kwaltke

Stroke Survivor - female
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  1. kwaltke

    Happy New Year

    By kwaltke,

    Considering that Bill was released out of the Hospital to begin a new phase of Pallitive Care only.....it was a bittersweet Chrismas. We are sure or at least relative sure this will be our last Christmas...Christmas eve it looked like maybe that would not be but we got better control on the pain and we had a nice Christmas at our Grandaugters....Now we are looking to ring in the New Year much the same way We sleep as we can . I average 2 hours a night most nights if that The cancer has spread and the tumors are now larger than the Pancrease itself. All chemo failed even an experimental one. Each day we find blessings and joy and some peace despite that other guys best efforts to destroy. God is so Good and each day is a blessing. I gave up long ago listening to the predictions of what kind of time we may have remaining. Time is irrelevant except to enjoy what remains. Bill is doing his best and I am going the very best I can to take care of him. We have applied to get into assisted living. That would make it so much better for us. Bill is on substantial medication to keep him as comfortable as possible. We confirmed it was cancer one year ago today. they thought then 6 months tops No one can explain how it is he is still here. Thats easy prayer. I dont know when we only know he has really amazed the doctors Ill take it!!! Happy New Year to you all I dont know what the New Year will bring most likely more of a series of lasts. We are simply grateful for each day. Karen
  2. kwaltke
    LeahI do know about all the knots in the stomach. Bill is now just starting what will be his last chemotherapy option I swore I could never go from being the cared for to the caregiver and slowly but surely that is what I have done. Out of necessity there was no one else to do it and it had to be done Now at last the home nurse comes to check on him every week now that he has this pump installed But again who would have dreamed that my beloved darling Bill could have survived his devastating cancer that alone survived it since Last October. I am beyond exhausted and worn the doctor said my keee has to be replaced its bone on bone from trying to be on a cane too much. If at any time this chemo drives his blood cell count over the top we are done and a home hospice care plan will be developed The cost of this is over Ten thousand per session ever other week. This is already considered experimental as it is out of Europe and not Authorized by the FDA for here. He uterly failed at the Gemcetabine and Folfow is the ony other thing out there. We wont be blessed with remissiong but perhaps a bit of extra time and knowing that the statistics may benefit others down the road I believe I shared that it is all experimental You are in my prayers If ever there was a formidale foe it was Stroke and now I HAte Cancer of any kind In the midst of this we have had a friend kill herself with drama played out on the news as Swat was called in How can Life be of such value to one and be nothing to another I was going to update the forum on Bill Maybe Sue or one of others could Use this Blog in some way I have little strengh to try to repeat I will keep Jerry in our Prayers Do let me know the results and Leah remeber you can only do what you can Sainthood is not all its cracked up to be Hugs Karen
     
    I am Bills only caregiver and we are in the late stages of terminal Pancreatic Liver Spleen and Lung cancers I am talking my response to Leah and cheating in away. I have niether the time or strentgth to go into the many details I will say this, Bill has alrealdy beaten every odd to be where he is at he by all accounts should have been gone months ago. This is the last treatment authoried and it is listed as experimental or it would not be offered If he gets any benefit from it that is wonderful if not hospice and Palitive care is all we have left as an option Love Karen Sorry for the format of this Its all i can manage for now Karen
  3. kwaltke
    Today was Valentines day I am really getting emtionally drained wondering is the the last......fill in the blanks So we decided that unless something really stands out last years (fill in the blank) was the last The chemo went upside down the week before and we had a real scare but this last week we seem to be well enough they changed their mind and let us have the infusion of chemo Our Primary care does not feel that with everything all in all that there is the amount of time they mentioned he believes it could be less time but then I have come to realize that they simply dont know. My daughter in laws cousins husband got cancer back around Christmas and they did not know what kind and he passed away this week At the funeral we found out it was ..... pancreatic spread to the liver That is Bills primary and secondary and then we also have lung involvement and spleen. I am doing about as well as can be expected Keep us in your prayers and positive thoughts I will get an update to you as I can I am so exhausted and my emotions are all over the place since that cousins funeral I know how blessed I am to still have my BIll with me but I am not sure that I am anywere near ready for any of this Keep us in your prayers and positive thoughts I will keep you up on any changes as I can Love Karen
  4. kwaltke

