Hey I am 23 and when I was 20 my mom had a major stroke and heart attack. I had to grow up quick and I had to make some decisions I was not prepared for. I am still now dealing with everything even though it is three years later. The last three years of my life have been hell and I just feel like I can never get a break. Every time one little good thing happens three bad things happen. I don't feel I have been able to deal with my emotions with my mom very well and I just wish I could find someone who is as young as I am and has had to go through what I am going through. I haven't been able to find anyone that can relate because not many people my age have a mother that has a major stroke and wasn't able to recover and has to be in a nursing home because of her financial situation and because the government is screwed up. Also my mom is not physically able to take care of herself she is a total assist. She cannot move her left side at all. She would need a full time caregiver to be able to live at home. Her insurance since she is on medicaid and medicare will not cover it and the only home she has is mine. She also has four dogs that I take care of and I don't know that even if they did cover it I think the dogs would cause a problem. I also am an only child. I have no family members to help out or talk to. My moms one brother lives in Arizona and only came back once when she was in a coma and only calls once in a while to say hi. He just wants to live his life there and doesn't really want to help out at all. I already knew that would be the case. Her other brother lives here in town but also hasn't been really much help. His wife helped out at first but after my mom had stopped improving and was stable in the nursing home they stopped calling. They haven't been up to see my mom in over a year. They also haven't called for almost a year. My dad and mom divorced when I was young and he is never really around. He is a truck driver and we just now are starting to get a good relationship going. So the only real person I have is my fiance who has been with me through everything. I have tried to talk to people but many people don't really want to listen I think because they don't want to deal with what I am going through. My moms friends also left soon after she had her stroke. She only has one other family member who is her aunt I think that visits when she can(shes elderly and lives out of town). My fiance and I are all that she has. Sometimes I wonder how much longer I can keep being strong and I just want to somehow deal with everything better. I think I've done a good job but slowly it is still eating at me. And the thing that bugs me the most is that when my mom had the stroke she went into a coma. My mom never told me what she wanted as far as life support or anything so I had to make a decision in less than an hour on what to do. I thought she would still want to fight to live or would at least like the chance. I found out afterward now that she was ready to go to heaven and that I had made the wrong decision. I wish I could go back but I know that I can't. I asked God when she was in the coma that if he wanted her to live to let her live but if he was ready for her to help me make the right decisions and to take her. So I like to think that she came back for a reason but sometimes now I am frustrated because of all the pain she goes through. It is a lot to explain. But I guess this is a start and if anyone out there would like to respond back I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for reading my blog. Hope to hear from someone soon.
