Losthubby Posted August 26, 2019 Author Share Posted August 26, 2019 The shrink she was seeing was a Stroke Survivor. Not only me, but our entire family thought that was the BEST case for her, but it really went sideways. Yes, she was probably only going with what my wife told her. She has blamed the stroke on me, and all her unhappines on me... just blaming me for everything. I don't do this.. or do that or do things I did before the stroke. For me it's overwheliming. I was spending the night with her when she was doing inpatient rehab. Not every night, but we had a rotation between me, my kids. Now it's just gotten to the point where it feels like... what we do isn't enough and it's just smothering and frustrating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
becky1 Posted August 27, 2019 Share Posted August 27, 2019 I agree with you- the shrink she saw may not be a good fit for her, Try to find a neuropsychiatrist. Ask her PCP or look in larger metro areas near larger universities or hospitals. Good luck, Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HostTracy Posted August 27, 2019 Share Posted August 27, 2019 I agree with all of you. A good Psychiatrist will give you tools and encouragement to face what's in front of you. Unbiased ear, unbiased information, unbiased acknowledgement, unbiased tools to seek solutions and help one deal with their "things". In your case I feel it very important to do some therapy together maybe even first before individual therapy. The human mind reacts in so many unusual ways when a person feels fear, feels out of control, feels helpless, feels unsure. The fear of not being enough anymore, not loved, not needed, defective...its so strong, painful, so scary. I know I've been there. I accused or was paranoid of my ex leaving me, not loving me, cheating on me, not wanting to be with me anymore. It gave me so much anxiety I felt as though my head would explode, my heart would explode. I could not control my thoughts and fears. They were like nightmares I lived in. I said things that were hurtful, I was not nice at times, and exactly like Kelli said I couldn't get out of my head long enough or well enough to think honestly and clearly or even with gratitude. Today I see all that I missed and was blind to. I see how it hurt my loved ones. I am wholeheartedly grateful for all of them. Before, I was physically damaged...my brain could not work like a brain should work, understand. I could not feel or control my emotions like those around me could. I did not make it easy to love me and take care of me. Something I know is so just wrong...regardless I was not in control. Reassurance was vital. I needed it like I needed water. I needed it over and over and over because the devastating crazy fears came back over and over and over. Again...it was so out of my control. My Neurologist said I should seek therapy but they never say you both need to seek therapy. You both are victims! So how do you navigate through this storm! Ask for help...for you both, for your relationship, for your marriage, for your love, for how to survive this threat. Your is both of you. Ask yourself "Do I want to lose what I have made, shared, become because I am tired and don't know what to do? or do I want to find what may help myself and my spouse to feel safe, reassured and hopeful?". It's unfair, the weight is uneven, you have to carry the other right now. It's not easy... It will affect you...you will not escape the stroke's reach...your wife is in it's grips. I don't think it will feel fair to you at all. I know it will not feel fair to her. There is someone who can help you and your wife. It may be up to you to seek that out. I'm so sorry these choices all seem to fall on you right now. We carry those we love when they can't walk alone and they carry us when we can't walk alone. Is your (you and your wife) love worth it? Remember your love before the stroke before you answer that question. I pray that like so many I know personally, that in time your wife will allow the love given to her, that she will know how grateful she is and that she can give her love back and not be terrified. Sending so many prayers for you both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Losthubby Posted August 27, 2019 Author Share Posted August 27, 2019 Here is another thing that I've been battling. She wants me to be up front and honest, which is fine but, I question if she can comprehend, understand that. How do I handle that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heathber Posted August 28, 2019 Share Posted August 28, 2019 that sounds like all the more reason to go to therapy/psych together. That way there are no secrets and there is someone else to help you both understand the others issues and find a path forward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HostTracy Posted August 28, 2019 Share Posted August 28, 2019 Again I feel the same as Heather. Communication can be a huge bump in the road after stroke for both survivor and caretaker. With the suggestions of the Dr.'s who are very familiar with stroke it's possible to find therapists and Psychiatrists who have experience with stroke and it's sometimes very confusing after effects. 🙂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksmith Posted August 29, 2019 Share Posted August 29, 2019 On 8/27/2019 at 8:22 AM, Losthubby said: Here is another thing that I've been battling. She wants me to be up front and honest, which is fine but, I question if she can comprehend, understand that. How do I handle that? Well, I can only speak for me but...I wanted my husband to tell everyone he wanted to leave and I was giving him the ok. I think I was just angry and jealous because he could go out and do things. Just tell her.. don’t assume she won’t be able to understand what you mean. Just be frank and then if she , my mother does this,if somebody is talking about something and she gets caught on one word she’ll get so mad but if she listened to the whole conversation then she would have known other wise. I tell people to talk to me like a toddler but not like a toddler. What I mean is get your point out in as few of words as possible. Talking around the point gets me confused. So instead of “we were talking and the sky was blue and that got us thinking going to the beach. Wanna go?” see after you said we were talking, I’m trying to process the words and I’ll get angry for just get to the point.” Or “ you know when you start doing this or that it makes me feel like I want to run away from home “ I think we’ll what is it? Just break it down.. “ when you yell or say this it makes me mad” then ask her why do you do that. Have her tell you what bothers her. You know when talking to a child, you can’t over explain your point.. I hope that made sense, in my mind it was spot on but loose my thoughts a lot. 🤪 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
becky1 Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 Your response: "['ll be up-front with you, as long as you're up-front and honest with me."Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willis Posted September 4, 2019 Share Posted September 4, 2019 Hi becky1. I keep seeing something here that sez "Your response" to becky1. It sez something like being up front with you if you are upfront with me??? Never wrote any such thing and wanted to make that clear. Hoping you are doing ok today. Thanks becky1! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
becky1 Posted September 5, 2019 Share Posted September 5, 2019 On 8/27/2019 at 8:22 AM, Losthubby said: Here is another thing that I've been battling. She wants me to be up front and honest, which is fine but, I question if she can comprehend, understand that. How do I handle that? I was responding to this. Sorry for the confusion I should have been clearer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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