    Update on Bill

    By kwaltke,

    Bill siees to be tolerating the Chemo as well as to be expected. We are getting a food basket prepared for us once a week from the wonderful ladies in our church It all helps I am so NOT prepared to be a caregiver and yet I must not only step into the role I have to excel at it. Thursday we find out if they schedule another 3-4 weeks of chemotherapy for Bill. He is doing ok on it Each session leaves him a bit more vulnerable and less able to get through the drill
     
    I have thought so many times what do you do when these may be the last time we get to do the very best things ws can do for each other Is this our last Valentines day? Was Last Christmas our last together And through this I am somehow supposed to make it the best ever I so want to get our lives back Go out in the Motor home and do fun things again Love Karen
  5. kwaltke
    We went to schedule the surgery and they took is in a little room and gave us the news the new catscan showed the cancer had metastasized to the liver in a big way with serveral lesions and tumors also the lung had a fair sized spot a suspicion in the throat and at this point with pancreatic cancer chemo is the only option left We are looking into holistic altertatives Their opinion is if the chemo works maybe 4-6 weeks if not less Please keep us in your prayers I am pretty much a mess as to be expected and we are asking for whatever prayer and emotional support you can spare Love Karen
  6. kwaltke

    It starts

    By kwaltke,

    Tomorrow we are to be at the hospital at 7:00 am and get the blood work out of the way then its off to meet the Gastroenterology surgeons to see if surgery can be an option or its inoperable The uo to get another MRI to see how the cancer has grown in this time of necessary delay. I am counting on your prayers being with us both Frankly emotionally its not been easy to reman positive all the time Human nature is sneaky that way and you find yourself asking the what if questions Love you all I will try to let you know how it all comes out. Love Kare. Even so Lord Bring the Rain Karen
  7. kwaltke

    And now we fight .......

    By kwaltke,

    I promised that I would not write another blog until I had some kind of news one way or the other regarding the results of Bills Biopsy. It is confirmed my husband as Pancreatic Cancer They will meet with us to discuss the coming surgery They will be taking the mass in his liver which was benign and they will do their best to get what they can of the mass in the pancreas They will take all they can get and clean it up as best they can doing chemo and radiation for the rest They also will be removing his spleen. I am asking for the prayers and positive thoughts we have some very difficult days ahead of us I really dont know that I can blog my emotios and feelings on this as yet God bless you all and I will keep in touch as time constraints allow Love Karen
     
     
  8. kwaltke
    This is not FUNNY anymore. First of all let me tell you yesterday we were in a rear end collision accident that will most likely total our vehicle. Our Grandaughter was in her car seat in the back She wast getting over the Strep Throat so we took her to her Pediatrician Got another Script went to go to VA Hospital to ge Bills medication. Prayer for him please as he awaits the Biopsy That will be Dec 15th Then we will know if we are dealing witn a benign mass or Cancer. He still cannot eat and is in horrible pain so we try not to let negativity get us on the blind side. Back to the car accident we were rearended The driver simply never saw us and admitted that and he hit us full speed I am so sore today . The Belt really grabbed all the wrong places and I hit my head on the passenger window. We immediately took Kaylee in to be checked out Poor little doll. She was terrified but only received one contusiont of her left clavicle area where the car seat straps held her in place. She should be fine. Anyway it seems that I am keeping the prayer chain on their knees so dont get up quite yet As Sue says I come to you Somehow you always are here and know just how to encourage me my dear friends Bill cant tell if he was hurt he hurts to bad all the time Love you all dearly Karen
  9. kwaltke

    Happy Thanksgiving

    By kwaltke,

    Its the night before Thanksgiving and for the first time in years Bill and I did not make it to the soup supper at our church. Many things are different in our lives right now but I want you to know that you all are a huge part of our gratitude list this year I dont know where we would be without you all but we would not be in as good a place as we are in as we face Bill upcoming surgery and whatever that brings God Bless you all Love all good things to each and every one of you Karen
     
