembering what I was taught growing up.... "if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything" :nuhuh: The last 6 weeks with Dave has been TOUGH in and out of hospital, caught him smoking which didn't go over well. But yesterday we went to his Cardiologist for a check up and as of this moment (hopefully many more momenets) he is doing very well and on track!! :happy new yea: concerning all his heart issues.... it was funny though the Dr asked him about smoking, i didn't say anything, DAve just looked at me, the Dr said if there is anything that you shouldn't do EVER again, its smoke, he looked ashamed and I think it was enought for him to SMARTEN up again... i didn't catch him at all yesterday smoking. He did make a comment about it on the way home and I heard him tell a friend on the phone how the Dr stressed about smoking. So, I hope he has the fortitude and self disclipline to completely stop!! The Dr's are now going to finish persueing his neurological issues, that were put on hold due to all the heart problems. We are happy about that, to finally hopefully get more answers concerning his stroke and what the total damage was (not that anything can be done at this point about it, but still nice to know some answers).... it really still irks me that when Dave had is stroke once the hospital and Dr's found out he had no insurance at the time, they all just dropped the ball and basically sent him home with NO followup or therapy of any kind. it is a beautiful sunny day here and I was able to watch the sun come up over the pond which the beauty of it never stops to amaze me. I guess it's time to go and pull some weeds out of the gardens... I wonder why it is that weeds are the only thing that grows good and strong for me.... a gardener I am not.. but it's fun to try and pretent. I pull flowers thinking they are weeds ... oh well.. all i can do is laugh and try and learn the difference. Hugs to all, have a great day. Anne

Hi Kathy, Nice to see you.....the hummingbird sounds amazing! One of Gods little miracles. Sounds like Connor is a sweet boy and loves his grammy and grandpy. Good to hear your ribs are healing, and that you are getting all setteled into the new home and routine. hope Mr. Grouchy is past his grouchiness... Hugs to you Anne

Hang in there, and NO we are NOT tired of you. I know sometimes it feels like we are always complaining (i have those days too). But, this is a great group of people and they really hold you up when times are tough. If we can't come here to vent where can we go??? It sounds like Larry's small motor skills are taking some nice babysteps forward... WOOHOO Larry. :Clap-Hands: Hugs to you, Anne

Hi Janime ewwwwww sitting in dog poop, haha sorry to laugh, I'm sure it was not funny at the time. I know from experience, like you, that being the wife of a stroke survivor is not always easy. Yes, life as we knew it does not exist anymore. I have found through my experience that you have to find something each day to smile/laugh about!!! If not the depression does take it's toll. You have to find SOME time each day to do something for yourself... take a bath, read,garden, go for a walk try not to sit in dog poop ... I know it is easy to sink into caregiver burnout... and I'm sure that there will be times where you have a pityparty for yourself I have and still do from time to time, and that is normal, but WE have to pull up our socks and remind ourself that the cup is still half full and we are grateful for the babysteps that our husbands/partners conquer. Through everything that my husband Dave has been through we still manage to find humour and a silver lining in things, as hard as it is at times. Dave had a brain stem stroke about1.5 years ago, triple bypass 4 months and congestive heart failure, stents put in 6 weeks ago and a angioplasty 2 weeks ago. Seems like you spend more time at the hospital then at home doing chores and upkeep. I give you encouragement and hugs, I know the road that you and Larry are traveling is not easy, but with time your new life does get better and easier babystep by babystep. Remember to take care of you as well. Try and get rest ( i know easier said then done) Hugs, prayers and good thought to you Anne

you remind me of the princess and the pea :giggle: I hope you heal quickly. :cheer: I love watching the birds too, this year we have some of those red winged black birds and there are one or two mean ones... they like to fly to the dogs bowl on the porch and steal his food... really annoys the poor old boy. take care of yourself and feels better. gentle hugs Anne

all pink coming up over the pond... hmmm so peaceful. So, kinda excited yet a bit scared. Dave and I go this morning to the VA and get taught how to give him his insulin shots. I dunno I think this one is up to Dave.... makes my tummy queasy thinking about it, lol. Hmmm unless he gives me one of those, i'm not listening to you days, you don't know anything thennnnnnn i'll be able to stick him with a needle.. lol, just kidding. We go back to Dr's again on MOnday to talk antidepressants and counseling.... Found out the total list and names of his issues. obviously, brain stem stroke survivor, he has coronary artery disease, a heart arrythemia (sp?) diabetes type 2, high blood pressure, situational depression (so who doesnt') congestive heart failure... but he is still up and walking around and yesterday was making some long term project plans, which I am sooooo happy about, it's about time that he has looked forward to something. I just know that with getting the diabetes under control he will feel so much better. yippee it's gonna be another great day......