     
  10. kwaltke
    I have sat here for what maybe 10 minutes I have a million things running through my head. Bill has not had his biopsy yet his primary care doctor admitted that Gastroenterology must have messed up Its not scheduled and for certain the notation is there to do the Biopsy and refer on to all all appropirate departments based on results and decisions for continuance of care. This is my biggest road block ever in life The tallest hurdle the biggest test I have ever faced If its pancreatic cancer where do we go from here I want someone anyone to be able to even look me in the eye and say they even care besides the closest of family. Its like the stroke all over againg no one is looking at me or Bill now its like its all to big to deal with so they have a need to be normal and we are not normal not if its Cancer pancreatic cancer and since its a very large mass in the pancreas the chances are ...... I cant say it ok. This was not on our to do list we I am reminded to remain positive I am I am positively scared out of my mind. Say a prayer we know how to beat the odds on strokes not on pancreatic There go all those million thoughts again. Please understand I am not whining and Bill absolutely is not the whining type I need hugs and please dont let go right away I am so scared Karen
  12. kwaltke
    Each day I wake up wanting so bad to be able to do what I was before the latest stroke. Dont get me wrong, I am so grateful as well I should be. I am not quite as dead on the right side as I was. I thought Id try some juice without the thick'n and that was not really that great an idea. I am really glad that I have the scootie as even short distances are not managable without the walker and even that is too tiring. Even so with all of that it is the central pain issues that are getting to me. Our son and his wife should be back tonight from Las Vegas. Our grandaughter married her fiance out there on Easter Sunday. Of course we did not make it for that. I will be relieved when the at home therapy gets started so I really know where things are at and can work towards getting things back atl least where they were. Hugs to all Karen
  13. kwaltke

    Somebody ..... Help me!!

    By kwaltke,

    It has been far to long since I have blogged. Since I last Blogged our daughter in law went through Ankle surgery and our Grandson Robert has had a total knee reconstruction. I spent 6 weeks in Arizona and the same friend I went to visit has been here since a few days prior to Thanksgiving. My friend lost her job within a week of my arrival in Arizona and to say the least she has not been the same since. She suffers from Fibromyalgia. Apparently stress is very difficult for those who have Fibrmyalgia. I have never in all my life been through a more difficult time of life as she has learned to play the invalid role marvelously. Its like she has totally given up and is able really to do less than even myself. I am sure that Fibrmyalgia is not a comfortable thing to have but I am also sure that the loss of her job has more to do with this than the actual discomforts of the Fibromyalgia. She can do anything she wants to do but the depression leaves her unable to care for most of her her more basic needs. I have honestly tried to do all required and keep up however I had no idea that Fibromyalgio could be so debilitating! . I had to go to the Dr to see why I have been getting the Dizzyness lately and my blood pressure was 146 / 164 needless to say that threw up all the alarm bells. I have felt very much like I am going to topple over and exhaustion is the understatement so ..... I will be home for the foreseeable future. My friend left here yesterday without much warning. I hope she is not upset with me . Emotionaly I feel so inadequate, but I have to choose to take care of me. Bill put his food down so I am here worrying just how my friend is going to manage?!?!? The rotten side of all that is feeling like I am really letting down a friend when she needs me. I sure could use some cheering up. God Bless all of you as we get ready to enter a new year. May it be one of Hope and Joy and blessings abounding for you and all those you love. May we meet each challenge and goal that we set. Large or small Love you one and All Karen
  14. kwaltke

    Its all good...

    By kwaltke,

    I told you all about our grandson he will be having the surgery at Childrens here in Denver. Rest assured they do offer the very finest care.
     
    Then not to be outdone Grandma tried to see to it that no one could outdo my foolishness and I stumbled, I did not even totally fall, but I reinjured the ACL and The MCL and all that so what they beleive will be recommended for my situation is a total knee replacement. What hurts most is the pride at the moment. I have a trip planned to see my bff I am determined that a little thing like this shall not deter. I found that if we are looking for excuses we will always find what we are looking for. However it we are into living life to the fullest all we have to do is a little creative thinking and where there is a will usually there is the way. I have given up enough of my life. Livin one Cherry one bowl No pits at a time........Hugs Karen
  15. kwaltke

    Way too much Lemonade

    By kwaltke,

    Whoa! The last weeks have been lemons and trying to ever be the positive thinker I have lemonade by the rivers full!! Bill is having increased issues with his Post Polio and it was recommended by the VA that he seek Disability though Soc Security. He has rapid deteroation at the spine due to the Polio when he was a child.
     
    Of course this would run tandem to a bumper ...crop of lemons of my own. IE The toohache is still not resolved as they do not want the risk of surgery and that is what it will require. Now for the coupe de gras..... after chat this after noon I went to get a cool drink from the fridge. We had a tile break when I dropped a bowl on the floor the other day. So I quess we knew a new delivery of lemons would be forth coming. However I was not factoring cutting my foot open on the bottom on that chipped tile. Six stitches later and a scare like you would not believe as I slipped and fell in my own blood . I had so much blood so fast it really kind of scared me. I was hollering for my neighbor and Thank heavens he heard me and came a running. He got me up off the floor and wrapped my foot with a compress. I guess coumadin really adds to the excitement with a bad cut alright. I hope I have harvested the last of the lemons for the year I am getting tired of lemonade. Karen
  16. kwaltke
    Time to Blog. Whew its been a whirlwind with Bill issues and mine lately. We are persevering. Wesley got me all fired up and Bill and I went to the pool today. I have to tell you in the shallow end it was not to bad. I am not ready to swim. Thats okay if at first you dont succed try try again. . You all have a wonderful summer or what remains of it. Karen
  17. kwaltke
    Its been awhile since I have bloggedl For all the climbing I did the rollercoaster just poof to the bottom. After our sons collapsed lung our other son has been having some real difficulties. His wife remains unemployed and the finances are not stable in his line of work. Believe it or not we have not had the boat out even once yet this summer. We wont until something resloves itself regarding this tooth. We are having despite it all a wondeful time this year.
     
    I am suffering from some puzzling symtoms. I seem to be doing some regressing. I have fallen several times and I am bruising very easily and around my left wrist it seems what might look to be some little clots. I have an appointment. I believe if I have any more symptomes I might have to go to the ER if necessary. It is not same to 2nd guess what is going on . Have a great day all of you my dear friends. Your the greatest. Karen
  18. kwaltke

    Milestones

    By kwaltke,

    Yesterday afternoon we planted a tree in our yard. Let me back up and say we were serving many needs to plant this tree. Due to our neighbors complaints "Big Boy" was cut down his trunk was over 6 feet across from one side to the other. In other words his waist was bigger than mine!! He was a nice tree when we moved here 19 years ago But nothing like the day they cut his life short. We just celebrated our 40th anniversary and our great grand daugter was just born. So a new tree was in order. I could not stand to look out to where "Big Boy" had stood Bill wanted to go for it and have a tree planted that had substance Maple or Oak . But they are very slow growers. After much debate we settled on a tree I chose Id like to share with you the reason it was chosen. It is a Globe Willow. One . I love Willow Tree trees. I am so fond of the the Willow tree Angel figures that mark the milestones in our lives. Willow trees are fast growers I am Thinking that it should be a tree in our lifetime. Bill and I chose one with full branches that will quicky develop into the globe shape. So here is to our family Bill Karen Kevin Greg their wives Susan and Cindy our granchildren Stephanie Robert Kaylee and our greatgrand Madison. Always room for more and more branches. May our family always be strong and well rounded Yet flexible and able to bend gracefully when the storms come . Love Karen
  19. kwaltke
    Bill and I will celebrate 40 years of marriage on June 15th. How is that possible we cant even be that old can we. Its been a wonderful forty years no matter what bumps were in the road. We have two wonderful sons and 3 grandkids and 1 brand new great grandaughter. I keep promising myself to get pictures of us one and all posted With all that goes on in our lives it seems I never really find the time. Its still on my to do list. Its times like this that make me so glad that I have the wonderful husband I have. We are a matched set. I know that love only grows stronger every day. Hugs Karen
  20. kwaltke
    Well we went camping in the Colorado High Country and believe it or not we made it back in time. Our Grandaughterwas admitted the day we got back They induced labor the next am At 5:22pm Madison Marie Packer came into the world and stole all our hearts We feel so blessed Mom Stephanie is doing great and so is the baby 6lb 9oz 18inches long and she has her mommies head of hair. I just posted this little darlings picture in the family section of our Gallarty Love Karen
  21. kwaltke
    This weekend I went to my Granddaughters Baby shower. I dont think she will go past her due date of June 8. We are getting excited although there is a difference when its not a Grand Child but a Great Grand for one thing it reveals our age. We know that it is supposed to be a girl Madison will be her name.
     
    At the Shower I became over stimulated and could not pick up silverware or release it or do anything. Finally as frustrated as I was I started to cry. I did go off to be my myself but someone must have noticed as Susan came I asked her what I was doing and she did not know so she got me a drink of soda and sat me down and asked me not to get in the sun at all. Stay put and try not to create any more issues. I think I was left alone and when that happens I dont always think rignt about what I am trying to do. She got upset with me as it is her daughters shower and she is busy. Maybe I should not go unless someone is delegated to assist me It was a very sad day There were almost a hundred people there of which I knew maybe 10 of. That is more than I can do I guess.
     