supposed to touch 70 degrees today... perfect for puttering outside. Dave had his check up post heart stents yesterday... on the whole it went very well. I think I might have annoyed the cardiologist a bit though. He told me Dave's heart was doing great all fixed... blah blah blah. ... I smiled and said that is great, but we were told the same thing after the bypass surgery in December 07, AND then i demanded an echocardiogram as proof!!! LOL... he did have the courtesy to smile and he understood my point. So in two weeks, we will get that done. He also told us that we have to go to the VA today and deman insulin... Dave's diabetes is out of control which i knew... but who am I... only the wife and advocate and most times Dave thinks i over react so it was nice that the cardio demanded that he go this am.... also needs some other /stronger/ more antidepressants.... something because what he is on doesn't seem to be helping... when someone sleeps 15 hours a day because he is having a hard time with reality, its' not a good thing. We also found out that Dave has coronary artery disease.. which i kinda knew but it just seems to really hit you in the face when you actually hear it... also has arrythmia (sp??) which i have been argueing about with since the stents were put in. Which he didn't have before and that concerns me ALOT. I also got all the records from cardio yesterday too so i will give VA a copy of them.. and then next week when he sees his GP i will hopefully be able to get straight answers. So, on the whole it was a very productive appointment and left Dave in a good mood, which is rare these days, and therefore I will take it when I can get it. I just want some little part of my husband back personality wise...... Anywhoo... just thought i would drop a "blog" lol... take care all and enjoy the sunshine. Anne

hugs for you. I understand what you are saying concerning the VA... they can be very frustrating. I have taken my husband Dave there everyday for a week straight until someone finally listened to me!! I have demanded certain tests when the dr's have seemed at a loss.... remember you know better then anyone else when something is not right concerning your husband. Don't let anyone undermine you! I find that the computer (google) offers me alot of insight and direction on Dave's medical conditions, which is helpful when I go to the dr's. Hang in there, I find sometimes calling the triage dept at VA works well. Make sure that you try and take a little time for yourself each day to keep your batteries recharged. Anne

Happy belated Birthday :happybday: Reading your blog brought tears to my eyes and made me smile as well, it was very bitter sweet. It sounds like you have a terriffic son. Obviously it wasn't the b-day you had planned but it sounds like there were many blessing for you that day. hugs to you and your mom. Anne

it sounds like you've had a fun and full day. Have fun but get some rest too. I hope Ray is having a great time on his 3 day outing, what a nice break for you. hugs Anne

it's so pretty outside today, the sun is shining but it is coooold. I decided to take Dave out for a car ride today, so we bundeled up and took off for a few hours. We drove by a tractor supply store and he decided he wanted to go inside (yuck, my least favorite store, We walked around for an about an hour and he saw some thermal long underwear on sale that he had to have, i didn't know that a tractor store sold such things, lol. I took him to ponderosa for lunch, which we both overindulged but had a good laugh at times.He thought I didn't notice that he made two trips to the ice cream bar, he was smiling like a chesire cat. :big_grin: I was sitting there looking around, then I looked at Dave and it's like i saw him for the first time in a long time. He looked happy but so tired and pale, it broke my heart i just wanted to go around the table and just hold him and make it all better. He's had a very hard year without a doubt with the stroke and heart surgery. I am so blessed that he is still here with me. Sometimes you just want to scream and stomp your feet :Tantrum: and shout give me back my husband, who took him away!! But....tomorrow is Valentines and I am so happy to have my husband beside me still...imperfectiiions and all, from the both of us. I hope everyone has a happy day tomorow, give your sweetie an extra hug, snuggle into him or her for a minute, close your eyes and sigh in pure contentment and take a deep smell of their essence and file it into your memorybank as one of those joyous moments in life. It doesn't get much better then that in my humble opinion. :cloud9:

for such a long time. Been busy closing down the office, it's bittersweet, but at leassst it's closed now and I don't have to worry about it. It was tough though, in the middle of getting everything sold and moved Dave had to have an emergency triple heart bypass in december. It went very well considering that the doctors said that if they hadn't caught it he would be dead within 3 days. They had him on a nitroglycerin drip for the day proceeding the surgery. As of this moment his heart is pumping blood at 40%, which apparently is good considering the trauma that his heart went through, and it should improve with time. I can't believe that he was only in the hospital for 4 days following surgery and then sent home. He did have a bout with pneumia and had to go back in for a day, but that is over with. So i think that we are finally on the mend. I'm very happy with his progress. Today however as we were driving around he states, Anne something is wrong my arms are numb espically the right one i can't move them very easily. I gave him an aspirin quickly (always in my purse:) ) and was in the process of taking him to VA, he said he was fine and that he wanted to go home and have a nap. WELL I cam all but unglued suspecting that he just had a TIA, and explained it to him. But he is just so sick and tired of hospitals he said!!! So we comprimised, after his nap if i have to carry him (250lbs) on my back to the car I am taking him to the VA. It's hard to argue with im considering his heart problems now i DON'T, need or want him to have a heart attack in the middle of argueing to tke him to the hospital, i just wish he wasn't so stubborn. Will let you know what is going on when I can. thankf for all your thoughts and prayers. Anne

Oh yes, I am constantly skimming out mice, voles, frogs, salamanders and even a SNAKE this year :head_hurts: , if the/a woodchuck gets in there I guess I'll have to get a bigger skimmer net to fish him out too. lol

Morning, it's raining and dreary here in Michigan, makes you want to just stay in bed with a good book and cuddle up. Dave and I had a great weekend, puttering around getting a few things done outside before the "winter" still lots more though to do, none of my flower pots are away, pool is still open, oh well it'll all get done. Friends seemed to have been coming and going alllllllll weekend, it's funny they always seem to come at meal time, it's good for Dave to have people around, keeps his mind going, even though he tends to tell certain stories repeatedly :head_hurts: I was out back on Sat morning going to vaccuum the pool, Dave was going up for his morning siesta... as I walked out there was a HUGE GIGANTIC woodchuck standing by the pool, it took off quickly enough but he decided to take up residence under the deck of the pool... well the old farmer in me decided that, this is very dangerous, those woodchucks are vicious animals.... so I got the varmit pea sh ooter and fired some shots in the air... he left quickly... I've been watching since then and been very careful when around the pool just in case it comes back, I'm getting today a live trap today from Dave's ex wife, i don't want to kill it. Guillaume and Soleil our yokie poos... decided to find some woodchuck poop and roll in it...... OH MY LORD, talk about stinkoooooo, :head_hurts: Soleil didn't understand her mama (me) getting upset at her, she thought that she smelt divine.... I hurt her feeling when I carried her upstair and bathed her and her brother, and showered myself. But they had fun the rest of the weekend running after chipmunks and leaves so I was forgiven. Dave stayed at home this morning, the painters are there touching up some stuff. We had a "flood" of storts in March of this year when the washing machine hose broke and of course its on the top floor so the water traveled down the hall, and down the walls into the main floor and into the basement... what a mess, but Thank God for insurance, and the contractor that we had that handled everything for us, what a blessing he was... they were/are wonderful, it's taken a long while to get finished but i think today it will be ALL done :Clap-Hands: . It was all a blessing in the long run I guess, the carpet had to be replaced on both floors, all new paint, etc etc.... but it was fun trying to maneuver Dave around all the chaos for a while... makes me laugh thinking about it... NOw I told him it's time to sell the house it way to big for us. We have talked that when it sells I think we might spend time in Canada 6months per year.. I am originally Canadian and I do miss "home" sometimes. WE'll see what happens. I know we were only at VA last week, but I am already getting anxious and watching the mail... need to pray for more patience or i'll drive myself crazy :bouncing_off_wall: Better get something done around here. I hope everyone had a productive and serene weekend. Hugs Anne

I love to laugh and look at things as 1/2 full not 1/2 empty, if i didn't I would be a big puddle of tears and depression. Dave has told me a few times that I am very entertaining... which I do take as a compliment. So today is a little about me for a minute.. I am only 43..sheesh never thought I would say "only 43" hahaha, but I have finally admitted to myself that I might be in peri menopause, the last few months I have been waking up several times a nite in my own personal swimming pool....hot cold hot cold, its a wonder i don't catch pneumia. Not to be crass, but obviously when you get a little older things aren't exactly where they were when you were 16... now when you lie on our back you have to keep your arms by your side in order to keep your "chest" where it once was.. so tell me, how in the world can you get a puddle of sweat on your chest when your breasts have now fallen like a mudslide all but around to your sides... this amazes me! Oh well. And, the extra weight lately.. oh la la.... it's not like I am eating extra, but my pants are a little tighter... I keep telling myself that the drier is not working properly and is shrinking my clothes, hahahaha... Dave is having a good day so far, he wants me to take him to Menards latter, there are some things that he "needs" he has his list all ready. His daughter came over last nite with her pet "ferret, Rascal" for a bit.. Dave was trying to call the ferret to him, but couldn't think of the name.. so he called him the Mule Rambo... told him it was close enough, but its not a mule... we all grinned.. Dave now wants to get the ferret a little back pack and make him into a little mule... for next time. We certainly do have fun at times, god I love that man. (sigh and smile) Everyone have a great weekend, you are all in my prayers. --------------------

I love to laugh and try to see the bright side of every situation... Usually I try and get Davids daughter when she comes over every week or two to give him a pedicure... oh i just sit there and laugh so hard while she is on the floor filing, buffing and cutting the nails and sometimes they fly up and hit her on the cheek.. I told her to close her eyes after she gets the clippers where they need to be.. but just for a giggle I got her a pair of goggles to wear for next time... heheheh she really does do a terriffic job.

Hugs to you. It brought tears to my eyes and heart. Lily sounds like she was a special friend.

fall is my favorite season as well even though it means more work with all the leaves, but each leaf to me is like a flower, so colorful and pretty. Hey you're lucky that Teddy only rolled in something blue and not something stinky.... My little dogs love to roll in what I call stink, it's usually something that one of the bigger dogs have brought up to the house and is dead... oh yuck... lol Sounds like Teddy is a lot loved :

It seems to have went well. We met with a very nice lady there that accepts the paperwork and puts it in order, dots i's and crosses t's. She did change a few things, said that I was very organized with all the extra paperwork that I had brought even though it was not asked for, like a copy of his credit report, his papers from when he was in the service, list of all prescriptions from Jan 1 to current from the pharmacy with the total cost of them, etc... so please please I pray that he is accepted and gets medical benefits. I don't know what we'll do if he doesn't get them, but I won't let my mind even go there right now. My heart broke for Dave when we were there, he started to cry when he was talking to the lady. She was so nice about it and just told him, please don't worry it's okay, and that she'd been where he is now before. We are at the office now and he is having a nap the trip seems to have emotionally pooped him out, I wish I could just go and snuggle in with him, but instead i just gave him a kiss and covered him up have him a big hug and yold him I loved him. We had a couple of laughs on the way home, it seems lately almost every time we come to a stop light the light turns yellow/red and I obviously stop... but I am first in line to get through the next light. Dave teases me and says if I drove a little faster I would get through....hmmm I tell him I would then be last in line to get through... this way I am first in line.. he laughs and keeps telling me that I am silly ... so when the light turns green I say see I AM FIRST IN LINE TO GET THROUGH... hahahah it's somethig silly but it makes him smile and he loves to tease me. Work is quiet this morning, waiting for an appraisal to come through for a client.... just as well right now I think, I am emotionally drained to. Dave really is a special man... grumpy at times but still very loving. Except last nite when I just got comfy in bed and started to watch Dancing with the Stars result show, he decides he needs his toe nails clipped... oh YUCK that has got to be the yuckiest thing... I HATE TOES AND FEET something about them (even my own) just gross me out, lol. Oh well if its the worst thing I had to do yesterday that it's not bad. Well I guess it's time to stop procrastinating and get some work done...... hugs to all, Anne

A gratitude journal sounds like a fantastic idea.... thank you. Just have to figure out a way to get him to do one though, he is still one of "those men" that think they are just to macho to cry or show certain emotions... but maybe If I start one and leave it out for him to see and read, accidently of course...... No he has not been officially diagnosed to CPS, but I am taking him to VA tomorrow to try and get him accepted there for health care. If that happens then I will be able to get him to go to a doctors without complaint of how much $$ out of pocket it costs. Please cross fingers and say prayers. Hugs to everyone