    Now Bill Bless him is doing what I would want but it means being on display like an exhibit again.... my brother is not doing well. He was diagnosed Agent Orange from Nam. Not good at all. He is going on the traditional ATV trip. I dont ride anymore not that I wouldnt but I got really injured about a year before my stroke and almost lost my left leg. Anyway Myran has had strokes due to Diabetes and Heartattacks too. He does better than I in that he can drive etc. But between the two of us we learn make magic moments. I am so disoriented after last week and getting in trouble and confused I wonder if we snould just stay home. But it seems my Brother has far more comprehension of what my life is like than even my Daugter in laws etc. They are of the opinion they should not helo me or Ill never get it and they cant figure out why I would not be as good as everyone else Its been 2 years now and Myran even drives in other words get over it already. So it was a good week and a very sad time for me when it should of been happy.
     
    I do wish I had my old life back sometimes. Love Karen
  22. kwaltke
    Last week my husband took me out in the Motorhome unexpectedly and that is always a wonderful time. We thought it would be to cold for the boat but lots of Boaters were out on the water along with some really rough tuff Jet skiers. It was a wonderful time. We ate what and when we wanted and took some really nice short walks. If only every day could be like that. Its times like that I so appreciate my life long soul mate.
     
    We got home just in time to do Mothers day. Wow everyone got me the most touching gift. I am so spoiled. I am blessed with two wonderful sons and two daughter in laws that were sisters and are now sister in laws as well. I have 3 grandkids Stephanie who is about to make me a Great grand ma in about 3 weeks . Robert who is 16 and Kaylee who will be two in July. Life is so wonderful.
     
    For the last months since I joined StrokeNet I have tried to get on Chat. Guess what today was the day it all came together and I was on Chat. Now you know you cannot top that week not even with whipped cream with a cherry on Top!! Hugs Karen
  23. kwaltke
    Hi, This is my first shot at blogging. First let me say that I love reading the Blogs. Now if I can only rise to the occasion. We all need some help from our friends. The last few days I am been so very down hearted . Its a long story but I had long before my stoke joined a very divisive forum regading a situation close to my heart. This forum allows pretty much every thing. My life was so miserable becase of one the contributor members who does not agree with my position. Publically he would say horrible awful things about me because of my disagreement with his belief and position regarding the topic of the forum. Then I had the stroke and was gone a while when I got back he would ridicule me and say I never had a stoke I was trying to gain sympathy. I had come face to face with an internet stalker who lived to call me a liar and that I was a faker and had muncnhausen. I quit the forum totally withdrew so as to keep my saninty Logical thing. Well I heard through the grapevine he had found God and was a different person. Not so. He is worse than ever and I cannot believe I was ever so nice as to put myself in this position for all that ugliness to start over. There is nothing in the world more difficult than waking up to try to survive a near fatal stroke To have to do it with that tvpe ugliness is not possible. IE Someone telling you its all in your heard. Your faking etc Well I hate to admit it because I see this as somehow my failure. I know stay away dont go back It is so hard not to defend yourself when you are being slandered and lied about and falsely accused . What to do I cannot allow that level of depression to swallow me whole once again. What is more important defending my reputation or choosing to walk away to save myself from that toxic negativity.? I am feeling Alone and discouraged Not undertanding why evil like that is allowed in the world. Karen
  24. kwaltke

    Happy Anniversary

    By kwaltke,

    If you are very fortunate and meet and marry your lifes love you will build the years one on top of another year after year. Bill and I celebrated our 41st wedding anniversary yesterday on the 15th of June. Isnt that really something 41 years if you count dating 43 Love Karen
  25. kwaltke
    Well life is settling down again once I saw my fried out the door. It seems almost immediately It was complication after complication for my darling Bill. If anyone ever deserved to get SSDI it is my Bill it is so difficult to manage with Post Polio and Palendromic RA and being deaf.
     
    I dont know if you all have read either in chat or in the forums I am having a time of it with my new doctor. I have got to get this all resolved or tear out what little hair I have left. I went and got one of those chicken butt hair cuts like Kate from Jon and Kate plus eight had. I really love how little time it takes to do my hair. The downside is I may be just a little too old for such asymetrical hairdo. Well really just stopped in to read and catch up with everyone when I noted maybe you all wondered where I had gone Does anyone hear from Wesly anymore? Well I need to go Gary would get a kick out of the fact that my two Shih Tzu are almost as controlling as his kitty HA Karen